On Thursday afternoon, the day after the High School dismissed Mr. Nogi, Hinato was heading to the shopping mall to meet Azumi. He had invited her to compensate her for helping him with his plan and, so, not only was he paying for lunch, but he was also accompanying her to clothing shops.
As he was walking towards his destination, he was completely absorbed in his thoughts, oblivious to his surroundings and anyone crossing his path.
At this point, Hinato was reminiscent of his past memories.
(...)
These memories are from five months ago, a couple of weeks after the beginning of the High School's classes. Hinato was training Karate, one of the club activities of the High School, at a recovered facility of the campus used as a Dojo. His class Sensei was a lean, bald and tall man, but had a very strong presence, one that made anyone rethink challenging him.
"Alright everyone, let's repeat Kata Sanseru one more time, and then we'll finish with 100 knuckle push-ups, 100 crunches and 100 jumping squats.
"Hai Sensei!" shouted all the students.
After class finished, Hinato stepped outside, still with his gi (Karate "uniform") on, when he found a familiar face waiting for him. Outside stood a girl with long and curly light brown hair and mesmerizing green eyes, who was wearing a summer white dress.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, Erena. Some of the lower belts have their belt grading exam in two weeks, so Sensei has been requesting my help. Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"
"Of course not, I haven't been waiting that long. I'll wait for you, right here." replied Erena, with a gentle smile on her face.
About 15 minutes later, Hinato left the changing room wearing a bordeaux long sleeve shirt and some jeans and met with Erena.
While chatting, they left their High School and headed to a popular cafe a few blocks away.
"It's hard to believe that you have been in Karate since we were 7 years old."
"Yeah, ever since that fight I had in our kindergarten."
"That fight with Sero…yes I remember! He was just a bully, he was mean with everyone."
"Except with you, don't forget he asked you to marry him by the swings of the children's park."
"Ha ha, don't get me started on that."
"Do you know why he started the fight that day?"
"I don't think I ever knew, was there even a reason? He was always picking on everyone…no matter how many hours of detention he got, his parents never seemed to scold him. They would just blame it on the teachers."
"Well, on that day, he picked a fight with me because he was jealous of you wanting to go by my side on the bus to that beach trip. He wanted me to give up my seat."
"Really?! That was so typical of him! But now I feel bad he hurt you because of me…you didn't need to go that far… why didn't you give up your seat?"
"Oh that…I guess…I also really wanted to go with you. You know because we got along so well, the trip wouldn't be the same without you. So, no way in hell was I giving up my seat."
"Oh that's so sweet. Still I don't want you to get into trouble because of me."
"Don't give me that look. Do you mean that prick that catcalled you last time? I didn't really do anything that bad, my hand just slipped."
"Yes Hinato, your hand just slipped in a form of closed fist 20 times towards his face, by accident."
"It wasn't my fault his face got in the way every time my hand slipped."
Erena and Hinato looked seriously at each other for a couple of seconds and, then, burst into laughter.
"Well, he really was disgusting. Azumi told me that guy would always walk near our High School and, even, tried to approach her one time."
A few moments later, they arrived at the cafe shop, made their order and sat on one of the tables outside.
"So, Erena, how was Mr. Goya's class? Cheerful as ever?"
"Oh yes the class was really good, so good in fact that today we received the grades from our last test, and, apparently, everyone is failing."
"Jeesh, that was harsh."
"That man doesn't care about teaching anything. He just shows up, pops a powerpoint, reads the tiny bits of information in it, and guess what? None of it even shows up in the test."
"Have you tried telling the teachers council about it?"
"Me, Azumi and five more students went to the council and complained about it. As usual, they said they'd look into it but we've already done that 3 times…they just don't care. We've even tried to talk with Mr.Goya about this and you know what he said?"
"Take it to the teachers council!"
"Exactly!! It's ridiculous! I hate that man."
"From what I've heard from an eldest student in Karate Class, if you want to pass Mr. Goya's class, you can only do it by studying with tests from previous years. He is so lazy he never changes the questions."
"I think some colleagues of my class have tried to get those tests, but the eldest students are charging ridiculous amounts of money for them."
"Those jerks…"
"But honestly, I'm not that worried about it, I think he lets us do a final project to raise our grades. Now, the worst class today was Mr. Manaka's…"
"Yeah I know….there is no changing that one, he is an asshole."
