Note: The opening will only be here this chapter. But it is supposed to at the beginning of every chapter.
Summary: Villains come in all shapes and sizes but a new villain on the rise has joined Harley Quinn's new crew. And much to everyone's chagrin he's a total nutjob. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? Well fuck that he'll kill the devil and take his throne! cowritten with Thanatos125 screwball fic.
opening by newstardustdragon101
Kotae wa doko e sagashite
Where's my soul?
Overhaul stood over Gotham as the night shined before turning away as the bat signal lit the sky.
It's like a fear warui yume no you de
Mezametemo All I've got is bones
I'm in a panic? Get out, hurry
Oh, there're mysteries and miseries
Overhaul is walking through the streets of Gotham as one by one members of his team start to join him, Harely, Ivy, Catwoman, King Shark, Clayface, Sy, Psycho, Giganta, Blackfire all as they walk through Gotham.
Dead or alive hazama ni yurarete
Samayoeba Right to left to hell
Ronri no shoutai emo no shoutai
Odoru 1,2,3 steps on this dark stage
Barbara sighs watching her father bumbling around as he struggles to put on his pants while on the phone.
Raise your flag, march on, fight
Kamen no fuchi e te wo kakedo tada hone ga naru nomi
Wars and swords, tears and blood
Afuru chikara ga fui ni waraidashita
Batman is in the Batcave watching as Damian trains with his swords going through his rogues gallery.
Kotae wa doko e sagashite
Where's my soul? Where's my heart?
Riaru ni nomareteku
Naruto and the gang ride with Sy in his car form evading the cops as Gordon furiously chases after them with a squad of cop cars.
Don't hesitate, go this way
Wakaranai kamawanai
Magai mono furuttemo
Naruto passes by Lois Lane's apartment giving her a wink which she returns. Gzsplntz blows Naruto a kiss
Tada kono sekai wo ikinuke yo
Aa nakushita kanashimi ga mata uzuiteku...
Misery-World
Overhaul and his gang rest in the hideout laughing as Harley throws cash up in the air, Overhaul stands at the top of the lair holding his hand out to the moon. Gripping his hand as it started to crumble
(Arkham Asylum)
Harley Quinn was currently asleep in her prison cell. Waiting for her beloved Joker to come free her. It had been a year since she had been locked up but she was sure he would show up any day now. No matter how much Ivy or the other inmates told her he wasn't coming.
"(Snore) he's coming for me. (Snore) he's coming for me…heh heh 'coming'" She muttered in her sleep over and over again. Suddenly the asylum alarms went off as the cells all opened releasing every single inmate into an all out riot and waking Harley from her sleep.
"Wha-?! Puddin! I knew you'd come bust me out!" She screamed happily as she got up and left her cell thinking her beloved Joker had finally come to free her. However as she left her cell she was not met by her beloved clown prince of crime but her best friend. A green skinned woman with long red hair and wrapped in plants. This was Poison Ivy "Oh it's you" Harley sighed in disappointment
"Well good morning to you to sunshine" Ivy shot back sarcastically
"Since when do you stage a prison breakout?" Harley asked
"I hoped this newbie villain would be able to just bust us out alone but he must've released everyone" Ivy shrugged "plus Riddler helped with this plan anyways"
"I ate an orange and shit out a seed!" A man with a question mark tattoo on his forehead cackled as he ran past the two.
"You hired a newbie?" Harley asked as Ivy hated people
"Yeah he has some hype behind him. Dude's been a villain 3 years and already has a hero body count that puts most of us to shame" Ivy said
"Oh please what did he do off a d lister like vigilante or shining knight?" Harley asked with a scoff
"No idea I was in a rush and he works cheap" Ivy said flatly as she only encountered him a few days ago. Something about visiting someone in Arkham and happened to cross her path.
"Well, let's get out of here! I want to see Mr J again. Lord knows what kind of trouble he's in that he wasn't able to come get me!" Harley said still fixated on her clown boyfriend
Ivy sighed at her friend's obsession before the catwalk Harley was on suddenly broke apart. Sending her plummeting into the Arkham cell depths.
Out of nowhere however the metal of the bridge suddenly shifted down and came underneath her and caught her.
"Watch your step clown girl. You die and I don't get paid" a male voice said as a pillar lifted a male up to meet Harley and Ivy from 3 feet away from them.
He was wearing a black combat vest, black leather combat pants, black Leather combat boots, A pair of Black leather gloves, one of which had been removed from a hand, a long black leather duster trench coat, and a black plague doctor like mask that covered his mouth. He had spiky blonde hair on full display and had blue eyes. His ungloved hand was fully planted on the metal catwalk as the pillar came to them.
