cw: explicit nsfw
I didn't think I had been in the lounge for long, but it had already been 20 minutes. Still, I carefully opened the door and entered, thinking that he probably had not woken up, but I stopped before I could get inside. A faint breeze blew. There were no windows open when I left. That meant…
I moved on from where I had stopped. In the large living room at the end of the short hallway, the madman was leaning against the window. It seemed like he was standing with his back to empty space as the place he was leaning against was entirely glass. Perhaps because of the open view, it reminded me of the time I saw him on the rooftop of Dream.
I hadn't expected that the madman would be waiting for me in the hotel room wearing only a gown. Ah, those angry eyes are the same as back then, damn it. I tried to ignore the stare he was giving me and walked over to the sofa and sat down. And I cut to the chase ahead of time.
"I didn't run away."
"I know."
So why was he setting a scary mood? He just walked slowly and approached me, but it felt like I was watching a killer approaching in a horror movie with bated breath. I was about to say, "I just went to get a t-shirt," but then I saw the white cigarette in his fingers.
"Isn't this a non-smoking place?"
"I know, that's why I'm holding it."
A sneer spread across the lips of the guy speaking. It felt a bit off, so I tilted my head crookedly.
"Why?"
"I was wondering when did you become such a rule-abiding person?"
"I've always been good at following things like that."
"You held a knife to the debtor's throat, but strictly observes non-smoking areas?"
Well, not strictly. When I thought about it, it seemed like I had just smoked a cigarette. But when he openly laughed at me, I was ticked off.
"I'm following it well now so there's no problem."
"No, that's the problem."
"What?"
"The reason you keep to all the little rules is not because you are a moral person. It's because whatever's holding you back is a punishment, a law, or something else, so that's only why you're following it."
There were times when I thought his sneer was too cruel. But he's right. I haven't really become a more moral person. I just suppressed it.
"So you want me to smoke here now?"
"I'd rather you did. Because you, being deviant, might find it fun."
He answered coldly, without a smile. And he twirled the white cigarette between his fingers as if he were turning a ballpoint pen. The sight looked familiar. As if he held it in his hand like that to resist the urge to smoke. Had he ever had candy in your mouth before? And if he followed the rules so well, why was he arguing with me? Was it because I snuck out at the crack of dawn… Fuck, he was picking a fight on purpose. I barely swallowed my frustration and glared at him.
"If you like deviance that much, smoke it yourself. I'll get a bunch of people together and give them a good watch."
"Is there anyone in this hotel you can call?"
Because of Cha Jungwoo, whom I met earlier, I hesitated at his question. He looked at me and asked coolly.
"What? You have to meet Cha Jungwoo in secret, so that's not possible?"
What the heck, the suite lounge staff said that confidentiality was utmost. At that time, his hand suddenly came towards my face and I flinched without realizing it, tilting my head back.
"Why are you avoiding me? Then it seems like you're really meeting Cha Jungwoo in secret."
"Who's meeting him in secret? When I went to the lounge, I was surprised to see that jerk there."
"For that matter, I heard you two talked quite intimately."
His hand wrapped around the nape of my neck. Even though I didn't use any force, I felt like I was being held tightly by him. I grumbled, shifting my gaze forward, not wanting him to see that I cared.
"Didn't you hear that I was so kind that I even grabbed him by the collar?"
"Why did you grab him by the collar? Cha Jungwoo says he's interested in you?"
At that moment, I remembered the bullshit he said and my answer came out a beat late.
"No."
"That bastard really pulled tricks on you?"
The lowered voice was soft, but it actually gave me goosebumps.
"What tricks. I guess that jerk just has a hobby of talking shit to anyone."
"Why does no one know about that hobby but you?"
"Fuck if I know… Are you jealous?"
I realized it too late and turned around to see that he looked into the air as if he was thinking for a moment.
"I know right. Am I jealous? It's my first time too."
'First time'. There was something about it that felt good. I couldn't take my eyes off his face and quickly looked away when he looked at me again.
"Why? Do you feel good because I'm jealous?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I can resolve Cha Jungwoo's problem and trample on him on my own, but you're bothersomely meddling."
"You are so weak-hearted that you cannot trample properly."
What was he talking about? In my life, I've only heard that I'm spiteful. He asked as I was confused.
"How did you trample on Cha Jungwoo's bullshit? How many teeth did he lose?"
