I've been a worthless guy all my life. Drinking parents, a poor family, greedy relatives who use others for personal gain, and then bad company and rejection by society…
I can't say that I was a terrible person, because I never went to prison, but I got off with fines and community service. Yes, I wasn't the nicest guy, but I definitely wasn't the worst either.
Weekdays were spent doing hard work for pennies, and weekends were spent at the bar, where I spent all my earnings on booze.
Yes... life beat me up, even though I was only twenty-two years old.
And then I died. How? I have no idea. He just died and that's it. But I met an incredibly beautiful and sexy angel girl who... sent me to hell.
The biography of a great man clearly does not pull…
— Su-u-uka-a-a!
Right now I'm falling somewhere and at the same time I'm covering this angel with all the mats I know:
— She didn't even listen to me! That bitch! Fuck! I didn't deserve this fate!
And yet it doesn't help me in any way, because I'm still flying. I don't know how many hours or days have passed, but the thought of what I will do with this angel after returning from hell warms me.
But don't you dare tell me that I won't get out of there!
I've been out of more serious scrapes. Once I was surrounded by a crowd of gopnik, but I was able to escape.
It certainly doesn't reach the level of hell, but at least it's something.
As a result, after a long time, I still fell to the bottom.
***
Where am I?
There was only darkness around, which caused my perception to be distorted.
Is this the belly of the earth?
While I was thinking and trying to figure out what the hell was going on here, a light blinded me and I saw a real hell.
Red colors, heat, naked and exhausted people, demons… Is this really hell?
— Oh, the new guy!
Mm-hmm?
— That's a mug! I love this reaction! And now let's say "d-d-demons," the demon tried to portray in the most squeaky and whiny voice.
"I don't... I like denial more, when people claim that this is a dream and don't believe in what happened," the second demon spoke slowly, stretching the words.
— …
— Well, why are you silent? — the first one asked.
— …
— Is this a new type of reaction? That's interesting.
— What the fuck?
— Oh! Did he really talk!
— Hooray… Apparently, the retard got caught, but it happens.
This…
Two horns, red skin, hooves instead of legs... demons. The first, thin and skinny, had green eyes and short horns, while the second, big and muscular, had red eyes and huge horns.
"Am I in hell?"
— Shh…
— Yeah, it's hell.
— It doesn't feel right.
— Holy shit!
— Uh-huh! I think mine took it.
— Like, I wasn't bad enough to go to hell.
"How calm," the demon began in a bored tone. — You all say that, but after reading the personal file, it turns out that all of you are not so stupid.
— Yeah, typical people... love to fuck so much.
What's with these demons?
— Hey, guys, can you let me go in a brotherly way?
—Ah-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-ha!!!
— Heh heh… Okay, while this moron is laughing, I'll show you where-a-you can go-and-and.
The words of this demon, which he seemed to be deliberately pulling, had already begun to hit his ears, which was very annoying.
— Look-and-and.
There was hell in that direction... but not the same as before. The screams of people who were tortured by skinning, boiled in water or hung by their wrists.
— Well, how about it? The second demon grinned.
— M-nice. I don't need to go there, do I? I said, and my buns involuntarily clenched.
— Now we'll find out, - the demon took out a book and began to read it.
To be honest, my point was squeezed as hard as ever. And only now I began to regret that I did not help anyone during my lifetime.
It was worth at least going to church once. Or help that granny cross the road. Or maybe I should have apologized to that salesman whose life went downhill because of my theft.
After I got a little lost in my memories, I finally understood...
— I'm fucked.
"What are you mumbling about?" The demon stared at me.
— It's nothing special.
— I'll tell you right away, prayers won't help.
- yes...
At least I know one.
Ten seconds have passed since the beginning of the reading, but it seemed to me that at least an hour had passed.
Hey, asshole, stop laughing. Come here," said the second demon after a long silence.
"Uh... me?"
He looked at me and replied:
— Are you an idiot?
— Okay, I got it, — expecting the worst, I sat still.
— Haha, so what's there? Oh-oh-oh! And it turns out you're right, man.
"Uh... what?"
"You're not here,— the demon replied.
— Eh?.. Well, yes, that's what I was talking about, so just bring me back..." I said these words in a cheerful voice.
— We can't.
- what?..
— Eh... a rare case. You should have been sent to be reborn.
— And?
— And they sent me here.
— And?..
— Anyway, now you're stuck here.
— Uh-uh, it's fun.
— No, it won't fucking happen! Can't you just throw me back in?!
They looked at me like I was autistic.
— No, you can get out of hell only if the level of karma is positive. You have a pretty high one for hell, but still negative.
This angel!.. Bitch!
Imagining her throat, I clenched my fists.
I'll kill you when I get out! No, I'll play first, and then I'll send you to this hell!
— So... now let's look at your sins and decide where you can be sent.
— S-s-s…
"Are you all right?"
— S-s-s…
— Apparently, yes.
I just lay down on the red sand, staring at the sky.
What a loser I am.
What a beautiful sky... so red. Now I'm going to stare at him for ages.
— S-s-s…
— So... so... so... anyway, I got it! He finished reading. — The main sin was laziness, so they send you to work!
— Well, say "hooray."
— Fuck you.
— Hooray!
They're... infuriating.
—Okay, take him away," the first demon said to the second. — In the meantime, I'll meet the next one.
— Ahhh!
'Bam!'
— G-where am I?! — the fallen man began to scream heart-rendingly.
— Oh! My theme!
— Ahhh! Demons!!!
While the first demon was working, I, a man with a small remnant of reason, was dragged to the factory.
Even here it is…
That's how my days in hell began.…