I've always been timid when I'm around people.
A person who is reserved when interacting with others. Someone who simply just doesn't want to be a bother to anyone.
But because of my reticent attitude, my parents always praised me for being kind and selfless. It made me delighted that I could make them happy by just being kind to others so it gradually became my dominant personality. It also makes me happy to see others I care for smile. That is why it clung to me, the desire to please others. To prioritize others' happiness over mine because I know that in turn it will make me happy.
Although sometimes I get selfish thoughts.
I wanted the last slice of pizza, but I know my little brother also really wants it.
I wanted to go out with my very few close friends just to have fun all day, but I know It would make my overprotective parents worry.
I wanted to watch romance movies, but I know my big brother hates those kinds of films.
I wanted to tell my big brother that I'm playing CoA, but I know he would abandon his practice for the sake of playing with me.
I wanted many things, but if what I wanted would just lead to others' inconvenience, then it's better to keep it inside.
That is... until I heard her say it.
"Prioritize yourself more. It's okay to be selfish sometimes even if you think you're being a bother!"
That one statement resonated inside me, it made me want to get close to her. So I accepted her offer to help me.
Then it went on.
The time we spend together has been the most fun I've ever had.
The way she helps me even though I know I'm an inconvenience.
The way she teaches me all I need to learn and more.
The way she gives me stuff that I know is worth a lot from what I read at the CoA community.
The way she smiles at me even when I'm being selfish. I can sense its authenticity and that she truly wishes for my happiness.
It made me realize that I can also make people that I care for smile even if I get a little bit selfish as long as they know I'm happy too.
It made me realize that true happiness is not attained through self-sacrifice but through mutual reciprocation. Not something linear, but something akin to a cycle.
That is why I'm trying my best to catch up to her so that I can help her too when I'm strong enough.
That is also why I'm trying my hardest not to waste her effort in teaching someone like me.
".....rissa, Clarissa!"
"Huah wha-" I was caught off guard.
"The movie is already over, you were spacing out. Something on your mind?" My brother called out to me worriedly.
"Oh, nothing brother, I was just thinking about the ending," I lied.
I can't very well tell him that I'm playing CoA, not when their qualifier round is coming up this week. It would be just an unnecessary distraction for him. He should be focusing on his practice, not on me.
"I know right? I was shocked to find that the killer was his best friend all along!" he stated as he browsed the TV for another movie to watch.
"Oh! do you want to watch this? They say this movie is good. I heard one of the best parts is when the protagonist says 'It's morbin' time!' Then he proceeds to morb all over the bad guys! It looked so cool when I first saw it in the trailers," he rambled on.
I see... that does sound kinda cool. I thought to myself.
Although if I remember correctly, his qualifier matches are coming up. I don't want him to neglect his practice because of me.
"But, shouldn't you be practicing for the uhm... tournament you'll be having? You told me it's almost up right?" I asked hesitantly.
"Ohh, we will be practicing later tonight, but for now, one of my teammates is just going to be busy boosting my 'other' teammate for the qualifiers." After contemplating for a bit, he murmured in a low voice that I failed to hear. "Though I don't think she even needs help in the first place."
"I see..." I replied, not really knowing what to say.
"So anyway, you wanna watch this one?" He showed me on the smart TV screen a picture of a man whose half of his face is transformed into what I can only identify as a fanged monster.
I glanced at the digital wall clock on top of the family living room. It's already past noon. Good thing today is a Sunday so there are no classes. Although it's nearly time for Novo and me to meet. We agreed that we would play this afternoon.
He then made a pleading face while asking me with a pitiful voice "Don't you want to spend time with your brother?"
I felt my knees wobble, I almost gave in. No Clarissa! You need to endure! You already made a promise to Novo that you will meet her today!
"S-sorry brother, I already made a promise to a friend," it takes all of my willpower to decline him.
My brother's attitude turned 360 degrees.
"Is this the same friend you meet up with almost every day?" He said in a serious tone.
"Y-yes, why do you ask?"
"Is your friend a boy or a girl?"
"She's a girl," I replied honestly.
He visibly calmed after that.
"Listen, Clarissa, I know you trust this person but I just can't help but worry about you."
"...I understand, brother."
"Do you really? You're naive, clumsy, gullible, and easily susceptible to doing others favors."
"Ughh!" So this is what Novo sometimes calls a critical hit.
"There was that time when you fainted due to hunger in school because you gave all your lunch money to a homeless person you met on the way."
"Guh!" Another critical hit as my cheeks redden even more.
"There was also that time when our parents got called because it has been found that you let the entire class copy the assignment that only a few of you guys got to finish."
"Hugh!" In my defense, that assignment was pretty unfair so I helped all my classmates, I didn't want them to have a bad grade, not if I could help it. It made me quite embarrassed that my parents were even dragged into it.
