"Kara, I'm really not sure I want to hear it I mean, you're supposed to still be in your honeymoon phase. Why do I sense a but in your description? Everything is supposed to be all roses and flowers." Alex Danvers, Kara Zor El's sister, said worriedly.
"We are, I mean, we definitely are in the honeymoon phase, and yes, the sex has been absolutely amazing. I feel like I've had thousands of orgasms in just four days. But…"
"No Kara, no buts! I won't accept it. I won't let you taint my perfect image of Naruto Uzumaki!" Alex said as she childishly covered her ears with her hands.
"Its Uzumaki Naruto, that's how the Japanese say it, it's also how he says it. But anyway that's not the point. Alex, I need you to listen to me right now. You're the only one I can talk to about this." Kara pleaded, causing Alex to release a heavy sigh as she eventually relented, removing her hands from her ears so that she can listen to her sister's concerns.
"Did he do something weird in bed?" Alex asked tentatively.
"No! Well, sort of…just listen! Okay, listen to the whole story and then tell me if I'm crazy or not." Kara replied.
"Okay, I'm listening." Alex retorted.
"Okay, well, you know that I have dated two guys before Naruto-kun, and you know that I have never had an orgasm before I was with Naruto-kun. What you don't know is that, before Naruto-kun and I…"
"Wait! Do you have to say kun all the time? Why do you keep doing that? Its weird." Alex said with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, initially it was just a way for me to tease and irritate him, but I ended up liking it and he also likes it, especially when we…"
"Okay! Don't finish that sentence. I get it. I can see how it could be a turn on to him when you….you know…" Alex said uncomfortably, a tinge of red manifesting on each one of her cheeks as she blushed in embarrassment.
"Okay good, now listen. What I never told you was that none of those guys were able to break my hymen. So not only did I not get orgasms but my hymen remained in tact. I…I had actually given up on ever having a…I don't want to say fulfilling but like…complete and like normal relationship with a human, until now." Kara explained.
"But Kara, why did you never tell me this before?" Alex asked, unable to believe that her sister had been carrying such a burden for such a long time without ever telling her.
"Because it just reminded me of how not normal I am, of how…how alien I am. And how different I am from you. I didn't like how it made me feel and I didn't want it to make you feel like I was…I dunno…you know what I mean right?" Kara asked with pain and sadness in her tone.
"I don't think I can ever fully understand, but I think I kinda do." Alex replied.
"But what changed? Why was Naruto able to break your hymen when others couldn't?" Alex asked, confused, after all, if the presumption was, absurd as it sounded, that human penises were not strong enough to tear through a Kryptonian's hymen, then why was Naruto, a human, able to tear through her sister's hymen when others couldn't? What made him so special?
"I don't know. And honestly I didn't care. I didn't even care that he wouldn't allow me to have any remotely dominant position or any position that might give me any level of control, because it was so good you know. I thought it didn't matter because I was having the time of my life and I was with the man that I wanted with every fiber of my being but…"
"Woow! Stop right there? He won't what? I mean, where does he think he is? Feudal Era Japan? A woman can have a dominant position if she wants, there is nothing wrong with that, in fact men rather enjoy that every once in a while." Alex argued.
"I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism or gender bias or whatever. I think he is afraid of me, of my powers I mean. I think he believes I will smash him into tiny atoms or something if he lets me ride him cowgirl or reverse cowgirl or if I thrust back during doggy style. He just wants me to lay there and kneel there and let him do all the work…just to be safe…I think." Kara tried to explain as she grabbed her cup of coffee, Alex having just finished making a cup each for the two of them, the two sisters walking together as they sat on the couches on Alex's lounge.
"The thought honestly never even crossed my mind, I mean, you are harder than steel and are arguably the second strongest being on the planet. You could literally turn him into minced meat with a single thrust of the hip. I know you wouldn't actually do it under normal circumstances, but can you maintain full control of your powers every time you have an orgasm or every time you are even just approaching orgasm?" Alex asked with concern.
"I….I don't know. Like I said, Naruto-kun has exerted full control and dominion over every single one of our sexual exploits, all I've been doing so far has been to just lay on the bed or kneel and take it. But giving it can be just as good as taking it. Does my power mean that I can never give it? Will I always have to just lay there and take it?" Kara said in despair.
"Not necessarily. If the love you share with each other is real and true, then maybe you can tell him the truth about who you are one day. I'm sure the greatest tech expert in the world can easily fashion a red sun UV ray lighting system for the bedroom he shares with his Kryptonian queen." Alex said encouragingly, presenting a very good idea Kara had to admit, although it came with its own mountain of problems.
"If only that were possible. I just received some…I can't even describe what kind of news that they are. General Swanwick called me in this morning and according to him, Naruto is a super villain who is in league with, get this…a metahuman-sorcerer-demon hybrid. Yes, you heard me, a freakin metahuman-sorcerer-demon hybrid. And get this, they allegedly beat up and brain raped a high level government agent, stole all the secret intel she had, and drove her mad. This, allegedly, is the person that I am supposed to reveal my secret to. Oh and did I mention that this government agent allegedly knew my secret identity…."
"Which means that Naruto knows your secret identity!" Alex exclaimed, eyes wide as realization dawned on her.
"If he really did steal all the intel she had in her mind, then yes, he knows that Supergirl and Kara Danvers are one and the same." Kara replied, face in her hands as she tried to shake the frustration out of her system.
"What are you going to do? Do you believe the story that General Swanwick told you? I trust the general wholeheartedly. He has been like a second father to us, well, a second father to me, and a third to you. He's a good man, but that doesn't mean his intel is correct. Someone could be lying to him."
"I know Alex, I know. I guess…I guess I just have to ask Naruto-kun, if I ever develop enough courage to visit him again." Kara said with a sad pout.
"Wait! Is that why you're with me right now and not with him?" Alex asked, surprised.
"Yes. N-not that that is the only reason I would seek your company or anything, just that, well, its why I'm not with him right now. I don't know how to confront him." Kara replied.
