His proposal caught me off guard, it never even occurred to me he would ask me in marriage.
His sweet voice is able to make me lower my guard, not only his eyes... But these actions of his are twisting my stomach. Attempting to charm me just to have their own selfish desire come true, and just like in my past life, I am falling into a spider's web that attempts to make me sink and do as told.
At least, that is what I am feeling.
"Are you insinuating that I should step over all of my brothers and dethrone the king, just so you could live your little fantasy?"
"There is no need for such thing, as I do not wish to see you with a worse relationship with your family than it already is."
The words are so alike.
Before, it was a mere 'I do not wish to see you crumble', and it was enough to make me believe with all of my foolish soul in Andre, but now it just sounds ordinary.
Such ordinary words, and yet the young Marquess' face is so close to mine but it makes me feel distant. His world and mine are completely different, for he has already decided what he wants to do, but for me it is still difficult.
The fear of being betrayed or controlled just grows stronger upon his proposal, but there seems to not be anything that I can do to change it.
"Has the engagement been approved yet?"
"No, not yet. I would need both your and your father's consent."
That does give me some time, but for what? As powerless as I am, no matter the time given to me, I would not be able to accomplish anything...
"And what do you suggest we do, according to your plan?"
Perhaps I am looking into an empty mirror, waiting for a reflection to appear by itself. It may be something impossible, but maybe... Just maybe, there is a chance...
"Become the better candidate. If you are able to prove that you are much more fit to become a ruler than the other candidates, then there will be no other option but to choose you."
This feels different. Does he not wish a simpler and faster way to accomplish it — but then, he could just be trying to deceive me with sweet words. It has happened before, it is not strange to happen again.
If I, as tyrant, were to do it, there would be no better time than when the contest is happening. If done right, it would solve all of my problems and there would not be any more successors to stop my path, and yet he didn't suggest such thing.
"D-Do you jest me?" The marquess' lips are still too close to become comfortable to talk... "Even if such an opportunity arised, I am sure Noctur would prefer his kingdom be ruled by an incompetent king rather than a perfect queen."
"My, calling yourself a perfect queen, how audacious."
"Silence yourself, will you?"
Whether it was to mock me or to take this seriously, I cannot understand his thought process.
My mind cannot understand whether his words are serious or not, my heart does not want to believe them to be genuine and deep down I just wish to give up on something I haven't even started.
"I just cannot do it. It will be impossible for me." Perhaps it is better to just refuse him, leave it be.
"I believe it to be possible. You have called your father by his name... That is a start, is it not? The more you reject him, the more you will understand and progress. And above all else..."
Finally, Marquess Sallvati arranges some space for me to breathe with ease, but his eyes still lock onto mine.
"...If you believe in yourself, your Benevolence, I am sure you will be able to do it. If that does not work, then believe in me, for I will always trust you."
Why..? Why..? Why..? ...WHY!?
How I wish I had forgotten, but the 'good' memories I had with Andre Berian keep on returning, and they all seem so similar. The marquess' words are so captivating, that my heart makes me remember those of the past that has yet to exist.
How can I even trust him, when I was betrayed by these same words!?
"Do not lie... I know, I know that those words are mere lies, I know how you say them just to convince."
"That may have been partially the case." He makes a pause as he leaves the bed and tidies his clothes. "But believe me when I say this... I will always trust you."
I just cannot. At least, I can only give him the minimum of my trust.
"Do you truly, completely trust me?" Perhaps this might be wrong, but there is only a way to confirm his loyalty.
"Of course, now and forever, even in death."
If I go by his words and believe more in what I am capable to do, I will be able to improve. But that will not be enough, not to Noctur or to any of my brothers. It is miserable knowing that I was controlled and let such thing happen — but now, it has to be different. The one in control of my life and future has to be me, no one else, but if I choose to become empress... Then I will also need to control them... My greatest threats.
"Return in ten days, I shall give you my answer in that time."
Sallvati pauses, breath amiss and with surprise flooding his emotions. The way the young marquess turned seemed to be full of ego, but it suddenly became honest as he saw my face.
"Understood, your Benevolence. It seems you have discovered some of the path you want to choose, at least that is what your beautiful eyes tell me."
I wish a mirror was in front of me so I could see what he means, but somehow I can notice something surging in my spirit. If this is what an accomplishment feels like, then such small thing is enough to send happiness to the corners of my mouth and a sense of victory to my brain.
"Well then, I shall take my leave. It would be best if the king did not see us this way."
"Wait a moment." Why did I call him? Why was extending my hand to him the first thing to think about?
I haven't yet decided what I should do or how I should operate, but perhaps my instincts were waiting for my mouth to say some nonsense like calling for his help.
For now, it has to be out of my own effort, at least this time. Change the subject, Anne! Quick!
"Your hand, how did such a thing happened?" Great, as if that is any better.
He examines the burning, just before covering it with the fallen glove on the sheets.
"This is what happens when you defy your own family and your own kingdom. A punishment... Of sorts."
No more was added before he opens the door effortlessly and waves farewell.
"I pray the Goddess of Healing blesses you with a quick recovery."
His steps were loud, even in the distance, but what is odd is how he mentions Varenia, a Goddess worshipped by many in the past, but now forgotten.
Sallvati's mysteries only keep on adding and never seem to reach a halt.
"Truly an odd man." As I mutter to myself, my maid enters graciously with a tray of sweets and two sets of tea. She walks confused but tired in expression, finally stopping in front of me and pouring her special sweet herbal tea.
"I believe the doctor said to cut on sweets..."
"It was also for our visitor, but it seems his business is already done. Are you sure you do not need it after your conversation, my lady?"
Marina drops a glance at my drooping dress, smirks at my messy hair and sighs at the sight of my reddened cheeks.
"It sure seemed to be a rather warm conversation."
"It was not! If anything, it was him who—" No, for now I should not overthink about such things. If I lose my composure due to something like this, it would only prove how childish the eleven years me is.
Although I have ten days to prepare, in reality I only have three for the more recent events so in the meantime, there is an urgent need to ready myself and decide whether or not I should continue the marquess' plan.
I feel far from ready, if anything, I still heavily doubt myself and still feel a betraying pain in me, but something needs to be done as I do not even know if I will be able to remain sane while being controlled like a doll.
"Marina, just between us, but do you happen to know any competent informant?"
"Yes? I believe my brother knows some, but for what reason?"
"If possible, I need to find whatever information I can about Marquess Viktor Salvatti and his family. He is too secretive to trust him."
In these ten days I have remaining, I will find as much about him as I can. Whether I go with his plan or not, it does not matter, for this time I will be the one in control of the situation.
If I have to remain good, it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to become manipulated.
At least this time, I will be the one to decide my future.