Several people have mentioned that Harley is in fact immune to Ivy's poisons, which I didn't know, but it's a minor issue so I won't go correcting it. Lets just say that Ivy lied about that :P.
Other than that, I think I've already replied to all the reviews that needed replying. If I missed someone, then I apologize and invite you to PM me if you have questions.
With that out of the way, lets get to the actual chapter.
Clark Kent, also known as Superman, was awoken from his sleep by one of the couch cushin's sailing towards his head. He instinctively deflected it without really knowing what it was and surged to his feet in a ready stance, facing whatever enemy had attacked him in his home.
Still not fully awake, he assessed his attacker.
Female, white hair, dusky complexion, slitted red eyes, horns, taller than him and dressed in a manner that somehow managed to be both extremely provocative and highly dignified simultaneously.
"It's about time you woke up, I've been standing here, watching you drool into your pillow for the past 5 minutes. How did a meathead like you even survive to adulthood, much less become known as the strongest man alive?" Her voice would have been quite beautiful and melodious if it wasn't for the metaphoric acid dripping off her tongue.
"Wha?" He responded intelligently, completely off balanced. He had no idea how this demonic looking woman had managed to sneak into his apartment without waking him, not to mention that his brain was only now catching on to the fact that she apparently knew that he was Superman. Top that off with her insulting demeanor and you got one very befuddled superhero.
" 'Wha?' indeed you slack jawed monkey. Honestly, if this is what I'm supposed to rely on for aid, then I might as well just abandon hope."
Clark managed to get some of his wits about him and tried to salvage the situation. "I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm afraid you have the wrong person, I'm just a reporter."
"Of course you are, because it's normal for reporters to not panic when a horned woman breaks into their home. Not to mention that a pair of glasses is truly a disguise worthy of being recorded in song for the sheer genius of it. With such masterful camouflage, I can clearly see how you've managed to keep your identity secret from the hordes of retarded frog-monkeys infesting this world."
Clark could feel his face and ears burning from the merciless verbal assault, the caustically sarcastic tone harsh enough to burn a hole through solid rock. Nobody had ever taken him to task quite like that before. Personally he'd always though that his disguise was pretty clever, a hiding in plain sight type of thing.
Clearly, this strange woman considered it the height of idiocy.
Either way, it was obviously pointless to try keeping up the charade.
"Alright, you got me, I'm Superman. Might I have your name?" He said in his most charismatic manner and offered his hand, hoping to get the conversation away from things that would trigger her razor sharp tongue.
He didn't miss that she bore a remarkable similarity to Uzu, whom he knew to be Batman's latest problem in Gotham. Clark had offered to help, but Bruce could be quite stubborn about not accepting help when dealing with Gotham's problems. The League was still relatively new, so hopefully his bat themed colleague would eventually get used to the idea of cooperation on more than just the bigger issues.
Clark could see that his surprise visitor was visibly restraining herself from lashing out again when she spoke. "Xanna."
He lowered his hand awkwardly when it became clear that she had no intention of shaking it. He chastised himself for a moment when he considered that she was obviously not native to Earth, so a handshake was probably not something she was familiar with.
In reality, Xanna was perfectly aware of the custom of handshaking, she was just making things harder than they needed to be.
"You said you needed help?" Clark gratefully seized on the opportunity to move past the awkward moment and go into familiar territory.
"You alone will be insufficient, gather your 'Justice League' first, I have no desire to repeat myself." Xanna commanded.
Clark blinked, but nodded. This strange woman's abrasive attitude was starting to get on his nerves, but he couldn't argue that she had a point.
Batman made his way towards the central meeting area in the watchtower, knowing that he would be the last to arrive.
The call from Superman had come at a time that was both convenient and inconvenient. On one hand, he would be able to brief everyone on the threat of Uzu, whom he had admitted to himself that he couldn't handle alone. On the other hand, if some other pressing crisis had come up, he was going to have to let the horned blond to as he pleased until it was resolved, which he was not in the slightest bit happy about.
He stopped in surprise when he saw that in addition to the other members, there was also a stranger present.
A stranger with features that were eerily similar to his current problem.
"What's going on?" He demanded.
He'd been unable to determine what exactly Uzu was. On the surface, he looked like a demon, but he didn't act like any demon that Batman had ever encountered or heard of and now there was this sudden appearance of a woman with the same features.
"Batman, this is Xanna. She showed up in my apartment in the middle of the night, saying that she needed help, but she didn't want to repeat herself, so we don't know what with yet." Superman explained.
"I don't need someone that puts his underwear on the outside speaking for me you hairless ape." Xanna snapped at him.
Superman winced but kept his calm. He'd dealt with difficult people before and he knew that losing his temper wouldn't do any good.
Flash laughed at the verbal asskicking directed at Superman. The strange(but incredibly hot) horned woman had aimed a few barbs at the Kryptonian before Batman's arrival, but this had been a bit more vicious than before. "The sexy lady has a point big guy, it does look like you put your underwear on over your pants."
Flash found a frigid crimson gaze directed at him for the comment, holding his attention hostage as she enunciated with a sense of finality. "If you had sexually harassed me like that on my homeworld, I would have had you flogged until there was a puddle of blood around your feet."
Flash swallowed nervously, a bead of sweat rolling down his face. "Ehehe, sorry?"
"And you have no ground to speak either way...You entire suit looks like a giant set of underwear. How you can go anywhere dressed like that without dying of shame escapes my understanding." She continued to speak with disdain, completely ignoring his apology.
Xanna kept a haughty and disdainful expression on her face, no matter how amused she was at the looks she was getting due to the torrent of vitriol she was bombarding them with. She'd been a bit doubtful over Naruto's plan to screw with these people, but so far it was working marvelously. Naruto's original idea had been for her to act like an innocent girl seeking help, but Xanna knew that she wouldn't have been able to pull that off convincingly. Thus, she'd gone with the persona of an ultra bitchy and self entitled princess.
"Excuse me, but could we get to the point?" Green Lantern said impatiently.
"I was getting to the point, but then someone decided to flap their monkey jaw, display their blunt monkey teeth and speak out of turn." She retorted scathingly.
"Now listen here-" Green Lantern began to say back but was interrupted by Superman, who could already see this devolving into an insult slugging contest.
"Settle down, lets just allow the lady to speak." He said with a hand on Lantern's shoulder, who was obviously fuming at the insult.
"Herbivores, thinking that they have a right to talk back to me just because they've managed to evolve enough to develop sentience by some miracle." Everyone heard Xanna muttering to herself disdainfully.
Visibly gathering herself, she started explaining why she needed their help, or rather...she started explaining the bullshit story that she and Naruto had concocted.
"I am the princess of my people, the Mazoku, hailing from the planet of Makai."
"The Tribe of Devils from the Demon World?" Batmam questioned, not letting any of his incredulity show.
"What?" Xanna responded flatly, making an expert show of being surprised. They had expected this to come up, just not so soon. Apparently Batman spoke Japanese.
"That's what those words mean in Japanese, Mazoku means 'Tribe of Devils' and Makai means 'Demon World'." Batman explained.