"Has he called to check on you? What will you do when he does?" Alex asked curiously, realization dawning on her when Kara gave her a vacant stare.
"Supergirl doesn't have a phone number so of course he can't call you, nor can you call him." Alex said, smacking her forehead against her right hand.
"General Swanwick wants me to spy on Naruto-kun for the government, he said that the government plans to send a meta human hit squad to kill Naruto-kun if I do not comply. I don't want to be anyone's spy, much less to spy on Naruto-kun of all people, but I also don't want him killed. Alex what am I going to do? I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to believe that he is capable of all of those bad things." Kara said anxiously.
"From where I am sitting it sounds like you only have two choices. You either tell him the whole truth and ask him outright what's going on, or you spy on him. It may not be easy, but it is rather simple. Make a choice, and deal with the consequences." Alex deadpanned.
"You're right, of course you're right, but can't I do that tomorrow, or like, next week or something?" Kara said distressfully.
"Definitely not next week. That's just way too much procrastination. Lets make it tomorrow." Alex said kindly, but firmly.
"Alright alright, I get it. Procrastination will only make things worse, and possibly get more people mind raped." Kara said with a heavy sigh, kind of wishing that she wasn't Supergirl right now so that she can have a normal relationship with a boy she liked (a lot) without him possibly being a diabolical super villain, or at least without her having the responsibility to do something about it.
Meanwhile: Undisclosed Location
"What in God's name…? General Eiling, what are you doing? What has gotten into you and everyone else around here?" Juice asked incredulously, looking around disbelievingly as the entire secret Cadmus base seemed to have gone nuts, loud hip hop music playing on the speakers all around the base while everyone was dancing and twerking like they were in some secret sex club hideout instead of a secret military research facility.
Juice is a tall and athletic looking eighteen year old of African American lineage, spotting short black hair and black eyes. He is wearing a black and blue full body combat suit with yellow lightning streaks on it.
"Aaah if it isn't Juice, arguably the most talented electrokinetic human on planet earth. Let us test your mettle shall we? Tell me, Juice, what exactly do you think is going on around here?" General Eiling asked amusedly.
"What's going on is that everyone suddenly turned into happy go lucky nutjobs that's what!" Juice replied, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.
"So you mean to tell me that you believe that everyone suddenly turned into nutjobs and sexual deviants with no cause or reason whatsoever? You don't even find it suspicious that none of your friends and comrades from the Ultimen have pitched up today? As I recall, they have never missed or been late for a meeting have they?" General Eiling asked rhetorically.
"Is this some kind of test?" Juice asked with exasperation, exasperation which once again quickly turned to confusion as he looked around at the brake dancing and twerking employees all around the facility.
"Why exactly is everyone dancing and what the hell is that loud music? Seriously, loud hip hop? Stereotyping much?" Juice asked incredulously.
"Perhaps it is a stereotype, but nevertheless you have failed the test of your instincts and your deductive analysis skills. You failed to sense that something was seriously wrong here, and you couldn't even deduce that the only way everyone here would be acting as crazy as they are, while at the same time your team failed to show up for the scheduled meeting, is because something seriously wrong had happened, or was busy happening." General Eiling said with a chastising tone.
"Now we will test your combat abilities." General Eiling said as a cloud of odorless smoke suddenly appeared around him with a poofing sound, the smoke clearing soon after to reveal someone completely different from General Eiling, revealing a tall imposing figure with a red demonic fox-like mask over his head and black and red combat armor, the figure also spotting a gigantic sword on his back along with two guns on each side of his waist.
"What the hell? W-who the hell are you?" Juice exclaimed in shock, jumping a few meters back in order to get himself as far away from this demonic creature as possible.
"So your first instinct was to establish distance between yourself and the enemy and take on a fighting stance? Good! There might be hope for you yet." The figure said with a deep and menacing voice, Juice however losing focus on the interloper as he scanned the room, watching in surprise, confusion, and wariness as everyone else suddenly disappeared in odorless clouds of smoke.
"If you must know, those people were never real, they were my shadow clones transformed to look like the employees that work here. The actual employees are all sleeping peacefully in their homes, unaware that imposters are running around pretending to be them." The mysterious figure replied.
"Man just who the hell are you? What the hell do you want from me?" Juice asked warily.
"You can call me Kitsune, but that is only my alias. If you want me to tell you the rest, then prove yourself worthy of that privilege. Fight me…and defeat me." Kitsune said as his entire body became illuminated by a strong lighting current, so much so that the current almost looked like a solid object instead of just energy.
"Lighting Style: Lightning Armor." Kitsune said with a deadpan tone.
"Oh man! You think you can use electricity to defeat me? Me? Man you're a fool!" Juice said as he too became illuminated by lightning, moving at a ridiculous speed as he quickly closed the distance between himself and the interloper and launched 20 different attacks in a literal second, from leg sweeps to back spinning kicks to straight lefts and right hooks, all to no avail however as all of his attacks were either easily dodged or effortlessly blocked.
"Not bad, not bad at all. But is that all that you've got? Is that all you can do?" Kitsune asked tauntingly.
"What have you done to my friends? What the hell is going on man?" Juice exclaimed in frustration, having backed away again in order to re-assess the situation.
"The more relevant question…" Kitsune trailed off as he suddenly appeared right behind Juice and swatted him away with a casual backhand to the back of the head, sending the ebony teen flying away and crashing into the wall.
"…is why you aren't using your full power from the get go? Sure, it is not wise to reveal all of your trump cards from the onset, but that solely depends on the level of your opponent. Take now for instance, I could have easily dealt you a death blow if I so desired, and you would have died without having the opportunity to use your trump card." Kitsune said sagely.
"Man forget you! Is this supposed to be a fight or a school lecture?" Juice asked in frustration, also buying time for himself in order to get over the dizziness from being smacked hard at the back of the head, internally wondering if his opponent's hands were made of steel or something, even discounting the fact that his gloves were metal plated at the back of the hand.
"Why can't it be both a fight and a lecture?" Kitsune deapanned.
