Although, Jenn still couldn't help but wonder if she might just be thinking too far ahead. Since she wasn't even certain just yet if she'd be in charge of her people for much longer, like she hoped would be the case. She hoped that she'd eventually be able to find someone that they'd be willing to have take over in her place.
Although, she also had a feeling that all her efforts to avoid that would be in vain. She couldn't say why she felt that way, just that it was a sensation that wouldn't go away. Nor could she come up with an answer as to why it wouldn't. Yet, at the same time, it was a familiar feeling that she felt like she'd encountered before, but couldn't quite place it.
However, no matter how hard she tried to think about it, nothing came to mind. Even as the light started to dim and they settled on a location to set up camp for the night near the road, Jenn hadn't been able to get anything fully sorted out. Nor was she very optimistic about it. It was just another of the things she didn't really expect to get an answer for.
Jenn tried to find something productive to do in the camp, but no matter what she tried, everyone else seemed to have already decided what task everyone was supposed to take care of. Everyone except Jenn.
While she didn't mind having a bit of time to just sit and rest, she also couldn't escape the fact that doing so was just boring. She doubted that the others were doing that on purpose to her, making her bored that is, but she also suspected that this stemmed from how they looked at her as their leader.
She couldn't figure out if it was a cultural thing for them, as to why she was kept from doing anything that even resembled minor menial work, but she was getting a little annoyed about it. Especially since no one seemed inclined to explain anything to her. Although, on the other hand, she hadn't quite explained to them how she was from another world herself. Largely because she wasn't sure how to start that without showing them her life's history like she had with the pronghorn-kin. The method that she gave her a feeling of losing herself to those around her.
Despite all that, she did her best to not let it get to her. One of the last things that she needed was to alienate any of the people with her, just from her either saying the wrong thing the wrong way or from an misunderstanding. As, since she wasn't going to explain how she was from another world, she felt the best thing that she could do would be to try and figure things out on her own, like she couldn't read another person's mind.
When they had prepared a small meal for everyone, Jenn felt satisfied as she ate her portion. She knew that the others weren't happy that she hadn't been given a much larger portion, but that was one of the points she'd made certain that those who went with her understood. That she was to be given the same amount of food as everyone else. Otherwise she suspected that the supplies she'd been able to allot for this trip wouldn't last nearly as long as she'd like.
Although, she did wonder if her calculations about the amount was accurate while she ate. Largely because she wasn't sure how much was needed for the various recipes that the woman in charge of the cooking used. Though, Jenn felt like it was best to trust her in that matter, she still couldn't shake the nagging doubts that plagued her mind about how much of a disaster she was going to lead others into.
It wasn't until Jenn was about to take first watch, that she noticed someone among the group that she recognized. Someone she'd seen before. Even before she'd broken out of the caged wagon with help from the Lost.
When she'd seen the young woman before, she'd had a shaved head, though now she had short mint green hair and her electric pink eyes looked like she might try to hit Jenn from behind again. The same young woman who Jenn had recognized would be her friend, although it wasn't until that very moment that she realized she had seen her face in the dream she'd had where Beth had been killed. Though, while she didn't know the exact details, she did at least recognize that the young woman hadn't been part of those who had killed Beth. That she'd been on Jenn's side in the matter.
While Jenn was confident that they'd become friends, she couldn't exactly say when that might be. It was clear that the young woman didn't look at Jenn as a friend and Jenn was especially conscious about how they'd first met.
"Is there something I did wrong?" Jenn asked, wondering if she could at least try and become friends with her.
The girl blinked, as if she was surprised at Jenn saying something. "Why would you think that? You're the one who saved us. Nothing you did could be wrong."
Jenn couldn't help but sigh. While she had thought that they respected her, that statement felt like it was on a while different level. Like they revered her or something. Though, Jenn wasn't sure if she was reading too much into it or something. It just felt like she should be backing away from this person before they lost it completely.
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Jenn asked. "Like you want to hit me on the back of my head again and knock me out?"
The smile she received in return made Jenn realize that she needed to correct this problem fast. That it wasn't going to end well for her if she didn't lay down a few ground rules. Which she hoped would allow her a segue into getting them to realize why she needed to be allowed to participate in the basic chores involved in setting up camp and breaking it down.
"Because you're the Blue Rose. The one who saved us from who knows what might have happened," she said, making Jenn's stomach start to knot painfully with each word that was said.
