A golden light escapes through the curtains of setin, an illumination that would seem trivial for my future self, as if she were just taking a daily stroll through the bloody battlefields, although no battle seemed to exist without casualties in this cursed world.
For me, it is now a blessing, a truly mysterious blessing. However, whether it is actually a blessing... or perhaps a curse, it is something that does not feel right to look for, but what seems right to acknowledge is the fact that I now have the opportunity to live once again and amend my wrongdoings.
"Have you woken up, Lady Anneliese?"
Marina speaks behind the massive door of honey oak, said to be impenetrable by whatever blade that attempted to cut it. After much research, it was found that only by heating the weapons and tools, they were able to cut and process it. However, even after being finished, once everything became cold and done, the honey that merged with the wood hardened by itself, this time stronger and making it impossible to work with again.
"Yes..." My voice still remains rough and in pain, the damage caused by the Mana Corroding still highly present, not that I can expect it to become cured in just some hours.
Although they do not know yet what this disease is, they keep on doing whatever is possible to keep me alive... Perhaps this was the first and only time they cared about me.
Silently, she opens the door and enters my chambers, closing it as she walks a few more steps. The middle-aged maid bows as soon as her shoe touches the borders of the crimson carpet with golden details that is layed on the side of the bed.
"I will slightly open the curtains so you can get some light in here. Please do not force your frail self to move."
No need to be so honest...
Just like last time, she remains too slender for my liking, has long black-as-the-night hair that reaches her elbows and behaves as lady-like as she can.
From afar, she glances at me, probably noticing the sheets are a soping mess from all the sweating I had during the night, becoming even more uncomfortable after the sunlight exposes the markings.
With her many worried expressions, my personal maid embarrassingly advises me to leave the bed so she could change them to waterbloom sheets, made of a type of silk that absorbs and filters liquids.
"I truly apologize my lady, making you stand even though you are sick."
"That is no problem, you are only doing your job. Just... Help me go to my desk, I am not fond of staying all day laying on my bed..." Accordingly, her slender hand hugs my waist. Even if she is keeping silence to herself, I can feel her fingers meticulously trace around my body, as if looking for something. In my past life I would have doubted her loyalty, but now the headache is too great—
"My lady... Have you lost weight?"
"Excuse me?" I retort, although rudely, but it was too quick for me to react properly. "I- I believe you have no say to what I eat."
"I might have no authority regarding your meals, however, my lady is already so small and pristine that I am afraid you will disappear one day. Not even your cuteness will save you..." She coughs abruptly, as if to pretend her words were mere void. "Please just think about me being worried about you."
"You sure do talk a lot..." Although, having someone genuinely worried about you does feel different. "...I will consider eating some more."
Slowly and steadily we approached the corners of my hardwood study desk.
"Here we are, Lady Anneliese." Having me seated, Marina resumes her maid work, humming a nostalgic lullaby that she would sing to me when I was a child.
On my desk, several books regarding social studies, diplomacy, politics and etiquette were organized by content and learning order, along with several parchments that served as notes and training.
Even as a child I was too organized, old habits die hard as they say.
A giggle escapes my mouth, reminiscing the 'past' seemed to be enough for that. Although the contents may be different, it still feels the same desk with no changes at all, and if I am correct— "There it is." On it's second drawer, a blank notebook was kept, at this time I still had no idea what I would use it for.
I believe even in my past life I never used it, but now it seems to only have one purpose: register the events of my past life.
"It would be best to register in a chronological order." I mutter to myself as my hand grabs an ornated crystal pen, dips it in ink and starts writing with a life of it's own.
Some years before I became known as the tyrant, the six great nations came together to decide on a new calendar, hoping to strategize with more efficiency against the sudden swarms of monsters. It became known as the «Abyssal Calendar», composed of twelve groups of days, named as months, each month with thirty days.
I never got used to it, perhaps because I missed my younger self.
In this current age, we use the Celestial Calendar, divided by two equinoxes and two solstices that alternated with each other, each containing ninety days.