"Oh okay smart guy! You're gonna get it now!" Juice said angrily, transmuting his entire body into pure electrical energy as he started zipping all around the place in every conceivable direction, a feat that would have had most people in the universe unable to keep up at all with him, not with their eyes, not with their minds, and certainly not with their bodies.
However, much to Juice's surprise, the mysterious interloper was actually keeping pace with him, blocking off every single exit as the interloper would appear right in front of the teen electromancer no matter what direction he tried to use to evade, fear starting to settle at the pit of his stomach as he realized that he might actually be up against a God in this battle.
However, in that moment of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety, Juice was able to find inspiration as, as opposed to trying to evade the interloper when he inevitably found his escape route blocked off again, he instead attempted something new and spontaneous, running straight into the interloper and merging himself with interloper's lightning armor in order to take control of the interloper's body.
"Now I kill you with your own body!" Juice said as he forced the interloper to strangle himself with his own right arm.
"Hahaha! What now? Huh? What now? Where's all that big talk you had earlier…w-what?" Juice sputtered at the end of his bragadacious monologue as Kitsune somehow retook control of his body and moved his arm away from his own throat.
"That was impressive, not only in terms of your ability but also due to the fact that you were able to come up with that idea on the fly. It would have worked literally against anyone else in the world…probably." Kitsune said as he not ònly re-asserted control over his own body, but also took control over his opponent's body, turning Juice into a large ball of lightning that was floating above his right hand, effectively separating Juice from his own lightning armor in the process.
"W-what are you doing to me? Why can't I change back? Why can't I control my form!" Juice exclaimed frantically.
"Ninja Rule Number 21, be careful how you use your techniques lest they be used against you." Kitsune replied sagely.
"Okay okay man! You win! What the hell do you want from me?" Juice asked fearfully.
"You have passed my test, Juice, and therefore are worthy of becoming my protégé. I now dub you my apprentice. From here on out, you are officially a member of Team Ultimen of Hive." Kitsune said with pride, releasing his hold over his new protégé, thereby allowing him to re-assume his human form.
"The Hive? I don't understand. I thought I worked for Cadmus and the government? Is this a promotion or something?" Juice asked confusedly.
"For that question, I think it would be best if your sibling apprentices answered for you." Kitsune replied, and just as he finished saying that, the rest of the Ultimen came into the hall and walked towards their friend and comrade.
"Wind Dragon, Long Shadow, Downpour, Shifter, what's going on here? Did you guys betray the government? Did you betray Cadmus?" Juice asked warily.
"No Juice, Cadmus and the Government betrayed us!" Wind Dragon said angrily.
He is the designated leader of the Ultimen, and his power is the generation and control of wind currents. He is an Asian American teen with short black hair and brown eyes and he is wearing a red, black, and white form fitting, full body combat suit.
"I don't understand, Maxwell Lord and Doctor Emile Hamilton…"
"..lied to us!" Wind Dragon exclaimed, cutting Juice off before he could finish speaking.
"They lied to us. Juice, we are genetically engineered clones. We aren't even the first batch, we are the eighteenth. The others were failures, so are we actually. Our bodies will expire in a matter of months, or would have at least. Kitsune said that he can cure us, he can make us whole." Wind Dragon explained.
"That's nonsense! I'm not a clone! I have memories of my entire life!" Juice argued vehemently.
"Those are false, implanted memories. We have only been alive for three months. Kitsune showed us proof, in fact, they were already preparing the next batch of clones to replace us, they are on a secret floor level below this base. They look exactly like us Juice, the only difference is that they are still empty shells because they haven't been implanted with false memories yet." Wind Dragon said calmly, even though there was a noticeable edge to his tone, his fists clamped tightly in anger.
"He's telling the truth Juice. This is not a trick or a game. It's not a dream either." Long Shadow added.
He is a very tall and muscular teen of Native American descent, wearing black pants and a brown sleeveless top of Native American design. He has long black hair and brown eyes and despite his intimidating physique he is actually a kind and gentle soul, assuming he even has a soul of course given that he is a clone.
"Damn! I can't believe this shit man? I'm a freaking clone? Crazy!" Juice said in dismay.
"Yeah, totally." Wind Dragon muttered somberly.
"Anyway, tell me I aint the only one who got his ass whooped by Kitsune today? You guys get your butts whooped too?" Juice asked with a much lighter tone, seemingly over the discovery that he was a genetically engineered person already.
"We all got our butts whooped. I turned into a dragon but Kitsune summoned a gigantic toad right on top of me. I got crushed in one move. It was so embarrassing." Shifter said depressively.
She is a beautiful white skinned teen girl, not white as in Caucasian, although she was actually Caucasian, but white as in literally white skinned and white haired too, spotting pink eyes and a slim figure. She also had pink lipstick and her hair is tied in ponytail and is wearing a purple form fitting combat suit.
"Embarrassing, and eeew! A gigantic toad? Sounds disgusting! And man where you get a giant toad anyway?" Juice asked incredulously.
"I made them through a complicated process that requires genetic engineering and the use of my powers. I have a whole clan of them." Kitsune said as if merely talking about the weather forecast of the day.
"Did he tell you that the toads talk as well?" Downpour, twin brother of Shifter, deadpanned.
Downpour is basically the male version of his twin sister, as they are after all identical twins. He looks almost exactly like her except for the fact that he has no lipstick and his body shape and facial features are more masculine. He is also wearing a masculine version of the outfit that she was wearing.
"A giant talking toad? Well what about that! Honestly I'm not surprised anymore. At this point I expect flying pigs and tooth fairies to come out of this guy's ass" Juice retorted, causing everyone to laugh at Kitsune's expense, even Kitsune himself spotting a small smile, although it couldn't be seen from behind his mask.
"Anyway what about you? How'd he beat you?" Juice asked, directing his question at Downpour.
"I turned myself into a tidal wave but the toad that crushed my sister swallowed me and spat me out in a jet stream. I lost consciousness afterwards." Downpour said irritably.