"I can't exactly say he doesn't teach well, he is just too fast paced, if you blink just once, the class board looks like someone had an epileptic seizure. Not only that, but he is really strict and doesn't give a shit about your emotions. You should've seen how he spoke to Ikumi after she wrongly answered his question…"
"I can imagine…"
"She used to be more motivated and active in classes, she would always ask a lot of questions without worrying too much if it was a stupid question. But that all changed when we started having classes with him. Now, she seems distant, you know, the first couple of times he insulted her, using really awful sentences, she'd tear up. But now, she is so apathetic."
"I don't blame her, I have classes with him too, I know how bad he can get. Why do you think he makes us hand over our phones at the beginning of class? So we don't get distracted? No, he just doesn't want any audio or video proof. And, even if we had any, he is a loyal friend of the Principal, they'd find a way to disprove it. With the amount of apps available today, you can even forge fake audios. The best option would be to secretly record him with a second phone, with his face and everything. Even though showing it to the Principal wouldn't do anything, posting on social media could probably stir things up."
"Wow, you really gave some thought to it!"
"Not really, just a couple of thoughts that randomly cross my mind."
"Even so, I'm worried about Ikumi, now she doesn't show any emotion at all. She was barely holding up with everything that was and still is going on in her life. Since her mom died, her dad has been frequently working in different locations far from home to provide for them, only returning home on weekends, sometimes. Of course, being thoughtful as she is, she couldn't put up with her dad working as a slave and decided to get a part-time job as a cafe waitress to help out. Besides, she practically takes care of her little sister all alone, so her father doesn't have to worry about anything else. Even though she was going through all that, she was fighting, you could see and feel those turbulences weren't going to slow her down. She worked her part-time job, she took good care of her sister, picking her up from kindergarten and continued to study as hard as she could so she wouldn't fall behind."
"Honestly, that…is amazing—I mean, she is amazing, I had no idea she was going through all that. That takes some serious dedication."
"Yeah, I admire her a lot, I have said that to her so many times. But ever since classes have become this stressful and tiring, it seems she has reached her limit, she is completely drained out of any energy, even to talk to me or smile. You know when someone is just so broken, that they can't even find the strength to let it out anymore, all their anguish and sadness sinks deep inside. They just suffer internally, and hide it from everyone, because it becomes easier rather than facing their emotions. You just start accepting that you deserve these bad things happening in your life. That you don't deserve happiness."
"Do you feel like that too?"
"Can't say I'm happy with my school life either…"
"Erena, I want you to know that if it becomes too much for you, it is okay for you to transfer from this school. It isn't a weakness or anything, it is a signal of strength and caring about your future and your mental health."
"Yeah I know, thank you, really. But I don't think I'm at that stage yet, things will get better eventually. And besides, not every teacher is bad, today I also had classes with Mr. Nagata, he is much more understanding than the others."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"With that said, we should invite Ikumi to hang out with us on a weekend. To try and cheer her up a bit, letting her feel she is not alone, you know?"
"Sure, it is fine by me." said Hinato, gazing serenely at Erena.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Me? Huh…nothing, it's just that you are really caring, you notice these small details on everyone and understand how they're feeling."
"Oh…it's nothing, I think we all need to be there for each other. I believe it can make a difference."
On that note, they both left the cafe and started walking home.
(...)
Midway, they decided to walk through a park, but, halfway through, Erena noticed something.
There was a girl with long dark hair, seated on a swing, in the playground, looking disheartened.
"Hey, isn't that Ikumi?"
"That girl on the swing?"
"Yeah, it's her! Lets say hi"
The pair approached the swing where Ikumi was looking down with her eyes watery, completely oblivious of her surroundings.
"Hey Ikumi!"
Ikumi abruptly lifted her head, wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at Erena and Hinato.
"Oh?! Hi Erena…" - Ikumi returned with a smile.
"I see you're wearing your work uniform, did you just get off?"
"No, I'm on my break, I have to return in five minutes…"
"Oh I thought we could spend some time together…but what do you say you come hang out with me, Hinato and the rest of the girls on Saturday?"
"I'll have to check my agenda, I'm also covering for a work colleague that is on vacation."
"That must be really tiring…how are you holding up?"
"I have to manage, since my father got fired from his old job, I have to help pay the bills, it is just the two of us and my little sister, after all."
"That is really tough…I understand how it feels to depend solely on yourself and how everything just feels like shit honestly. But what keeps me going is knowing I have at least one person that cares about me and that when things get really dark, they'll be there to help me face it. So, whenever you feel it is too much to handle, talk to the person you trust most, you can talk to me or to anyone. I know sometimes we don't have the strength to, but it will be better than to keep it inside. At the end of the day, our mind is our worst enemy and it will stop at nothing to make us feel miserable. So, we need to find our own way to fight it back."