"Who's this guy?" Harley asked raising an eyebrow at this new villain
"Name's Overhaul or call me Naruto whichever you want toots" the man said simply "now get your fine asses out of here so I can get paid" Naruto said as he jumped off his pillar and placed his hand onto a wall and made a giant hole rip open as metal peeled back. Leading to freedom
"What kind of power is that?" Harley asked
"He can manipulate and redistribute matter" Ivy said simply as she used some plants to carry her and Harley
"... so he could redistribute a girl's fat to give em bigger tits?" She questioned curiously
"That's what you got from my power?" Naruto questioned with a unamused tone
"So your an alchemist, big deal you gonna rant about being short?" Harley asked with a snicker as they ran
"Ooh a full metal alchemist joke. Real original. Bitch please. I have heard so many jokes about that it gets boring. Besides despite the hair I ain't like Edward Elric" Naruto rolled his eyes as the three jumped out the hole and landed in front of several cops
"Freeze you blonde frea- aggghhh!" The cops shouted in agony and pain as suddenly stone spikes shot up into them. Impaling into them and letting their blood coat the ground.
"I prefer thinking of my power as more like Scar's" Naruto said as he lifted his ungloved hand off the ground and turned to Ivy "ok I got your friend out we're done here" Naruto said as he stood and started to walk off.
"Thanks. Stop by the address I gave you and I'll give you the money" Ivy said nodding at Naruto
Naruto held up a hand as he walked off signaling he would before grabbing a cop by his face with his ungloved hand and splattering him into a bloody paste as he screamed in agony.
"Huh Ed's gone hard-core" Harley said with a chuckle
"I'm more like Scar you clown bitch!" Naruto's voice yelled after hearing her remark.
"Bite me shorty!" Harley yelled after him
"You're shorter than me!" Naruto yelled back
"Ok this Is getting out of hand" Ivy said as she pulled a flower out of her hair and put it in front of Harley's face. The flower shot out a small gas into Harley's face knocking her out
"You may want to keep more of those on hand for when she goes back to her dumbass boyfriend" Naruto said as he turned around to see Ivy do that to her. All while he was still slaughtering cops stupid enough to charge at him with his ungloved hand leaving them as messes to be cleaned up by Carl the night Janitor.
Ivy sighed at this as she used some of her plants to drag Harley off while Naruto used his power to make his own way to get away from Arkham.
(10 hours later)
Harley awoke with a groan as she looked around the unfamiliar apartment she was now in. "Where the hell am I?" She asked herself as she massaged her temple
"My apartment" Ivy's voice came out as she was now wearing a green leather jacket, green pants, white shirt, and green heels. Currently Ivy was looking over some dead plants
"I did not ask for a fucking roommate!" A male voice said looking at Harley with its large eyes that were currently on a large plant
"When you pay rent Frank you can make decisions. Ugh look what those months at Arkham did to my babies! And where's that stupid neighbor kid I hired to water them?!" Ivy questioned the talking plant as she restored her dead plants to life.
"That neighbor of yours caught him stealing your panties and using them to jack off. So he splattered him against the wall turning him into fertilizer for us. The kids parents then found out and took offense to that with the mother in particular going full Karen. Dude responded by deep dicking the mother right in front of the dad breaking her mind and causing her to die of a pleasure induced heart attack before he then offed the dad who was apparently a massive cuck as he creamed himself watching his wife getting plowed. It was a very bizarre tuesday though I will say the fertilizer they made was actually pretty tasty" Frank explained
"... some random neighbor had sex and murdered people in my apartment?" Ivy questioned with some anger
"Hey I cleaned the place after I'm not an animal. I mean unless the ladies want me to be one" a male voice said as he stepped out of the shower in Ivy's place. Completely nude and drying off his hair with a towel as it was revealing it was Naruto, sans his mask, and now revealing he had 3 whisker-like markings on each cheek. His 12 inch soft cock on full display as he walked out shamelessly and uncaring of his state of undress.
"Oh mama!" Harley yelled with wide eyes
"Holy Foot Long Veggie Dog!" Ivy yelled her eyes wide
"Dude, can you put on some pants? I think they've gone brain dead" Frank said
"Not much of a stretch for the clown from what I heard" Naruto said with a laugh as he went into a room and closed the door but not before giving the two women a clear view of his toned buns of steel.
"... you two good?" Frank asked as she had gone awfully silent after seeing Naruto's schlong.
"..." just silence from the two women was all he was met with.
After a few moments Naruto came out wearing some pants and no shirt. "Now let's talk about my fee" Naruto said as he sat on a couch
"..." the two villainesses were still silent not even noticing him
"Well they are brain dead, hey little shop of horrors you know where I can get paid?" Naruto asked Frank
"Ivy keeps the money in her panties drawer" Frank said with a smirk
"Thanks I'll get my fee and leave" Naruto said as he approached Ivy's room
"You go in my room and you're dead!" Ivy yelled as she came back to her senses.
"Welcome back to the land of the living. Any ideas on how to wake up your friend there?" Naruto asked as while he wanted his money this was also just amusing to him.
"Harley look Frankie Munez" Ivy said boredly pointing at a wall.
"Where?!" Harley yelled as she looked around
"Welcome back sleeping beauty. Now that you two are awake I expect my payment. Unless you want to pay in a different way" Naruto smirked
Ivy rolled her eyes at this and pulled out her phone and after a few swipes she looked up "ok I transferred your money to your account now get the hell out!" she ordered pointing at the door
"Fine, fine. I've had my fun. See you two babes around" Naruto smirked as he left the apartment and walked right across the hall into his own apartment.
