Everyone is a millionaire in human relations. The great tragedy is that too many of us hoard our wealth, dole it out stingily, or don't even realize we possess it. It is within your power to add to the feelings of personal worth of others. It is within your power to make them like themselves better. It is within your power to make them feel appreciated and accepted.
The quickest way to improve your dealings with people is to begin giving away this wealth you possess. It doesn't cost you anything and you needn't fear you'll ever run out of it. Don't try to barter or bargain with it. Don't try to use it to bribe people into giving you what you want. Give it away indiscriminately. In doing so, you need not worry about getting what you want from others. When you cast this bread upon the waters, so to speak, it always comes back to you multiplied many fold.
Don't make the mistake of supposing that just because someone is successful or famous, that they have no need for a feeling of importance, Courtesy, politeness and manners are all based on this universal hunger of people to feel that they have some personal worth. Courtesy and politeness are merely ways in which we acknowledge the importance of the other person. All of us need to feel that we are important. We need to feel that other people recognize and acknowledge our importance.
Actually, what we need is for other people to help us feel important, to help us confirm our sense of personal worth. To a large extent, our feelings about ourselves are reflections of the feelings other people seem to have about us. No one can maintain their dignity and worth if everyone he meets treats him as if he were worthless.
This explains why little things, that are apparently unimportant actions, can have such tremendous consequences in the field of human relations. Have you ever heard the reasons people give for asking for a divorce? "He got a big kick out of telling everyone how stupid I was about money." Or, "She would make an issue out of feeding the cat before she fed me when she was cooking."
They seem like small things, but when repeated, they tell the other person : "this proves I don't think that you're very important." Remember, it takes only one small spark to set off an explosion. And the little things you do and say can set off a chain reaction.
You must recognize the other person. their diplomatic dealings with other countries, governments speak of recognizing another country or according them recognition. We might take a lesson from this in our diplomatic relations with others. The principle causes of dissatisfaction among employees are:
1. Failure to give credit for suggestions
2. Failure to correct grievances
3. Failure to encourage
4. Criticizing employees in front of others
5. Failure to ask employees their opinions
6. Failure to inform employees of their progress
7. Favoritism
Note that every item has to do with failure to recognize the importance of the employee.
Four ways to make others feel important are:
1. Think other people are important. The first rule, and the easiest to apply, is simply to convince yourself once and for all that other people are important, Do this, and your attitude comes across to others, even when you are not trying. Moreover, it takes away the need for gimmicks and puts your human relations on a sincere basis. You can't make others feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that they are nobodies. After all, what else on earth is as important or as interesting as people?
2. Notice people. Have you ever thought about the fact that you notice only those things that are important to you? Actually, you only see a fraction of what is around you. You select for attention only those things that are important. Five people walking down the same street will probably note five different things, simply because they are interested in different things.
Therefore, when someone notices us, they pay us a big compliment. They are saying that they recognize our importance and give a big boost to our morale. We become more friendly, more cooperative, and actually work harder. And, don't forget that when you are dealing with a group, try to acknowledge everyone in the group.
3. Don't compete with people. This requires some discipline as you are human and you have the same need to feel important that everyone else does. You must watch yourself that this does not backfire on you. The basic fact is that everyone needs to feel important and to feel that others recognize his importance. This trait of human nature is in itself neutral. You can use it to your own advantage or disadvantage... just as you can use a knife to butter your bread or cut your throat. The temptation is always present when we are dealing with others to impress upon them our own importance. Consciously or unconsciously, we want to make a good impression.
If someone tells us of some great feat he performed, we at once think of something that was even greater. If someone tells us a good story, right away we think of one that could top it. Often, we are so anxious to impress others with our own importance that we can make him feel small so that we will appear larger. There is one simple rule that will help you get over this handicap: If you want to make a good impression on others, the most effective way is to let them know that you are impressed by them. Let them know that they impress you, and they will judge you one of the smartest, most personable individuals they have met. Compete with them, and they will be firmly convinced that you are a fool who doesn't know his way around.
4. Know when to correct others. Usually when we correct, or contradict others, it is not for the purpose of settling any real problems. It is usually to increase our feeling of importance at the expense of others.
Ask yourself, "Does it make any real difference whether they are right or wrong?" Don't try to win all the little battles. If nothing is involved except the other person's ego, why bother? The negative impact you create far outweighs the small victory for your own ego.