She was avoiding me. Apparently, she had begun to shun me.
I walked into her room on the fourth day since our first night. She awkwardly stiffened in a chair by the dressing mirror, and one of the maids placed the comb she had been using to brush her long hair just moments before on the table.
With a single nod, I shooed the maids out and walked over to my wife. She didn't greet me as she had every time she'd seen me before.
I picked up the brush and continued what the maids had started. I slowly brushed through her silky hair, trying my best to be gentle.
"Talk to me, Valleria. Be honest. What's wrong?" I asked quietly.
"I love you Max." She said, lowering her eyes "But I was scared. You've never acted this way, you've never insisted this much." She began softly "You did hurt me, Max. I didn't like it. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk or push you away. I was scared of you." She blurted out quickly, as if afraid she wouldn't say it.
I closed my eyes and stopped mid-movement as the realization hit me. She didn't stop me simply because she was frozen with fear and I was too blind to see how scared she was. I put the brush back on the table and rested my lips against her hair.
"Forgive me, Valleria. I won't do it again." I said softly and turned to leave. A squeak of a chair resounded in the room as Valleria grabbed my sleeve and forced me to stop.
She didn't say anything, just held me with trembling fingers. I looked back. She was still sitting in the chair, leaning in my direction. She looked up at me with desperate eyes. She took a deep breath, searching for the right words.
"Be... just be considerate next time, Max." Then she exhaled softly.
"You don't have to force yourself." I replied, loathing myself as never before.
"But a wife's duty is..." she began desperately.
"Fuck that." I got angry and turned to her with my whole body, "I harmed you. That's unforgivable." I knelt in front of her and pulled myself to her feet.
"You're afraid of me, I can see it in you." I reached for my knife and pulled it from its sheath. I took her hand in mine and pressed the handle into her palm. "Kill me rather than looking at me like that." I pressed her hand to my throat and she pulled back desperately.
She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Stop it, you stupid asshole!" She screamed at me as the knife pressed against my skin with bigger force.
I stopped insisting and allowed her to take it from my hands. She threw it across the room and looked back at me with fire in her eyes. Man, she really was angry.
"I need you. I need to have you happy and content by my side, just like before I screwed it up. You're the reason I'm trying to be a better person. If it weren't for you, there'd be rivers of blood running through this land, Valleria. You're the reason I try to rule kindly. So I can look you in the eyes." I rested my head against her thighs and finally smelled her scent again after a long time.