Who knocks out someone's teeth just because they heard a few words of bullshit? …Wait, now that I thought about it, when we first met on the rooftop, this bastard misunderstood me and punched me right away.
"Do you always knock people's teeth out?"
Of course. He agreed and pointed out an exception.
"Except you and Song Myungshin."
"Why Myungshin?"
"He's your prey."
Ha, I couldn't help but laugh. Aside from that, it's normal not to touch your own actors.
"Should I thank you for leaving Myungshin for me?"
"Myungshin, Myungshin. That name again."
The hand holding the nape of his neck tightened, and my body stiffened with tension without me even realizing it.
"You brought up the name first."
"It's different when it comes out of your mouth. I let you have it at first because he's your prey, but I keep regretting it. I want to go and crush him right now."
"…"
"You've grown a lot. I see you're not telling me not to go."
That's because you're so cruel. I've had similar conversations before, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was that it was my business and that he shouldn't touch it. Now I couldn't even bring myself to say it. Sometimes I felt a raw fear from him. Was I crazy if I said he looked like someone who would kill with a straight face?
"Because Song Myungshin is not worth that much attention. So don't bother with Cha Jungwoo's teeth. He's going to the military anyway, so there's nothing much to do."
"On the contrary, the military is actually better."
I looked at him incredulously, he said it like he wasn't going to join the army, and he said nonchalantly.
"The military is the best place where even if you kill someone with a gun, you can cover it up as an accident."
"… Is there a need to bring out a gun just for saying some bullshit?"
"I have to deal with him before it becomes a hobby for you."
He spoke sweetly and stroked my skin with his thumb.
"Don't worry. That's why he's not going to enlist. Are you worried that Cha Jungwoo will die?"
"I don't care who dies or not."
"You do care about Song Myungshin dying, right?"
"Of course. I need revenge, but if Myungshin dies…"
I stopped talking and glanced at him. The corners of his mouth twitching as he urged me on.
"Continue."
Was that jealousy too? It was eerie, but it also made me wonder if he was really going to keep overusing Myungshin's name. But I just shut my mouth. I didn't feel bad about the jealousy. It was always like that with the madman. No matter how negative the emotions arose, they were completely different from what I felt toward other people. It's as if the new feelings arise only for Yoon Jay. So even now, I was bothered by that jealousy and my heart was pounding. And I wanted to touch him. I turned my head and muttered.
"It would be meaningless if Myungshin died. My revenge will be over."
"Lee Yoohan."
"That's all."
I spoke briefly and reached out and touched his long fingers. He didn't move, as if he were a doll, so I felt like I could touch him a little more. One or two knuckles. It felt like I was following a winding path with my fingertips. Those hands were warm. The warmth that showed me that he was alive and not a doll always seemed to warm me when I was parched in the cold.
"Not sleepy?"
I asked without looking at him.
"Yeah."
"I'm a little sleepy. I'm tired. I have to leave early, so I won't be able to get more than a couple hours of sleep even if I sleep now, but I really don't want to sleep."
I heard the question, "Why? The answer came immediately to mind, but I couldn't say it, because this moment was unlikely to come back.
"Just because."
I muttered briefly and turned his hand over, placing my palm in his palm. The heart must have been quite far away, but it felt like I could feel a pounding pulse. The thumping was so good that I didn't want to let go.
"Can I do this?"
I realized a beat too late that what should have been a mumble came out of my mouth. There was no response, and the hand that was placed under mine didn't move. It felt like he was holding his breath and waiting for me to pull away.
"Why not? I also skipped work."
He really skipped? I slightly understood why the boss of Alice was making such a fuss. Being such a workaholic, hearing it directly from his mouth felt strange. The voice that followed was low, and it seemed even worse because the room was dark except for one small light. No, maybe it's because his living pulse against my palm kept me warm.
"Work is important to me, but I can let it all go at any time. Everything in the world is like that to me. It's no big deal if you take a step back. Just know that if you can't step back, there's room for you to fall backwards."
His hand grabbed my hand. When I unconsciously tried to pull his hand away, he held on with force.
"What I'm saying is make some room to breathe. You also have to breathe and live, right? You can do that."
The matter-of-fact, emotionless tone of his voice was hardly comforting, but I thought this was the most consideration he could give to someone. So I didn't necessarily answer no. 'No, I can't do that. I don't deserve it.'
"If you don't want to sleep, what do you want to do with me?"
