Before I knew it, I was crying in his arms. Tears streamed as Bryan hugged me, comforting me in his chest. I felt weak, and yet I didn't care because I knew he would protect me... Bryan gave me security. I never thought I could cry so much and just when I thought it was over, a new sob made it all come to the surface once again... To think about how my life was falling apart. Bryan didn't say anything the whole time, just stood there, patting my head... It was just what I needed at that moment, someone who cared about me without taking a questionnaire. Finally the tears stopped and then the shame came in full force, I felt exposed and fragile, I thought about running away from everything: from my life, from my gift, from my friends, from Bryan... Why was he so special to me? My heart clenched in my chest, I wanted to raise my head and look into her beautiful eyes, but fear made me cringe and wait, wait for something to happen. I bit my lip hard and only stopped when I heard her voice, it was low and calm.
- Are you feeling better?
"Uhh." a low sound came out of my mouth.
We sat in silence for a while longer until I had the courage to step back a little to face him. His eyes showed strength and at the same time concern.
"I'm fine, really," I gave a half-smile.
- You don't have to lie. He ran his fingers over my cheek. "I worry too much about you, you know?"
I nodded slowly, not taking my eyes off his. I was mesmerized and began to get intoxicated by its sweet aroma.
"And since Judely died." You've been isolating yourself and I know you've been suffering alone. I could feel sadness in his voice. "I'd like you to trust me like you used to."
It would be so easy if my problems were just my aunt's death.- I'm sorry. I
stared at the ground for a moment, then looked at it again. "It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I'm so confused after everything that's happened that I... I don't even know what I'm talking about right now.
It was true... My mind was spinning, playing with me, making me mix the real with the fiction. I felt torn, part of me wanted to say everything and let it go, while the other part wanted to shut down, ignore everything and everyone.-
It doesn't have to be today. - he commented softly. - But one day we will have to talk... About all of it.
I nodded, then I felt a shiver at the thought that in a little while he would leave and I would be alone, abandoned. How weak was I becoming?
"Kristine, you're not weak, if that's what you're thinking.
How did he do it? My aunt must have taught her, she was a master at guessing what was going on in people's minds, or just mine. A sigh of relief coursed through my body as the sound of rain echoed through the room.
We both looked out the window, it was raining heavily and it seemed to be windy too. I looked at him again, he was still looking at the window, his jaw was tense... Bryan wanted to ask to stay, but he was afraid of my reaction. Maybe I could also read people's minds, or just his.
"I think you'd better stick around tonight."
- Are you sure? I can wait for the rain to stop and...
"We both know that these rains take a long time to pass and it's already quite late. I interrupted him and stood up, pulling him by the hand. - And I'm already sleepy, you must be too.
He didn't say anything, but followed me, I stopped in front of the door of my aunt's room. She was as important to me as she was to him, she couldn't make him sleep there. I walked back and went into my room, he didn't stop or argue anything, but from the change in his breathing, I knew Bryan wanted to say something.
- Since you can't fit on the couch, I thought I'd better let you sleep in my bed and I'll stay there.
I turned around, he was crestfallen and biting his lip, Bryan always did that when he didn't know how to react. An overwhelming desire to kiss him warmed my body, I hugged myself and gathered my last energy to go through him and leave.
However, as soon as I stepped out of the room, he pulled me by the arm clinging me to his body and I just gave in. I buried my head in his chest smelling his intoxicating scent, his strong arms encircled me, pulling me gently against him. With him it was always like that, first actions and then words... It worked so well with us. He loosened the hug, I moved away a little so that we could start talking, but instead of talking, Bryan put his lips on mine, without any resistance, I opened my mouth so that we could enjoy it to the fullest... The truth was that I was still madly in love with him and I wasn't going to let my pride interfere with it, not this time. Within moments, I was on tiptoe, entwining his neck and kissing him ardently, in response, he would hold me by the waist and kiss me passionately, sometimes he would release my mouth to kiss my neck and elicit slight moans from me.
I was already panting when we lay on the bed, he continued to kiss me being careful not to put all his weight on top of me, Bryan was so subtle and at the same time so intense.
"Kristine..." he stopped suddenly.I
opened my eyes and saw him looking at me so fondly, and I must have been looking like a fool looking at him so lovingly.
