Saturday. March 30th.
I drag my feet on the carpet out of my bedroom. My hands rub my eyes as I enter the living room. My vision comes to see Kendryck playing Call of Duty on his PlayStation. He smiles at me and pauses his game. "Morning, buttercup. Happy birthday."
"Thanks." I flop next to him. "Got anything for me?"
Kendryck reaches over the couch while looking at me. He pulls out a disk case. "I figured you wanted this." He hands it to me.
"Oh shit!" I gasp. "Logic Pro? Real producers use this."
Kendryck nods with a shit-eating grin. "Exactly why I got you that."
"It's like three hundred bucks."
"Four, actually. I also got you extensions."
"Thank you, Ken." I give him a side-hug. "I really love this."
"Now you can make some fire beats Guitar Band can't do."
I nod my head in approval. "You're right. I'm definitely going to play with this."
"Any plans for today?" He goes back to playing his game.
"I'm meeting Moeko for lunch and then I have my first, real shoot in Detroit."
He pauses the game again and looks at me. "Does Moeko know?"
I go quiet. "No."
"You need to tell her." Kendryck's face softens.
"I know, I will. I don't want to ruin my birthday."
He thinks for a second. "Isn't that considered cheating?"
"It's money. I don't have any feelings for the guys I fuck. Sex for pay, whatever."
"She might not think so."
I tilt my head. "Are you saying I shouldn't do it?"
"I'm saying you should talk to Moeko before you take this any further."
I lower my eyes. "I really want to pursue this."
"Why?"
"It's thrilling." My shoulders raise and fall. "I don't get to feel that often. I love the idea, the passion, the hours it'll take to film a scene millions will see."
"You're serious? Are you not scared?"
"It's how I'm feeling right now. I want to feel free, and porn gives me freedom."
Kendryck looks at the carpet and inhales. "If you say so." He continues playing his game.
I stare at him for a moment, then get up. "I better go. I told her noon." I check my phone, it's almost time. "I'll see you later tonight."
"Be safe, man." He doesn't look up from the screen. I go by and wrap a coat around me before leaving the apartment.
I walk into Red Robin, telling the host I was meeting someone. In the bar area, I see Moeko at the end. She sees me and waves. I sit down with a smile. "Hey, how are you?"
"I'm great." She leans in. "How are you, birthday boy?"
"I feel exactly the same."
"You're not excited about being nineteen?"
"It's not twenty-one." I shrug. The server comes over and writes down our drinks, two Dr. Peppers. When she leaves, we check the menus. My eyes go straight to the burger menu, landing on the cheeseburger deluxe. Moeko likes their chicken sandwiches and adds bacon and mayo. She got sweet potato fries while I wanted regular fries. The waitress returns, takes our orders down, and leaves to put it in the system.
"Tell me again why we couldn't hang out all day?" Moeko asks. "What are you doing?"
"I have a photoshoot at three." I say quickly.
"Can I come?"
I stare at her. "Um… no."
"Why not?"
"Because it's a private shoot."
"Ooh." She sips her drink. "Sounds like a big deal."
"It is a big deal."
"Be sure to show me the photos."
My eyes lower. I curse in my head because I felt bad about lying. I lie all the time, and usually I don't feel guilty. For some reason, lying to her felt really wrong. It was my birthday, I wanted to enjoy it. I didn't want to ruin it with an argument, but "Actually, there's something I need to tell you."
Her face softens. "What?"
I take a deep breath. "It's porn. It's not a photoshoot… I'm doing porn." I look around making sure my voice isn't too loud.
"… What?" Her eyes squint.
"Gay porn, specifically." I blink, playing with my hands. "That's what I'm doing today. It's my first real shoot."
"So…" she falls back, "you're cheating?"
"Cheating? No, this is work."
"That's not work!" She lowers her voice, "That's you using your body for money. You can be serious."
"I am serious. This is my passion right now and I'm sticking with it."
She chuckles softly, but she doesn't smile. "Sorry, Vehren. If you're going to do that, we won't have a relationship."
I blink a few times, eyes searching around the restaurant. "Then… I guess we won't." I land back on her.
Moeko isn't looking at me, her eyes are on the table. "Why? Why are you doing this?" They scan up to mine with hurt.
"It's easy money. I'm going to buy a new car soon."
"Are you sure it's legal in Michigan?"
I chuckle. "I don't fucking know. But it's not prostitution because we're making art."
"Art? Are you kidding me?"
I frown. "No. Sex is intimate. We're based in sex, it's in our nature. It's normal in places like Germany and France."
"But isn't it exposing?"
I lean in. "I like that it's exposing." My back hits the seat. "Sex is the only thing that truly excites me. I don't know why, and frankly, I don't care. I'm bored otherwise. I don't have may passions in life, and this is one that I can do."
"What do you mean? There's so much you could do. You can actually model."
"It's boring. I always end up fucking the photographer anyways. Besides, it's acting. I'm performing in movies, not in some motel with a stranger. It's not like you have to watch."
Moeko looks off to the side. "I don't watch porn much anyways."
"That's okay. I watch it daily. It's kind of a thing that I do. I already post myself naked online. I'm making it a real thing and getting money for it."
"Whatever." Moeko sighs. "Do what you want. You're single now."
I swallow. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."
"We can still be friends." The waitress comes with our food. "Let's eat. There's no reason to ruin your birthday."
"Thank you." We eat in silence. The servers bring out a milkshake and sing me 'Happy Birthday'. I tip them fifty percent and we leave the building. "Well, good luck on your journey."
"Thanks. Will I see you at work?"
"You will."
I hesitate to give her a hug, but I do. "Find someone who treats you right, Moe."
"I will."