(a few weeks later)
It had been a few days since Harley dumped Joker after Ivy's plan with the Riddler worked as intended and the only setback was how much the margarita mix cost Ivy.
A lot had happened since then, he had tried to get advice from Maxie Zeus who gave her advice to get her own crew before he had hit on her like a sexist pig and so Ivy had sent Harley to see the Queen of Fables. A female Villain who because of her power there is now a glass ceiling for all female villains after the Justice League had sealed her into the U.S Tax Code.
Now Harley was in her new villain outfit sitting on Ivy's couch
"So why didn't you ever tell me your neighbor was a villain?" Harley asked curiously
"I had no clue. I was in Arkham for months and only met him 3 days before the breakout" Ivy said as she watered her plants
"Dude has a habit of keeping to himself. He did kill some heroes after all." Frank said
"Woah woah he actually killed legit heroes?" Harley asked with a raised eyebrow
"You two didn't know? I assumed that's why you hired him to bust your sorry asses out" Frank said
"He couldn't have killed any high ranking ones" Ivy said as his prices are cheap
Frank used his vines to take out a phone from his pot which he started to swipe at
"You got your plant a phone Ives?" Harley asked Ivy
"My plan covered two phones better than one" Ivy shrugged
"Here we go. Overhaul kills hero" Frank said as he handed his phone to Harley which had a YouTube video on it
"What did he kill some D lister?" Harley asked as she tapped the play button
(YouTube video)
"You really shouldn't have killed John." The voice of Guy Gardner, a green Lantern, said angrily as he floated in the air his ring aimed at Naruto who was in his villain outfit
"Hey asshole he was the one that attacked me after he walked in on Hawkgirl and I fucking. And the jackass decided to attack me first so it was self defense the Justice League even ruled in my favor on it. You on the other hand shouldn't have attacked me on my fucking day off." Overhaul growled as he put his ungloved hand on the ground and made a pillar launching up to Gardner. Guy created a green constructed fist and sent it at Naruto. Naruto shocked him by placing his palm on the construct and shattering it
"that's impossi-" Guy was saying before Overhaul grabbed his face and splattered his body into a show of gore leaving only his hand which had his green lantern ring
Naruto picked up the hand and started to attempt to take the ring
"Perfect I could sell this shit and make some sweet sweet dough" he chuckled only to be cut off by a new arrival.
"Stop right there Overhaul!" A cocky voice shouted making Naruto turn to see Booster Gold
"You know what fuck it I have already killed two heroes might as well make it three" Overhaul says with a shrug as he walks over to Booster Gold given the pathetic excuse for a hero would always destroy Naruto's apartment whenever he fought a villain. And Naruto proceeded to splatter and reform the man over and over again until he grew bored after the 38th time and left him a splattered mess.
"Holy fuck he offed 2 GL's!…and Booster Gold I guess but who cares about him" Harley shouted in shock having just got done watching the video of Naruto killing Guy Gardner and later Booster Gold.
"Oh that's nothing there is even a video of him offing that black Green Lantern that the ginger pussy one mentioned" Frank says before he goes to a secret website on the dark web and hits play.
(Video)
The sound of skin slapping and a woman screaming in pleasure is heard in the darkness of the room "AAH FUCK YOUR SO HUGE AND SO DEEP IN ME!" the woman screams in pleasure.
Suddenly the room is illuminated by a door opening revealing Green Lantern John Stewart standing there with a look of shock on his face "SHAYERA!" he yells in rage at seeing none other than his girlfriend-despite their relationship being EXTREMELY strained at the moment-getting fucked from behind by a spiky haired blonde man.
Not giving either person a chance to say anything in their defense John creates a sword construct from his ring and moves to attack the man only for the man to panic and cover the enraged lantern's face with his hand before suddenly the Lantern's head was blown apart coating the wall behind him in blood, bone, and brain matter before the body fell to the ground.
Naruto stared at the now headless corpse of John Stewart "Um should we clean that up?" he asks
"Later keep fucking me NOW!" Hawkgirl screams drunk on pleasure her wings flaring behind her as Naruto rails her from behind
(End Video)
"Holy shit!" Ivy said after seeing the video.
"I know right his dick was stretching her out so much and did you see the look on her face she was sporting a total Ahegao look!" Harley said in shock
"No I meant him offing the GL like that!...Wait what the fuck is an Ahegao?" Ivy asks
"Oh its a japanese term often used in Hentai and Doujin to refer to when a girl is fucked so hard/well that her eyes cross and her tongue hangs out due to the sheer amount of pleasure she is feeling frying her mind" Frank says casually.
"...Why the fuck do you know that?" Harley asked
"Hey I happen to enjoy watching Hentai as its the only media that has Tentacle Porn which is my kink given I am a freaking sentient plant" Frank says simply
"TMI Frank" Ivy shuddered at her plant
"Oh like you're one to talk! I know about your fetish of one guy and multiple women. Threesomes, foursomes, you even watched 1 man with 13 women." Frank shot out accusingly at his creator as he wasn't gonna be judged by her dammit!
"Hey if I'm gonna recruit my own crew maybe I should recruit him!" Harley said with a smile. After the failed robbery that turned out to be Penguin's nephew's bar mitzvah, she figured she needed a crew.