"Wow, sounds like you guys had a nasty ass experience. I can't tell which is worse, getting crushed by a giant toad's smelly ass, or getting an introduction to its intestines." Juice replied with disgust.
"ANYWAY, Kitsune believes that I have the ability to transmute the hydrogen and oxygen atoms in the atmosphere into water. He doesn't believe I need to necessarily change myself into water because according to him, it is impossible for the six liters or so of water inside a human's body to turn into a tidal wave unless I was actually creating additional water to add to myself." Downpour said proudly.
"Transmute hydrogen and oxygen in the atmosphere into water? Is that even possible?" Juice asked doubtfully.
"Kitsune already demonstrated it for my brother. Its definitely possible." Shifter replied.
"You have hydrokinesis too? Damn! Just how many powers do you have?" Juice asked incredulously.
"The nature of my power is such that it is limited only by my imagination. Hard work, intelligence, study, practice, research, training, and experimentation are also supplementary requirements." Kitsune explained.
"Okay…..whatever! So Long Shadow how did you fare? Did you win?" Juice asked optimistically.
"I fought a toad and lost. It had crazy martial arts skills, it was insanely fast and agile too. I stood no chance. But I learned that the size of my form is not a limitation to what I can do. Kitsune promised to teach me how to conquer and overcome the so called limitations of my size. He is also going to teach me martial arts." Long Shadow explained excitedly.
"So your giant astral form got murked too? Damn! Wind Dragon? You lost too?" Juice asked his leader with a now hopeless tone.
"Wind Style: Rasenshuriken. That's the technique Kitsune used to defeat me. The technique either sucked up or outright defused all of my wind based attacks. If he had thrown it at me, I would have certainly died. I have never felt so much power before in my life." Wind Dragon said, shuddering at the memory of going up against such a fearsome technique.
"Okay, I officially don't want to hear anymore of this depressive shit. Just show me proof of what you said about us being clones and lets get out of here." Juice said with exasperation
"Of course, and naturally we will destroy the abominable clones and every single piece of evidence that this place ever existed." Kitsune said diabolically.
Following Day: 09:00am
"My God what happened here?" Supergirl asked in both awe and concern.
"I was hoping you could tell me?" General Swanwick asked curiously.
"Me?" Supergirl asked, surprised.
"Well, you deal with super powered beings all the time, so I figured you might have an idea who or what did this?" General Swanwick elaborated.
"Do I know anyone who has the power to turn a former military base into a gigantic canyon? Leaving no trace of radiation or noticeable debris? No, I have no idea who could have done this. What about that demonic metahuman sorceror person?" Supergirl asked, even though she really didn't want to know the answer to that because of all of the implications it might have about her lover.
"Well, it does look like the entire base, its foundation, and the underground levels of the base were moved out of here. That could be done by teleportation, which is one of the Enchantress's abilities. There is no record however of her doing something on this large a scale, but then again, not much is known about the true extent and scale of her powers." The General answered.
"So she is one of your suspects?" Kara asked warily.
"She is the main suspect, which means so is Naruto Uzumaki. It can't be a coincidence that this happened so soon after Amanda Waller's mind was ransacked by the Enchantress." General Swanwick replied, a look of concern morphing onto his facial features when he saw the distress on Kara's facial features.
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like your new love interest might not be what you thought he was." General Swanwick said bluntly, but also sympathetically.
"…"
"What was in this base? What exactly did they steal from you? And be honest with me, because you can't lie to me about this. Not when its so important to me." Kara said sternly, using her x ray vision to monitor the General's vitals in order to search for any lies, something that she hadn't done since the first month she worked together with him when she realized that he hadn't lied to her the entire month, and she had asked him a lot of questions in the space of that particular month.
"This was a research facility. We experimented with genetic engineering and dna manipulation. The effort was in the interest of creating super powered or enhanced human soldiers in order to protect us from extra terrestrial threats, and even to be used against the Justice League if they ever tried to take over the world." General Swanwick replied.
"Genetic experimentation? I'm not in support of such practices. Krypton had such projects too, they were stopped for a reason." Supergirl said disapprovingly.
"Unfortunately neither you nor I have a say in the matter." General Swanwick retorted.
"….."
"You still haven't directly answered my question. What was taken? Or rather, who?" Kara asked with a piercing stare.
"Five Teenage Metas, all with different kinds of meta powers. One is a shapeshifter, her twin has hydrokinesis, another has the ability to create a gigantic humanoid energy construct around himself and the other two have electrokinesis and aerokinesis." Swanwick explained in detail.
"So he took your research and the fruits of that research?" Kara asked rhetorically.
"And the knowledge itself. Doctor Emile Hamilton's mind has been wiped clean of the years and years of knowledge and research that he put into Project Ultimen. As a result we won't even be able to rebuild." General Swanwick said with concern.
"Then at least something good came of this." Supergirl said as she shot into the sky, not giving the general an opportunity to respond to her retort.
"….."
"That doesn't look like a happy cape." General Lane said as he approached General Swanwick.
"She has some issues to resolve. This is very close to home for her. She was really into Naruto Uzumaki. I think she actually loves him, at least, she loves who she thought he was." General Swanwick replied.
"For God's sake Swanwick, she's a bloody alien. What does she know about the affairs of the human heart?" General Lane replied with disgust, Swanwick turning around and looking at General Lane as if he had just grown a new head on his shoulders, unable to believe the sheer ignorance and bigotry that was coming out of the mouth of his colleague.
"….."
"How is General Eiling doing?" Swanwick asked, skillfully but bluntly changing the topic.
"As well as you can expect. He's devastated. An entire day of his life was taken away from him and his entire base. None of them remember anything about where they were or what they were doing when this happened. He was powerless to do anything about it, we all were." General Lane said furiously, fists clenched in anger as he once again was reminded of just how small and insignificant they were in the face of these supernatural freaks of nature.
"National Security is becoming a joke. It seems as though we are forever ten steps behind. And moreover, every time we take a step forward we are driven back ten steps. First we lost the Royal Flush Unit, and now the Ultimen. It's starting to appear as though preparing for a potential invasion is a fool's errand, because from what I can discern from these events, we have already been invaded and colonized, we just didn't know it until now." General Swanwick replied.