Today is the fifty-second day of the Celestial Calendar, belonging to the second equinox, Llavf.
In the sixitieth day, father will commence a contest to determine who would inherit the throne, although a lot of accidents will occur.
My reason for forcefully taking the front row in line of succession started here... If father had not been selfish and chose without preferences, I might have never had the need to do such atrocities...
The reason I let Andre in my life— how I ruined the others around me to search for more power, it all started here—
"Marina... are you finished?" Merely mentioning my past husband's name is enough to provoke a migraine, one that does not seem to fade. This time I have to be uninterested and just be a good daughter to obtain a place in the kingdom's politics, as it was intended.
Even then, I am not sure if I want to dance on the palm of my parents, despite everything.
"Yes, my lady. Your bed is already prepared."
No matter trying to write any more, the pain will only grow unbearable. "Please help me go to the bed... It seems my body is truly unforgiving when it comes to health." After locking away the notebook in the same drawer, my futile attempt to stand by myself only ends in failure that forces my maid to rush over to my body.
"Are you alright, Lady Anneliese?"
"I was just out of strength for a moment, do not worry." Dragging my body around until it was close enough to lay me on the bed, Marina opens the giant door with surprising ease, hurrying to call the doctor. Moments later she returns with company, an old man in his fifties called Rubert, white short hair and round glasses.
"Good morning Lady Anneliese, I apologize for only coming to check on you now."
"It is fine. If I had the option, I would also refrain from bothering you. I apologize."
He seems bothered, for some odd reason, even though it should be me. The doctor scratches the top of his forehead, it is a habit he apparently developed throughout the years whenever something he cannot understand happens.
"Please drink this water first, it contains medicine that will help you relax." A moment of silence happens as he sees me drinking the whole cup without any effort. "My lady, are you sure you are fine? Usually, you would be more... energetic, and yet you have been nothing but quiet. You even drank the whole medicine."
"I..." Now that he mentions, I used to be the cheeky and selfish type, even too chilidsh for my age. My personality is totally different considering my soul has thirty years of age, they will surely suspect something while I have been too careless on what I should do or how I should act.
But it has become too late to act now. "...I am simply tired, do not worry."
"I hope that is the case, I do not wish to imagine his Highness's face otherwise."
Now that he mentions, it has been long since I have seen him in his prideful attire...
He does not come to see me, and yet I wish to — I thought we decided to not care about them this time, Anne.
The blankets feel oddly warm and comforting, a strange comfiness that did not belong to it keeps surging and melting in my body.
"Has father said anything yet?"
My eyelids close by itself without an announcement, opening by the sound of someone knocking, only to be closing again. Something is making me fall asleep, perhaps the medicine, but clearly not just the comfort of my bed alone.
"His Highness has arrived now, actually."
"Is she sleeping? I believe you said she was wide awake."
"It was just now. I was not expecting lady Anneliese to drink the whole dosage, so perhaps it was too much." They are talking, both father and the physician are talking and yet I keep approaching my dream world.
< I cannot fall asleep > Is what my will is set on, but whatever that man gave me is enough to knock my consciousness out.
"I see. Well then, how is she? Have you figured out what she has?"
"Not yet, your Highness. It is something I have never seen before, but it seems to have changed her. Lady Anneliese seems... calmer than usual. More... tame."
"Let's just hope those changes are for the better..."
I can barely comprehend what they are saying, but I remeber that voice well. That rough and deep voice, that no matter how much I hated him, I still respected him on the very ends of my heart. It is him, I know it very well, but I am more afraid than anything of talking with him.
After what I had done to him, I do not know how to confront him— no, such thing is not needed. The real problem is how I will talk with him innocently after all I had done and went through, with a great fear he will not notice I am different but also hope that he notices my changes.
I had promised to not care about his love for me, his daughter, and yet I am wishing for it... I hate this... Even if for just a little, I have to forget about him!
I am sure they will not mind if I fall asleep until morning... Surely they will not worry.