I dreamt about my mother, the time karl heuther my dad left us had been really worse period of life for us two, we had no one to rely on only each others. Me being immature enough to believe her word that father left us for the sake of the world.
Santha heuther never thought of me as a burden even on days when we didn't have food. She still had an impeccable demeanour. She always used to brag about how we would have lots of food tomorrow even if we were hungry the same day. Her enthusiasm was enough to keep me going. I never knew what she did and how she earned money in this harshful and dissonant world, not that I was mature enough to ask what she did.
Time passed, when I was soon to be 10. Truth confronted me. I had an appointment that day, mother used her source for me to work in a local miner at layer two. Today was my skill test. I left our small tunnel hold for the search of work. One body income was just barely enough to feed us. I had told my mother that she will stop working if I get recruited in the mine . After leaving our Tunnelhold, I noticed that I had forgotten to wear the protection helmet, it was kind of compulsory here without it you weren't allowed to roam outside. Halfway through the narrow tunnels, I was happy that I didn't find any patrol officer. I turned away back to the way I came, when I reached home. On the doorway there was footwear of an unknown person. When I came near the front door there were high pitched noises coming from the inside. My heart ached.
I opened the door, hastily took off my shoes and ran to the hallroom. Stepping close to the doorway I saw, A man in his late 40s was close to my mom's face in an inappropriate manner. They were both undressed and were rubbing their bodies with each other. I didn't know what that exact procedure is called but it looked illicit to me.
"MOM" I called out. The man and my mom turned around. Both pale after looking at me
Mom wrapped the bed sheet around her body, she was frozen in her place but after some moments she came running towards me. "Zarth look" she paused "why did you comeback?" mothers eyes were half closed looking at the floor not meeting my gaze.
"What were you doing mom with that man" Ignoring her question, I raised my hand towards the direction where the stranger was standing, he wasn't shocked anymore. Instead he had a strange grin.
After hearing that question mother looked at me with a forced smile, her face was plump red "Zarth, mother was just doing her job, I had a home appointment today." Her smile faded slowly. Not realising the situation I asked what came to my mind first, I hesitated and gathered the courage to say "what kind of job do you do mom?" She frowned at my words.
She opened her mouth but didn't say anything, her eyes a little waverly looking in another direction. She opened her mouth again with a stern and amiable expression at the same time "Mother was just doing her work to feed you zarth, it doesn't matter if it's bad or wrong. As long as you are there I will do anything."As soon as she ended her sentence. The man standing there came closer and took my mother's in his arms . "Kid , she will be back after an hour an so" he had a teasing smile.
"No" mom replied without hesitation. The man paused for a second and opened his mouth in a wide smile "be ready to face consequences then sweat heart" mother's eyes frowned she hesitated and looked at me with a desolated face "mom will be back in some time zarth" mother said that while not meeting my eye. They soon left me alone. That day I lost something precious. Something inside of me. I didn't know where mother was going but that was the end of it.
I lost the ego within me. I didn't know what mom was doing but she was getting herself forced to do it for the sake of mine. The instinctive thought that I could do anything as long as I was dead set to do it was no more than an illusion now. I couldn't even earn a penny on my own let alone save my mother.
The thing my mom did with a stranger didn't hurt me as much as knowing that she did it for me, the words 'to feed me' desolated me. Everything mom did was in the name of me. , She had an excuse that she did it for me. I know I am maybe wrong here, but there is a one part of me that doesn't accept that mom did it for me. I hated that part. That part of me was a sort of ambivalence thought.
After some time I came to understandment what type of job mom did.
Time passed, I was about to turn 11. Mother had been sick for almost a whole week. She won't talk to me properly now. We only had one bed, and it was very small in size barely enough for one person. Until now I used to sleep on it, I persisted with mom many times to sleep in bed. Now that she's sick she's been laying there for a week. Her health was getting worse and worse day by day.
"Zarth" mom suddenly called me from her bed. I came closer to her bed. "Zarth I have come to realise that you have been prying about my job" mom was facing the wall , opposite to not where I was sitting. She didn't even turn around to look at me but I could faintly hear her ragged breathing. "Yes" I replied with a low pitched voice. "Do you hate me now?" She asked
"No mom, I hate what you did, not you." My tone was sincere.