She'd only come up with the name the day before, yet it was already known by people who she hadn't said it to. She wasn't sure how quickly news was spread in that little settlement, but apparently at least some things spread like wildfire.
"Uh, why would me being 'The Blue Rose' make you want to hit me over the head and knock me out?" Jenn pressed, feeling like she wasn't going to like the response. Though, she also couldn't help but notice that everyone else were starting to take notice of the conversation and were slowly stopping what they had been doing as they shifted their full attention on what was quickly becoming a lecture for them.
"Because we can't let anything happen to you. We'd all rather die than let you suffer anything," the girl replied, the earnestness in her voice and conviction in her eyes made Jenn groan inwardly.
She had a feeling that with that level of devotion, that there wasn't going to be any possibility for her to find a replacement for herself. Not unless she had a kid of her own, but even with that, she'd have to expect it to take years, at least, before she could have that child take charge. Besides, she knew she'd feel guilty if she bummed this kind of responsibility off any kid of her own. Despite the fact that she wasn't sure if she'd ever have children of her own, given how she was only interested in other girls.
However, while she could tell that she was stuck in her current circumstance with no hope of getting out of it in reality, she also realized that she had an 'out' with the level of regard they held her in. Or at least while they were out away from the settlement that is.
"So, why would you want to let our enemies know who to target?" Jenn asked, as if it was the most natural response in the world. "I would have thought that you'd have realized why it was better to keep who I am to all of you a secret with how I chose stand-ins for myself."
The people around her looked confused. Like they didn't understand what Jenn was getting at, and she had a feeling that they didn't. Otherwise they might have actually thought of this point themselves.
When they didn't say anything for a few minutes, Jenn continued, "Its like this, if someone was watching us set up this camp, what would they have seen?"
Jenn waited for anyone to say something, but couldn't help but sigh when no one did. She wasn't sure if they were afraid of saying the wrong thing or if they honestly didn't have any idea of what to say. Which meant it was going to be more of a chore for Jenn herself.
"If no one can think of anything, let me spell it out for you," Jenn continued, doing her best to keep her annoyance under control. "First, they would see everyone taking care of a chore. One person directing the food preparation, some preparing the fire and collecting wood. Some were getting the bedding ready. Then some were setting up defenses in case of an attack. However, there was one person who wasn't doing anything."
Jenn paused for a moment as she let her words sink in. She saw that most had a look of confusion on their faces, though a couple, like the young woman Jenn had started talking with, were looking like they might be understanding what Jenn herself was getting at. Or at least she hoped it was the start of an understanding.
"So, if they were going to attack, who do you think that they would think would be the most valuable person?" Jenn let the question hang for a minute. She hoped that the people around her would start to pick up on why she was so concerned about it, but at the same time, she wasn't putting out much hope. She wasn't sure what their culture said on the matter, so it wasn't like she knew how to really work with that.
All she could do really was hope to slowly shift the way they thought, so it wouldn't make things more difficult for her. Including keeping her from being so bored with getting camp set up.
However, at the same time, she hoped that someone would answer her question. Though, no one seemed inclined to speak.
"Anyone have an idea?" she asked, not wanting to lead them to every single point that she had to make. If she did that, then she had a feeling this would be a rather long trip indeed. Especially if she had to bring this subject up multiple times.
"Um, they would think that you would be the most valuable," the girl who Jenn had initiated this discussion with said.
Jenn smiled and nodded. "Exactly. So, if they think that I'm the most valuable person, if they attacked, who do you think they would focus on? Who do you think they would make sure wouldn't escape, no matter what?"
While the others had been a little slow on the uptake, Jenn could see the realization of the point she was driving towards register on their faces. Plus, she could see that she at least had one person who was able to think things through, even though it took her a while to figure things out.
Which gave her hope for the people she was with. She wasn't sure what else to expect, but she did have a feeling that they might be able to be reasoned with.
"And that's why we'd need to knock you out so we could get you out of the battle first," the young woman said, shattering all the hopes that Jenn had been building towards.
Although, she hoped that she still might be able to reason with them. As it was clear that they at least could reason through some things. Even if it took them a while.
Or so she hoped.
"That is an option, but then you'd be slowing yourselves down," Jenn explained. "If I participated in the basic chores, then they wouldn't have any reason to identify me as the most valuable person. So, if we were attacked and all of us scattered, then they wouldn't know who to go after, would they? Therefore, I could run off on my own and they wouldn't know who I was in regards to any of you."