I looked around for the clock. 2:15 in the morning. I had to leave early in the morning, so there were only a few hours left. During those few hours, I really wanted to breathe. I got up and climbed onto his lap, lowering my face to look straight into his deep black eyes. Our lips touched, and the hot breath trapped in his mouth was released and spread into my mouth. The kiss was sweetly slow and he didn't hurry me.
Instead, his hands tried to remove my gown.
"I'll, ha, I'll take it off."
I stopped him and took off my gown with my hands and unbuckled my pants. The air inside felt unusually cold on my skin. Completely forgetting about the slow kiss we had just moments ago, I took off my pants and quickly found his lips.
"Slowly."
He muttered, stroking my hair. The reason I paused for a moment was not because of his words. I remembered. That voice, those words. Five years ago, he said the same thing to me, wearing a mascot suit, getting on top of him and blindly trying to force his penis into me.
'Slowly.'
It's really him. It was true.
"What?"
"I just like your voice."
He laughed lowly at the vague answer.
"If you like it, I'll keep talking. Whatever you want to hear."
Whatever I want to hear. I muttered absentmindedly.
"Anything light, anything useless, then."
His lips touched my lips as I made a small request like a breath. He parted my lips and inserted his tongue, moving the heat.
"Try it alone. Then I'll tell you a lot of useless things."
Ha, what are you saying? The corners of his mouth twitched in amazement.
"Should I help?"
"Never mind. You just chat."
A low laugh came from his mouth. That short laugh, which I heard particularly often that night, made my heart tremble no matter how many times I heard it.
"Lean your head on my shoulder."
As he said, I placed my forehead on his shoulder and started masturbating. It was humiliating and funny to sit on his thighs with my legs spread wide and stroking my dick. However, this moment changed completely when I heard his voice in my ear.
"I had a friend in college who really liked a certain French short story so much that he memorized the whole thing and talked about it all the time, to the point where I was sick of hearing it."
Just by running my hand over my already half-erect penis, it quickly became completely hard. It wasn't difficult to run my hands over my flesh, but I gradually became out of breath.
"The novel is about stars, so he always told me how beautiful the stars were. But I couldn't sympathize with it at all."
He paused and kissed my neck. While I let out a small breath through my mouth, my hand slowly moved my penis to stimulate it, and his lips moved to my neck and shoulder, sucking and licking the skin. Even though I was becoming more and more distracted by the stimulation, I managed to remember what he had just said and asked.
"Haa, why?"
"Stars are so far away that all the beautiful light we see is from their distant past. It's funny to praise a star that may be gone now. The universe is a marvel, but that's all it is to me."
In between his slow words, he moved his lips to my ear and kissed me.
"Because it is useless to be lost in admiration of ancient light."
As he spoke, he placed his hand on top of my moving hand. As his strength suddenly increased, I sucked in a breath and twisted my upper body, wincing and shuddering when he fully grasped my cock and began to stroke it. The stimulation I received from someone else's hands always made me dizzy. Excitement soared sharply. An impatient pleasure, as if I was about to ejaculate, was tightly packed in my genitals.
Thump, thump, thump.
His hand, wet with the bodily fluids I had shed, started shaking my penis as fast as I expected, and soon I stopped breathing and moaned through my mouth.
"Ngh."
As soon as I came, my thighs trembled convulsively. I buried my forehead on his shoulder and in the afterglow, I fell into the tingling and drowsiness that took over my entire body. But soon I had to raise my head because I felt fingers on my back. A finger covered in my bodily fluids moved around the hole and went straight inside. Ugh, I swallowed my moans and stiffened, and the story that I thought was over continued.
"But I was curious about his feelings. So after a while, I went to a place where I could see a lot of stars."
He paused again and pressed his fingers inside me, expanding me. The number of fingers quickly increased. Even though I took his penis a lot that day, I still felt a foreign body feeling as something came back inside me. I didn't know because his voice was low and slow, but I realized that his condition was not relaxed at all as his fingers urgently explored inside me. His hardened penis, already touching his thigh, was proof of that.
"Lift your waist."
As soon as he gave the command, he grabbed my waist and lifted me up. I put my body up on my knees and felt the tip of his dick against my backside and squeezed his shoulders tightly with my hands.
"It's okay. I will do it."
Laughter was heard again. I took his dick in my hand and placed it against my back. It took courage to lower my waist like that. Knowing how uncomfortably large it was and how full it was filling my insides, I gritted my teeth and put the wet tip inside me.