Mom didn't say anything for a moment. After a short silence she continued. "When your father married me, I didn't know he already had a son. He hide it cause he thought i would have rejected you. I when I first met you. You were only a year old. So little so beautiful. I looked into your eyes. Those were the most elegant things I had seen in my entire life,like a never ending well. You became my world so quickly taking over my pain and despair of being alone. My days weren't days I didn't hear your weeping. My little boy soon grew u." Mother started crying in between her half spoken words.
My mind was going full circle, I always thought that i was her son. Mom continued soon after but her voie a little hoarse and loud pitched. "I didn't do it for you, zarth. I did it cause it was you. I'd do anything to keep you alive and well,I wanted to see that radiatimg smile once again." My worst fear was at her words but what she said after that made me feel vacant.
"The first life you will take is mine, zarth. Not with agression or voilence. But the thought of dying for reserving something precious was so alurring. Now don't go blame yourself a murderer". Mom finally turned towards me while laying. I could see her face now. Her face was red and scrunched up. Her nose was running. It was sweaty. Her eyes were be bloodshot and puffy. "Promise me, zarth That you will only prioritise yourself and your life above anything else and become strong in this dissonant world." Her voice was quavering because of crying. Tears were flowing down from her cheeks.
I didn't know what to say ,or what to express everything instinctively came on my face and mouth. My lips curled up and made a strange expression. It was a strange smile, a crazy smile ,a sad smile, a crestfallen smile. Holding back my tears I only said a single sentence. "No, I don't want to become a selfish man like father, mom" Mom's eyes went wide open, a feeling of distraught and anger was residing on her vacant face. It was the last conversation we had. She never spoke again. Never ending sleep took her.
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Time passed as the leaves falling from the trees in autumn. But the hilarious thing was that my autumn was long, almost eternal. I lost track of time long ago. I didn't know where I was, who I was, only some ingrate memories haunting me. And eternal sleep that heals me.
My consciousness was fading away like a river down hill. My body didn't have its will. It couldn't move. Not like I wanted it to move. It was peaceful here. Serene in somesort. Time passed and passed. I slowly became addicted to sleep, never wanting to wake up But comfort never stays. At some random point of time the world around me shook.
In some mysterious cave-like places 7 cocoons were hanging down from the top of the Mysteries cave. The other six cocoons looked like some type of ancient shell. They were half decayed. But the seventh one was different; it still looked like it was just made by giant moths. The bizarre thing about it was that it was shaking aggressively. Suddenly it tore from the middle. A young man no more than 19 years old fell out of it. Falling on reddish yellow soil. His body was covered in some disgusting type of greenish liquid. He soon started coughing.
He sat there for a moment and checked his surroundings. The liquid soon evaporated from his body making his vague figure a little detailed. He had only pants on revealing him half open from the waist to top. He had middle sized eyes with brown eyeballs. His hairs were at his neck level. Same colour as his eyeballs. His facial ratio was close to perfect, givingsome dtan him perfect face harmony. He was half kneeling on the ground supporting his upper body by his arms. His hairs were dangling in front of his face. His expression was one of dead. No emotion resided on his face. Only a slight hint of confusion.
Suddenly his facial expressions changed. He instinctively frowned and started to look around. After looking over the other half fallen and decayed cocoon and a hall or cave that had high ceilings with only a little opening at top. His face went from being confused to shock and fright.
"Aaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeee" The man shrieked in a high pitched voice half quivering, shivering and panting. "za za zarth" his words were like half spoken and half stuck in his mouth.
Zarth soon regained his composure. Now he tried to move his limbs. As soon as he tried to move his one of the arm which he was using as support. He fell flat on the ground. After some random pulls and push he was slowly gaining his muscles memorjes.
'i am alive' he thought. Soon after, Zarth tried to stand up from the ground. His first attempt was futile. After five or six attempts he was finally able to walk on his foot like a drunk man. He started walking towards the ground where a circle was formed by the only sunlight that seeped through the opening. When Zarth was almost there his balance got off, falling on the ground once again.
He laid there staring at the rays of sunlight not so far from him. That scene of it gave him a sense of unease. So close but not capable enough. To be continued -