My name is Kira Yoshikage, I'm a Die-hard New Yorker and self proclaimed pizza snob. Some people say that you can enjoy your pizza however you like BUT I can ASSURE you that this is not true. Pineapple pizzas would meet the definition of eating cardboard with dog shit that has been laying for several hours. YEP, some "pizzas" should not go into the digestive tract but straight into the toilet to flushed and then burned in hell for it is a culinary abomination that defies the laws of "flavor".
And whoever thought to make this absolute piece of garbage should rot in hell with crows feasting on his ripped open stomach while regenerating everytime he dies while being tied to a cliff in the deepest parts of Tartarus for all of eterni-
Everything went black,
"Whwa?" I said dumbly as the back of my head ached with pain feeling like Sean's humongous body crashed into it like on September 11.
I felt a gun settle behind my head and a low voice came, "You who dares..."
Feeling my blood run cold I asked my abductor, "Dare what?"
"YOU DARE DENIGRATE THE GREAT PINEAPPLE PIZZA?!?!"
I was speechless. By the time my brain had processed what this pineapple pizza looking ass bitch said, the FUCKING ROOF caved in on us.
And a ...
Wtf is that.
It shouted,
"DO NOT FEAR YOUNG LAD FOR THE GREAT CHEESE PIZZA IS HEREE!!" In a very noticeable British accent? What even is happening in this world..
..Is this guy Tom Holland on disguise or something? Did he get tired of being spiderman?
Wait now is not the time for that!
"HEY CHEESE PIZZA MAN SAVE ME FROM THIS PIECE OF DOGSHIT GARBAGE OF A "PIZZA!"", I shouted my tone clearly laced with contempt.
"Have no fear for he shall not hurt you!" Said the Tom Holland cheese pizza.
"NOT HURT ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND BITCH THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOT A GUN ON MY HEAD!" The pineapple pizza laughed in amusement as he put his hand over the trigger to shoot.
And shoot he did.
However, the desired outcome didn't come to pass as the gun flew out of his grip and transformed itself into a Playstation...? W.T.F.
"WITNESS THE GREAT POWER OF CHEESE! FROM NOW ON NO VIOLENCE SHALL BEFALL UPON A 10KM RADIUS FROM HERE AND ALL ISSUES SHALL BE SOLVED BY THE LAW OF GAMES!" Cheese dude exclaimed with great power to the point I thought this dude had some serious drug addiction. Heisenberg's greatest customer maybe?
The son of a bitch clicked his tongue? Pepperoni and grumbled in a restrained voice, "This annoying power.. and that game would be?.."
With a big cheesy grin the cheese dude, "MARIO KART OF COURSE!" And with that the playstation turned on and both dudes were teleported to opposite seats.
"Let's begin!" Cheese dude.
'I, Kira yoshikage am a normal die-hard New Yorker and I don't know wtf is even happening anymore...well whatever' he gave up thinking.
Cheese dude picked Mario (He said he was the main character ofc), while pineapple dude picked Bowser ('what a failure' -Kira).
"KEKEKE Today you will fall before my PINEAPPLES Fucking cheese bastard!" Pineapple dude vowed with tightly clenched fists.
While the cheese dude just shrugged with a smug smile and the battle commenced—
"ASCHENTE!"
'Dude was that a NGNL reference?'..Kira
Map: GRUMBLE VOLCANO
Laps: 0/1
3..
2..
1..
GO!
The race roared to life as they tore through the asphalt of Grumble Volcano, leaving a trail of burning rubber and fiery chaos.
Pineapple dude made the first contact ramming into cheese dude on the first turn, both aggressively joykeyed for a better position, slamming into eachother at every turn.
And finally pineapple dude gained the upper hand as he landed on a boost pad and shot through the track like a missile leaving cheese dude eating dust..or should I say crust? (Heh).
'FUCK DUDE IM GONNA BE KILLED'..Kira
Cheese dude trying to catch up to that motherfucker tightly hugged the curves to save time and catch up.
Soon the Lava jumps came to sight.
With pineapple mf on the lead with cheese dude trailing slightly behind.
Cheese dude with the experience of thousands of hours into the game performed a perfect trick slipping into a shortcut by bumping into pineapple mfs car and launching off into the next turn.
"YOU BITCH THATS CHEATING!" Whined the pineapple fuck.
"HEHEHE idk man sounds like excuses to me" I gloat with a chesire grin.
Cheese dude agreed, "What he said, Just get good dude HEHEH".
Pineapple landed with the promise of vengeance as caught up behind cheese dude and unleashed a barrage of green shells,
Cheese caught off guard got hit and flew off the track and into the lava,
"HAHAHAHAHAH SUCK ON THAT CHEESE FUCKER!" ykw
Unbeknownst to him a banana peel slipped out of his sight and he skid off and on to the lava pits.
"LETS FUCKING GO CHEESE DUDE!" That was a genius move.
Respawning first cheese dude headed into the final part of the track, Grumble Volcano's Fiery pits peaked with lava gayser's blasting on the track.
Pineapple dude furiously trying to catch up, threw a barrage of fireballs turning the track into a fiery warzone. Cheese dude, undeterred, retaliated with summoning a cascade of falling rock blocking the flames, In the closing moments as the finish line loomed, a series of explosive encounters unfolded. Green shells ricocheted off the volcanic track as pineapple dude threw everything for a final effort of winning,
A red Shell blasted through the fog of flames and hit Cheese dude causing him to slow down,
Seeing this pineapple fuck, "HAHAHAHAHA YES!" celebrated.
But Cheese dude, suddenly burst with speed with the help of a saved boost crossing the finish line leaving pineapple dude with the leftovers.
"NO NO NO NO!" Pineapple dude raged. "I CANT ACCEPT THIS! FUCK THE RULES JUST DIE!" He aimed the gun to Cheese dude and tried to shoot but a shadowy chain shot through the shadows and bound his hands.
"Tsk tsk tsk.. Dude don't you know what happens if you break the rules?" Cheese dude triumphantly exclaimed.
"What happens? And what are those chain thingys?" I asked, They looked familiar.
"The Shadow realm" was all he said.
'... Dude I'm not even gonna ask why Yu-Gi-Oh is here now but ok..' kira
"NOOOOOO!" As shadows gripped him, his silhouette distorted and blurred, gradually vanishing into the ominous realm beyond.
'well that was creepy... Anyway"
I turned to face cheese dude to say my thanks, "Thank yo- wait what where TF "
He was gone.
1 week later.
"Man I'm hungry asf.." I Kira Yoshikage am hungry, and nothing happened last week. Yep absolutely nothing.
Looking for a place to eat I stumbled to street with a restaurant—
"Gordon Ramsay Bar & Grill"
'... alright time to put a hole on my wallet.'
I headed inside and—
'WHERE'S THE FUCKING LAMB SAUCE YOU FUCKING TWAT!" with a familiar British accent...
'no shot it's him..' as if sensing my thoughts Gordon brought his eyes on me and mouthed the words,
"The Great Cheese Pizza always saves the day" ending with a familiar smug grin.
The end.