Jenn paused again, hoping that they would pick up on her point, though she also had a feeling this was going to be a discussion that probably kept coming up several times on this excursion.
"But you're the Blue Rose, we can't let you demean yourself with such trivialities," one of the other young women in the group protested. "Those things are beneath you!"
Jenn smiled kindly, hoping that this would just be another means for her to try and get it into their heads that Jenn was trying to get them to let her do just that. Or at least, she hoped that they would be capable of hearing her out on the matter without closing their minds off.
"What do you think I'll have to do when we return and one of my stand-ins are in charge at that time? Do you think I'll be able to be seen not doing anything with anyone we bring back with us and not have them wonder if I'm really the one in charge?" Jenn asked, starting to feel a little bit of despair well up inside her as she saw confusion on the faces around her.
So, she decided to try a little different approach, even though she had a feeling that she needed to give the subject a rest for the night and try again another day. Part of her didn't want to do that, wanted to resolve this issue as soon as possible. Despite the fact that another part of her was starting to wonder if it was possible to get it resolved at all.
"Let me put it this way," she continued. "Why do you think I selected others to be my stand-ins?"
Jenn hoped that by making them do the thinking themselves, that she might be able to get them to come to the conclusions she wanted them to and let this matter fully get resolved. Regardless of if they liked the conclusions Jenn planned on leading them to.
"In case someone tries to assassinate you," one of the older young women suggested.
"Okay, let's go with that idea for now," Jenn said, not sure if it was the best option, but she couldn't see how it would hurt. "Now, since my stand-ins don't look anything like me, if they see my not doing anything around my stand-in, why wouldn't they think that they might have learned who the Blue Rose really is? Why wouldn't they then try to kill me directly when one of my stand-ins is the Blue Rose at that moment?"
Jenn couldn't help but wonder if she was using too many words as she could see the eyes of several of the young women around her glazing over. There were a few who weren't, but she couldn't be sure that it'd be enough. Though, she had a feeling it wouldn't be a problem to get solved with just one excursion like this.
"Why don't we just finish up with dinner then everyone who isn't on watch go to bed?" Jenn suggested, suddenly feeling more tired than she had a moment before.
She suspected that her impassioned speech had drained her of more energy than she had expected that it would. Although, she wouldn't have done anything different if she had to do it over again.
Then, while she had thought that the speech had pretty much been a waste, she caught the girl who'd sparked the speech looking at Jenn. Like she was trying to figure something out. Jenn wasn't sure what to make of it, but when the girl saw that she'd been caught, she quickly looked elsewhere.
Jenn wasn't sure what to make of it, but she didn't feel like spending any energy at the moment on the subject. She doubted that it would be the last time she brought it up, so she was confident that there'd be other opportunities for her to find out what that look at the end had been about.
As Jenn made herself comfortable with her blankets, she couldn't help but wonder if there was something that she could do that the others wouldn't object to, or be able to object to, that would be considered a task that would at least keep it from being apparent how important she herself was to the others in her traveling party.
Jenn also couldn't help but realize that the big issue with her being the one in charge wasn't as much about being popular as she thought earlier that day. It was about how all these people were looking to her to be there whenever they needed her to be. Regardless of what it was about. Which Jenn was confident she'd eventually let them down in one way or another if she wasn't able to figure out a way out of it.
_
Embris yawned as the light of the sun started to brighten the horizon over the top of the Stone Mountain. She was finishing the last watch and she wasn't surprised to see that it was as uneventful as it always had been since they'd arrived here. Or at least since they'd encountered the locals of the plains.
Before, since they'd reached the plains, there had always been at least a close encounter with one of the big hunting cats along the plains. Mostly because they had their eyes on their donkeys. Which, naturally, they couldn't allow.
Yet now, the closest they heard the cats was with them off in the distance. Embris had her own ideas of why that was, but she couldn't say that it really mattered. Since they hadn't seen the locals, so it wasn't like Embris could ask them why. Even if it was merely to confirm her suspicions.
While she doubted that they had really left, the locals hadn't shown themselves and no one else in their caravan had seen them.
While Embris wouldn't mind if they left this day, rather than continuing to wait for whatever the merchant was waiting for, she knew that she'd probably do better if she was able to get some real sleep after this watch. As sleeping in the wagons while they were moving wasn't as simple as Embris had originally thought.