P O R T I A
FEW MONTHS AGO
Being a woman is a curse in itself. That can be said, and I know it is true, about the world I've been born into. You can only be celebrated on how many sons you can bear or the beauty you possess. If you don't have both, you better at least have one or you'll be shunned by society. The people will see you as someone who's not favored by the Gods if you fail to produce any offspring or be as unpleasant to look at just like a sea troll. I'm still young so the first point can't be held against me and thanks to the Gods I got my mother's beauty so a good amount of respect is offered to me everywhere I go.
"Ma, I'm ten and seven years of age now. I think I can go to raids with Pa." I say, snuggling into my mother's arms as we lay in the comforts of my room.
"No, dearest." She offers me a warm smile. "Your Pa won't allow it. He'll be taking your brother with him like he always does." She pats my head gently, stroking my hair.
"But," I sit up to protest. "I'm stronger than my brother, more cunning, and more skillful in every way. Surely Pa and the whole crew will benefit more if they take me along with them instead of him."
"That may be true but your Pa sees great potential in him and he plans to nurture it. You understand, right, dearest? Besides, woman ca–" Her usual lecture is coming. My ears are already starting to crack.
I stand up, stomping my feet more forcefully to cut her off. "Ma, don't 'women can only do this, women can only do that' type of nonsense!" Her eyes widen in surprise. I've never raised my voice at her even once before. "I'm sick of it! So sick of it that if I hear one more, my ears will start to melt. I know I can become more than just a wife, Ma. I can be more than just a trophy to be flaunted to other men. I can be anything I wish to be. I will not settle for anything less and force myself to be happy with everything just like yo–" I couldn't finish my rant as my right cheek burned almost instantaneously. She just slapped me, hard. Her eyes became the sharpest I've seen in them.
"This is what the Gods made us for! It's not about what you want. It's about what you have to do to be accepted, to be a part of something greater. Are you willing to defy the will of the Gods?" Her tone is as sharp as her eyes. I can see her hands trembling.
"This isn't what the Gods want, Ma! This is what the men want. You and your ancestors let the men feed on their big egos that we as women are being seen even less than a mare. Can you honestly tell me that you truly believe that our only contributions to this society are become bearer of children and do the men's needs and whims?" My glare becomes sharper than hers as she holds her stand firmer.
"Yes! If it weren't for those men you really despise, we were defenseless. We couldn't live with ourselves. We are nothing!"
"You put them on a pedestal while we are being toyed with in the mud." My muscles tremble in anger all throughout my body. I clench my fists to control the urge to destroy things. "Ma, you know that I love you but I also… pity you." My other cheek burns, my head flicking aggressively to the right. She slapped me again.
"If you think you're really that great and more than we are supposed to be, then so be it! Join the raid. Die in the seas for all I care. I don't know who you are anymore. As far as I'm concern, –she scans me from head to toe in disgust, hurt, and in rage and back to my eyes– my Portia is already dead."
"You never knew me, Ma. The whole me."
I run out of our house and instinctively head towards the ship the crew will be using for their raid. They're preparing to set sail. I see my brother all clothed and armed for the voyage but he looks incredibly weak. I don't know what Pa sees in him. Who am I kidding? Of course, I know why he wants to bring him with them. I may be the firstborn but my brother is the eldest son. If my other brothers are old enough, Pa won't hesitate to haul them all in this ship and set sail for the raids. While I stay here like always and help Ma with the chores until they get back.
Little did they know when they were away and I didn't have any chores to fulfill, I sneak out and watch how men train. The training grounds are luckily situated near our home so I can easily sneak close to monitor everything and do it myself. After all these years, I can confidently say that my combat prowess isn't something to scoff at. But, the one other thing I'm most proud of is my speed and agility. I always play race with my brothers because I know I'll always win against them. They may be physically stronger than me but I'm faster and as the eldest, I'm smarter.
"Sister!" My brother approaches me, clasping our hands as a form of greeting. "Are you ill? Your face looks like a tomato."
"It's a long story, brother. You really don't want to know." I look up at him. I always forget that he's taller than me now. It's like he grew a lot from his last few raids.
"Whatever you say, sister. What are you doing here? Are you going to see us off?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"You better go back home. The captain will be here soon. You know he doesn't want you around here. He always says that men can only set foot here." He whispers, leaning closer to my ear.
"Oh, yeah? Screw him!" I proudly say, not caring if anyone else hears me. "I'll be joining you!"
"Are you finally out of your mind?" Surprised, he grabs me by the shoulder and we walk a few paces away from the ship. "Are you hearing what you're saying? The captain will never let you. What did Ma say?"