"... you sure that's a good idea Harls?" Ivy asked concerned.
"What? He got results when he broke us out of Arkham." Harley said with a shrug
"Yeah but he makes Blitzo look tame" Ivy said flatly as Naruto while he got results he tended to be pretty random and crazed.
"Nerd!" Frank said with a chuckle
"Frank, I will grow flower petals on you so help me!" Ivy shouted at the sentient plant.
"Oh how random can he be?" Harley asked
"Hey look at this! He just killed a college campus for saying he had white privilege!" Frank yelled as he brought up a new video that was published just now.
"Hahhahaha!" Harley laughed at this while she fell on her back and kicked her legs
"Goddammit I'm starting to wonder if he's worse than Joker" Ivy groaned as while Naruto was less to all life murderous he was twice as unpredictable.
Which was saying aaaaaa looooooootttttttt.
"I'm gonna go see if he drinks at Noonan's bar" Harley said as she got up and went to walk out the door.
"Don't let him access any of your holes" Frank said with a laugh
"..." Ivy looked at the plant with a twitching eyebrow before she snapped her fingers and pink flower petals started to grow on him.
"Ah! I give get these off!" Frank yelled squirming around
"Ivy get them off him" Harley said
"Thank you Har-" Frank sighed in relief
"In an hour or two" Harley said smirking
"You Bitch!" Frank yelled as Harley left the apartment
(Noonan's bar)
"Alright he's gotta be here somewhere" Harley said as she walked in to see a packed bar filled with villains and goons. She looked around but didn't see any trace of Overhaul.
"Dammit, maybe I can recruit some other people till he shows." Harley muttered
"What can I get ya?" a southern sounding bartender asked as Harley sat down
"Information if you got it." Harley said
"Sure what you looking for?" the bartender asked
"I'm looking for Overhaul. Got any ideas where he is?" She asked as while she would love to recruit people here Overhaul would be her first choice regardless
All sound in the bar suddenly stopped after she asked that question. Every single person in the bar, villain, henchman, random guy who stopped in for a drink, all of them looked at Harley.
"Business or pleasure?" the bartender asked with a raised eyebrow
"Ummm I guess business" Harley said confused on what the Bartender meant with pleasure.
"Ha! He probably isn't into the Clowns leftovers anyway!" a short man sitting near Harley yelled as he laughed
"Oh good it's cunt boy. How's the whole being tossed aside cause you fucked up going?" Harley smirked at the short man known as Dr Psycho
"Just peachy doll." Dr. Psycho bit out
"Look Harley you don't want to do business with Overhaul" the southern bartender warned "I once saw him splatter a man just for looking at him funny and then go to the man's house and get it on with his wife" The bartender said
"Good I need someone with a body count on my crew!" Harley said with a smile
"You're putting together a crew?" Dr psycho asked with a raised eyebrow
"Damn right!" Harley said happily
"Ahahahaha! Oh that's fucking rich! Joker's ex is gonna put together a crew! Ha!" Dr Psycho laughed derisively at her
"Oh quit being an ass" The bartender said with a roll of his eyes
"Oh stuff it shit face" Dr Psycho told him
The bartender's body suddenly shifted form as he spun around spraying brown muck everywhere. "I'm not shit face! I am the one and only Clayface" the now named Clayface said with a bow.
"Ah it's in my hair!" Harley shouted as Clayface's mud hit her
"Bet you say that a lot" Dr psycho said with a snicker
"Bite me midget!" Harley growled at the miniature telekinetic
"No thanks. You're not my type" Psycho smirked
"Anyway if your putting together a crew I would like to offer my services" Clayface said with a bow at Harley
"Hmmm I definitely could use a shapeshifter" Harley mused as clayface while not in the legion of Doom had some useful skills
"Wonderful! And if it helps I can recruit a hacker I know!" Clayface said happily
"Alright now I still gotta recruit Overhaul so let me know if he shows up!" Harley said as she handed Clayface her cell number
"Good the clown and the walking pile of shit. Such a wondrous team" Psycho bit out as he drank his beer.
"This your way of wanting on the team mini me?" Harley asked with a smirk knowing Dr psycho had nowhere to go now after the legion kicked him out.
"...Fine" Psycho growled as he followed knowing he had no other options now
(Back at Ivys)
Ivy sighed as she was watering plants. Worried for whatever Harley had planned for her crew. She had sent the woman to see the queen of fables and Harley was still determined to make a name for herself. Despite Ivy's warnings of the glass ceilings for female Villains.
"Hey Ives You said Overhaul was a neighbor right?" Harley asked as she walked into the apartment with Dr Psycho and Clayface
"….he lives across the hall" Ivy deadpanned
"Good he wasn't at the bar so this won't take long!" Harley shouted as she walked across the Hallway and booted open his door.
"Hey Overhaul! Join my crew!" Harley shouted as soon as the door opened from her kick. Revealing Naruto walking around his apartment nude and nude women strewn about his floor.
