Can I use the key for this? I was troubled after coming to the front door. I regretted accepting the boss's request at this point, but I knew it was too late to go back. I shouldn't have met him. I had to get as far away from him as I could to cut off the unsettling feeling before it took hold. No, I had to forget him for a week or even a few days to calm down, but absurdly enough I was here now.
It seems that I remained standing like that for a long time. In the end, I just appeased myself, hoping the madman wouldn't be inside, and decided to open the door with the key. The door opened with a beep, and a bright light leaked out along with an audible low voice. It was the voice of the madman getting angry at someone in English. The low, forceful voice made me uneasy before I stepped inside.
That uneasiness completely pushed away my previous worries at the door. The firm determination not to have my heart shaken melted so easily that it was absurd, and disappeared somewhere. When I took off my shoes and went inside, I saw him standing at the entrance to the kitchen. He was on his way to get water while on the phone, holding an unopened bottle of water in his hand.
He uttered strong words of warning and ran his hand through his hair roughly. Then he looked up and noticed me. It felt as if his words had stopped for a moment, but then the conversation quickly came to an end.
"…"
"…"
We stared at each other without speaking, then he lowered his eyes first to see the object in my hand.
"Did you come because of that?"
That's right. That's why I came here. Alice's boss told me to deliver it. It was a very good excuse, but I replaced it with a question as if I was avoiding it.
"What's the matter?"
He raised one eyebrow as if to ask what I meant. I asked dryly, pointing at his phone with my chin.
"You got angry while talking on the phone. Did something go wrong?"
"…"
"As expected, is Chairman Kim interfering with you?"
I asked again and again, but there was no answer. Instead, his expression changed.
"Why are you laughing?"
When I asked, he slowly approached me and tossed the water bottle and cell phone in his hand onto the table. Clang, clatter. The water bottle rolled over the table and fell to the floor with a loud noise. But neither he nor I looked where the sound came from. He stopped a few steps away with an unexpected smile on his lips. Then he tilted his head to the side and looked down at me.
"You know, you."
"…"
"Are you worried about me?"
The question came out lightly, like a joke. Maybe it's because we both clearly expected the answer I would give. I'd say while cursing, 'Don't be ridiculous', 'I couldn't be worried about you', etc. But this time I couldn't open my mouth. Oddly enough, I couldn't feel the heavy box of herbal medicine in my hand. I just kept my eyes on his flickering expression. Unlike the smile on his face, his eyes captivated me even more.
"Lee Yoohan, were you worried about me?"
"…"
I felt like reality froze, like a picture. I thought my heart stopped until he strode over and grabbed me by the shoulder. It was only when the warm breath touched my lips that my heart started beating.
Is willpower not enough for a person to control oneself? This question was at the root of the confusion I feel now. When I come across something I don't need, what on earth was I supposed to do if I couldn't crush it with willpower? Maybe it was because I wasn't expecting it at all. I never thought that I would develop feelings for someone, that I would foolishly let my guard down.
But I was defeated. I forgot the promise to be vigilant and not be caught up with strange feelings anymore, rather, I was clearly aware of it. I recognized the true nature of my feelings after the kiss I hadn't resisted. I had started to like him.
The scene where he put his hand on my face, parted his lips, and slowly raised my head was playing on repeat in front of my eyes like a movie clip. Thoughts of him came to mind against my will. I realized I couldn't stop this and felt defeated again. The only thing that interrupted the kiss a moment ago was the ringing of the madman's phone.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it would have stopped there had the phone call not come at that moment. It felt like he was still holding my arm tightly, and I, who couldn't get out of there, was barely covered by a thin ice of rationale. The rationale barely returned after the kiss ended.
I averted my eyes from him who mumbled something incoherent in a serious voice. The night view, which seemed to have been sprinkled with glitter, dissipated the breath inside filled with heat. I needed something to cool my head off. Fortunately, I was able to find it in my memory.
Even if I lacked reason to control myself, that moment in the past could take my place. I lived 26 years, but strangely, all I had was that past from five years ago, that time was everything. This one and only past should work this time too, as it has in the past five years. It didn't work yet.
"Damn it."
When I turned my eyes to the words I could understand, I saw the madman hanging up the phone and staring at me. I didn't know if the swearing was because of the phone call or me, but I took a step back after grabbing his arm with my hand. Strangely, he let me go, and he spat out a short curse again.
"Fuck."
"…"
"You are back to normal."
Oh, does it look like that? I was so glad that I opened my mouth with a feeling of relief.