I always choked at the first moment. I knew I had stopped with only the glans inserted, but I couldn't lower my body further right away. I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax my body. His mouth didn't urge me, but his hands showed his impatience by playing with my waist and buttocks. And then it felt like it was going to grab me and drag me down at any moment. As I lowered my body a little more, a thick and solid pillar suddenly entered me.
"Relax. I'm not even halfway through."
Ha, fuck. I completely collapsed under his provocation. Fuck, it's too big. And it went too deep. It filled my insides and I couldn't move for a while. He couldn't stand it anymore and started shaking underneath.
"Don't. I said I will do it?"
This time he just laughed. I slowly straightened my back. The feeling of my penis escaping my inner wall sent goosebumps up my spine. Despite the pain and pressure, I started moving slowly to feel the tingle. He still didn't seem to like my pace, but he managed to let me do it.
"So, haa, did you see the stars?"
I asked, remembering what he had just said. As the hard and hot penis began to rub against my inner walls and stimulate me, I tried to focus only on it. I could feel his chest swelling and sinking greatly under my hand.
"Mhm. Whew, I kept watching it for months."
His low voice sounded slurred. Although he didn't breathe through his mouth like I did, his chest continues to rise and fall significantly with my movements. With repeated actions, the pain became dull and the irritation increased. I knew where my body was automatically stimulated, and each time I lowered my body, I bent my waist forward slightly so that his genitals could press there.
The large penis always pushed up against the stimulation point, spreading sparkling pleasure inside. Oh, it felt good, fuck. I wanted to feel this pleasure even though it hurt, so I moved my waist on top of him. However, there was a limit to the speed at which I could move above.
"How was it?"
I mumbled and asked, and he bit my earlobe with his lips.
"As expected, it was a light and futile time."
A ridiculing laugh bubbled up inside me, but a moan escaped my lips. He held my waist tightly with his hands and suddenly started thrusting from below.
"Ugh!"
"Ha, fuck, but sometimes."
The speed at which he was fucking me from below was so fast and strong that it couldn't be compared to what I was doing from above. My body shook with a squelching sound.
"Ha-! Ah!"
"Sometimes I just go up to the rooftop and check the stars."
Rough breathing began to flow from his mouth. I felt like I vaguely knew the reason without even asking him. Now neither of us said anything. All my senses were pulled back, as if sex, which was exciting my body, was the only thing left in this world.
For a while, the only sounds inside were the sounds of his flesh pounding inside me and the sounds of our breathing. My brain was clearly taken over by this pleasure, and I was clinging to him and letting out a cry-like moan, but strangely, it felt like it was something other than sex.
Was it when I was in elementary school? It was my first time going to the swimming pool with my friends. Everyone could swim, but I was the only one who couldn't. I didn't want to be caught, so I jumped into the pool pretending it wasn't my first time. However, it was not easy to walk in water that was up to the chest, even if my feet touched the bottom.
I was afraid that my body would float in the choppy current and that I would easily be swept away. Although I was overcome with fear from the water, I pretended nothing was wrong and followed my friend under the water. And my feet, which I was barely relying on to with my crouching body, suddenly slipped and fell off the floor. I wanted to scream in fear. It seems like I was struggling wildly. Suddenly a hand pushed up my back.
And then I was lifted to the surface of the water. The entire field of view was full of blue sky, and my body floated as if I was lying on a cloud, swimming on the water. I immediately clung to the adult who held me, but the memory of less than a second of lying on the water took over that day. The overwhelming pounding I felt in fear. Now, it was like I was in that moment. That moment after 5 years.
"Ugh… ah!"
Even after I came for the nth time today, his body, which had been fucking inside me for a while, twitched briefly. I rested my head on his shoulder again and tried to catch my breath. He buried his lips deeply into my neck and sucked the flesh as if biting with his lips. I was so tired that I couldn't even tell him not to leave marks on me. But as my body was lifted and laid down on the sofa, I realized that it wasn't over yet.
"… Hey, I'm sleepy."
"It's okay. You can still do it."
Shit. I grumbled inside, but I didn't stop him from getting on top of me. My body floated above the surface of the night that had not yet ended. When I closed my eyes, I felt like I could see a sky full of ancient stars. I kept repeating this moment like this. This was a fleeting moment, light and futile.
_________________
This is the Last Chapter, leave a review.