"Ok first of all you're paying for a new door and second of all I'm in the middle of a job already" Naruto shouted as he grabbed a robe and put it on
"Aw c'mon you're a heavy hitter and you could use some more fame as a villain. With your help we're all shoo ins to join the legion of doom"
"That group of circle jerks? Pass. It's a sausage fest with like 5 women. I prefer my own jobs. Way more fun" Naruto smirked as he gestured to a nude woman
"What jobs? Do you even make money?" Harley questioned as other than the breakout she hadn't seen him do jack shit
"I have a side business besides villainy clown babe. I get paid to give sexy women the grade A fucking they desperately need for some decent cash" Naruto smirked.
"…so you're a day hooker? Wow, how many STDs do you have?" Harley asked flatly
"Hey I am clean. I can heal myself with my power. And I am not a day hooker dammit!" Naruto shouted at the clown woman
"Name a few of your fucks" Harley told him
"Well there was Wonder Woman, Lois Lane, Vicki Vale, Starfire, Blackfire, Raven, Livewire, Hawkgirl, Vixen, Mighty Endowed, Powergirl, Supergirl, Talia Al Ghul–,
(30 mins later)
"Volcana, Ratcatcher 2, Killer Frost oh –" Naruto was still saying
"Ok I get it!" Harley yelled in frustration
"Hey it's not my fault, who knew so many heroines and villainesses and heck people known to associate with them needed fuckings so badly though Lane I could get, dating Superman can't be easy" Naruto said with a snicker
"Look beyond you being a man whore, you're still a heavy hitter I need for my team." Harley said
"Hmm… I've always kinda wanted to stick it to that bald dickbag Luthor, even after I did it with his sister and bodyguard… well if it's to be a pain in the ass I'm in"
"Cool! I have a heavy hitter working for me!"
"On one condition" Naruto smirked
"Not happening I just dumped Joker and I'm not looking for anyone" Harley said with a firm tone
"You dumped Joker? Good for you, let me guess he's a baby wiener haver" Naruto said as he patted her head
"Well he had that", Harley muttered "So what's the condition?" she asked
"Ha! I knew it. Anyways I just wanted to see if your crew would be willing to help me with a few side projects. I don't force women into my bed. If I wanted you in there I'd rather it be willing" Naruto chuckled
"Huh a villain with morals" Harley said with a chuckle of her own
"Some morals but not many. For instance if we get attacked by Robin I'll kill him. Little bastard cockblocked me and I want his damn head"
"Wait until he's 13 in a year or so then he's free game" Harley said as in her head teens were free reign to kill
"No dice! I want his damn head!" Naruto growled
"Aren't you worried about the public backlash?" Harley asked curiously
"... Does it look like I give a fuck what the public says?" Naruto asked with a flat tone
"So you're ok with being in the same boat as psycho?" Harley asked with a raised eyebrow
"…..fuck you got me there." Naruto admitted
"Besides it's just a year use that time to think of how you want to do it" Harley said with a evil grin
"Hmm maybe I could take his legs before then" Naruto muttered
"You wanna cripple him?" Harley asked
"He stabbed me and cock blocked me when I was with Sisters! He Deserves it!" Naruto shouted
"Ok I'll give ya that now let's go I have a heist to plan with my crew at Ives " Harley said with a nod as she went to leave the apartment
"Bitchin what are we robbing?" Naruto asked as he walked over still in his robe
"How do you all feel about petty vengeance? I'm going after Maxie Zeus" Harley grinned as she led Naruto into Ivy's apartment
"Fantastic, I hate that guy." Naruto said
"Why?" Clayface asked curiously
"Jackass ate my ramen. He deserves to die" Naruto said seriously
"What are we stealing from him anyway?" Psycho asked.
"Oh for fuck sake you recruited cunt boy?" Naruto asked
"Hey he was available I can't be too picky" Harley said with a dismissive wave of her hand
"Well anyways I'd like To steal His life personally," Naruto said with a growl as he held up his hand making the others around him back up.
"We're going after his most prized possession. We're stealing his gold medals" Harley said with a smile
"Cool I want a 25 percent cut and a bucket of chicken" Naruto said
"Hey if he gets a cut I want a cut" Psycho said
"There's four of us psycho. We split it equally and celebrate with chicken" Harley said as she rolled her eyes.
"And what roles will we all be playing for this heist?" Clayface asked
"You'll be a mailman Clayface to distract him while we sneak into his little palace." Harley told him.
"Mailman, I believe I can play that role. What are his motivations? Why is he a mailman?" Clayface asked theatrically
"Ugh this guy" Naruto groaned pinched his nose
"Why not just have Mr Destroy with a finger do it he can just destroy the palace and take everything from the rubble?" Psycho asked
"That takes all the fun out of it. Where's the suffering?" Naruto asked
"It's my plan and we're doing it my way!" Harley yelled with a pout
"Aww how adorable" Naruto snickered at her pout
"She may look cute but she's high maintenance" Ivy said flatly as she watered Frank
"Ain't that the fucking truth" Frank said
"Couldn't the same be said of you?" Naruto asked
"Ha! Nice one whiskers!" Harley cackled
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ivy asked with a glare.