"Then the first step is to find out by whom we are colonized? Who is Naruto Uzumaki working with apart from Enchantress?" General Lane said.
"Or who is he working for, if indeed we are colonized or in the process of being colonized." General Swanwick replied, not knowing just how simultaneously close and far from the truth he really was.
Ten Minutes Later:
"What the hell are you doing! Why are you just standing there like an idiot! Take me to Naruto! Now!" Poison Ivy exclaimed angrily, unable to believe the naivety and stupidity that was on display right in front of her.
"And what exactly are you going to do? Look you're powerful okay, very powerful. But Lobo is on another league entirely. You cannot beat him, not without a brilliant plan and the right set up. Besides, the boss explicitly told us not to interfere." Instant retorted, causing Pamela to literally pull on her long and silky red hair in frustration.
And what was the cause or source of her frustration?, Well, nothing, except for the fact that an all powerful intergalactic mercenary had literally just broken through their defenses, eyes glowing a menacing red, and kidnapped their boss right in front of them, flying him away on what appeared to be an advanced space motor bike to God knows where.
"Okay, maybe I can't beat him. But you have freaking instant teleportation! You can totally teleport to Naruto, touch him, and teleport out of there with him!" Pamela argued, causing Instant to release a sigh of exasperation.
"Look, trust me, the boss will be fine okay. He can take care of himself, more than any of us actually. I don't expect you to understand, but the reality here is that we are not normal bodyguards. Our job is not to protect the boss from harm, our job is to protect his assets from harm. The boss is more than capable of protecting himself, after all, with the exception of you, he personally trained all of us in how to fight." Instant replied much to Pamela's confusion.
"I…I don't understand. You're telling me that you, Looker, Brainwave, Hourman, and Painkiller were all trained by Naruto? Naruto Uzumaki, the genius nerd who is our boss…can fight at the level of a metahuman? Wait! Is he a metahuman too?" Pamela asked, eyes wide in surprise.
"A metahuman? Haha! The boss is so much more than a mere metahuman! You underestimate him too much. Anyway, I've said too much already, I'm sure the boss will reveal everything to you in time. Trust is earned Pamela. I can tell that you genuinely care for him, but its not my place to tell you our boss's secrets. He'll let you in when the time is right. But for now, just trust me. The boss will be fine." Instant replied.
"Either you are a total idiot or you are by far thee most ignorant person on planet earth! Are you aware who that was that took our boss? That was Lobo, freaking Lobo the Space Mercenary, the guy who once defeated and kidnapped Superman, Superman! The strongest person on the planet Superman? You know him right?" Pamela asked condescendingly.
"If you do not trust me that is fine, but you have to trust the boss, and he told you to stand down. If you do not trust him, it doesn't matter because he pays you to obey his orders, so again, stand down!" Instant said with a noticeable edge to his tone.
"…..Okay….okay fine!" Pamela replied between deep breathes, trying to calm her nerves so that she can properly process everything.
She didn't know when exactly she started caring so much about her geeky boss, and part of her hated herself for caring about a mere human. After all, all that should have mattered to her was mother nature itself. However, between her friendship with Harley Quinn, her love affair with Kiteman, and her…whatever her relationship was with her boss, the lines were beginning to become blurred, to the point that she didn't know where her loyalties lied anymore.
"Just exactly what is Naruto Uzumaki. I've been here for a couple of months now and I still don't know jack about him. All I have are more questions and no answers at all." Pamela thought anxiously, the irony of the whole situation not escaping her as she had joined Wave Consolidated in order to change Naruto Uzumaki and make him care more about mother nature but instead he had changed her and made her care more about humans.
"Good, now let us see about the repairs for the damages this guy caused. Looker is in charge of things like that so you go and talk to her while I make sure that no one…shit…!" Instant trailed off as Supergirl came through the gigantic hole in Naruto's office, eyes glowing red, a far brighter and more terrifying red than Lobo's red as it looked like she was really pissed off about something.
"What's going on here? And you better not lie to me, Instant." Supergirl said menacingly.
"I don't know about you but I don't think it will end well for either of us if you lie to her right now. I've never seen her like this. She looks like a woman scorned, and hell hath no fury like a wo…"
"I get it Pamela. I'm not blind, and my instincts work perfectly fine thank you." Instant said, also feeling the terribly oppressive aura that Supergirl was radiating in waves.
"Intergalactic Space Mercenary Lobo happened. He kidnapped the boss, and we know that he only works on a reward based system. Assuming the boss has never left planet earth, then it is likely someone from earth who hired Lobo. But who would have the kind of juice to get Lobo to run an errand for them? The US Government? Perhaps. They did just recently attack us after all. Who has that kind of reach in Metropolis? The D.O.D., Lex Luthor, Intergang, Cadmus, and a number of alien super villains. Around the planet? I could think of a few other…."
"Alright! I get it! It could be anyone! Just…just shut up for a moment and let me concentrate!" Supergirl said, her anger a thing of the past as it was replaced with concern for her beloved, eyes no longer glowing a menacing red as she anxiously searched the planet with her super hearing ability.
"I…I think I found something…!" Supergirl exclaimed as she disappeared with a sonic boom.
"Seems like the situation is about to resolve itself. I mean, Superman was later able to defeat Lobo mutliple times after that one loss, maybe Supergirl can do it." Pamela said, happy that her boss was going to be okay but also displeased about the fact that it was Supergirl and not her that was going to save him.
Meanwhile: Undisclosed dessert Location
"Ouch…" Naruto cried unconvincingly as he crash landed on the sand dunes of a remote dessert area, having just been thrown down from the sky by his kidnapper.
His kidnapper was angry, that pretty much was obvious, however, Naruto did not have even the foggiest idea as to what could have made his captor so mad. He was a perfectly willing and co-operating captive, specifically because he wanted to avoid this sort of thing, and because he really just wanted to quickly get this whole charade over and done with.