"Is that something to get cursed at by you?"
"You did this to me."
After that, he muttered a small reason. 'I shouldn't have answered the phone,' he said. It was only then that I vaguely realized why he let go of my arm so easily. He did it because he thought it was his fault. Perhaps holding it back by force after making a mistake was something that hurt his pride. He looked at me for a moment with an expressionless face before asking.
"What did you remember?"
"Remember?"
"What made you go back to normal so easily?"
With his cold voice, I knew that he, too, had returned to his usual self. I felt like I was the one who poured cold water on him. That's why you shouldn't have pushed it, you punk.
"There's nothing for you to know."
"The guilt of killing your family?"
He dug into me too easily. He stabbed me there casually to the point of being cruel.
"That you shouldn't be happy for that annoying atonement?" "
"Shut up."
"Ah, shut up."
Suddenly he twisted his lips and stared at me with sharp eyes.
"That is your problem. Trying not to face it for too long. You only see the moment when you made a mistake, and ignore the you of the past five years."
I glared at him and tried to say the words I always bring out. 'Stop talking nonsense'. But the next moment, the guy made dimples and uttered words that made me harden like a statue.
"So you will never cry alone."
The words I had heard before held even greater weight this time. What the hell do you know? Embarrassment and anger, as if a secret had been discovered, were reflected in my eyes glaring at him. But the guy didn't let go of his smile. Rather, his eyes shone fiercely, as if they were even angrier than mine.
"Listen to what I am saying right now because I am speaking like a gentleman with the utmost courtesy. If you try to push away the heart that reacts to me one more time and get rid of it,"
His eyes felt like those of a beast that would never let go of its prey once its fangs sank in. To the extent that the sound of continuous growling seemed to accompany it.
"I will overthrow the past that rules you in my own way. It doesn't matter if you're suffering so much that you can't breathe."
For a moment, I wanted to curse at myself. I didn't like the feeling of relief rather than anger at his low warning. Looking at him, I let out dry words that didn't sound like my own. A lie that sounds like the truth..
"Don't get it wrong. 'My heart that reacts to you'? How do you know that?"
I thought it was a question that could not be answered. Whatever the answer was, I could deny it. However, I could not open his mouth to the answer he gave.
"How do I know? You try to pretend you don't know me with your eyes, your expression, even the movement of your fingers."
He tilted his head to the side, and a bleak smile appeared on his lips.
"Now even my heart is in heat towards you."
***
The manager, who was busy with Cha Jungwoo's work, diligently came out and scored jobs for Hansoo in his spare time. Most of them were small roles or the same level as advertisements in the last newspaper, but he emphasized that money could not buy the experience of standing in front of the camera and acting in a different way.
However, when I saw that his voice was getting louder, it sounded like he was trying to make excuses because he was ashamed of not being able to secure a big job.Perhaps he believed in his own words, so he worked hard for several days with Hansoo and the strange road manager.
And this was very fortunate for me. There was nothing I needed more than being busy to forget something. My head should be full just by preparing for my revenge on Myungshin, step by step, but when I relax, what comes to mind is always the last conversation I had with the madman.
When I hadn't said anything, he had backed off with a satisfied face.
'I am leaving for America tomorrow morning. Until I come back, you keep worrying over me. okay?'
Damn you bastard.
"They say he'll be back in Korea tomorrow."
At Hansoo's words, I involuntarily stopped breathing and asked.
"… Who?"
Hansoo munched the bread in his mouth and answered easily.
"Myungshin hyung."
Oh, there was that prick. "Thinking of it again, gulp", swallowing the food, Hansoo added with clear pronunciation.
"He must have come a day earlier than scheduled, perhaps he has something urgent to do. In the morning, when I went to the office to get the materials my manager asked for, I heard Myungshin hyung say he was going crazy."
Urgent? I didn't think it was about that sports car. What's going on? I recalled the good-looking guy and messages exchanged with him over the past few days.
― I am persuading him, but it isn't going over well. Song Yoohan must be quite scary.
I didn't think that he would come over easily with just persuasion. So what was needed was anger to overcome fear.
― I will set the stage for him to change his mind, so keep coercing him. He's not getting what he deserves for being used by Song Yoohan, and we need to take advantage of his absence.
What came last was the following:
— Good news. Chairman Kim is going to our company tomorrow for work, and Hyungseok said he would follow him.