- We need to stop... We're going to have to talk about it... Another time. - he said, his tone of voice was one of insecurity.
I didn't say anything and just nodded, I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would cry again or say something I wasn't sure about yet, like an I love you... A phrase so strong that it can both heal and hurt someone. I closed my eyes and felt his body fall next to me, we would spend the night together... It was what I wanted from the beginning, I just didn't have the courage to admit it before. Fortunately or unfortunately, the single bed wasn't too small, and with a short girl like me, we were able to sleep with a small distance between us, although I'm not sure if I slept and woke up a few times, or if I slept and dreamed all the time.
*
It's not normal for me to wake up early on a Saturday, it was only seven in the morning and I was already sitting on the sofa in the living room looking at the window, I could see that it was windy from the movement of the dry leaves, which should be on the ground. I took a deep breath, trying not to imagine what could have happened yesterday between me and Bryan. I hugged myself slowly, massaging her arms, I wanted to be in bed to feel the warmth of her body. I shook my head, it was happening again, it feels like my hormones are up and ready for a revolution. I close my eyes and as if it were a movie, I remember the moment I woke up... He was breathing normally, his soft face turned towards me, his hair slightly untidy, his right arm and part of his back uncovered - everything made me want to touch him and kiss him. I snapped out of my trance as I felt a faint taste of blood in my mouth, I felt my lips sensitive and for a brief moment I wanted them to be swollen as a consequence of Bryan's kisses. What was happening to me? In the old days when I transformed, the most that occurred was a slight enlargement of my feelings and an increase of all my senses - hearing and smell, mainly - this used to last two or three days. Now I'm looking like one of those college girls who live in heat. Everything is so intense and it gets even worse when I know that I once had, and maybe still have, a crush on Bryan. This makes it hard to think about yesterday's kiss, since I liked it and want more, but I don't know if I'm thinking that way because of yesterday's transformation.
And I get more confused when I think about whether or not I want the animal part of me to be interfering. If she is, I know that in time I will be able to forget it, but if she is not, should I follow my heart and surrender to it or turn away from it since I will never be able to tell about my kind? I open my eyes slowly, it's still windy outside, I throw my head to the side and see my phone lying on the floor. I reach out and pick it up, noticing that there's a message from Vivian that reads:
"What do you mean Jennifer saw you on the street in just your coat?! Call me now!!"
So much had happened yesterday that I had already forgotten about this incident with Jennifer, I read the message again, probably the whole noble part of the city must already know about my outfit from yesterday. I throw my phone on the pillow, I'm not in the mood to call Vivian, I get up from the couch and go to the kitchen, I lean on my back on the table facing the sink.
I remember the day Bryan put me on top of her while kissing me. A smile appeared, but it soon disappeared... It was hard to want to do all that again and then some, even though I knew it might never work.
Kristine, I know you love him and that you're also true to the rules, but I don't want you to suffer... So maybe we can straighten things up a little bit.
Aunt Ju never explained to me what "fixing things" was, I wonder now if I will ever understand, because I really wanted to fix things right now. I let out a long sigh and throw my head back.
I hear a noise and recognize it as the creak of my bedroom door opening, I take a deep breath and feel Bryan's scent approaching. I unsupport myself from the table and walk to the fridge, opening it and grabbing cheese, ham, and milk to make breakfast.-
Good morning. He smiled slightly and stayed close to the table. - You look excited today!
I give a big smile, really I was happy, probably, to be able to visualize the dazzling figure that was Bryan in the morning... He can be beautiful even when he just woke up.
"Good morning," I replied as I picked up bread and the tablecloth.
As soon as he realized what I was doing, Bryan helped me put the tablecloth down and then put it all on the table.
"I thought I was still asleep," I joked, sitting down in the chair.
"I thought you were, too." He laughed and sat down in the chair across from me. "But you know how much of a gentleman I am, and I can't stand to see a girl doing everything by herself.
- You and your chivalry.
I stuck my tongue out at him and in response I received a smile so beautiful that I almost melted, I got ready in my chair and turned my attention to my snack, which was still being prepared. As soon as we started eating, we were silent.
Part of me wanted to start a conversation, but the other dreaded what it might be—what Bryan said we needed to talk about. In the end, neither of them dared to say anything, the atmosphere was a little tense and showed no signs of getting better soon.