"Ungrateful apes. Why did we ever bother with this species?" Xanna once more muttered before explaining. "My people came to this world, more precisely to the country you now know as Japan, a long time ago and taught them some of our skills, language, traditions and religion. Apparently they didn't appreciate it and started calling us demons once we left."
"Can't imagine why." Lantern muttered sarcastically, earning himself another glare from Xanna.
"Anyway, I am being pursued by the strongest of my people and he has tracked me here." Well, any straight up battle between her and Naruto would be a stalemate since they were both immortal, but she was still a good bit stronger than her husband. Telling them that would ruin the joke though.
"Uzu?" Batman guessed.
"Yes. My mother the queen sent me here because she heard of the supposed power of Superman and this 'Justice League' of yours and thought that you would be able to safeguard me from him." Xanna had to struggle mightily not to snort at the idea of needing protection from Naruto. Even so, she was weaving a subtle Genjutsu to make them more trusting.
Wonder Woman was intrigued by the knowledge of another kingdom apparently ruled by women and resolved to ask Xanna some questions about it later, even if she did find the horned female's attitude appalling.
Superman rationalized to himself that her prickly attitude was a combination of stress from being hunted and natural arrogance due to being royalty.
"Why would he be chasing you?" Batman questioned further, the others letting him do his thing as he was the best interrogator among them.
"Nobody has ever heard him outright state the reason, but we believe it is because I am the current holder of the Magatama of Yasakani and thus, the Mirror of Yatta." At this point she gestured to the softly glowing magatama necklace that she was wearing just for show. "If he were to kill me, ownership of them would pass to him and empower him greatly." She inserted just the right amount of thinly concealed unease into her voice to make it seem sincere.
Seeing their terse expressions on her behalf, it was all Xanna could do not to crack up laughing.
Damnit, this is harder than I thought it would be.
What's wrong my dear? I thought you were a goddess that can do anything. Naruto's teasing tone responded to her through their mental link.
Shut up husband, you got the easy part of this plan so you have no right to comment. She retorted.
"What do these items do?" Superman asked.
"The mirror is a magical construct that is capable of deflecting any kind of energy attack, but it requires the necklace in order to be used." She explained and formed a golden barrier between her hands.
She once again had to keep her face from showing the amusement she was feeling at their looks of interest. Honestly, show them something shiny and everyone starts gawking. Though the explanation of the Yatta Mirror was remarkably close to the truth, except for the fact that it was a Susanoo technique. The necklace she was wearing was nothing more than a shiny prop.
"The sword that Uzu carries...is it the sword of Kusanagi?" Batman asked shrewdly.
"I see legends of the items have persisted despite the passing of time. Yes, it is the sword of Kusanagi, the sword that pierces and severs all things. Uzu has taken it by force from it's previous wielder. Now he desires the other two items to complete the set." Well...Orochimaru was not exactly it's previous wielder if you counted Tenten, but that wasn't relevant right now.
She and Naruto had seen pictures of the three 'Japanese Imperial Regalia' and it had caused them much hilarity. The rusted piece of crap that passed for the Kusanagi in this dimension in particular had been the source of many chuckles.
"Wait wait, if you're a princess, don't you have guards to protect you?" Flash butted in.
"I was wondering about that myself." Hawkgirl added with Wonder Woman nodding along.
"Normally the royal guard would be enough to protect me, but they are insufficient to stop Uzu." Xanna responded.
"Why?" Batman asked simply.
Xanna sighed, as if it was a difficult subject. In reality she was forcing down her amusement at the crap she was about to feed them.
"Uzu was once a Sage of the Six Paths, a priest and a holy man, but something happened to shake his faith. He turned his back on the path of enlightenment and instead began to walk the heretical Outer Path, gaining many supernatural powers at the cost of his soul being forever lost in darkness once he dies...if he dies. With the powers now under his command, none of my people have the strength to match him. He has even begun to believe himself a god whose purpose was to slay all evil in the mortal world. He is likely seeking the artifacts in my keeping in order to make this easier to achieve."
When Naruto had proposed that she tell them this little piece of fiction, she had burst out laughing in his face. The mere idea of Naruto being a holy man was just so absurd that anyone who had known him for even five minutes would have dismissed it out of hand.
"That certainly sounds like him." Batman said.
"You've already encountered him?" Xanna asked with faked sharpness.
"Yes, he's been going through the criminals in Gotham like a harvester, but he said he was only doing it to keep himself busy until he finishes what he's come here to do, which I'm guessing is finding you."
Xanna nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak without sounding amused.
"What can you tell us about him Batman?" Wonder Woman asked.
"He's very powerful, strong enough to break a carbon polymer wire with a little effort and fast enough to dance circles around us. He can command trees to grow out of nothing, form freely controlled chains out of his body and apparently create a buddhist staff out of some kind of malleable black substance at will as well as other things most likely. He's also very durable, nothing that I or my sidekicks did even scratched him. He wasn't even taking us seriously, so I can't be sure if he showed us all of his powers."
"What about his personality?" Green Lantern asked.
"He's a shameless pervert." Batman stated instantly, causing some incredulous blinking. "He spent most of the fight making lewd propositions to Batgirl and cracking jokes. If he wasn't an unrepentant killer, I would say that he was like an extreme version of Flash."
"Did you just make a crack at me?" Flash asked incredulously, only to receive a stone faced stare in return.
There were a few moments of silence before Superman spoke. "Are we all in favor of helping protect princess Xanna from Uzu?"
Everyone nodded their agreement. The question was just a formality, as they would obviously help, but it needed to be said.
Xanna's face showed some carefully faked relief and she spoke to them with a fake grudging tone before moving away. "Thank you."
Once the horned woman was gone, Batman turned towards the one member of the league that had remained silent the entire time. "J'onn, was she telling the truth?"
"I cannot say, her mind is completely shielded. If I wasn't looking at her, I would say that she wasn't even there." The Martian replied.
"Strange for a princess to have that kind of mental shielding." Batman said suspiciously.
"It could be training given to the royal family or even a hidden function of those artifacts she mentioned. If I had to guess though, I would say that it is natural to her species, as I have been unable to locate Uzu through telepathy as well." J'onn deflected, not ready to call her a liar based on that alone.
Batman merely gave a slight grunt in response.
A considerable distance away, in the room that they had given her aboard the Watchtower, Xanna was smirking.
Batman was so distrusting and suspicious that he didn't even trust the sense of trust that her subtle Genjutsu had inspired in him. That was impressive in a twisted kind of way. He would have fit right in if he had found himself in the Elemental Nations.
Well...he would fit in if he wasn't so hellbent on avoiding killing...and if he could resist the urge to dress up as a bat.
"Either way, we need to find this guy and stop him as soon as possible, we have no idea what he's going to get up to now." Green Lantern stated firmly, getting nods of agreement from everyone.
"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored." Naruto chanted as he lay on the Mokuton grown bed that he and Xanna had broken in just before she had gone to break into Superman's apartment in the city of Metropolis. "No bad guys to kill, no heroes to mess with and no sexy wife to sleep with. I'm in hell." He bemoaned to himself melodramatically.
Alright, so maybe he was overreacting slightly, but he justified it to himself with the fact that he hadn't been truly separated from Xanna in ten years.
