I ran away. Again.
Rie's POV
I ran away from him yet once more. I ran out of the classroom in a hurry, as Keil stood there speechless. I could see from the corner of my eye our classmates, all looking at me.
Sino nga ba naman ang hindi magugulat? I just kissed someone without their consent, at ni hindi man lang kami in any kind of relationship.
Bigla kong naalala yung librong ipinabasa sa'kin ni Keil. I remembered how I felt for him back then at that moment. I remembered how he made me feel.
Pero ano naman?
Ano naman kung ipinabasa niya sa akin yun before even writing its final draft?
Ano naman kung nag-open up siya sa akin?
Ano naman kung pinakabog niya yung dibdib ko?
Ano naman,
kung nahulog na ako sa kanya?
Tumutulo ang mga luha ko habang tumatakbo ako paakyat ng hagdanan. The thoughts keep flooding my mind, as I desperately escape to higher grounds.
He could've showed his work with anyone else, can't he?
He could've opened up to someone else, can't he!?
My heart could have skipped for anyone else other than him, can't it!?
I COULD'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIM CAN'T I!?
I reached the rooftop, and as soon as I opened up the door a strong breeze welcomed me. Against the gust of the wind, I let out my protests about my feelings.
Do I really have to fall for someone so hopelessly??
Can't I do something about it?
Am I really this hopeless and weak!?
As tears fled from my eyes, I could barely see a small scar on my right hand. As I looked at it, I was once again reminded of a bitter and dark past. I was once reminded of how hopeless and weak I was, and still am.
Flashback...
Two years ago, I entered the show business as a rising idol. I was a member of an idol group, and went by the name Lillith, the White Lily. I was famous for my dancing skills and my talent for singing. Those skills were my weapons to step up in the competitive world I entered.
It brought me so high up, as I had expected. Opportunities opened up before me, almost overwhelming my younger self. Countless endorsement requests, modelling requests and even show guesting. I was what other people may call a "prodigy".
But they also say, "the higher you are, the more dangerous the climb becomes".
Six months into my joyous life, I met my downfall. He was a man, around five years older than me during that time. I met him in a celebration party dedicated to me. He was so shiny for my innocent eyes, and so I immediately fell for him. Yes, I was a minor, and yes, he knew. I was totally unaware of the dangers and risks, until I had to in the most painful way.
I put my trust and feelings unto him, and he replied with the most soul-breaking treatment. One year and a half ago, a seventeen years old teen idol was molested by her co-worker who was supposed to also be her lover.
I was able to remain clean. He wasn't able to touch me, thanks to fear numbing my hand as I slashed myself out of his grasp.
However I was wounded, scarred, for life. Physically, but more importantly, emotionally.
It scared me so much... To trust someone again. Because everytime I do, I feel my scar reopening. Not from my right hand, but from inside my chest. I can feel not the slitting sound of my wound, but the loud cries and pleads I let out as he slowly reached for my underwear while grinning and with thirsty eyes.
It broke me so much that I refrained from showing up for almost a year.
I disappeared from the eyes of the public, from the ears of the listeners and from the world of celebrities.
I stayed all the while inside my room, reading books I asked my mom to buy for me.
Literature became my solace, and every writer became a person of admiration. Whenever I read books, I do not just chant the words. I live with them. And the longer I lived with them, the more I came to understand their creators.
Words healed me slowly, but surely.
Little by little, I got back up on my feet. My heart learned to cover its scar with a deceptive smile. I became stronger, and I became as if almost a new person.
And yet now,
I said as I looked at that scar on my hand,
I'm back to being weak...
Humagulhol ako ng pag-iyak, dahan-dahang napaluhod at tumungo habang pilit na pinupunasan ang mga luha sa mata ko.
The tears won't stop, at ganoon din ang aking boses. Nasa campus pa naman ako, and yet I have to audacity to act like this...
I.... I just wanted....
Someone to be my place to rest, I thought, as someone slowly removed my glasses to wipe my tears away.
All of a sudden, I remembered the night when I first met a certain person.
He was crying when I found him.
It was as if I was looking at my own heart.
That certain person, whom I met in a pure coincident, wiped my tears away with a heartwarming smile.
"Sabi ko na nga ba", natatawang sinambit nito.
"You might be able to change everything, but I can see right through your eyes. Never underestimate a writer,
Clarisse".