Xarakas offered the queen a polite bow as she left the room, then looked over to Asha as she asked what was going on, shaking his head as he moved over slowly to take a seat nearby.
"You passed out before we started our training. Turns out you've been overworking yourself, skipping meals," he explained, looking at her for a long moment before he spoke again.
"Princess… Are you… Do you have a death wish? Or do you not care about your own health? What would make you do something so foolish?"
Asha frowned as Xarakas claimed she'd fainted during training, faintly recalling showing up for training, though it felt distant, like it had happened yesterday. But as he suddenly asked why she was working herself so hard, seemingly seriously concerned about the state of her mental health, she pulled herself from her fuzzy memories, sitting up straight, almost as if she were going to get up again.
"No! God no," she denied vehemently.
It wasn't exactly as if she could tell him exactly what drove her. She couldn't risk anyone finding out until the contestants were announced, but between where his mind had gone and the look he had, she found herself wanting to give an explanation.
Sighing, Asha pushed her hair back away from her face. "I'm mentally fit, Xarakas. I promise," she said, searching for how to start.
"I realize you think I'm some spoiled noble playing at warrior because I got it in my head that I was interested. Given how our first lesson went, you might even think I've stubbornly stuck it out this long to spite you because you thought I wouldn't. You might not even believe me when I say this, but I take everything I do seriously."
She gestured vaguely behind him at her desk, which was clearly well-used. "Most of what I do takes place there. And it's been that way for as long as I can remember. My father was strict in my lessons as a child. Everything planned, everything intended to prepare me for one day ruling Hell."
"I want to be a good ruler when that day comes. Capable, solid. I don't want some demon to come along, throw me off the throne, and reinstitute old practices my father overturned before I was even born, like legalizing slavery again. And one thing I have to be aware of, what I have to always keep in mind, is that while Hell may be my home as much as anyone else's, there's many who think I don't belong here and have no business on the throne."
Asha met his eyes. "I'll never be able to even become Queen if I can't defend my right to the title. You say it's learn or invest in guards, but are you really so sure they'd protect me if my father were absent from the picture? I don't know their beliefs. Some might stay by me, but some might just be playing nice now because their fear outweighs their beliefs. I need this training, to protect my claim to the throne and to protect my life. Not to mention the lives of my siblings."
She dropped her gaze. "Besides, I haven't done anything out of my normal with this. I can't remember the last time I got more than six hours of sleep, and sometimes you skip meals to meet a deadline. I realized almost immediately working with you that I was worse off than I thought, which I needed to make up for outside of our three hours. So I just doubled your assigned exercises. The lack of sleep and missing meals was so I had the time for it. So no, it isn't a death wish. Just doing what I have to."