I am so jealous of couples who found true love in each other. I love Meraek but I still search for that something, that someone to fill me, or complete me. But is there such thing or maybe I need to fill in that emptiness with me. I need to complete me and not to expect much of others but to make me whole on my own. I think I can never expect anyone to make me whole but learn to make me complete, loved, respected, desired, forgiven and accepted, by me, the I. I have prayed and asked the gods to help me and to fill the void inside my heart but as if nothing works and no one, not even my courtier, maidens, mistresses, can satisfy this one desire I thirst and quest for, which I don't really know what, is. I think we all desire for things we don't have like peace, perfection or calm. I have power, wisdom and beauty that others envy to have yet why is that even if I have the world in the palm of my hands, I still feel empty, dry and lost inside. I feel alone, so alone that I get scared of my vulnerability. But, the God of Moses said in their Bible, which I have read a little when I was younger when father caught me in my late night readings in our home in Thebes Farm, went like this, "in my weakness, I find strength. Let God fill in that void in my heart. For that empty space there is where God resides and the Holy Spirit lives". The only problem is I don't know how that Spirit and their God can live in me when I know I am god in the world, in Egypt.
Yet, now I realized that even a god can stoop down to a Supreme Being, a more powerful God, Abba Father, God of Moses, God of Abraham…whoever He is, He should be ready for me, because I am a handful. Will he forgive me? Will he love me? Will he accept me?
Andromida woke up and kissed me on the lips. She saw me in my lowest state and I was crying my heart out while looking outside the window of my palace, seated where I can see the vast beauty and infinite waters of the Nile.
Just like this precious river, whatever you're thinking is not so hard or complicated as you thought your life is! Your highness, I have lived a poor life and as a soldier, it gave me position, class, power and food on our table, why I became good in what I do. I was never borne with a silver spoon on my mouth and worked hard to reach where I am today. I can never amount to something because I am a slave. My family lived among the poorest of the poor in my country. When we moved here, in Egypt, I found my new home, my new life, where I can be free, happy and accepted as a human being. Please, don't let your power and influence affect my position as an excellent soldier, warrior, Andromida said while she pulls all her clothes back to wear them. I stood and moved closer to her as I hugged her from the back and whispered, "No, I won't, in fact I will grant you and your family not only a place in my council but you, one of my generals. Jardin-Ur was my best friend and he died a couple of years ago. I want you to replace him and be my infantry general. Lieutenant Brahma-Putra will help you get ready and show you what you need to do as one of the best generals of Egypt. I will help you too along the way, don't worry! Andromida, you will need to change your name to General Hydra from now on and your stinky, rusty sword as well!!, I replied giggling in front of her while kissing her neck and tickling her.
Meraek is looking through her side of the window from afar (adjacent to each other as both sides face the Nile) while she kisses Andromida inside the palace's guest room. She is taking care of Henshupta's baby, their child as she can't stop crying, jealous and hurt from the pharaoh's infidelity. She knows she doesn't have the right to expect nor to question the queen's affairs but she is her wife, yet a ruler of Egypt has several mistresses that she lays with every one's in a while. However, it's different with Andromida, she feels that Henshupta is in love with her and she can't do anything about it now, for she is Henshupta's past and Andromida is her present. But she knows that Henshu loves her, she just couldn't stay away from beautifu and powerful girls. She is still young at nineteen. Meraek is already in her middle twenties, that she feels old, worn and tired.
Henshupta suddenly felt like being watched, so she stopped kissing Andromida and told her that she needs to check on her baby Jaur. Especially Meraek, as she said it in her thought, so as Andromida won't feel ashamed nor pity for the wife.
I walked quietly in my chamber towards Jaur's crib that is made out of a woven cotton from bubblegum trees wrapped in linen inside an elongated basket recently found in Asia MInor.
Meraek's face is wet from tears maybe, since she saw me and Andromida perhaps in the other side of the room adjacent to my chamber. Poor darling, I thought and laid beside her. Aha, she is still awake and turn her back away from me. She is indeed mad and I gently caressed her back. I hugged her from behind and kissed her neck, her cheeks when she faced me, then, pinned my lips to her mouth that kept closed. I didn't say sorry but my tears just fell down as I kiss her mouth passionately. I think Meraek forgave me when she kissed me back and wrapped her arms around me like she hasn't kissed me for a very long time, like two or three days ago. I missed her too, the fire, the desire and the tingly feeling which we missed from each other that Andromida brought back to us, once again. I love you!!!!, I whispered and Meraek sobbed like a little girl and kissed me again. We made love after that and that was the first time I felt totally complete, and this time, it's for real.