"Well… you don't ever use any men and you only hang out with this adorable bat swinging chick, makes people think things" Naruto said
"... are you implying I'm a lesbian?!" Ivy yelled in shock
"But aren't you?" Frank asked"
"I'm bi you idiot! You already outed my fetish the other day, remember?!" Ivy yelled at her plant forgetting there were people over.
"Oh yeah, sorry but whisker's feet knocked me out some time ago before he showered" Frank said
"My feet don't smell" Naruto said with a annoyed look
"Then wash your dick man cause something reeked!" Frank yelled at him.
"At least I have one shit eater" Naruto yelled at the plant
"That was one time and on a bet!" Frank yelled
"Foxy, foxy focus we have a heist to do." Harley said
"Right right let me go get dressed, I'll meet you at Maxie's mansion in … 4 hours" Naruto said as he was still in the middle of a job.
"Make it one we're on a timetable you man whore!" Harley yelled at Naruto as he left
"So am I. They paid for 5 hours! I've been fucking em for 2 and a half" Naruto said before he slammed the door
"…..congrats Harley you now have a day hooker" Ivy told her friend with a deadpan tone
"At least he's a powerhouse" Harley said with a shrug
"And you and Ivy definitely didn't drool over him when you saw him naked" Frank smirked mockingly at them
"Frank I'm about to turn you into a fucking flower bouquet!" Ivy warned him
"Hey I'm not the one who was fingering her goddamn self shouting 'Overhaul! Overhaul!' 8 hours ago watching him fuck Hawkgirl on loop! That was you!" Frank yelled at Ivy
Ivy's face lit up crimson before she waved her hand and Frank's mouth disappeared
"Ah silence" Ivy said with a relieved sigh
"Ive?" Harley quirked an eyebrow at what Frank said
"Don't listen to him. He's spouting shit cause I didn't get him a ribeye steak for him to eat" Ivy said
"You gonna give him his mouth back?" Harley asked
"... Maybe later." Ivy shrugged as Frank kept struggling and swaying angrily
"... It is funny seeing him like that" Harley said as the two laughed
"I hope this heist is worth it. I already have a headache" Psycho grumbled
(1 hour later)
"You people are lucky I was able to reschedule with those ladies for after this. I had to throw in an extra hour though" Naruto grumbled
"You know if you were wanting I do a pretty good-" Clayface was saying
"Finish that sentence and I will turn you into mud" Naruto said with a firm tone
"Clayface for all of our sakes don't finish that thought" Harley said to the shapeshifter
"Sorry it's just when you can become either a guy or a woman it's–" Clayface was saying
"And my brain is now fried" Naruto said as he and Harley shook their heads
"Alright Clayface go do your mailman schtick" Harley said to him as they finally got to Maxie's palace
"Phew, phew, mailman" Clayface said as he became a generic mailman after psyching himself up.
"And we'll go around, after you my lady" Naruto said letting Harley go first
"... you just want to stare at my ass" she deadpanned
"Well it is a fantastic ass" Naruto admitted with a smirk
"Hmm I give it a 4, needs luster, OW" Psycho said as Harley hit him on the head
Harley sighed as she led the two around the palace. "Alright Overhaul use your alchemy" Harley told him
Naruto rolled his eyes as he took off his right glove and placed his hand on the wall which peeled back creating a well made doorway. For them to enter through.
"Huh, so can you turn things into well made materials? Harley asked curiously
"Yes. I can redistribute the material already there into different materials by manipulating its matter. Now after you" Naruto said gesturing for Harley and Psycho to go through
"So could you turn lead into gold?" Psycho asked curiously
"yea but that's too easy, I prefer Turning lead Into a pipe to break your shins if you ask stupid questions" Naruto said simply
"Geez and they say I have a bad attitude" Psycho said with a scowl
"Giganta didn't say that last night" Naruto smirked
"What?!" Psycho shouted angrily
"Shh!" Harley told them
"Look I'm pretty sure Clayface has the dickbag distracted and I'm 90 percent sure the medals are under his bed or something stupid since he's an arrogant twat" Naruto said simply
"Well then let's hurry up" Harley said
"You fucked my wife?!" Psycho growled
"Ex- wife now" Naruto said "and she calls me daddy" he smirked at the diminutive telepath
"Grrrr!" Psycho growled In a rage
"Psycho shut it, Over fox stop ticking him off" Harley said
"It's Overhaul on the job sweet cheeks." Naruto told her
Harley rolled her eyes before she looked under Maxie's bed. "Got 'em!" Harley said excitedly
"Good… give 'em to me so I can break 'em" Naruto said as he held out his hand
"We came to steal them not destroy them" Harley told him with a deadpan tone
"Oh….. I forgot" Naruto shrugged at his fellow villains. Dr. Psycho facepalmed at this. Hard.
"How do you forget our main goal you dumbass?!" Psycho groaned out angrily at Naruto.