Until I saw this message, I wondered if Chairman Kim was not satisfied with just photos of the celebrities he would prey on and eventually came to see the real thing. Especially since yellow hair decided to follow him around. It was an opportunity for yellow hair to get closer to Chairman Kim, but it did not seem urgent enough for Myungshin to return to Korea. Then why did Myungshin return so quickly? Was it related to Chairman Kim's visit to the company? At that point, Hansoo, who had eaten all the bread, added one thing while shaking his hands.
"Oh, and I heard a strange rumor in the office."
"A rumor?"
"The president of our company might step down from management."
I saw Hansoo tilting his head as he remembered the president he had met in the underground parking lot.
"But isn't that strange? I heard that the former president was supporting Director Yoon, but according to rumors, the president is handing over the position to someone else."
"Who else?"
"His son. I heard that he is studying abroad, but he must be returning to Korea soon after he finishes. so…"
Hansoo brought out a little more of what he knew, but I couldn't hear it properly. I didn't want to follow the words of the madman who told me to worry about him, but a question arose spontaneously. This is bad news for him, right? No, it was just a rumor, and even if it was true, maybe the madman wasn't aiming for the president's position in the first place.
However, even when I came up with lame excuses, it was clear that this was bad news for him, so he did not leave my mind. Why the hell is this guy always surrounded by danger? I inadvertently looked away, holding back my sigh, but the road manager, who always had no presence like an invisible man, was still looking off somewhere.
Just in time, I caught a murmur from the direction he was looking at. Hansoo was busy stuffing another piece of bread into his mouth, saying he was hungry, and only I turned towards the road manager. But before I could confirm who it was, I heard him mumble.
"… Looks like a snake."
The eyes went back to the temple. Then, among the many people who appeared at the entrance, I spotted a short old man. It was Chairman Kim, accompanied by several company executives, the mad dog, and yellow haired. As if introducing the interiors of the company, an executive in his 50s pointed his hand here and there inside the building and explained something.
Chairman Kim, who is short in height, scanned the break room slowly. With eyes shining like a snake, as if they were preying on each person caught in his sight. Then, behind him, the mad dog noticed me. The guy who met my eyes grinned and licked his lips.
He took a step forward and whispered something in Chairman Kim's ear. Then Chairman Kim slowly turned his gaze towards where we were sitting. The second time I saw him, I still had shivers running down my spine, just like the first time I saw him.
The snake-like eyes under the wrinkled eyelids stared at me, then moved slightly to the side. I don't know why my heart sank a little then. I turned my head in the direction of his gaze. Hansoo, munching on bread with his cheeks exploding, was distracted from eating and did not notice that a group of people had appeared at the entrance.
I looked at Chairman Kim again and noticed that he still hadn't taken his eyes off Hansoo. At that moment a faint smile spread across his face, as if he had spotted his prey with his eyes, he said something. Then, the yellow-haired next to him came closer and glanced at Hansoo, then whispered something hard to hear. I moved out of anxiety.
Squeak. I pushed the chair roughly and stood up, blocking their view of Hansoo. The mad dog smirked at my appearance and reacted first. Next was Chairman Kim. His eyes seemed to narrow, but soon returned to his original blank expression.
But soon he turned to the mad dog and raised a wrinkled finger towards me. However, I intuitively knew that the hand was not pointing at me, but at Hansoo behind me. That old man deliberately pointed his finger due to my actions.
If I hadn't attracted his attention, would he have moved on? Did I provoke him without reason? Fear spread inside me. Because of that, even after Chairman Kim's group disappeared, I could not move from my seat. I turned my head as I felt my clothes being pulled from behind, and Hansoo, who had bread crumbs on his mouth, looked up with puzzled eyes.
"What are you doing standing there? Do you want to choose bread from the menu?"
Hansoo blinked his eyes as he alternately looked at the canteen and me. His stupid question, which would normally have been absurd, spread with a different feeling this time. Did the heart that reacted once due to the madman accelerate now too? I realized that the scope of my concerns had become wider.
"Hansoo."
"Yes?"
"Where have you been for the past few days…"
"Oh, wait."
Hansoo cut me off with an apologetic face and answered the ringing cell phone. Then he looked up at me with a bright face and pointed his finger at the cell phone.
"Wow, manager! Taemin, it's the manager. Manager, I miss you! When will you come back ? Yes? Tomorrow? Huhu, come today! I mean I'm really bored. Taemin doesn't talk much, and the new road uncle sleeps every day!"
His voice, telling the manager, spread brightly, but I couldn't hear it like usual. Suppressing my frustration, I turned my head and saw the road manager sleeping on the table.