"What to do, what to do? I know that I'm supposed to lay low for a little bit before getting the Justice dorks to fight me, but there has to be something I can do." He muttered to himself.
Suddenly he surged upwards into a sitting position as an idea manifested in his mind.
He started laughing to himself as he decided that he was going to do it. "Naruto old boy, you're a genius."
He frowned. "And I need to stop talking to myself, it's creepy as fuck."
Naruto whistled as he looked around the batcave.
"Quite the setup he's got down here, gloomy as hell though."
It had been beyond easy to track the bat family here through their life signatures. That was also how he knew that there was nobody down here right now.
"Alright, since I'm here I might as well brighten this place up a bit. This one's for you Sakura."
Closing his eyes and focusing on what he wanted, he made trees grow around the gloomy cave. They didn't grow anywhere where they would be in the way, but every other surface was fair game.
Within a minute, the batcave was looking far more welcoming due to the sudden preponderance of sakura trees in full bloom. There was pink everywhere, on the branches, swirling through the air and littering the floor.
He especially made sure that the cherry blossoms would be sustained through his chakra instead of needing the sun. He might also have made them in such a way that they would be in permanent bloom and constantly regrow the pink petals.
He may or may not have also discreetly planted a few seals in the cave so that a constant slight breeze would carry the petals around in the air to give the whole place a magical pink princess atmosphere.
As a finishing touch, he placed a top of the line sex doll(which he'd stolen) on the chair in front of the humongous computer and then attached a note to her cleavage.
Dear Batman,
I couldn't help noticing that you seemed rather stressed during our last encounter, so I wished to render my assistance. This fine young lady is named Emily and she is willing and eager to help you relieve some stress. You seemed like the type to like dark haired girls, so that was what I got you, aren't I a great friend?
Best regards, Uzu.
P.S. I hear that it's unhealthy to be constantly surrounded by gloom, so I endeavoured to brighten things up a bit.
Nodding to himself in approval, he teleported to the manor for the other prank, vanishing from the batcave with a distortion of air.
Alfred blinked in shock as he saw the very tall, horned man walking through Wayne Manor as if he owned it. He'd just now seen this very same man turn the batcave into a garden of cherry blossom trees on one of the cameras, but he didn't even get a chance to say anything before the man noticed him and approached.
Naruto had already pegged the elderly man as the very textbook definition of classy and decided on a somewhat different approach than normal.
"Excuse me good sir, but could you please direct me to the master bedroom?" he asked politely, complete with a slight bow.
"I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave sir, you are trespassing on private property." Alfred replied through his befuddlement, falling back on manners and protocol when all else failed.
"I'm afraid I cannot do that sir, I am on a mission you see and that mission takes me to the master bedroom." Naruto countered with a grin that displayed many sharp teeth.
"If I may ask, why did you grow all those sakura trees in the batcave?" Alfred asked in an effort to gain control of the conversation.
"I thought I'd liven up the place. You know, add a lady's touch." Naruto explained.
"You sir, are no lady." Alfred countered.
"Well spotted sir, I can see you're a fan of the anatomical sciences too. We'll get along just fine I'll wager, my name is Uzu." The horned blond said and offered his hand.
"Alfred Pennyworth, a pleasure." The aged butler replied and shook the offered hand, unable to bring himself to be rude despite the situation.
"It was a delight meeting you Alfred, but I really must be on my way to the master bedroom."
"Only master Bruce is permitted entry to the master bedroom, so I cannot grant you that request. Now I really must insist that you leave sir, or I will call the police."
"Feel free to do so good sir, I will find the master bedroom myself and be long gone by the time the police get here, making you look crazy if you tell them that there is a horned man breaking into Bruce Wayne's bedroom."
Alfred opened his mouth to answer, but failed to come up with anything to say in response. Not that it would have helped, as Naruto had long since moved on by then.
Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Wonder Woman and Flash were looking around the batcave incredulously, not quite able to believe the overflow of pink in it.
The bat trio had each received an intruder alarm and Batman had brought along Wonder Woman and Flash in case it was Uzu. The others had stayed in the watchtower to protect Xanna in case it was a diversion of some kind.
"Uh...Batman, " Flash called from the computer. "seems like Uzu left you a present."
While Batman read the note on the sex doll in teeth grinding irritation, Wonder Woman inspected it curiously.
"What is this? Why would anyone want to create an artificial woman?"
"Umm, it's a sex doll...some desperate men who can't find any willing female company buy them to...uh...satisfy their urges." Flash explained with extreme amounts of awkwardness. This was not a conversation he had ever envisioned having and it was made doubly bad because he was having it with princess Diana of the Amazons.
Wonder Woman looked predictably disgusted and affronted. "Just when I think that men can't sink any lower, they find ways to prove me wrong. No wonder mother always told me that Man's World is a place full of depravity."
She understood that there was worth in men too, her new friends proved it, but seeing something like this really brought home how perverse men could be.
Flash nervously rubbed the back of his neck, having absolutely nothing to say in defense of his gender at this point in time.
Batgirl and Robin remained silent and shuffled around awkwardly. The palpable aura of anger surrounding Batman was not conducive to conversation.
Batman's mood did not improve when the group made its way to the master bedroom.
"What are these?" Wonder Woman asked cautiously as she inspected the objects that Uzu had apparently left on Bruce Wayne's nightstand. She vividly recalled the explanation she'd received earlier for the sex doll down in the batcave and she had a bad feeling that it was going to be something similar this time.
"They're...um..." Flash started explaining and directed pleading looks towards the bat family, clearly asking someone else to take over, only to receive stony silence in return.
"They're what?" Wonder Woman repeated flatly. By this point she'd noticed that they bore a rather striking resemblance to the genitalia of male horses.
Seeing that there would be no salvation, Flash's shoulders slumped and he explained the purpose of Uzu's 'presents'.
"They're called dildos, some women use them to pleasure themselves if they don't have or don't want a man. Though in this case, Uzu left them to imply that Batman is sexually interested in men." He said in a dull monotone, inwardly swearing vengeance on a certain horned blond for putting him in this situation twice already.
"I see that even the women are perverse in Man's World." She muttered to herself and pointedly looked away.
Batman ignored the by-play between his fellow Justice League members and instead picked up the note that Uzu had left next to the dildos. This juvenile prank actually upset him less than what had been done to the batcave...though it didn't mean he was happy about it.
I left these in case you are of a more...fruity persuasion.
P.S. If Batgirl is there with you, then remember that sharing is caring.
P.P.S. Actually, nevermind. I'll go to her apartment and give her something of her own, something special.
"We have to get to my apartment! We might be able to catch up to him." Batgirl urged, having read the message as well. Aside form wanting to catch him, she was also rather apprehensive of whatever perverted crap Uzu might leave at her place.
"Agreed." Batman responded and they made their way there without another word.
It was most probably a trap, but they couldn't just ignore it either.
The team of heroes cautiously entered the apartment of Barbara Gordon, wary of any possible traps despite the previously harmless nature of the pranks left by Uzu.
