The next day.
School ended with nothing of importance to mention.
Of course there is nothing to mention, I just hate that place. I'm glad it's over for today.
And then, I found out It's already evening.
With nothing to do, as I just lay down on my bed, I found myself scrolling through old messages. And once again, feeling disgusted with myself. I see old conversations with people who were closest to me. Those I called my "friends." And, among those, I found that one chat. A chat with that one girl. The girl who meant the world to me. And the girl I destroyed.
Why? Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Why? Why?!
I stop that daily routine of self hatred before I'll not be able to control it and I get out of bed.
I put on my hoodie, comfortable clothes, my shoes and of course, I take my headphones and then, I go running.
I don't particularly like to run. In fact, I'm not very good at it, I lose my breath after like 200 meters. I feel horrible and can't breathe. I can't focus on anything but my breath, music and running. My head isn't free to think, when it tries to scream, it can't, because my body hurts and it needs to focus on my running. I feel horrible and I feel like I'm dying. But, it's quiet. So yes, you can say I hate it. And thus, I do it.
I don't have any specific route or any distance I wanna cover, I just run. So I ran. I ran for about an hour or so? I'm not quite sure. Not like it matters anyway.
I sat on a bench on that one park I found. And now I think again. But this time, it's about that one conversation I had with that girl. That goddess-like girl. That peculiar, mysterious girl. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she thought about our "conversation" or whatever it was ever since then. Oh hell no. Are you stupid? Why would she think about that, about you? You stupid tomato, stop being arrogant, you are irrelevant.
Tomato…
I'm so weird.
After just one conversation. Or barely even a conversation, I don't know what that was. Something that lasted for about 5-10 minutes. Something that is probably so insignificant to her.
For me, it's all I can think about. Fuyuki Toa didn't leave my mind.
"…"
…..
"..."
…..???
"Sup?"
"..."
"...."
"When did you get here?"
"Like a minute ago, I think. I just saw you sitting here looking dead so I came up to say hi."
"I see…?"
Is that normal? To just sit down next to someone because they look dead?? Am I the weird one for finding it odd? Am I insane or is he?
"How did you get here? Almost no one goes to this park, and it's my first time seeing you here."
"I just ran until I found myself here. I didn't know such a place existed in our town."
"Yes, it's quiet, right? I like it. I come here a lot. After work, before school, and sometimes, after running as well. It's my favorite place. So yes, It's pretty weird seeing someone here enjoying my favorite place."
"I see."
Wait? Did he say work?
"You said after work?"
"Yes, I just got here after work now. Well, if you can call that 'thing' work."
"What do you do for work?"
"..."
…..
A stare that could kill. His eyes, murderous. Angry. Dreadful. And… sad.
That look when I asked that, as if it was the most horrible thing a person can ever ask. He turned quiet. Too quiet. It was the loudest silence I've ever heard.
But who can blame him? A complete stranger Intruding into your life after you just met him. It's no wonder he'd give me that look.
Even though that stare…
That look, that squealing stillness, only made me more curious.
"I'm 18. I'm in my last year, class 3-C."
"I'm 17. I'm in my last year as well, class 3-D.
Wait, are we going to the same school?"
What's going on with all those new yet old (?) people I meet from my school year? I know I don't know or care about most people from my school year but not recognizing two of them at all? Where were they hiding?
….
It was probably me hiding more than they do.
"No, I don't think so, I learn at Douka school."
Oh then was all that long monologue for nothing? Am I that stupid?
…Probably.
"Isn't that on the next side of town? And you're here?..."
Didn't he say that's his favorite place? Didn't he day he goes here every time? Before school? After work?.....Why?
"...."
Shit, I've done it again!
"Hm, I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have aske..
"You see that cat over there?"
Huh? Cat?
"Oh yes, near that trash can? what about it?"
"You know that stigma about cats? That they're ungrateful, don't care for their owners even after they feed them, give them a roof and everything they need and still, that cat can scratch you, or leave you whenever it finds a better place to live in?"
"Sounds familiar."
What is he saying? So random…
"I think they're annoying."
"Yeah, I guess cats can be anno…
"And they all keep saying dogs are better because they stick with you, show you they 'appreciate' you. But I think they're just weaker than cats."
"Weaker?"
"Who wouldn't go to a better place if they have the opportunity to? That's foolish"
..…
"You can be content with your life but still want more. Want something better. A bigger house. More friends. More time. More money… Isn't that stupid not to want that? Doesn't it make you better if you can upgrade? Isn't wanting that healthy? Isn't that human?"
"….."
"I think dogs just rely on you completely. While cats, cats can survive outside. They can eat trash just like that cat over there. Dogs are much, much weaker."
....
"Well, I think it's time for me to g…
"I get it."
"You get it?..."
"Yes, I sometimes even wish I were a cat."
"Huh?"
"How comfortable would it be if all I needed to do was to walk around for people to like me."
"..."
"They can make it almost everywhere"
"..."
"You know how almost every girl reacts to cats. They're like oh, he's so cute! And immediately go to pet it."
I wonder, would Fuyuki do that? Oh man, now I wish I were a cat even more.
"..."
…..
Back to topic.
"In fact, some of the most dreadful animals out there are cats. The king of the jungle itself is just one big cat."
"...."
"So yes, I get it. Being a cat… would be nice."
"…"
....
Long silence.
He looked at me. Again with that scary look. Well, not the same as before but his stares sure are spooky.
And then, he stood up.
Did I annoy him? I made him want to leave. Well done Junsei, once again with your stupid mouth.
"Haha"
Is he…. giggling?
"Hahahaha"
He's laughing at me. Nothing new. I don't blame him. I did it again. I should've kept quiet!
"You!"
".....sorr..
"You aren't that bad!"
"...huh?"
"At first I thought you were just a creep looking dead like that and wanted you to never come back here again."
Really? Is that what he thought...?
"But now,"
….?
"Come here again. I'll accept that. You can use this bench. hm…? What's your name again?"
"...Junsei."
"Shinji."
…..
"Well, see you around, Junsei."
With that, he left. From that scary dude sitting next to me out of nowhere, to that stare that could kill, to that 'friendly?' laugh, he disappeared. And that one of a kind conversation came to an end.
...
What an interesting (yet scary) guy.
Shinji, right? I guess you aren't that bad yourself too.
With that thought in mind, I leave that one abandoned, hidden, quiet, scary and peaceful park.