"Hey I'm new to team's midget. But if you keep pissing me off I'll peel the skin off your dick like a banana, all 2 inches you whiny little bitch" Naruto told him with a glare
Harley snorted at this as she covered her mouth to stifle her laughter
"Fuck you ya man whore!" Psycho growled
"Rather be a man whore than a woman hating midget that could only get a date via mind control" Naruto smirked beneath his mask
"That was never proven!" Dr psycho bellowed out making it echo
"What was that?! Was that your cronies?! Who are you working for?!" Maxie's voice echoed
Naruto Harley and psycho approached the stairway and saw Maxie interrogating clayface disguised as a now hunchbacked ugly mailman who refused to talk
"Is it Joker?!" Maxie shouted as he threw Clayface to the ground
"Two Face?!" Maxie asked again as he dropped an elbow on Clayface by diving off his couch
"I'm sure he'll make a comeback any moment now" Dr. Psycho said nonchalantly
"Your cut is halved thanks to that mouth and alerting him to us half pint" Harley said as she readied her bat
"You Bitch!" Psycho growled
"Is it Riddler?! Is this about that money I owe him?!" Maxie roared as he stomped on Clayface
"Oh come on Riddler?! Like I would work for that mental case!" Naruto yelled as he took off one of his gloves and placed his palm on the staircase railing. Making a piece turn into a spear which he then tossed at Maxie who jumped away from the spear.
"Ah the newbie Overhaul! I see you have a crew now ….your choices aren't that good. A hateful midget, a pile of shit and a woman I declined having sex with" Maxie said as he looked at Psycho, Clayface and Harley
"First of all it ain't my crew shit for brains" Overhaul said boredly
"Yeah it's my crew! Also you declined?! Bitch please you're not even worth getting looked at by you, you pathetic sack of shit!" Harley yelled as she smashed one of Maxie's vases with her bat
"Heh you rejected him didn't you?" Naruto asked with a hidden smirk
"Well duh! How desperate do you think I am?" Harley yelled at her crew
"... do you want an actual answer or for us to lie?" Clayface groaned out from the floor to question
"I'll say it! Ow!" Psycho yelled as Naruto nailed him in the head with a rock
"Such a shame a worthwhile villain with a hero body count lowering himself to working for a villain sidekick." Maxie said shaking his head
"Better her than a meat headed rapist fuckwad like you." Naruto said boredly
"Let's see if your power is worth the hype. All I have to do is avoid your hands and destroy them" Maxie said with a grin as he punched his palm
"You could do that sure. Or I could just do this" Naruto said simply as he placed his palm on one of the palace walls. Suddenly the palace started to shake and quake
"What did you do?!" Maxie roared as rubble started to fall around him
"I can make my power work like a sickness. Your pathetic palace is slowly crumbling away. And soon you'll be buried under the monument of your own ego. Clawing your way out as your shattered dreams come crashing down upon you" Naruto said darkly
"Uh will this affect humans?" Psycho asked as the cracks from his attack made their way to them
"um…." Naruto said slowly
"you fucking idiot!" Psycho yelled
"Run the fuck away!" Harley yelled before psycho grabbed her and Clayface with his telekinesis and threw them all through the hole Naruto made and away from the crumbling palace. Naruto started to follow but he was grabbed by Maxie and thrown further into the middle of the room.
"You're not leaving here alive Overhaul. You thought you could step up to a god but now I'm gonna send you to Tartarus!" Maxie growled as he approached
"Heh I'm glad my team is out of range let's see how long a so-called God can last against the devil" Naruto said as he did something he hadn't ever done before. Ever seen by anyone. He removed the glove on his left hand.
"Oooo you removed your other glove? So scary" Maxie mocked
"Here's the thing, have you noticed how I only ever used my right hand? All the things I ever did involved it alone. Every single kill, every crime, every person I healed or gave a breast size increase was only ever done with my right hand"
"Yea so what?" Maxie yelled as he took a swing at Naruto who just dogged and grabbed his forearm with his left hand.
"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Maxie roared in agony and suffering as his arm slowly started to crumble away. Turning gray as it slowly turned to ash.
Till it slowly decayed
"My right hand holds my Overhaul power and my left well I like to call this Decay Naruto said with a vicious grin beneath his mask as he looked at Maxie as he walked towards him menacingly
"You dare harm a god-" Maxie was yelling before Naruto grabbed his face with his left hand
"I don't harm a god. I harm a false one. When you get to hell tell the devil I'll be coming for his throne" Naruto told Maxie as the Olympian villain crumbled and fell to pieces of bloody gore as he walked out of the crumbling mansion
"Wow… you really killed him." Clayface said
"I told you before. He ate my Ramen. He deserved it" Naruto said as he walked over to them
"I think you just got twice as terrifying than before" Psycho admitted as that was terrifying
"You are awesome!" Harley yelled with a mad grin
"I'm just happy these powers are activated on my will. Could you imagine if I had to live with them constantly activated?" Naruto asked with a shudder as he put on his gloves
"That'd make your sex life kinda bad always needing to wear something on a hand so you don't accidentally kill your chick" Psycho said with a shudder
"Yeah pretty sure getting disintegrated would be a mood killer for most women" Harley admitted
"So you have a guy to sell his medals to your boss?" Naruto asked with a smirk
"... I didn't think about that. I just wanted payback" Harley admitted
"Well you definitely got that" Clayface said as they looked at the destroyed mansion
"Want me to leave a little message so they know it was us?" Naruto asked as he readied his right hand on some rubble
"Absolutely!" Harley said with a grin
He placed his hand on the rubble and made indents into the stone.