"Fragg! Can you believe the nerve? Calling the main man out from the other side of the universe to hunt down a little weak bastich like you? Ye didn't even resist the main man! Ye bodyguards just stood and watched? Where is the fun in that?" Lobo asked, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"Perhaps whoever it is that hired you was playing a prank on you. Or perhaps he or she thought that bounty hunters were all about the money. So long as you're paid good for your work, then there shouldn't be any problems, no matter how uninteresting your target is." Naruto said as he got up and calmly dusted his expensive suit off.
"I'm no fraggin normal bounty hunter! I'm the main man! Thee best in thee universe. I only get called to hunt the biggest, baddest, hardest, and most dangerous prey in the universe! Not some fraggin bastich ass geeky punk ass businessman from a backwater planet like earth!" Lobo complained somewhat petulantly Naruto thought.
"I see, so it is not just about the money but also about the thrill of the hunt for you. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, you'd have to have that kind of mind set to be good enough to be the fourth best bounty hunter in the universe." Naruto retorted, Lobo's eyes widening in horror, unable to believe the auditory information his ears were retrieving from this little human punk. Well, not really so little, because he was quite big as far as human standards, but still a mere human.
"What the frag did you just say to me?" Lobo asked with a grave undertone, pulling out the gigantic plasma incinerator that was on his back and pointing it directly at his target.
"I'm pretty sure whoever hired you wants me alive. Perhaps it is this impulsive behavior that makes you only the fourth best bounty hunter in the universe." Naruto retorted.
"Th…there ye go again yapping ya fragging mouth at the main man about fourth best! I'm the main man, the…main…man! And the main main is the best, it is known, by every fragging person in the entire universe!" Lobo exclaimed angrily.
"Really? Cause you know, I heard and know differently." Naruto shrugged.
"What? Who the frag is better than the main man? Name one person? In fact, name the fragging three people that are allegedly better than the maaaaayn man?" Lobo asked incredulously, putting a large emphasis on the word main as he drawled it out for dramatic effect.
"Tell me who hired you to kidnap me and I'll te…"
"Big Barda and Mr Miracle hired meh, ayt! Now tell meh who ya heard is better than the main man or so help me heaven and hell I will make you beg the main man to kill ye!" Lobo exclaimed in frustration, clearly attached to his identity as the so called best bounty hunter in the universe Naruto noted.
"Kitsune the Toad Sage, Deathstroke the Terminator, and Bolphunga the Unrelenting, in that order." Naruto deadpanned.
"W-wow! Those actually sound like cool names. I should get one of those. How about Lobo the Terrible Terror? Hahahaha! Sounds good huh?" Lobo asked, Naruto raising a single eyebrow at his captor as he wondered just how much sanity points Lobo would score in a ten point system.
"Lobo the blue terror…?"
"…."
"Lobo the Obliterator?"
"Sounds a little derivative to me. You totally just changed terminator to obliterator." Naruto retorted, causing Lobo to frown in displeasure.
"Are you calling the main man a thief? Ye know what, neither Mr Miracle or Big Barda specified whether they wanted you alive or not. They just said the main man had to take ye to them. So take ye to them I will…in a body bag." Lobo said with menace, a red plasma beam firing from his plasma incinerator only for the beam to be swatted aside violently by a red and blue streak, causing a large explosion on the far east side of the desert.
"Just in the nick of time. Great save my love…"
"Don't you 'my love' me you pathological liar! I only saved you because it was the right thing to do. We are NOT on good terms!" Supergirl exclaimed, cutting Naruto off before he could finish speaking.
"I cannot even fathom why we wouldn't be on good terms, but if it is the reason why you did not come to my apartment last night like you usually do then I am eager for you to get this over and done with so that we can sort things out and get back to normal." Naruto retorted.
"Normal? Psh! Yeah, as if!" Kara said incredulously.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked warily, Lobo however interrupting the couple's quarrel before it could gain any ground.
"That symbol? Keezy Femme is a Superman wannabe I see? The Main Man kicked the fragging ass out of Superman and the main man sure as hell aint about to lose to no Keezy Femme wannabe Superman." Lobo said confidently.
"Rao this guy is so insufferable!" Kara said irritably.
"I dunno, I find him to be quite…amusing.." Naruto said thoughtfully, Kara resisting the urge to stare at her boyfriend incredulously, but in order to do that she would have to turn around and give the enemy her back, something she was not in the habit of doing, especially to someone who once defeated her cousin of all people.
Fifteen Minutes Later:
To say Naruto was surprised would amount to a massive understatement. It really wasn't the fact that his girlfriend, Supergirl, had lost a straight up battle to the Czarnian bounty hunter, but rather how one sided and decisive the victory was. He had thought that she would at least maim Lobo a couple of times, force him to burn some energy on regeneration but no, she really didn't land any significant blows at all.
Superman held back a lot in his battles, it was clear to see as far as Naruto was concerned, but Kara wasn't like Kal El. Sure, she did actually hold back, but nowhere near as much as Superman did. To make matters worse, she didn't hold back whatsoever in this particular battle, partly because she was royally pissed off to begin with, partly because they were in a completely isolated area, and also because Lobo is seemingly immortal as he is known even on earth as someone who can completely regenerate himself even from a drop of blood.
Yet somehow, Lobo was able to make easy work of Supergirl, practically toying with her until he decided to put her down for good. This gave Naruto a lot of perspective on things in that both Superman and Lobo were far stronger than he had imagined, and that his girlfriend still had a long way to go in all three categories of skill, raw power and strength, and experience.
In case his girlfriend did not come to the rescue, Naruto had planned to use his promethium weave suit in order to defend himself. However, after witnessing first hand just how powerful Lobo was and how advanced his weaponry was, he realized that the suit was not going to work at all. He would have to use his real power in order to save his girlfriend and not suppress it like he did when he was using the promethium weave body armor.
"N-naruto-kun! R-run! S-save yourself, I'll hold him off for you!" Kara said with both love and devotion, willing to sacrifice herself for the sake of the man she loved, no matter if he was a villain or not, no matter if she was angry at him or not, barely able to stand as she stood between the dangerous space bounty hunter and her boyfriend.