Hinato couldn't help but look mesmerized by what Erena was saying, as well as Ikumi, whose eyes widened and shone, even if just for a bit, when hearing those words.
"Thank you Erena… I guess I needed to hear that."
"It is just like Erena said, we're here for you Ikumi, anything you need, you can come to us."
"Thank you Hinato, thank you both for your kind words. Oh! Seems I need to get going, at least I get to work in a cafe filled with cute cats."
"That's such a dream! We'll come visit you one of these days. And don't forget Saturday, let me know if you're coming."
"I will…thanks for everything."
After Ikumi left, Erena and Hinato continued their path home, while chatting.
"That was really powerful, what you just said back there."
"I guess I got inspired, it kind of helps if you have someone by your side saying the same beautiful things when you're down."
"Wow I got to meet that guy, he seems to know his stuff."
"Who told you it was a guy?"
They both looked at each other for a moment and, then, laughed.
"Thank you for always being here, Hinato."
"You know I'll always be here, Erena."
(...)
On the following day, during the afternoon, Erena and her colleague, named Yoki, were walking in the school halls carrying some boxes the teacher had told them to return to the storage room.
On their path, they encountered Hinato.
"Hey, do you need some help with those?"
"Thanks Hinato, but you're not the only one who has been working out".
"Yeah, I know you can drop me anytime."
"I don't know about dropping you, but you know I can carry you on my back. Remember that one time, when you twisted your ankle showing me a dance move…"
"I remember! I remember!! Don't need to remind me!"
"Are you blushing, Hinato?" said Yoki, with a surprised look on her face.
"I just reminded him of a funny afternoon we had a couple years ago."
"What? Now I want to know!"
"Yoki, have I told you how nice you look today?" complimented Hinato, showing a forced grin.
"Don't try to change the subject!" countered Yoki.
"Look! Here is the storage room, let me hold the door for you."
Hinato tried to remove Yoki's focus from his embarrassing accident story and opened the door to a dark storage room.
"Wait just a minute, let me turn on the lights for you."
When the lights turned on, they quickly noticed that someone was inside, in the back of the room.
But, something was wrong, this person's feet…weren't touching the ground.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!" Erena screamed and dropped the box she was carrying.
There was a girl with dark hair whose eyes faced the entrance door, her face was pale and bluish, her expression completely emotionless and her body stretched and stiff. With a rope tied to the pipes from above and tight around her neck, there she stood hanging from the ceiling.
She was no stranger to this group, Erena, Hinato and Yoki recognized her immediately, this girl was…
"Oh my god, Ikumi…" gasped Erena, before she broke down crying.
Time seemed to slow down all of a sudden, everything seemed out of place, Hinato was shocked and couldn't redirect his eyesight elsewhere. Yoki dropped the box she was carrying as well and ran out of the storage room, but before she could reach the restrooms, she puked on the hall's floor.
All that commotion seemed to have woken Hinato from his trance, as he looked around he saw Erena seated on the floor, in tears, completely devastated. He rushed towards her, put himself in front of her, blocking that nightmarish view, and hugged her. She held onto him, as if her life depended on it, and continued crying on his chest.
Each one of them was reacting their own way to that horrible incident…her dear friend Ikumi had committed suicide.
It didn't take long until the other students noticed what was going on in the storage room. For the first time, this new generation, who was completely phone dependent for everything, just stood there in shock, crying, covering their faces in horror, hugging their close friends, a ton of emotions rushed through that corridor and no phone was seen in sight.
About an hour later, the paramedics arrived at the High School to retrieve Ikumi's body, which had already been removed from the storage room by the security guard, in a very late attempt to prevent further trauma for the students.
After the paramedics left the site, the Principal of the High School issued a free afternoon for both students and teachers, as a sign of respect and empathy for the deceased student.
As everyone was leaving school, Erena and Hinato sat on a bench close to a flowerish yard, behind the school's main building, just admiring the view of the blooming flowers, without saying a word to each other. Hinato felt uneasy with all that silence and as he glanced at Erena, he could only see her face pale from the fright she experienced and a deep emptiness in her red eyes that had drained all the tears she held inside. She wouldn't look anywhere else, if not ahead, he could tell she was lost in thoughts but at the same time not thinking about anything at all. Her usually playful and cheerful personality was nowhere to be seen, at that moment all Erena could do was…exist.
It hurts me…seeing you like this, Erena. Is there something I can do to ease your mind?
Seeing her like that was painful, Hinato felt so helpless knowing there was no quick way to wash those feelings away, that all he could do was stay by her side.