At first glance, there didn't seem to be anything different than normal, but they knew better than to assume that. That caution was rewarded when they made their way to her bedroom.
Wonder Woman entered first, being the most sturdy of them.
For several seconds after she entered, nothing happened, allowing Batman to enter behind her without issue. Without warning, her leg was snagged by something and it started pulling her to the other side of the room.
Her cry of surprise allowed Batman to avoid getting grabbed and he moved to help her.
"By Hera! What are these things?!" She exclaimed as she pulled her leg out of the hold of the veiny, purple and decidedly phallic looking creepers.
"You don't want to know." Batman grunted as he threw a batarang at a creeper that had grabbed her arm, cutting it and spraying viscous purple fluid everywhere. He absolutely refused to call them tentacles even in his head.
He'd spent a lot of time in Japan, so he knew exactly what had inspired Uzu to do this.
"It's like a bad hentai." Robin grunted as he used a grappling hook to tie up a group of creepers.
"I was trying real hard not to think about that." Flash shot back, using some wire that he'd borrowed from Batgirl to tie up more of them, while she threw batarangs to cut them. The small space effectively made his speed useless, aside from using his arms to speed-cut the occasional creeper.
"We need to destroy that pod over there! That's where they're growing from!" Batman called out, pointing at the disgustingly pulsating pod that was apparently attached to a shadowy corner of the room.
"The problem is getting there." Batgirl snapped angrily, desperately trying to keep her limbs free of the persistent growth. She firmly kept herself from thinking of the fact that they seemed to be aiming for their groins and faces.
"Enough of this!" Wonder Woman roared and launched herself at the pod, the creepers not being strong enough to stop her. She smashed a kick into it with as much strength as she could muster and destroyed it in a spray of disgusting purple fluid, coating all of them from head to toe.
"I am not even going to ask what a hentai is, or how it is related to this vile thing." The Amazon princess said with eerie calm, but she was clearly angry as she wiped the purple gunk off her face.
Flash thanked god for small mercies. The absolute last thing he wanted to explain to her was the freaky shit that the Japanese came up with.
"I'm going to kill him." Batgirl stated with simple finality that belied her boiling rage. "I don't care if we're not supposed to kill, that bastard is going to die a slow and painful death."
She was going to have to move because of this. There was no way that she would be able to sleep here again without being afraid of getting tentacle raped in the middle of the night, not to mention that her entire bedroom was soaked with whatever that purple stuff was.
Unlike Wonder Woman, she didn't have the comfort of not knowing what exactly the creepers were supposed to be.
"I agree, Uzu is clearly a sick man and needs to die for spawning this abomination." Diana said in support of the plan to murder the horned blond, almost as angry as Barbara.
She might not know the full context of what had just happened, but the theme of the earlier pranks and the behavior of the creepers was enough of a clue.
The males stayed silent as they wiped their faces. They weren't going to go for the kill the way that the women were clearly determined to at the moment, but they certainly wouldn't try too hard to save him if Uzu were to somehow find himself in mortal danger.
Besides, they knew better than to argue with a woman in the throes of righteous fury.
The clone that had been watching invisibly from inside the closet chose that moment to pop silently.
Hours later
Naruto was bored again.
The memories that the clone had transferred back to him had been worth a good many chuckles, but there was only so long that you could be amused by something like that by yourself.
Though the fact that Wonder Woman had been present made the whole thing even funnier. Her reaction to his mutant hentai creeper plant had been priceless, even though she had cut the joke short. His clone had been controlling the thing from the closet and would have stopped it from actually doing anything aside from freaking the bat family out, but seeing them all covered in what Naruto referred to as 'hentai juice' had been even more amusing.
It made him wish that he had bothered to make clones to observe their reactions to his previous two pranks as well.
He and Xanna had come across the strange perversions that the humans here(the Japanese especially)had come up with while they were getting to know this world.
Xanna had facepalmed at the sheer bizzarity of some of it and muttered something uncomplimentary about humans.
Naruto thought that a lot of it was hilarious and had made a note of the funnier ones for the future, though some of it even he wouldn't touch. People who got their jollies by getting pissed or shat on disturbed him more than anything he had ever encountered by a large margin.
Xanna had flat out stated that if they ever encountered someone like that, that she would kill them without hesitation. It was by far the most disgusting thing that she had ever seen or heard of and considering her age, that was saying something.
But that was all in the past, in the present Naruto was once again bored.
He'd tried to get Xanna to have a mental conversation with him so that she could tell him about what was going on in the Watchtower, but she was firmly blocking him. The feeling of amusement she had been projecting every time that she had ignored him made him think that she knew how bored he was and was doing it just to mess with him.
He knew that she had done a lot more waiting than he had to, but they hadn't been separated like this at the time. Not to mention that she was a lot older than him and therefore a lot more patient by sheer necessity.
Both of them figured that just leaving a clone on the Watchtower would probably be a bad idea. It no doubt had sensors or whatever that would detect if she was suddenly duplicated or replaced by a wood clone or something.
At the very least, the waiting would be over soon. While Xanna worked on building up some more trust with the Justice League, he was to make a few minor appearances in the next few days and then top it off with another supervillain slaughter to provoke them into a fight.
Sighing in boredom, Naruto did something that he hadn't done in a long time.
He started meditating.
Almost right away something became obvious to him.
This world was old, far older than the Elemental Nations had been. Having never been able to compare it to anything before, he hadn't noticed just how young his original world was, but now it seemed so ridiculously obvious.
The slowly accumulating natural energy was very thick, though the various cities and deserts dotting the world counteracted that somewhat.
As he narrowed his focus to his immediate area, he noticed a life signature that was somehow both human and plant-like moving around in an area that he recognized as a spot where he had grown a few Mokuton trees just for kicks. Trees which were definitely not native to the area. It amused him to think that it would probably confuse the hell out of some botanist in the future.
He hadn't taken time to closely inspect her life signature when he'd met her in Arkham, but he was sure that it was Poison Ivy and she was apparently searching for him.
Naruto grinned to himself. It was either see what she wanted or wait until boredom compelled him into another wave of pranks.
Poison Ivy stared with undisguised fascination at what seemed to be a section of dense rainforest that belonged in Africa in what was otherwise a perfectly normal stretch of forest on the very outskirts of Gotham.
This was far beyond what she'd imagined Uzu to be capable of. She'd thought that his power was like hers, just an ability to speed grow and mutate plants, though perhaps on a greater scale. But this...this was nothing short of creating life out of literally nothing.
She was perhaps the only one who was capable of feeling the fact that all of these trees had the exact same feel to them, which must be a consequence of Uzu creating them.
She was broken out of her thoughts when something pinched her butt, causing her to yelp and jump forward reflexively.
Spinning around, she beheld a wooden arm growing out of the ground, which once again caused her jaw to drop. Her shock at the wooden limb was not lessened when it gave her a thumbs up.
She had the distinct feeling that she'd just been complimented on the firmness of her rear end.
Before she managed to get her wits about her and do something(though she wasn't sure what exactly), the hand pointed deeper into the small forest.
"Is that where he is?" She asked the hand.
The hand remained frozen in the same pointing position, looking as motionless as any tree.