"Fear not my love, I will save us both by defeating this menace. After all, he is only the fourth best bounty hunter in the universe, I on the other hand am the best there is, for I am Kitsune The Toad Sage!" Naruto said, his tone of voice changing drastically as he transformed into his Kitsune persona, a cloud of smoke signifying the activation of his transformation jutsu, or rather summoning jutsu as what he was actually doing was reverse summoning his business suit whilst simultaneously summoning his armor and weapons.
"Well well well what do we have here? Well frag me in the ass cheeks and bend me over the counter like a little keezy femme whore! The main man certainly did not expect this turn of events. Saves meh a lotta time I guess, coz now the main man no longer need waste any time hunting down this Kitsune bastich." Lobo said excitedly.
"Gotta say though, I most certainly did not expect your keezy geeky punk ass bastich ass to be this so called Toad Sage. Anyway, the main man just has to kill you in order to become number one right?" Lobo asked rhetorically.
"Hmmm….I'm not sure it actually works like that, I mean, does killing me make you a better bounter hunter than Deathstroke the Terminator or Bolphunga the Unrelenting?" Naruto asked rhetorically, Lobo's eyes widening as realization dawned on him.
"So ye saying I gotta hunt down and kill all three of ye? Damn! That's a lot of work. I don't even know where to start searching for these bastiches." Lobo whined petulantly.
"Or you could just improve your bounty hunting skills and get a higher mission success rate so that you can become a higher ranked bounty hunter." Naruto counter argued.
"Yeah….I think I'll just stick to plan A and kill the whole lot of ya thank you very much." Lobo said diabolically.
"N-Naruto-kun? H-how did you change into that so fast? W-what happened to your voice? J-just who…what are you?" Kara asked, unable to believe what she was seeing with her own two eyes.
"To put it simply my love, I am the Uzumaki Naruto to your Kara Danvers, the Nathaniel Wilson to your Kara Zor El, and the Kitsune to your Supergirl. In essence that is to say, my story is not so different to yours." Naruto retorted, Kara's eyes widening in surprise as she quickly put two and two together.
"Are you saying that you're an alien that was adopted by a human family? So, Uzumaki Naruto is your earth name? I guess…I guess it makes sense now why you have a Japanese name despite being, well, you know, you look caucasian." Kara said, still in disbelief about what she was hearing even though it actually made a lot of sense.
"You are correct for the most part, except I'm not an alien, I'm a New God of Apokolips. In other words, I'm not even from this dimension, I'm a fourth dimensional being." Naruto explained, deciding that he might as well tell his girlfriend everything now that she had seen his true self.
"I…what's Apokolips? I know about Dimensions, my cousin told me about his encounter with a Fifth Dimensional being called Mxsptlk, a person who had God-like powers. But I have never heard of Apoko…"Kara trailed off, shock taking hold of her throat as she inexplicably and instantly found herself standing next to her boyfriend, unable to understand how she had been moved from one point to another so quickly, without her even realizing what had happened until it already happened.
"You not only turned your back on an enemy but on one who so soundly defeated you in a matter of minutes. A very bad and rookie mistake that you should never make again, no matter how surprised you are by the sudden turn of events." Naruto said as he pointed at the place where Supergirl was previously standing, Kara following the direction her boyfriend's finger was pointing in surprise as she saw that Lobo was now standing there looking like he had just finished executing a flawless, horizontal sword strike.
"The main man has grown bored of keezy femme Supergirl's yapping and blabbering. The main man has a date with the Toad Sage and the Keezy Femme Kryptonian is not invited to join. This aint no threesome party!" Lobo said irritably, his words falling on deaf ears as Supergirl only had one question.
"I teleported you to me using a jutsu formula that I marked you with on the evening that we first made love to each other. I knew it might come in handy should your life ever be in the kind of danger that you couldn't get out of yourself." Naruto answered before the question was even asked.
"You violated my privacy and my trust!" Supergirl said, appalled and incensed by her boyfriend's actions.
"Yes I did, and I would do it again. I am a ninja after all, it is what we do. Besides, you have no right to say anything about lies and deception when you have been keeping secrets from me from the start." Naruto retorted.
"What? That doesn't make any…"
"Look..!" Naruto said firmly, cutting off Supergirl before she could finish speaking.
"We can have this conversation later tonight, at my place. For now, just sit back and enjoy the show as I send this amateur back to where he came from." Naruto said firmly.
"You can't expect me to just….! A-actually, I think I'll do just that." Kara said, levitating herself and flying backwards so that she can establish sufficient distance between herself and the battle, having quickly shut down her own protest when she remembered that her boyfriend was apparently a God from a higher dimension, and not just any God but a Ninja God at that.
"Gotta say I did not expect her to back off so easily, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. Now where were we? Oh yeah, you were about to tell me where to find Mr Miracle and Big Barda." Naruto said confidently.
Now he had never met Big Barda or this Mr Miracle, but he did know of them, after all, his mother hadn't just left behind tons of new God tech for him but she had also left even more tons of New God knowledge and information.
There were only two possible reasons that they even knew about him, one, that they had tortured and extracted the information out of his mother, or two, that his mother had willingly shared that information with them. Whatever the actual reason, his mother obviously needed him and he had no intention of disappointing her.
"The main man will tell you all you want to know, if you can defeat meh that is."
"Very well then." Naruto said, a tri pronged kunai instantaneously appearing in his right hand as he launched it at his opponent at an incredible speed, Lobo however too fast and skilled to be caught by such a basic attack as he quickly moved his sword in the way and deflected the kunai.
However, in the instant that his sword touched the kunai, Lobo found himself flying rapidly in the air as Kitsune hit him hard dead center, using an open handed palm strike to hit the space bounty hunter right on the solar plexus, the main man reeling in pain as his internal organs were instantly turned into mush.
