Colonel Mason Kent looks so confused and also amazed that it makes Alycia Reese struggle to continue. However, maybe the feeling that Mason might understand presses her to continue. He is a soldier after all.
"When I was 8, I was kidnapped and taken hostage by the terrorist organization my father and his division were fighting against," she starts in a low voice, making the Colonel's eyes flicker.
"What do you -"
"I don't know the details either," Alycia Reese interrupts Mason and continues, "You know how things work in the army, Mr. Kent. Everything is always so confidential. All I knew was that those people tried to gain something from the army by holding me hostage and... I was chosen because my father was the one they abhorred the most."
Shocked as the Colonel is, he is not unfamiliar with such a situation. Such an incident has happened a few times in his line of work and... he cannot come up with anything to say.
What could he possibly say to her? He is a soldier too!
"I was rescued with some light injuries but you know, life is never the same again since then." Alycia narrows her eyes as she recalls the painful events that followed. "Since that incident, fear never leaves my mother and my father... he is still bearing the guilt. Do you know what's worse?" She takes a moment for herself before she concludes, "My parents divorced soon after, and until now, it still feels like I'm responsible for it."
Mason Kent is still struggling for words to say, perhaps because he understands why Alycia tells him all this. If the story were to be different, if... just if he could be sure that it would never happen again, he might be able to say something but that is not the case.
He knows his work better than anyone.
"My mother still does not approve of me getting acquainted with soldiers," Alycia Reese says after almost a minute of silence. "She wants me to have nothing to do with them and... it was also why she never accepted Elliot. It was never easy for me to go on while knowing that I made my mother worry all the time."
After another deliberate pause, Alycia says, "I respect your feelings and I also know you are a good person, Mr. Kent." She gently shakes her head as she continues, "But I can't afford to do it again. After all these years, I don't think I can go against my mother and put her through all those worries again. You also deserve so much better."
She finally draws the line after struggling to do it before but Alycia still wonders if she is doing the right thing. Perhaps because it is her first time telling her story to someone apart from Elliot McCall. However, her father's identity remains a secret. Even Elliot has no idea about it.
Before the breakup, she had planned to reunite with her father and also introduced the two soldiers to each other but... it is now out of the question.
"I am sorry," is what Mason Kent says when he finally breaks his long silence, taking Alycia Reese by surprise once again. "You must have suffered a lot." His voice is extremely low when he adds, "Me and my fellow soldiers should have done our job better."
The Colonel is still so calm, patient, and also understanding that it somewhat stuns Alycia. Is he always like this? He only makes her feel bad! Not to mention that she can sense the guilt Mason is feeling and she hates it because it reminds her of her father.
"Mr. Kent, apart from those bad guys, how is that anyone's fault?" She rhetorically asks, sounding somewhat frustrated. "I can't understand you people. Why must you take the blame for something that's beyond your control?"
She fixates her gaze firmly on the Colonel as if she were demanding an answer. It's the truth. She truly wishes to hear his response, all because the minds of the soldiers in her life are beyond her understanding. However, she is rendered stupefied once again when she sees the Colonel smiling. Still, she fails to interpret what that smile signifies. It is somewhere between genuine and forced.
"I'm sorry," Mason Kent apologizes once again and explains, "It's just that... I have heard that question so many times before." Realizing that it is now his time to explain, Mason Kent takes a moment for himself and says, "Our line of work is very different, Miss Reese; so, I don't expect you to understand everything. However, for a soldier like me and your father whom you talked about, our duty is more important than anything."
A rather sad smile appears on Mason's face when he rhetorically asks, "Do you know when we feel like a failure?" Narrowing his eyes for a split second, he says, "It's when we fail to protect others no matter how much effort we give. When losing a comrade or failing to fulfill our duty, our minds are filled with 'if only'."
He looks somewhat traumatized and hurt when he mutters, "If only I did that... if only I didn't do that... if only I trained a little harder... if only I were a bit stronger." He makes a deliberate pause once again and forces a little smile as he says, "These kinds of thoughts."
"Are you saying that it was right for my father to feel guilty?" Alycia Reese promptly asks but Mason shakes his head.
"I am saying that I understand how your father must have felt," he clarifies. "Have you ever failed to protect a loved one or someone close to you, Miss Reese?"
Mason's voice is especially low when he asks her the question and it makes Alycia confused and surprised at the same time. However, before she can even answer him, she hears his voice again.
"I hope you never have to experience such a hellish thing," Mason Kent says in that same low voice and adds, "A strong guilt will be much more dangerous and destructible than you could imagine, Miss Reese. It also does not just go away with time."
It seems as if Mason Kent talks from experience but what occupies Alycia's mind more is something else. It's the feeling that enters her mind while listening to the Colonel.
This man sitting before her has so many similarities with her father. He reminds her of her father and she does not know if this is a good thing or not. Not to mention that she never felt this way about Elliot though he is also a soldier.
A few seconds pass in silence before Alycia is snapped out of her stupor by the sound of a ringtone that does not belong to her. She then notices Mason taking out his phone. As he looks at the caller ID, Mason's expression looks somewhat... troubled. It also seems like he is hesitating to answer the call. However...
"I have to answer this call," he eventually says to Alycia who nods her head. Then he rises from his seat and walks out of the restaurant with Alycia's gaze trailing him until he is out of her sight.
*
"Mother," Mason Kent mutters once he puts his phone next to his ear. Like earlier, that hint of hesitation is still visible on his face despite appearing quite calm.
"Are you already back to the camp?"
"No," he promptly replies. "I am having lunch." He waits for a moment but his mother on the other line remains quiet. Still, he says nothing and continues waiting until he finally hears his mother's voice again.
"I am sorry for earlier," the mother says in a low voice from the other line. "I should not have pressured you and got angry at you like that."
Hearing out his mother, Mason Kent feels something that is more than familiar to him - the unignorable guilt that always drives him towards something, regardless of whether he is okay with it or not.....