"Okay, Maya, I want you to take a deep breath, relax and talk. I'm listening to you"
The woman in the seat adjacent to me was my therapist.
I was being overly anxious these past few weeks since Nora had received her admission letter.
It always felt like someone was watching me, or following me, and when I thought about it, the only person I think would do that was Nora's father.
All this alertness and being on the edge was interfering with my daily routines, I had to get it checked.
"Start with a simple introduction. What you do, your family, your hobbies, and all that. I want to get to know you first"
"I'm a neurosurgeon, I carry out surgeries in different hospitals in different countries, I like cooking, drawing or painting, traveling too. That's one thing I love about my job. I get to visit a lot of places.
"That's nice. What about your family?"
"My family... umm... it's complicated. I'm a single mum though, and I have a daughter, she is a four-year-old kindergartner"
"Her father?" I was hesitant to answer that. "I ran away from him"
She seemed intrigued.
"Why? Did he maltreat you occasionally, or something else"
"It was an arranged marriage between our families, and though I loved him, it was one-sided.
He only saw me as a trophy to showcase to others. He and his family didn't care how I was feeling, if I was sick, tired, or anything, my job was simple.
Dress as expensive as possible so people would think they were taking good care of me, giving my husband sex and sexual pleasure whenever he wanted it, it didn't matter if I was tired, and bearing him children that will serve as his heirs.
Nothing more. I don't even think he valued or respected me as much"
"That sounds terrible"
"It was. I'm a hopeless romantic so I couldn't bear it. I lost it when I found out that he cheated on me with his secretary, but by then I was already pregnant with his child.
I just packed my things and left, but then not even my own family took me back. They scolded me for leaving my husband and being disloyal to him. They disowned me later on for not going back, so I was pretty much on my own from there.
Books don't tell you how tough motherhood is especially when you're all by yourself"
"I'm sorry you had to go through that. So when we talked on the phone, you said you have been feeling too anxious, over security conscious, and always had this constant feeling of being watched or followed, like you don't feel safe?"
"Yes. This was just a recent feeling. My daughter, Nora just got admission last week even though she is a year less than the required age, ever since then, I've had this nagging feeling that I'm being spied on"
"Can you explain more?"
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
I was standing by my car just in front of the school, waiting for it to close so I could pick up Nora.
She had just begun kindergarten the previous week. It was a miracle she even got in as she is only four which is a year less than the required age, but her brilliance had bagged her the admission anyway.
It had been a struggle for me to allow her to go off to a place where I couldn't monitor or be with her.
What if she needed me? What if she got hurt? What if something happens to her?
Those were among the questions that kept going through my mind, but Nora was braver than I was as she was ecstatic about the idea of a new school.
That isn't me.
I would always think whenever I saw her like that. She was too much of her father; brave and confident like him, smart, creative, and active like him, amenable and charming like him, even her looks were just like his.
She was the feminine version of him no argument about that, and I didn't have a problem.
But I sometimes wished she wasn't so much like him. It only reminded me of him and made me ache for him more...
"Mum!!"
I turned and saw her running towards me.
I bent and opened my arms to welcome her into an embrace which she ran into.
"My little dragon" I squeezed her tightly in a joking manner.
"Ow, mum, you're squeezing me!" She whined with a small giggle.
"Really? Aren't dragons strong enough to break free?"
"I'm still a small dragon, I can't overpower you yet" she complained further.
I chuckled and released her. I opened the door for her, she scuttled inside immediately and sat on the child safety seat in the passenger front seat.
I buckled the seatbelts across her chest and began driving.
"How was school, sweetheart?"
"It was nice. One of the girls in my class celebrated her birthday. She shared her cake and a lot of snacks with us. My teacher put some in my bag"
"Sounds fun"
"It was. The cake was very nice"
I was glad she was adapting well to this new phase of her life.
Sometimes I can't imagine how fast she is growing.
It feels just like yesterday I ran away from her father with her in my belly, and now she is four and already a kindergartner.
The fight wasn't easy, I knew nothing about motherhood, and it wasn't like anyone was there for me. Everyone I knew and loved abandoned me to face the music alone, and I was fine with that.
She was my child. No one could raise her better than I could. I did all I could to secure a future for her and give her all the happiness in the world, and I'm proud I made it through.
We reached our home, parked our car in the garage, and entered the elevator to the tenth floor.
When I unlocked the door, Nora dashed in, took off her shoes and jacket, and hung them on the wall.
I went to the kitchen and heaved a huge sigh of relief.
I was more on the edge these days, the fear of my ex-husband finding me and coming back is more pronounced.
*RING*
"Mum, someone's at the door!" She yelled.
I went back into the sitting room. Nora was lying on our dog, Trishi's back, and with her tablet.
I passed her and opened the door. My friend, Abigail, and her daughter were at the door.
"Hi, Abby" I greeted, "Hi, Maya" She replied, "Hello, Aunty Maya" Lorraine, her four-year-old daughter greeted. "And hello to you too, sweetheart" I hugged her. Once I released her, she ran inside and got on the floor with Nora.
They were having a sleepover.
Abby gave me Lorraine's bag with a brief tutorial on some things concerning Lorraine. Once she was done, she left.
I switched on a cartoon for them on the television and placed some snacks on the table.
They sat down and began watching with a lot of focus.
I picked up my laptop and continued with the recent research I had been doing.
While doing that, I received an email from an unknown sender.
My heart began pounding fast against my chest.
My brain lost control of my fingers and they began controlling themselves.
I tapped on the mail and found a photo which I downloaded.
My eyes went wide and almost lost hold of my laptop. My hands began trembling, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing;
A photo of me in the dinning holding my laptop, Trishi, Nora and Lorraine in the couch facing the television, and everything else just as how the living room was now.
We had floor to ceiling windows, and it seemed like this stalker took the picture from the next building beside us.
I got up cautiously and examined it. No one suspicious seemed to be there.
I didn't like that.
I grabbed the curtains and pulled them shut to cover the glass.
"Mum? Are you okay?" Nora asked, noticing how anxious and worried I was looking, probably even sweating too.
"Yes, baby, I'm fine. Continue watching your cartoon and don't worry about me" she complied immediately and faced the television while Trishi came and sat by my feet.
"I'm definitely being spyed on!"