She rolled her eyes at herself after a moment before muttering to herself and going in the direction it was pointing in. "I'm talking to a hand, of course it can't hear me."
A good twenty minutes of walking and several more pointing wooden hands later, she finally caught sight of the horned blond that she'd been looking for.
He was reclining in the middle of what appeared to be two wide tree roots covered in a thick layer of moss, grown into the shape of a reclining chair.
"Yo." He said with a short hand wave and then placed his hands back behind his head and closed his eyes.
Poison Ivy felt rather nonplussed by the lazy greeting and responded awkwardly. "Hi."
"Have a seat." He offered, roots rising up to form another, similar chair right next to the one he was lounging on.
Though fascinated by the fact that the roots didn't seem to be attached to any actual trees, she didn't make any fuss over it, getting comfortable in the offered seat instead.
"This is remarkably comfortable." She commented.
"That's the idea." He agreed. "I wasn't expecting company so I don't have much to offer you, but there's water in that pod over there if you're thirsty." Naruto added and pointed at a nearby branch from which a bulging pod was hanging.
Feeling slightly disturbed by the completely genial atmosphere and the clear disregard for her as a threat, Ivy used her own powers over plants to move the branch closer so that she could take a few mouthfuls of the surprisingly refreshing water.
The only thing it garnered her was an amused look that she couldn't match for very long. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't look at the creepy slitted gaze without becoming unnerved.
"So..." She started awkwardly, not really knowing how to start a conversation. She'd sought him out because her curiosity over his powers had become uncontrollable, but it wasn't going the way that she had thought it would. She'd figured that he would have taken control of the conversation and she would get to learn a few things in the process. Normally she wouldn't have walked into a situation where she would be so heavily disadvantaged, but she felt that it was safe enough to do since he'd already spared her life once.
"Yeees?" He drawled with a smirk, finding her discomfort rather amusing.
She huffed irritably at his tone and decided to just push her discomfort aside. "You're doing this on purpose aren't you?"
"You got me." He admitted. "I was actually feeling really bored and you came at just the right time to save me from it. I couldn't resist messing with you a bit."
"Well I'm so glad to be used as amusement for you." She retorted with some sarcasm.
"You make it sound so dirty." He teased. "If anyone heard you saying it like that, they would think I keep you around on a leash or something, not that I'd be opposed to seeing you in a leash if you're into that kind of thing."
A hint of color rose to her cheeks but she refused to get flustered so easily so she merely huffed at him again. "Pervert."
"You're damn right I'm a pervert." Was the proud reply.
"You're not at all like I thought you'd be based on the first time we met." She said after getting over her minor shock at his shameless response.
"An easy mistake to make I'm sure." He told her soothingly. "I was carrying a bloodstained sword at the time after all."
The words caused her to glance at the sword that was leaning against a nearby tree, looking incredibly innocuous for an item that had taken the lives of some of the most dangerous men on the planet.
"How's your friend doing?" He asked suddenly.
"She's...getting better I think. I'm not sure what the Joker did to her, but it left her dependant on him to a large degree. She seems to be pulling herself together though."
"That's good, it's always a shame to see a pretty girl so screwed up."
"Just pretty girls?" She asked dryly.
"Well...I suppose it'd be a shame for anyone to be that screwed up, but you may have picked up on the fact that I've got a bit of a soft spot for cute girls." Naruto admitted.
Ivy let out a small snort at that. From what she could see, he had more than just a bit of a soft spot.
"So Pamela, " She raised an eyebrow at the use of her real name, but made no issue of it."should we talk about what nice weather we're having next, or are you going to get to the point of your visit?"
She took a deep breath and got to the point, as he had suggested. "Your powers."
"You're talking about my Wood Release I'm guessing?"
"If that's what you call your ability with plants." She confirmed.
"Yeees, what about it?" He drawled, smirking at her in amusement.
"How did you get it?" The redhead pressed.
"Stole it from a dead man." He replied blithely.
Blinking in surprise at the odd answer, she continued her questioning. "Who?"
"Senju Hashirama."
Pamela frowned, the name being completely unfamiliar. It sounded Japanese, but that didn't mean anything to her. She'd thought that she knew about every noteworthy botanist or anyone who wielded powers even the slightest bit similar to hers. "I've never heard of him."
"I would have died of shock if you did." He was openly grinning at her now.
"You're not really going to tell me anything are you?" She deadpanned.
"I'm quite sure that you didn't really expect me to." He countered, still grinning.
"How about telling me why you think it's useless to defend nature then?" Pamela said, going for a different angle.
"Ooh, a philosophical discussion! I haven't had one of those in years." Naruto answered with some excitement. "But what gave you the idea that I think it's useless to defend nature?"
"You said that no matter what I do, my impact is going to be minimal." She argued.
"Well of course it's going to be minimal, you're only going to live for a short while after all. No matter how much you manage to achieve, it probably won't take more than two hundred or so years at the most for it all to be wiped away. That's the way it is for mortals."
"Not if I can get rid of all the humans." She muttered darkly.
"I strongly doubt your ability to wipe out six billion humans." Naruto said with dry amusement. "And even if you did, there's plenty of aliens out there who would be more than willing to take over for them."
"Fine then, how would you defend nature?" She asked challengingly.
"If I was in your shoes, I would try to use your unique position as being able to commune with nature as a rallying point for the various environmentalist organizations, get them more credibility. Your illustrious criminal career may have been a quick and easy way to do things, but in the long term it's just made you out to be a psychopath."
"That would never work." She scoffed back. "The world leaders only see nature as a thing to be exploited. Environmentalist groups are being humored at best while they continue to destroy entire forests in their greed."
"I'll give you that, they really are overdoing it with the deforestation and there are no doubt plenty of people that would try to get you to use your powers to grow more forests for them to cut down."
Pamela's face twisted in disgusted horror at the mere thought of it.
"Honestly, there aren't any good answers. Humans are pretty stupid creatures by nature. If everyone had simply focused on protecting what they have instead of trying to take from others, there would have been no need for war, but that's just wishful thinking."
Pamela looked oddly at the horned blond, who had apparently gone on something of a tangent at the end there and now seemed lost in thought.
"So what...you're saying I should just give up hope?" She asked with some heat in her tone.
"Hmm? Oh no, not at all, I'm just saying that I don't have the answer. The only way to really prevent people from doing stupid things is to either lock them all up or wipe them out, but that's not really a solution."
They lapsed into silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Pamela started to feel a bit depressed after the conversation she'd just had. Most of the time she avoided thinking of the enormity of the task she'd set for herself, but it had all been brought up during their talk.
Despite her powers, she was just one person, there was no way that she would be able to keep nature safe all over the world. At best, she would be able to safeguard a single, small area and even then only if the rest of humanity didn't make a concerted effort to destroy it.
"I could take it away you know, if you wanted." Naruto said softly.
"Take what away?" She asked in confusion.
"You powers. I'm pretty sure that I could turn you back into a normal human and you wouldn't carry this burden anymore." He explained, causing her jaw to drop in shock.
He waited patiently while she gathered her wits and pondered whether she hated her condition or not.
