Lorcan left. I was looking out of the window and saw the first rays of daylight struggling to find their way through the clouds. The break of day was a sight to watch. Part of the sky was still dark with clouds while the light was shining on the tops of the mountains. There was a bit of snow there and in the sun the snow was glistening and sparkling. Beneath There was a forest deep green because of the conifers and then lighter shades of green, yellow and red as the leaves were changing their color for the coming winter. I wanted to get out of the castle and to ride in that colorful forest.
I got dressed and braided my hair. Gelda brought me breakfast and I ate alone in my room. I decided to wait till the sun would make the air warmer and then stroll around the castle.
Clad In a fur coat I went out. Lorcan took about thirty guards with him; the rest were either keeping their positions on the bridge posts or in the castle. Others simply rested in their part of the castle, which was a big building made of stone next to the stables. Three men were tending to horses, a maid was carrying a basket with laundry and some kitchen helpers were fetching food from the food storage. They all looked so busy. I was so focused on the inner bailey that his sudden appearance made me petrified for a moment. It was that servant with scarred lips. The one that was sent to me the very first day I arrived. He was carrying a bucket with some leftovers. He had some thin clothes that made him shiver. I stepped aside and let him through. He lowered his head and moved. On impulse I took the scarf I was wearing and wrapped it around the young man's neck and chest.
"What's your name?" I asked.
He looked at me and I noticed panic in his eyes. He wasn't ready to talk to me, so I stepped aside. He went his way, carrying that bucket and wrapped in my scarf. I took a good look at him, he was a bit older than me and despite the scars on his lips, he was not bad looking. Once he was Lorcan's lover, now he was treated as a rug in this place. Mutilated both on his body and in his soul. Was I any different from him? I heard that he usually kept his new toys for a while, two, three months before he got tired of them. I was wondering how much time left till I will be carrying buckets around, hopefully without such scars.
I wanted to comfort myself that Lorcan had some feelings for me, that I was different from the others. However it was possible that he was attracted to me only because I was a royalty, something rare.
I felt the cold filling my body from inside out. I didn't feel like going back yet. I decided to take a stroll along the wall around the whole castle. Every now and then I was looking outside. The outer walls were made of stones that went smoothly into the hard rock the castle was standing on. I was good at climbing but that was too scary to try. I went back to my room.
For the next three days I was walking outside, I even went to the bridge and was allowed to walk as far as the first post. I also found the man with scarred lips and gave him a simple jacket that would keep him warm as well as some sweet cookies. It was all I could do for him. For a moment I felt generous but then the young man looked at me. Maybe he was grateful for my doing, still in his eyes I could see he was pitying me. Truth to be told there was nothing I could do, I had no real power and soon his fate might be mine. He said nothing, he only took what I gave him.
"I know what you think. Your present might be mine tomorrow." Having said that, I left. I haven't seen him for the next two days and I wasn't looking for him either.
In the evening Gelda was preparing my bath, because I requested it. I knew that whatever Gelda told me was with Lorcan's blessing even so I asked her.
"What's the name of that young man with the scars on his lips?"
"Andy." She replied while bringing me some towels.
"How long was he Lorcan's lover?" I pushed for more answers.
"Not even a month and the Lord never treated him well." Gelda was soaping my hair and she looked ready to answer any other question I'd ask.
"Do you know why?"
"Hard to say. I know he was a commoner and he was from a brothel. That's all I know."
I dunked my head and closed my eyes. As I finished taking a bath Gelda handed me an oil for my hair. I took a few drops and rubbed it into my hair.
"Has the Lord had many lovers before me?"
"Yes, quite a few. They change frequently. They never last long" She admitted looking at me. I wasn't sure whether she was pitying me or feeling happy about my future downfall.
"I see, thank you Gelda for your assistance." I smiled and wrapped myself in a robe and sat down in front of a fireplace.
Gelda closed the door and I could hear her steps in the corridor. I was left alone in my room with my own thoughts that were rather gloomy. I kept thinking how much time left till I'll be thrown out or possibly sold. After all, I had a value as a former prince, probably I would have been a star in a brothel, at least for a year or two. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to believe that he felt different about me, that there was something between us. I actually missed him.