I let out a little chuckle as I hold my left cheek which is still slightly burning from the pain then say, "In her own words, she says I can join the raid and I can also die in the seas. Cool, right?" I raise my eyebrows twice and smirk, teasing.
"You are mad! What did you do this time?"
"Again, you don't want to know. So, let me pass so I can get into the ship."
"I can't allow that, sister. I love you and I respect you but this isn't what the captain wants." He grabs me by the shoulder tightly. I grin. He's standing up against me.
"You won't dare, brother." I warn him sternly still looking towards where the ship is. His grip tightens even further.
I grab his hand resting on top of my shoulder slowly as a diversion. Once my hand touches him, he is already lost. He just doesn't know it yet. With a swift maneuver of my hands and feet, I released myself from his pathetic grip, pinned him to the nearest tree, and unarmed his sword away from him just in case he reached for it. I once again have proven that I'm stronger than him. He's locked in place. If he won't let me do what I want of his own will, I have to do something that will make him let me do it.
"You will help me get into that ship, brother." I lean in, tiptoeing to get close to his ear.
"And if I don't?"
"I will tell everyone and specially Pa what you and the first mate's son is up to." I prolong every word to let them sink in and to let him believe that I'll be truly willing to destroy him over my own desires. I let go of him.
"H-How? We were very caref–" He turns around to face me, eyes watering, muscles trembling, knees starting to weaken.
"I'm your sister. I know everything." I smirk. "Don't get me wrong. I love you and respect you like I always do even after knowing that but I don't know if Pa and the others will feel the same if they'll learn about what you two are really up to."
"Fine! You win. You always do. I'll help you get into the ship."
"Thank you! I know I can always count on you, brother. Also, I don't know anything between you two really. I was just bluffing but now, I think there is something. Then again, you do you, brother. Do whatever or whoever it is your heart desires."
"You witch!" He exclaims prompting both of us to laugh.
* * *
All I can do is hide. Being on the ship for the first time fills me with excitement and a little bit of anxiousness. My first raid has just been done. I can hear the crew's clamoring from their bountiful haul. It is said that it's more than what they got from their last raid. My brother jests to me that I may be their lucky charm. I may just be watching them discreetly from the shadows but I know that this life can be for me. I can become a part of this. Before I can even realize it, I find myself wanting to become one of them.
I've decided to roam around to appreciate the ship more but of course, I'm doing it as discreetly as I can in order for me to avoid any prying eyes. If Pa learns that I'm here, only the Gods know what he will do. Putting that worry aside, I learned that after the raid, they planned to sail to a town named Hiraya to handle trade and other businesses with other pirate groups. I think I've heard of that place before but I can't remember exactly how. The only thing that pops up in my head is that the town and its island are deserted. That is probably the reason why pirates do their deeds there.
As I was on my way to get back to the room my brother and I agreed to be my spot, I was halted near a storage room as its doors slowly opened. It reveals two white orbs which I immediately realize are eyes. Someone emerges from the storage room looking all ragged and sweaty. His smiles melted away as soon as we locked eyes. A heartbeat later, I recognized who this person was. It's the first mate's son. It's been so long since the last time we met that I couldn't recognize him right away. His right hand is still concealed inside the room and it's obvious to me that he's holding something but drops it as I walk closer.
"Portia?" He shrieks a little louder than I'm expecting. "It's been so long! But, you know you shouldn't be here." He closes the door to the storage room slowly. I know he's hoping I won't notice that.
"It has been so long." I smile slyly. I already knew what was happening.
"What's happening here? Why did you leave me inside?" A familiar voice creeps out from the storage room as the door opens again.
"Hello, brother!" I look at him, then to the first mate's son, and back to him. He pales. They both do.
"Sister!" He scrambles back inside as he realizes he doesn't have his shirt on.
"You know you shouldn't be here… with him." I tilt my head in the direction of the storage room, smiling. I pat his shoulder which I can barely reach. He had grown so much from the last time I saw him. He's bulkier than most men in this crew now. Good for him.
I watch as my brother stumbles out of the storage room all well-dressed and dignified like the man he is and he should be. Without any word, I monitor them intently because why not? This is the first time I've seen them side-by-side this close. From afar, I know they're close but not this close. It's just like yesterday that we were all playing along the shores back home but now they've grown and it's obvious that their relationship grew even stronger than what it was before. As I've said, I love my brother and respect him. That will never change.
"Portia!" I hear another familiar voice emanating from a distance. The sheer terror it brings makes me certain who it belongs to.
I turned to where the voice was coming from and was not surprised by who I saw. "Pa, It's ni–" I cut myself midsentence because there's no way I can downplay this. "Captain!" My voice deepens, my hands placed over my chest to salute. My brother and the first mate's son salute with me.