"Don't fuck with Harley Quinn's crew. Or you'll rest in pieces just like Maxie Zeus"
"Great… let's go eat I got a hankering for chinese" Clayface said
"We agreed on chicken before this" Naruto said
"There's chicken in chinese food… right?" Clayface asked
"touche plus you did good not talking when that fuckwad interrogated you so I guess Chinese works…. I still want my chicken bucket at some point though" Naruto said
"Yeah! Plus I heard this place just came out with a new dish, it's ramen with chicken that you can dunk it into" Clayface said with a smile
"... at a chinese place?" Naruto raised an eyebrow as ramen was japanese
"I don't know, you see so many noodle joints you tend to get them confused." Clayface said with a shrug
"He's got a point there" Harley said with a nod
"Fine, where is this place? Also we should probably invite Ivy" Naruto said
"Let's just go before the cops arrive" Psycho said as they all heard sirens
"Cheese it!" Naruto yelled as he picked up Harley caveman style and ran off
"Wait put me down!" Harley ordered
"No time I'm numero uno on Gordon's capture list." Naruto
"Why?" Harley asked
"well…." Naruto was thinking
(flashback a few months ago)
Naruto was in a college dorm after he had had a wild night of sex with this freak redhead chick.
"Heh who knew Gordon's kid was such a wild one" Naruto chuckled as he saw he had scratch marks on his back
He put on his pants and opened the window and started to climb out of it but tripped and fell out of it and landed right on the ground
In front of a man in a trench coat with a mustache thus was commissioner gordon
"Sorry I fucked your daughter. She calls me daddy now" he said before he legged it the hell away from the cop
(Flashback end)
Everyone including Ivy who met up with them were sitting at a table staring at him at the Chinese restaurant after he told his story of why Gordon had a kill on sight order on him
And Harley was laughing madly from the story Naruto had just finished
"You are such a man whore" Ivy deadpanned
"Oh fuck that is awesome!" Psycho cackled
"Yeah she was kinky as hell. Wanted me to spank her with her father's golf clubs. I bent his entire set doing so" Naruto smirked as Harley and Psycho cackled even louder while Ivy groaned
"Hey guys look" Clayface said as a news report came on showing the rubble at Maxie Zeus's palace.
"And in tonight's news. Self proclaimed Supervillain Maxie Zeus was murdered tonight by a crew belonging to Overhaul using Harley Quinn as the scape goat leader" a female reporter named Tawny said
"What?! This is my crew dammit!" Harley yelled in a rage
"I don't care for being a leader. Memo to me give this reporter a piece of my mind or penis
"I want her dead! Fake news!" Harley yelled as she pulled out her bat
"Somebody stop her" Ivy said to the crew as Harley stood up
"No…wait….don't… it's not worth it" Naruto said flatly as he dug in his ear
"... you are such an asshole" Ivy told him
"Love you too red. It is my favorite color after all" he smirked at her
"Please" Ivy said with a scoff at this
"Oh c'mon you know you want me." Naruto smirked
"I'm not interested in the city dildo" Ivy said as she got up to leave
"Ok ow" Naruto said with a wince "oh well plenty of other women to wreck tonight. Maybe I'll go call Cheetah. Get freaky with a kitty" he smirked "side bar red you are officially the person who has ever done the most damage to me" Naruto said
"I'm honored" Ivy said flatly as she left
"Heh I'll get her eventually" Naruto smirked
"Please I bet 10 grand you won't get her within 6 months" Psycho said with a smirk as he saw this as easy money
"You're on chucky. Besides it only took me 1 to get your wife" Naruto smirked
"... we divorced yesterday" Psycho deadpanned
"I know" Naruto said with a evil grin
"God you are evil" Psycho growled out as he knew he didn't have a chance vs Naruto
"Thank you." Naruto said
"So who are we gonna kill next? Bane? Lex Luthor?" Clayface asked
"I don't kill mongoloids" Naruto said with a smirk
"Ha! oh God that's good! Psycho yelled as he laughed
"How about we go show a certain clown asshole we're bigger pains in the ass than him?" Clayface asked
"Hmmm I wouldn't do that Harley wants to rub the fact that she's a better villain in his face Ivy said as she came back into the restaurant dragging Harley behind her
"Then why don't we? With Overhaul Joker can't do shit to us." Psycho said with a scoff
"Yeah with him we could steal… Batman's utility belt for all we know." Clayface said with a excited grin
"Pass. If I steal things from heroes it's usually their life or in the case of heroines their bras and panties after I wreck em" Naruto said
"Can you seriously not be a perv for like 5 minutes?" Ivy asked with an eye roll
"How many ya got?" Psycho asked
"Nope. Besides, whenever you two want to go at it I'm down to eat some greens or sharing a creampie with a clown" Naruto smirked at the two villainesses " and I do love to eat... A lot" Naruto said before drinking some of his soup.
Harley rolled her eyes at this but chuckled a little 'he's honest at least' she thought to herself
Ivy rolled her eyes as well but had a very, very small tinge of pink on her cheeks. Mainly cause she wasn't used to being hit on so much so frequently.