"There was also that time you-"!
"Okay, okay, I get it brother, just.... please stop reminding me of embarrassing things!" I pleaded.
He sighed, "My point is you're too kind for your own good. Just please promise me you will not let yourself be taken advantage of by 'this' person you are constantly meeting online. There are many people over the net that may appear kind to you online but in real life, they carry extremely malicious intentions, especially to someone as cute as you."
"I promise."
Though to be honest, it is the other way around. I feel like I'm the one who takes advantage of her.
He then returned to his usual caring smile.
"Go on then, don't let me keep you up any longer."
I breathe in relief that he didn't push any further. I don't expect that I can keep my secret any longer if he even pushes a little bit more considering how clumsy I am with these things. Though I promised myself I would tell everything after his qualifiers. The thought of his surprised face when he sees that I'm also playing his favorite game and his astonishment at how strong I've become makes me unconsciously smile.
"Hehehe," I grinned.
I can't wait to introduce him to Novo so that he will know for sure how kind Novo is. It will surely alleviate his concerns about who my online friend is. I'm sure these two will get along cause they're both very kind people.
I excitedly went upstairs to my room. I opened my door to find a spacious enclosure. The walls are painted in a warm yellow-cream color, with pink and peach highlights from the furniture. Light wooden hardwood flooring provides a contrasting warmth to the chill of the outside. The window is opened just slightly, allowing sunshine to shine in and dance in the wind, creating a gentle breeze. The large furniture that holds my stuffed animals is made of a variety of woods and paints, with some white and pink floral patterns as decoration and a pop of color. The walls are adorned with photos, drawings, and paintings, creating a cozy space with a plethora of personal touches. Near my bed is my VR pod, its floral design matches the entire room, vastly enhancing its beauty.
I quickly went inside the VR pod so I could meet Novo again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I am currently inside a creepy dark forest in the Demon continent famous for its leveling spot for mid-level players. The forest loomed before me like an ancient cathedral, its canopy of dense foliage blocking out most of the daylight. As I stepped onto the gnarled roots and fallen leaves, an eerie silence enveloped me, broken only by the occasional rustle of unseen creatures in the underbrush. The trees, ancient and towering, seemed to lean in, as if whispering secrets amongst themselves, their branches intertwining like skeletal fingers against the overcast sky. Vines snaked around trunks and roots like serpents, adding to the sense of entanglement and obscurity.
It was a bit scary at first, but I know it will all be worth it after I meet her as she never failed to protect me.
With each step, my excitement grew. Even in this dark forest, I could feel the anticipation bubbling as I made my way to the designated place.
Then I saw her, a smile lit up the entire space as our eyes met. We both moved almost involuntarily, closing the distance.
"Looks like I'm the first one to arrive today," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, you beat me to it again, I wanted to arrive first," I said, a bit disappointed.
"No can do, can't let a cute girl like you wait for me," she jested.
I know she is just joking whenever she calls me cute, but even so, my heart skips a beat every time she does.
"Wh-what will we be doing today?" I quickly changed the subject to not let her notice.
"Remember the friend I talked to you about, she will be helping us today in grinding XP." As if noticing something, she did a double-take and continued. "Oh, looks like she's already here too."
As I turned around I saw a beautiful girl. She is the epitome of elegance and grace. Blonde hair falls neatly past her shoulders, and pale blue eyes glimmer with liveliness. She stands in a regal custom knight set whose design leans more on aesthetics rather than practicality. However, from what I learned from Novo, costume sets like that have more stats than normal ones since they are custom-crafted by high-level blacksmiths. It serves as a symbol of both her strength and power in this game. All the while, a soft, elegant smile complements her beauty, though there is also a hint of mischievousness from it.
When she spotted us, she then charged at Novo and hugged her. My heart sank at that.
"Kat!" She cried out.
She's even on a nickname basis with Novo, I know her real name is Katherine when she told it to me one time, but it still felt off calling her anything other than Novo.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I pried Novo away from her by clutching her left arm. As I did, the newcomer finally noticed me.
"Ohh, is this the companion you're talking about? She's sooo cute! But hmmm... she kind of looks familiar though." She said as she surveyed me from head to toe.
I hide behind Novo like I always do while staring at her cautiously.
"Aww, I think she doesn't like me," she smiled awkwardly.
"Don't mind it too much, Clarissa is always like that around people. Give it time, she will open up to you eventually," Novo stated while she gave me a quick, reassuring look.
I know I'm being selfish as I cling to her more than necessary, but I can't seem to help it as this foreign emotion wells up inside me.
I tightened my grip on Novo's hand while I stared at the newcomer with newfound determination.
At least, please let me continue being selfish on this matter.