"If you can do that...why didn't you already do it? You killed just about everyone else in Arkham, but you didn't want to kill me and Harley because we were women. You could have just taken away my powers instead of letting me go and risking that I would go back to being a villain." She managed to say, her tone still stunned.
Naruto raised an eyebrow at her, seeing that she had apparently misunderstood his actions. "I didn't spare you because you're girls. If I felt that you were the type to do evil just for the hell of it, then I would have killed you regardless of that."
"But I've killed people before and so has Harley." She said back, honestly confused.
"I'm not some uptight superhero in a silly outfit." He retorted dryly. "I don't see anything wrong with killing as long as it serves a purpose. I'll grant you that Harley didn't really have a purpose, but it's not her fault that the stupid clown drove her insane and I gambled on her ability to recover."
"You however..." He trailed off and looked at her penetratingly. "Do you have something to protect?"
Frowning in confusion at the seeming non-sequitur, she responded slowly. "You already know I do, I want to stop humans from destroying nature."
Naruto nodded, having expected that answer. "Tell me, what kind of people do you think I've been killing?"
"Criminals obviously." She replied. By now, Everyone had heard of the horned man that remorselessly cut down criminals by the dozens.
"Not all of them were criminals you know." He revealed.
"You've killed the innocent too?" She asked with a deeply confused frown. That would make absolutely no sense based on what she knew about him.
"They might have been innocent in the eyes of the law at the time, but that excuse doesn't work on me." Naruto explained.
"Huh?" She said, even more confused.
"If a man was intending to rape a woman but hasn't actually done it yet, what would the police do?" He asked.
"Nothing, unless they had incontrovertible proof." She answered, her tone slightly bitter, because she knew that you couldn't find any proof for intent to rape.
"All the supposed 'innocents' I've killed have been would-be rapists and the like. I've even made sure to make their deaths extra painful, because rape is the kind of act where there is no such thing as 'extenuating circumstances'." He finished with a grin.
Seeing that grin made Pamela shudder slightly. It was easy to see that he was proud of what he'd done and wouldn't feel guilty about it even if the world burned because of it. Given his peculiar fondness of everything cute and female, it was understandable but it was still a bit disturbing. Not that she minded if he took out the trash, but the easy way that he dismissed the worth of those he killed was an unpleasant reminder of how close she'd been to dying at his hands.
"But what does this have to do with why you didn't take away my powers before?"
Naruto sighed a bit, seeing that she didn't quite get it. "Because you're not a bad person Pamela, even if your methods tend to cause a bit too much collateral damage." He said pointedly, making her shift a bit uncomfortably under his stare. "Your ability to commune with nature is a powerful gift and you could do a lot with it. I wasn't going to lump you together with rabid animals like the Joker. If he had any sense in his head, then tall, dark and pointy eared would have killed that nutcase years ago."
Pamela couldn't help an amused snort at how he referred to Batman, but decided to focus on another thing that he said.
"If you think that my ability is a gift, then why would you offer to take it away?"
"Everything has a price and I offered just in case you didn't want to pay it anymore."
"Well thank you, but I'd like to keep my powers." She told him, feeling a real sense of gratitude that he wasn't trying to force anything on her. She was quite sure that if someone like Batman was in his position that she would already be powerless and locked up on top of it.
After a few moments of silence, another question rose up in her mind. "What price did you pay for your power?"
Naruto's eyebrows rose in amusement at the question, having not expected it at all. "My mortality."
"You're immortal?!" The redhead blurted out in surprise.
"Very." He confirmed, even more amused.
"That doesn't sound like much of a price. Actually it sounds more like you got two great things without having to pay any price at all." She said sceptically.
"Really? Just try to imagine what it would be like to live for a thousand years. Ten Thousand years. A million years. A billion years."
She did so, thinking of all the amazing things that she would be able to see and experience. Having enough time to do everything and learn everything. With that kind of time she would certainly be able to find a way to keep nature safe.
Of course...it also meant that she would continue to linger long after she accomplished everything that she set out to do. Any friends she made would grow old and die. If she ever found a way around her inability to have children, then they too would die. Even if she didn't find a way, she would certainly eventually adopt a child...and they would die.
Thinking even further into the future made her realise that even the nature that she wanted to protect so desperately would wither away while she lingered on and was forced to watch helplessly as it happened. She couldn't help a shudder at the thought, that kind of incomprehensible weight of years would crush her and she knew it.
With that perspective, it was suddenly obvious why he thought her approach to be flawed. In the long run, she would accomplish nothing except frustrate herself by butting heads with 'tall, dark and pointy eared' as Uzu had called him.
"I see your point. But you can still be killed can't you, even if you don't age?" She asked the blond, feeling an uncommon bit of sympathy for him. It was decidedly odd, hoping that someone can be killed because you didn't wish them to suffer an eternity of listless boredom the likes of which she couldn't even imagine.
"Nope." He denied cheerfully. "Even if my body is atomized, I'll just regenerate a new one."
"You seem remarkably cheerful for someone doomed to live forever." She said dryly.
"I've only been immortal for ten years, so you can hardly blame me for not being bummed about it quite yet." He pointed out with a grin.
"How old are you anyway?" She asked curiously.
"Isn't it impolite to ask a lady her age?" He asked back with an amused grin, remembering his conversation with Batman's butler.
"That doesn't seem like a problem in this case." She deadpanned.
Naruto resisted the urge to pout at the fact that she hadn't said that he wasn't a lady and thus denied him the chance to use the same gag again.
"I'm thirty two if you must know."
"I expected you to be older for some reason." Pamela said musingly.
"You haven't seen how immature I act most of the time, so it's understandable." Naruto replied sagely, getting an incredulous look at the blunt admission.
A comfortable silence descended again, making Pamela realize that she felt absurdly comfortable with the horned man. Generally she hated people on sheer principle, but Uzu had been nothing but pleasant to her. He'd gotten her out of prison(however inadvertent it may have been), spared her life because he saw worth in her despite never having met her before, debated her approach towards protecting nature without any derision and even given her the choice of becoming a normal human woman again.
He was an interesting man and she would really like to know what the deal was with his powers, not to mention his horns and other features.
He's not exactly hard on the eyes either. She thought musingly as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
"What would you say to the idea of taking over an island together?" She asked out of the blue, making Naruto raise an eyebrow at her again.
"What brought this on?" He asked with an amused grin.
The redhead sighed slightly an explained herself. "You might have a point about not being able to make a huge difference in the long run, but I still want to keep at least some small part of nature untainted and wild. You obviously have more than enough time on your hands, so I was wondering if you'd want to join me."
Harley would get better eventually, but she was definitely a city girl. The isolation wouldn't suit her, so she didn't expect the bubbly blonde to join her. Uzu though...Uzu probably wouldn't mind it and they could create all sorts of marvelous new plants together.
"How scandalous." Naruto teased with his cheek pressed into a palm in a mockery of a shocked expression. "Trying to tempt a married man into moving in with you."
"You're married?!" She blurted out in the same shocked tone as when she'd learned that he was immortal.
"Indeed, you didn't think that I went after immortality for the sake of power did you? I did it so that I could be with my wife forever. I would consider myself a failure as a husband if I caused her grief by being inconveniently mortal while she was immortal."