However, pain tolerance and pain resistance are one of the main man's special traits, so it was without much surprise that, despite the horrible state of his internal organs, the main man was able to quickly right himself and take on a fighting stance, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how Kitsune moved so fast that he was unable to even catch a glimpse of him as even Superman wasn't that fast.
"The main man is gonna figure out your little trick and when he does you're gonna regret putting ye filthy hands on the main man." Lobo said as he pointed his sword at the Toad Sage.
"I see your internal organs have already healed. Is it me or has your regenerative ability improved since the last time you fought Superman?" Naruto asked curiously.
"So ye noticed huh? The Main Man has improved his training regimen since then. I'm much stronger than I was back then." Lobo said with a confident smirk, his sword transforming into a gigantic plasma beam canon right in front of Naruto's eyes.
"And now the main man will blast you, keezy femme Kryptonian, and this barren piece of dirt into smithereens." Lobo said maniacally, confident that at this distance, he would be able to see Kitsune coming no matter how fast he was.
"Are you sure about that?" Naruto said as he severed the arm that was holding the sword turned plasma beam canon with his own gigantic cosmic sword, a large amount of electronic oscillations generated by the sword, so much so that it was not only exponentially sharper than it normally was, but that it also instantly cauterized the wounds that it inflicted, Lobo's arm dropping onto the ground like a sack of potatoes.
"I…impossible!" Lobo exclaimed in disbelief. There was no way, there was just no way Kitsune was that fast! No one was that fast, not even Superman!
'That bastich has to be cheating somehow! Its almost like he is telep…that mother fragging bastich!' Lobo cursed internally as realization dawned on him, his mind flashing back to a recent memory as he remembered how Kitsune had saved Supergirl and more specifically, his words right after.
"I teleported you to me using a jutsu formula that I marked you with on the evening that we first made love to each other."
'That bastich must have marked me somehow. Come to think of it, that knife he threw at me had some strange markings on it. Mother fragging bastich! Where did he touch me again? Fragg! He touched me on meh tummy!' Lobo thought wearily.
Now, normally, this wouldn't be much of an issue for Lobo, because he could just blast his own stomach with the plasma beam canon and quickly regenerate in order to get rid of the marking. However, in the time that he would get the plasma beam canon or call it back to himself, Kitsune would already be upon him seeing as he could get to him in an instant.
Secondly, that technique Kitsune used to cauterize his wounds was a technique straight out of the last circle of hell, because the fact that his arm hadn't started regenerating yet meant that Kitsune somehow found a way to stop his regenerative powers, for how long? Lobo had no idea, and he had a feeling that he did not want to find out.
Finally, Lobo had no idea just how many of his body parts were marked. Sure, it seemed like Kitsune might have just recently marked him, right after he hit him with a palm strike if Lobo had to guess. But what guarantee did Lobo have that only his stomach was marked? What if Kitsune had started marking him from the moment they met and Lobo kidnapped him? What if that was the actual reason that Kitsune allowed himself to be kidnapped?
"Judging by the look on your face? I'd say you must have just now realized the limitless applications of my Flying Thunder God Technique. You also would have realized that I managed to slow down your regeneration considerably, whilst also making sure that none of your blood was actually spilled in order to stop you regenerating from a droplet of blood. That is only just a dose of what I can do Lobo. There are many other things I can do to stop you…permanently." Naruto said with a grave undertone.
"Fragg! This is one scary son of a bastich! I wasn't prepared for this! That bastich Barda and her boy toy didn't give the main man anywhere near enough information about this brat! I need more time and more information for this kind of task, and definitely way more money! I aint getting paid enough for this crap!" Lobo lamented internally.
"I'll make a deal with you, Lobo. Tell me where to find Big Barda and Scot Free, and I will ensure that the very existence of this encounter stays between the three of us. No one will ever know of or hear about what happened here." Naruto offered sincerely.
"Like hell's anus I'm gonna do that! I'm a professional! I do not snitch on my clients! It's against the main man's code!" Lobo said proudly.
"Alternatively, then allow me to turn myself in to you. Stick around for three days. In exactly three days I will hand myself over to you and you can fulfill your contract by taking me to Barda and Scot Free." Naruto counter offered.
"Hmmm…fine! I guess technically that isn't breaking the code. What happens after I deliver you is none of my concern! But you better keep your word! I better never hear about this encounter or I will come back and kill every single person on this planet like I did the people of my home planet. You got that?" Lobo said menacingly.
"Its agreeable. However, understand that whatever happens to you in the next three days is none of my concern. If you decide to cause havoc on the planet and Superman and the Justice League end up stopping you, don't expect any help from me. If anything, I'd rather you be off planet and only come back to pick me up." Naruto said warily.
"Oh I think I'll stay a while. I never lost a single fight in my life until I came to this planet, and now I have lost to two people from this planet. I think its time I did a little digging around." Lobo said with a healthy dose of suspicion.
"Suit yourself." Naruto said as he teleported back to his girlfriend.
"Lets go." Naruto said simply.
"Are we just going to leave him here?" Kara asked incredulously.
"He attacked my building and kidnapped me. No one was harmed and I have decided not to press any charges." Naruto retorted.
"What? But he attacked me too! What if I want to press charges?" Kara retorted.
"Actually you followed us here and attacked him first. Just saying." Naruto said with a shrug, Kara looking at him as if he had just grown a whole new head on his shoulders.
"You know what, fine, whatever Naruto, or Nathaniel or whoever it is that you really are." Kara said as she started flying away angrily, Naruto following her and quickly catching up to her so that they can fly together.
"So you can fly too? Rao is there anything you can't do?" Kara asked irritably.
"So if I couldn't fly you were just going to leave me in that desert?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow, although it couldn't really be seen from under his mask.
"Not like you can't teleport to wherever you want, including wherever I am since you know, you literally marked me like some kind of property." Kara retorted.
"I guess I deserve a little bit of that. Come, I know a place where we can talk in private. Follow me." Naruto said as he changed direction, flying in a direction that was west of where they were originally flying, currently reluctantly agreeing to go with him as she realized that they really needed to talk, about a lot of things.