Come to think of it, Kim Dokja didn't ever read the 'Underground Killer'.
He stood on his stumbling feet and walked towards the cupboard. It was messy, he didn't have the time to clean it. He brought out 2 or 3 boxes and rummaged through them and brought out a book.
[Underground Killer]
The book that Kim Dokja hated the most.
The book that brought his dark nightmares.
The book that reminded him about the reality he hated the most.
Kim Dokja took a deep breath and opened the book. The pages were old, but the book was new. He hadn't read this book. He didn't have the courage to read this book. But today he wanted to read what his mother wrote. He wanted to face the reality he had been running away from for a long time.
He knew it was foolish? Why would he wanted to read this book all of a sudden? But still, he wanted to read it at least once.
「 First, I remember when I gave that child a name. 」
He stared blankly at the sentence. He realized what it meant after a short time.
「 He wanted to use Dokja (alone) and I wanted Dokja (reader). Maybe it was from here that he and I became different. 」
He never wanted to read this story.
「 I wanted him to be a reader rather than a lonely person. As long as they read something, humans won't be lonely. I probably wanted to believe this. 」
He couldn't believe how many sentences were there in a person's lifetime.
「 "I should stay at home? Huh? Why should I live like this? How long do I have to live while supporting you and that child!" 」
「 "Sookyung, you have to endure it. Think of Dokja. The man will only do it for a moment." 」
「 "Mother, I think you should pay attention to Dokja." 」
There were some things he remembered but some things he didn't. Still, the feelings of those days were vivid.
「 It was hard. At the time, I was so tired that I couldn't think of anything else. When I thought about it, it was just as hard for my child. 」
His mother had suffered in those days. Violence against a woman, a mother and a person, it should never be done.
「 "Dokja. Get in here. Understood? Don't come out until Mother says you can." 」
The merciless words continuously appeared and he once again suffered from his childhood from another point of view.
It sounded like a completely strange story, despite it being something he had experienced personally.
This was what happened. It was so painful. It was miserable. By the way, why had he forgotten all of this? Did he just want to forget?
「 I should've left him. No matter what other people said, I should've taken that child and gone to a distant place. 」
She should've left in the end.
「 Why didn't I? 」
It was a record filled with remorse and regret. This was his mother, who was 'silent' in reality. Now she was opening her mouth when it was a novel.
「 It happened late in the evening. 」
Finally, the story began.
「 "Bring more alcohol!" 」
His father's voice shouted to bring more alcohol. He pushed Dokja's mother and hit her stomach. His father was threatening.
「 "Y-You! Put down the knife and let's talk!" 」
Slowly, the memories were coming back. The little boy hiding in the room stuck out his head. That's right. At that time, his father was holding a knife and acting threatening.
「 "Dokja! I told you to stay in your room!" 」
His mother shouted and ran towards him. His drunk father swung the knife threateningly.
「 You will die and I will die as well. Eh? Should we all die? Aren't we fucked up living together like this? Huh? Then let's die together! 」
His mother threw her body forward. There was a sound and his father's body collapsed. A knife dropped to the ground. Alcohol flowed from a rolling wine bottle. He knew the next scene. His mother would pick up the fallen knife and stab his father. Then she would tell Kim Dokja, 'From now on, I will read all of this again.'
「 "U... Uwaaaack!" 」
By the way...
「 "Dokja. No! Put down that thing!" 」
What was this?
「 "Dokja!" 」
Dokja picked up the knife and was trembling as he stared at his father. His small face was covered in tears. His father laughed mockingly and swung his fist. Instead of hitting his mother, his father slipped on the bottle. Then...
Blood emerged from his mouth.
「 If I immediately called for help, he might've been able to live. 」
Dokja felt clogged up as he read the story.
「I was the only one who could save him and I chose not to. 」
This accident changed their lives.
「The words I told the child weren't a lie. I was the one who killed him. 」
His mother took away the knife from the child who lost his mind. Then after a few deep breaths, she quietly woke him up.
「 "Dokja. From now on, I will read all of this again. 」
「 "Your father did something wrong and died. This was self-defense. Understood? 」
「 "No matter what, you must not forget that you are the victim." 」
His mother's voice permeated his ears.
「 Perhaps many things were decided at that time. 」
Then his mother searched for cases relating to murder and manipulated the evidence. She ruled out anything that could involve Dokja. This ended up making the accidental death seem like a premeditated crime.
「 Someone has to live as a murderer. Someone else has to live as the son of a murderer. 」
Now he remembered.
「 I often think about it. 」
「 Maybe it was all an excuse. 」
「 There could've been a better way. 」
「 No matter what, I shouldn't have left the child alone. 」
「 As a mother, I shouldn't have acted that way. 」
...
「 In the end, I'm just a mother who ran away. 」
He didn't want to read the end about this ridiculous story in this way.
The reason why she suddenly wrote the essay was to make him the son of a murderer.
...not a murderer.