"So this wife of yours is also immortal? Where is she then?" Pamela asked, only realizing how rude and insulting she sounded after the words had left her mouth.
Naruto paid no heed to the rudeness, he was pretty rude himself after all. Instead he gazed at her contemplatively, debating with himself whether he should tell her what he and Xanna were doing or not.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course I can." She asserted.
"Really? Because if this gets out I'd be pretty upset with you." He warned.
"I won't tell a soul."
"My wife is a Primordial Goddess, which is a very long story that I won't be going into right now." He added the last part when he saw her opening her mouth to question him further on the subject.
"Anyway, she shared with me something that elevated me to something reasonably close to her in power, though my abilities are still maturing, so she still has a considerable edge on me as far as power goes."
Seeing her nodding in understanding, Naruto continued explaining. "We just finished off a ten year honeymoon and left our original dimension and came to this one looking for something fun to do."
"You can-"
"Yes we can dimension travel."
She huffed at his interruption but gestured for him to continue explaining."Anyway, we saw how anal retentive these so called 'superheroes' were about their no killing rule and decided to screw with their heads. Xanna is even now up on their Watchtower, spinning some tall tales about how I'm a ruthless killer that's been hunting her down and that she needs their protection. We're going to lead them on right to the very end just to see the idiotic looks on their faces."
Pamela just stared at him for nearly half a minute as she processed the fact that they were apparently amusing themselves by toying with the Justice League.
"You two are both either really bored, or huge assholes." She stated flatly.
"Yeah...those two things aren't really mutually exclusive. For myself at least, I've gotta say that I'm a bored asshole." Naruto admitted.
She couldn't help chuckling at that, finding his blunt honesty about what kind of person he was to be strangely pleasant.
Another thought came up soon after that. "Since you're apparently happily married, then why are you propositioning every woman you come across?"
"Well, before we were married, Xanna insisted that I sleep with other women and I did so even though I didn't understand why. To be honest, I'm still a bit confused about it, but she honestly doesn't care if I sleep with other women, especially now since my soul is permanently bound to her."
Pamela looked as if she wanted to ask more about that, but Naruto cut her off again. "It became bound when she made me immortal. Either way, it's not like any woman aside from her could satisfy me, so I keep propositioning women for laughs mostly."
"Are you saying that you don't believe me capable of satisfying you even though you propositioned me?" She asked in a slightly demanding tone, feeling oddly insulted by that.
Naruto couldn't help grinning at her. "Damn right you couldn't, you have no idea what kind of endurance it takes to satisfy me."
"I think you'd find that I have plenty of endurance." She shot back.
"Is that so? I don't know how it is in this dimension, but that sounds like a challenge to me and you shouldn't make challenges unless you're willing to have them met."
By this point both of them were standing, Naruto grinning down at the much shorter woman while she stared heatedly back at him.
Pamela knew that she could still back down from this and he wouldn't hold it against her. On the other hand, he was a man that she found herself liking and he was immune to her poisons. It had been years since she'd had any kind of intimate contact with another person and she was terribly reluctant to waste the opportunity even if it was going to be nothing more than a one night stand.
She bit her lip, feeling oddly shy all of a sudden. This would be the first time in years that she would actually be making a move on someone without intending to kill them.
Naruto kept still as the small redhead exploratorily slid her hands across his abdomen and chest, reminding himself that she was far more fragile than what he was used to. Xanna would be fine no matter how forceful he was, but he could easily kill Pamela by accident if he wasn't careful.
Encouraged by the small twitches on the planes of hard muscle, she stepped closer and pressed herself against him, sliding her arms under the white haori. Given the height difference between them, her mouth ended up being somewhere at his chest level , which she decided to make use of by running her tongue over his nipple, which drew an approving rumble from his throat.
He rolled his shoulders to shake off the haori when she tugged at it, not wanting to distract her by simply allowing it to dissipate out of existence. He put his own arms on her back and gently ran a claw over the leafy green outfit she was wearing, cutting it and getting a slight gasp out of her when his chest was suddenly the only thing keeping it up.
She turned her head when she heard movement behind her, seeing that the chairs they'd been sitting on earlier had reformed themselves into a wide bed. She didn't resist when he picked her up and carried her over to it, feeling the large bulge in his pants pressing into her.
She turned away from him once he set her down on the soft but surprisingly firm mossy covering, slipping the remains of her dress off and then her gloves, including the small crossbow she kept on her right one. It was a good thing that her dress was grown rather than sown, or she might have been upset at him for cutting it.
He pressed himself against her before she could turn around, keeping her facing away as his fingers moved to caress her breasts and gently scraped his teeth over her ear. Her breathing deepened under his ministrations and she quickly found herself getting wet.
Her eyes widened slightly when he took a deep whiff and the approving rumble he'd been letting out periodically intensified, making her realise that he must be able to smell her arousal. His right hand slid slowly between her legs and gently rubbed her moist opening, drawing at gasp out of her at his skilled manipulation of her erogenous zones.
A noise of protest escaped her when he removed his hand after merely a few seconds and brought it to his mouth to lick it.
"Mmm, poisonous." He rumbled into her ear and pushed her forward so that she was on all fours.
"What are you doing?" She asked breathily when he pulled back to lay a large hand on her right butt cheek. Given the bulge that she'd felt throbbing against her the entire time so far, she'd expected him to take his pants off and enter her, but instead he'd pulled away.
She had only a moment to think that he'd been turned off by the fact that all of her fluids were toxic before she felt his breath between her legs and realised what he was intending to do.
"Wait, not like this." She said quickly and turned over so that she was laying on her back. "Like this." She finished invitingly, spreading her legs for him.
"You want to grab my horns don't you?" He asked with a knowing smirk.
She didn't reply, but the way that she looked away with her face turning red was a much more descriptive answer.
Still smirking, Naruto decided to surprise her and extended his tongue abnormally far out of his mouth.
Her eyes widened in shock at the act "What the he-ungh!" Her surprised exclamation was cut off when the prehensile appendage slithered inside her and started wrecking havoc on her erogenous nerve clusters.
Her hands instantly shot to his horns and used them as handholds to steady herself while her body shuddered under the assault. She was only distantly aware of the fact that several vines wrapped themselves around her legs to keep them from instinctively slamming together.
Not long after that, another two vines grabbed her hands, tore them away from his horns and bound them above her head. She wasn't even able to protest her suddenly bound position, too busy as she was gasping for air.
With a silent scream she sprayed her release into his mouth, greedily gulping down air while her body continued shuddering as he gave her a final few licks to gather up the last of her release.
She was still trying to get her breath back when she felt something being rubbed against her almost painfully sensitive slit.
"That's...never going to...fit in me." She gasped out when she saw the size of the male member being steadily lubricated by her previous release. She was not a big woman by any stretch of the imagination and she didn't think she could accommodate something of that size.
Seeing her sweating face and slightly afraid expression, he decided to tease her a bit. "I thought you said you could handle me? We're barely even done with foreplay and you look ready to pass out on me."
