The sound of the alarm clock is keeping my subconscious awake. The repetitive melody and rhythm makes me feel tossed by the waves, thorned by roses, and choked by my own memories. I want to stand up, see the world, and witness light once again, but my body's disobedience seems to be outweighing my will to create changes.
"I think it's time that you stop being a hedgehog!"
This is Catherine, my biggest rival/enemy. She is helping me from losing my mind, but not through a comfort nor some flowery words. However , that is actually why she became my friend, a real friend at that.
"Ohhh.. believe me, neither do I want to stay hidden in the dark for long. But my body is too heavy to lift, my soul feels empty, even my energy is drained to minimum."
"Some injustice… " she whispered while looking out the window. Which in fact I heard, as if she meant for me to hear it.
As she opened the curtain, the sunlight pierced through my eyes. "Boo-hoo.. stop with the ponderous prose, Julliene."
So I tucked myself into my blanket, but she tried to get me out of bed. She looked at me with those ideal eyes, clearly with some intentions, some hidden agenda.
"Uh-ughh.. no, no! What's with that look?" I'd rather sleep for a hundred years than to hear what she has to say.
"No, it's.. I- uhh, I just thought of a funny idea. "
"That didn't made me feel reassured, just so you know." I don't really trust this girl when she have this look. I mean, not her when she's directly smirking at me over some presupposition in mind.
The next day…
Contrary to what I said, here I am, waiting for her to arrive at the address she gave me.
It's been half an hour since I arrived but she's not answering her phone. Turns out that the address she gave me was a secluded bar for VIP's. However, I must admit that the place looks captivating from the outside. It's been quite a few years since I've been to places like this one.
I was a bit hesitant to come but I don't think I came with regrets. The music seems to be pulling me inside, stimulating my consciousness with overflowing curiosity and excitement.
It is already 9 pm so I decided to enter the place. I attempted to open the door but before I could even get it, I was stopped by the door supervisor or what everyone calls the bouncer.
"Do you have the BIP Card, miss?" Said the man who's wearing solid white twills and broadcloths tuxedo, and seemingly too big from my perspective, which means he's literally two times bigger than me.
"Uhh.. no, I-uh.. I mean my friend asked me to come."
"She's with me, Greg." says the handsome guy who arrived in a Porsche 718 Spyder wearing Tom Ford's Black Wool Mohair Shelton Tuxedo. He looks surreal, his facial features were not something you'd commonly see down the road. Such a rare gem if I may add, but not as dazzling as the sports car behind him, I chuckled.
The bouncer, whom he called Greg, bowed to him in a polite manner, which made me think that he's not someone ordinary.
"Welcome, sir An-…" Greg was cut off by this man just by looking at him, which I presume have hidden message.
"I'm afraid she's not wearing the Ladies' Dress Code, uhh- sir.."
This man stared at me for a second and started analyzing me from head to toe. He walked closer and acted like he was about to hug me. He leaned closer to me and it made me too nervous to even move. In addition, he pulled the laces from the back of my dress that creates a backless lace dress wherein the laces were locked with a knot.
As I am wearing a red dress with laces that supports and covers the open back dress, with a hip to toe side slit, what he did completely left my back exposed, which startled me and left me too stunned to react.
"Let's get rid of the laces, mademoiselle." He whispered to me in a seductive voice yet in a very respectful manner.
"Greg.." He said as he smiled at him and held me gently at my back. We walked together until we reached the center stage. At the split of a second, he disappeared from my sight. I looked at every corner but he was nowhere to be seen. Well, of course I wanted to know his name at the very least, I thought to myself.
There were not much of a crowd but I can sense a very different ambience from this place. Everyone looks elegant and refined, which makes me feel nostalgic.
I saw 'the bar' with a very classic design that emphasized vintage style and the amusement dragged me closer. "Espresso martini, please." I requested from the bartender.
"Such a random order, but not closer to a challenge." The bartender said as he looked confused yet amazed.
"I may have to agree to that." said someone who's standing behind me. It was Catherine.
"Can you come in a more orderly manner? Why are you so late?" I replied to her as she sat beside me.
"Just.. you know, things happened. Anyways, how were you able to get in? Hhmmm.. I assume you've met someone already. " she chuckled and left me in a dazed.
How did she know? Well, come to think of it, their security seems to be more tight. It's no wonder she'd think that.
"One Espresso Martini, madame."
I had a sip of it and observed everyone within my vicinity. I saw Catherine took a whole glass of vodka from the side table. She has a low alcohol tolerance, though. As I thought of this, I attempted to go get her. However, I saw the handsome man whom I met earlier, talked to her. He assisted her at the bar so I decided to go to the bathroom instead.
After I left the bathroom, I texted Catherine that I will be heading home first considering I have an early appointment for my interview.
She should be fine, she's with her boyfriend and he seems to be a gentleman.
At midnight, I arrived home already. But after going out from being stuck at home for weeks, I felt kinda stuffy. So I decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air. I came across a playground and I saw someone sitting on a swing. That's..
"He-n…" I stopped myself from calling him as I remembered what he did to me recently which struck me like a lightning. Right, we broke up, I reminded myself. Months have passed already since that time, how could I not get over it yet? Instead of unwinding, I ended up hurting myself even more as the scenario from that night keeps on repeating.
I wish I didn't met him. I wish he would just disappear from my memory. I wish he stops on reoccurring into every places we've been. I just wish that I haven't loved him as much as I did, but what should I do? I curse him, get mad at him, but I still do… I do still love him.
I ran away as fast as I could before he'd even notice me.
What is he doing here? Why is he alone? Why does he look sad when he chose t-.. when he chose to cast me away from his life?
I can't deny that my mind and my heart wavered when I saw him. I saw him from a distance but my heart still feels closer to his. Tears suddenly flowed through my eyes when a memory flashed back to me, I remember his unwavering eyes as he stared at me and destructed the fairytale I created with him in mind in just three words.
'Let's end this.'
At a distance, I saw the Porsche that I saw earlier, parked outside of my house. Catherine got out from the car and went straight into my house. However, I didn't see the handsome man. He just drove past me after dropping Catherine home. I was not wrong to trust that man as her chauffeur for the night.
When I arrived at my doorstep, I saw Catherine sitting in there looking drunk. I assisted her inside and helped her fix herself. If I think about it, I'm supposed to be the one who needs to be fixed.
'If someone knows how to fix a broken heart, please hurry and assist me. Hayyyss…' I sighed to myself.
Later on, I washed up and went to bed.
'Let's just get some sleep and wish for the best result for tomorrow's interview. I've got to grab this chance of internship at any cost. It's one step closer to proving myself and end this despair, or eliminate one of it at the very least. '
'Don't let the night decide for what will come tomorrow.' That's what I keep reminding myself, though I had trouble remembering it for a while.