And that was what he intended to do.
"Erena, when you feel ready to leave, what do you say you come to my house today? I know I won't stop thinking about this for a while and I know you probably feel the same way. Maybe, I don't know, we can distract each other a little bit, have pizza for dinner, go for a long walk at night, maybe…if it's okay with you, of course… you could spend the night there? Like we used to do when we were kids? I think some nostalgia might do us some good…"
Despite Hinato's attempt to make contact with her, Erena remained silent.
What am I doing?! Of course, she doesn't want to be surrounded by other people, my parents will be there, they'll end up talking about today…
Maybe, I can suggest something else…
"Yeah probably being surrounded by my parents won't do you any good either, so if it's not a bother, could I accompany you home and maybe stay there for a while until you go to sleep? Just that would leave me somewhat at ease" Hinato said, while gazing at the flowers and trying to endure the weight of the ambient silence.
She still isn't saying anything…who am I to invade her personal space like that? "Would leave me somewhat at ease"? Are you trying to comfort her or yourself? Still…just the thought of her staying at her house alone…I better just keep it shut, for now.
Hinato was afraid he was being too insistent, but just the thought of Erena going home alone and staying by herself in that empty house was too much to bear.
And finally…
"Thank you Hinato…but, if you don't mind, I need to be alone right now…"
"Oh…right…no problem, can I at least make you company until you get home? If that's okay".
"I'm sorry…but not today… okay?"
"Sure…you need to process all of this, I get it, don't worry. Whatever you're feeling right now, the healthiest thing is to let it all out."
And so, they left the school's yard, and made it towards the exit, where they said their goodbyes.
"Erena, if you need anything or later you change your mind and you want me to pass by your house, just give me a call or text me. I'll be there in no time."
"Thank you Hinato…see you tomorrow." Erena responded with a smile.
However, Hinato knew that she was forcing that smile to keep him rest assured. He just knew her too well.
I know you're really strong…but if it becomes too much for you, please reach out. You know I'll always be here for you, right?
As they parted ways, Hinato couldn't stop looking back at Erena, whose figure was becoming more and more distant.
I wonder if I should've been more persistent that day…if I had been with you, would've it made a difference in the end?
(...)
On the following day, sorrow filled the High School's ambience, as many of the students rightfully hadn't gotten over the shock of the previous day's incident. The students entered their classrooms and sat on their respective desks, but it wasn't just another day at school, many wondered if they would even recover from something like this.
Before the teachers could start their class, the volume speakers, planted on the top corners of each classroom, issued a deep and assertive voice that students and teachers recognized to be the Principal's eloquent speech.
"Good morning dear students and my fellow colleagues, on this dreadful day we mourn the passing of a young female student. Miss Ikumi Watanabe was a remarkable student that aimed for excellence in this academic institution, as any other student on these premises, and I have the utmost respect and consideration for all the hard work she put in everyday. She was, no doubt, dear to all of her friends and to everyone in this school, to whom we wish both a joyful and determined academic journey. Rest assured, there is no need to question this action, you all don't need to feel any sort of blame for what happened to Miss Ikumi. The choice she made was her own and, as painful as it is, we must respect it and continue to cherish the beautiful and memorable moments we spent with her. She will always hold a special place in our hearts."
Many of the students teared up while listening to the Principal's speech, as it made them relive memories of their dear friend. However, his speech did not end there.
"At last, I'd like to praise Mr. Takashi, our respectable security guard, for his quick response when he encountered Miss Ikumi in a children's park nearby. Thanks to his actions, no child laid their eyes on that tragic view and Miss Ikumi made her way to her beloved school one last time, before the paramedic team arrived. Miss Ikumi's parents were shortly made aware of the incident and met with the paramedic team at the hospital. Our hearts are with the Watanabe family, who will hold the mourning ceremony on next Monday for any student or teacher who would like to attend. Our sincere condolences. That would be all."
The last part of the speech left everyone stunned, as the recollection of the events stated by the Principal didn't match the real ones witnessed by the students. Hinato also noticed this and quickly grasped the disgusting and devious strategy.
The Principal made the announcement, not for the kind of heart, but to protect the school's image and dissociate any responsibility towards Ikumi's death. Since it wouldn't cross anyone's mind to take photos of the incident, out of respect, there was no evidence that Ikumi had been found in the storage room by Hinato, Erena and Yoki, and later on, by other students.
At this point, no one would step forward to tell the real story, because, in the end, it didn't matter. The resolution had been the same, Ikumi took her own life and everyone was too devastated to make sense of the Principal's speech.
Everyone just wanted to move on.