That brought a bit of a glare to her face and she tried to get out of the vines, only to discover that they wouldn't respond to her, making her realise that the only reason she'd been able to use her powers earlier had been because he had allowed it.
Before she could say anything, he laid himself gently over her and rumbled into her ear soothingly. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
Not feeling hugely reassured since she could now feel the tip pressing into her, she nevertheless nodded, believing that he would at the very least enter her slowly and listen if she told him to stop.
His occasional rumbling deepened into a growl as he slowly pushed into her tight passage, having to struggle against his impulse to simply drive himself into her all the way. The way that she was groaning at his intrusion and straining against the vines holding her wasn't helping his self control any.
Pamela was relieved to see that it wasn't as bad as she'd feared as his tongue had already stretched her a bit, not to mention made certain that she was as lubricated as she could get, but that wasn't to say that it was easy. He had to move excruciatingly slowly to make sure that she got used to his girth before he could move any deeper.
Several very frustrating minutes later for Naruto, when he was about two thirds of the way inside her, she spoke up again, her voice a bit hoarse from the near constant groaning she'd been doing. "That's my limit, I can't take you any deeper."
He frowned and pushed just the slightest bit deeper, feeling an obstruction and deciding to listen. "Alright." He'd never encountered this particular issue with Xanna, but then again, his wife could manipulate her own body as she pleased. He did however remember hurting one of the smaller women he'd slept with in his earlier years when he'd pushed too deep.
Pamela released a tiny sigh of relief and relaxed, having tensed when she'd felt him poking at her cervix. In her current position there was literally nothing that she could have done to stop him if he suddenly decided to be an idiot male and think 'but I'm almost there!'.
He pulled out slowly and pushed back inside even slower, making her moan at the pleasant sensation of being so full and very grateful when he stopped a couple of inches away from her cervix to prevent any accidents.
It didn't take more than a few minutes of the slow, rhythmic motion to bring her to another orgasm, making her buck her hips upwards at him. Her eyes rolled up and she let out a continuous moan when she felt him discharging into her, the forceful spurting as it coated her inner walls enhancing the sensation considerably.
Even when she came down from her high, she could still feel him releasing the last few spurts, leaving her feeling bloated, but pleasantly so.
"So...are you...satisfied?" She asked with a tired smirk, looking up at him through the curtain of bright gold hair.
"Not even close." He responded with an amused grin. "We'd need to keep going like this for at least a full day without breaks before that could happen."
"You can't...be serious!" She gasped out incredulously as he pulled out of her. She was just about ready to pass out and he wasn't even slightly tired?
"Well I am a god." He said smugly and scooped her up off the bed.
"If you'd made that claim an hour ago, I would have scoffed." She said wryly. "And where are you taking me?"
"I'ts been over thirteen years since I last had sex with a mortal woman, but if I remember correctly, you're going to be sore." He replied without really answering her question and brought her to a small clearing.
Before her wide eyes, the earth parted to make a hole and then the walls solidified into smooth stone before becoming overgrown with the same soft moss as the trees before. As a final touch a bench formed and then water began condensing inside it, rapidly filling up the new depression in the ground.
"I see you're capable of a lot more than just this Wood Release you've mentioned." She murmured, still staring in shock at the rather comfortable looking natural bathtub.
"I'd feel pretty stupid calling myself a god if I was a one trick pony." Naruto admitted with a grin and stuck a foot inside the cool water, raising the temperature until it started steaming.
Pamela groaned when he lowered her into the water, which was pleasantly hot, but not so hot that it would scald her.
"How's the water?" He asked, amused at her blissed out expression as she leaned against the edge.
"Perfect."
"Hang on a second, let me try something new..." He said, frowning in concentration.
The redhead was just about to ask him what he was doing when she felt the water somehow thicken around her and start massaging her all by itself, without any apparent reason for it.
She groaned at the full body massage. "Damnit Uzu, if you keep pampering me like this I'm not going to want to let you leave."
"Naruto."
"What?" She looked over at him in confusion.
"My name, it's Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto. Uzu is just something I made up to make it easier to screw with the underwear brigade."
She snorted out a laugh at his name for the Justice League before focusing on the main point of his sentence. "Naruto it is."
They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, Pamela just enjoying the full body massage and hot water while Naruto distracted himself by keeping the water temperature constant and separating out the semen leaking from the redhead.
When she felt herself getting drowsy, she shook her head to clear it and turned to address the horned man again. "Could you get me back to Harley Naruto? She was sleeping when I left, but I don't want to leave her alone for too long right now."
"No problem, but I don't know where she is."
"Shouldn't you know everything, being a god and all?" She said with friendly mockery.
"I am a god, not the God." He retorted with a smirk.
Ten minutes later, they were both dressed and Naruto had at least a general idea of where he needed to teleport in order to get Pamela into an area close to her friend.
"One more thing before you go." Naruto spoke up, drawing her confused attention. "Have a souvenir."
Pamela stared incredulously at the item he'd just handed to her. It was a T-shirt, with 'I slept with a horny god.' proudly written over the chest in large font.
"It is my understanding, that it is customary in this dimension to get captioned T-shirts when you've done something noteworthy." He explained with a wide grin.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have an incredibly odd and irritating sense of humor?" She asked calmly and accepted the T-shirt.
"Yeah, I get that a lot." Naruto admitted freely.
"Well that wasn't such a bad way to spend the day, now I only have two more to go before picking a fight with the merry men in tights and women in leotards." He said to himself musingly after getting back from dropping off Pamela.
So, how was the plant woman? Xanna's voice rang in his head, sounding as if she was smirking.
Just as disappointing as you said mortals would be, she didn't even last an hour. Naruto answered with a brutally honest assessment.
Of course she didn't, she simply isn't capable of performing on the same physical level as we are.
Wait a minute...does that mean that I was disappointing to you before I became a god? Naruto asked suspiciously.
Yes. She replied bluntly, making Naruto clutch at his heart in an over dramatic fashion. You have no idea of the years of disappointment I suffered before you were satisfactory.
My fragile ego...torn to shreds. He said to her in a pained tone, kneeling on the ground with his head pressed into the dirt, but he was grinning at the melodious laughter that answered his theatrics.
To be perfectly honest, you were a great deal better after returning from your training trip, but you've only been truly impressive these last ten years. She soothed, still sounding amused.
Oh my, my beloved wife is such a demanding beast in the bedroom. He teased back with a mournful tone.
I'm demanding in every other room too, as well as outside. She retorted haughtily, making him snort in amusement.
So... how are things up there. He asked, changing the subject.
Naruto, I am not going to entertain you with conversation for the next two days. She told him flatly.
He sighed at how easily she saw through his attempts at relieving his boredom.
If you're so terribly bored, why don't you try reading a book? This world has a lot more literature than the Elemental Nations did, or if that doesn't work, try the music. There seems to be a truly absurd number of music performers here, so I'm sure you'll find something that is to your liking. She suggested with some exasperation.
Naruto perked up at that. I didn't even think of that. Thanks!
Of course you didn't husband. She mocked with a patronizing tone and closed their mind link.
Naruto frowned, feeling as if his intelligence had just been insulted, but he shrugged it off as unimportant.
He wasn't much of a reader, so there was music to sample!