The air of the night feels cold on my skin; the kind of cold that bites at the senses and numbs them. I know I am walking; I can feel the rock-hard ground beneath my stomping feet. But that's about it, really. Where am I walking? The town streets, I think. What's my destination? Home, I think... But I can't even be sure of that anymore. I feel as indifferent about the world around myself as I think it is indifferent about me; I feel blind, mute and deaf towards it. The only voices I am able to hear are my own; the ones raising storms up my ravaged mind.
"You overreacted,"... I know.
"You're not paying attention to your surroundings. Someone could attack you, right now,"... I know.
"Izzy won't let you hear the end of it,"... I know.
And then, the million-dollar question, "What the fuck was that all about?"
It almost feels like I am standing in the middle of a circle of people, to be judged, reprimanded and berated without a touch of mercy. Not sure if I should see myself as a masochist because I allow it to happen, or a sadist because and in the end, those are my own thoughts, voiced in my own... Voice, only for me to hear.
Did I truly overreact at that moment? Most definitely. A major part of my being craves answers. Although, a smidge of me feels like the truth about him is the kind I wouldn't really want to uncover. Not every mystery is worth solving, as they say. Right? The real question here is:
Is Nathanael worth it? I mean I only met the guy a few hours ago so, it makes perfect sense for me to dive deep and have a mental breakdown over his existence alone, right?
No screw that. Who am I kidding? I don't give enough shits about him yet for that kind of question. No, what I really want to know is: What's the deal with his eye color? Why did Izzy say they were black when in fact, and I saw them with my own eyes, they're green. Did she really make a mistake? If yes, then why did he react that way when I asked him about it. I mean, sure, I did ask that question out of the blue but still... It's not the type of reaction I'd expect from someone that's just genuinely surprised; he seemed more than surprised, he seemed terrified.
Better yet, what's the deal with the resting face he offered me the entire night? It was the second thing I noticed about him anyways. The constant urge to go to the bathroom he seemed to have. An air so fake yet so sincere... It was like he wanted to be there just as much as he didn't. How can someone be so open and seem so approachable yet so far and untouchable like that? I seriously cannot put my finger on it…
There was a third thing I immediately noticed at the very beginning of the date, though. I can still feel the heavy weight that fell on my shoulders the moment I laid my eyes on him. Weight I can't seem to shake no matter how far away from him I walk. It's like having a pair of eyes constantly on me, following my every move. I feel exposed to them, like they can see through my soul. Could he be the one following me?
But I am mostly still troubled by that rush I felt at the restaurant. I don't think I've ever felt anything like it. The dire need to get away from him that drowned every other aspect and perspective in me. And I am still thinking about that little jar that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere on the table.
I didn't get the time to look around for any potential stalker. In the blink of an eye, and very suddenly, the harsh, cold wind isn't the only thing I can feel anymore. I find myself butt on the ground, massaging my pained nose. Saying that I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings is an understatement. My legs walked me back to my apartment building without me having to worry about direction. It seems the only thing I needed to worry about was opening the doors to the building and I failed miserably at the task.
I pull my body back up and push the damn thing open, I move as slowly as I can afford to in order to let the aching from the hits I took subside. It is important to look at the bright side... It could have been a knife.
Standing in the elevator now, alone, all I can think about is him. Well, more precisely, the time I gave my eyes on his figure, his features. It does make sense for me to think about that, right? It makes sense for my brain to go over freshly lived events, right?
I hear the little ding sound in the elevator, announcing my arrival on my floor and I brace myself to leave the box once the doors open.
Yes, I think it does make a lot of sense. What I think doesn't make sense at all, on the other hand is... The sight of the apparently blood thirsty wolf that greeted me... Glaring back at me from the other end of the hallway. Quite large in size, charcoal colored fur and hate filled blue eyes.
I look up at the floor indicator in the elevator, just to make sure. Lo and behold I am, indeed, on my floor. Only, the wolf is blocking my way towards my apartment.
There's something about the look in his eyes, I can discern it even from the distance separating us. Up until this moment, I'd always lived under the impression that a human being was the only animal capable of evil but... But one second staring in the eyes of this beast is all it takes to shake that belief in my core. This wolf is here for me and only me. This wolf is here for the sole purpose of hurting me.
Do I get the time to wonder why there's a wolf in my apartment building? No, of course I don't. It starts moving towards me which breaks me out of my trance. I pummel the elevator button, praying for the doors to close in time. I do my best to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach, but it turns out to be a tough task to accomplish when I am already struggling to pace my breathing.
As my gaze is darting between the buttons I am pushing and the animal, I am able to distinguish one extra detail about it. The wolf has a perceptible flaw across its right eyeball. A dark brown stripe that stretched horizontally from one side of its eye to the other. The closer it ran my way, the more apparent it became.
I come to the dreadful realization that the elevator isn't going to close in time and if I stay in here, the wolf will simply tear me to shreds. I realize that the only option I still have is to try and run for the staircase to the left before it takes a bite out of me. I book it for the stairway door and manage to reach it in one piece.
I throw myself through it and jump downwards, skipping as many stairs as I can. But of course, had I reached the exit of the building that fast it would have been too easy. The universe simply couldn't allow that for me, not tonight it seems. A second wolf stands in my way, this one with pitch black fur and far less mesmerizing eyes, barring me from the only conceivable escape I had in mind.
Not sure why, but I decide to go back on my tracks and climb up the stairs again. I know what's going to happen, and yet I can't stop myself from running back up.
As I foretold only a few seconds ago, I am currently stuck between the two wolves. And so, I do the only thing my brain comes up with at the moment. I run up towards the charcoal furred wolf until I come inches close to its snout, I fling my bag in its direction.
It reacts exactly like I wanted it to; it sinks its teeth so deep into my bag that I can hear my belongings crack inside. It provides me with enough time to run past the wolf. I reach the door to the nearest floor but as soon as I open it, I am again greeted with more of those fuckers. I continue on a streak of no luck until I reach the rooftop door which I hurl myself at.
Great! Now what? I have nowhere to run and... Here they come. At least twenty of them, all distinct in appearance from each other. I wasn't wrong, they really have it for me. I don't care how crazy this all gets but I refuse to believe, I refuse to accept the idea that these are nothing more than mere wolves.
Maybe... Maybe if I jump down, I will survive? Perhaps, I can get away without any major injuries... The chances of that happening are close to zilch but then again, I have nothing else in mind.
I turn around to try and reach the edge, maybe I'll find something to cushion my fall but... I freeze.
What in Dante's inferno is going on here....
Standing on the edge, I see none other than Nathanael... No mistakes there, it is really him. Only, his stance and his posture are so different from earlier... His eyes are glowing under the bright moonlight illuminating his figure. And the look he is giving... Sends ice cold shivers down my spine.
Silence, pure silence befalls my surroundings. The wolves went dead quiet all of the sudden, not a single growl escaped them. and they too froze in their spots. They are neither advancing nor are they stepping back. Their full attention seemingly on Nathanael, almost as though his next actions were the only thing that mattered in their world.
He finally opens his mouth, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, and as his face twists and bends out of its human shape, he lets out a soul shuddering growl; one that will echo in my ears for the next weeks to come, no doubt.
Instantly, the entirety of the wolves behind me start whimpering, their stare falls down to the ground as they begin to retreat one after the other until there are none left on the rooftop.
I am left alone... Well, with Nathanael. I can see that his shadow behind me hasn't moved yet... I want to turn around and face him but... my body denies me that action, too rigid for the slightest movement.
What the hell did I get myself into?