The day after receiving Jin Dallae's KakaoTalk message.
After spending the night with the teacher in a rented room, I packed enough stuff to stay at the dormitory for a few days, informed Baek-do, and headed to the bar at the right time.
-Creak.
"Ah."
A locked voice, as if he had been up for several nights, filled the meat restaurant as soon as he entered.
The distinctive oily smell wafted through the nose.
Jin Dallae, sitting inside, stared blankly at me with her eyes half-opened and then showed a twisted smile.
"Did you come?"
A welcoming voice.
But the pitch was very anxious. The dilated pupils were dimly losing light.
Wondering what had happened, I sat down and looked at Jin Dallae's face.
Jin Dallae had changed a lot.
A deep white off-shoulder blouse. The voluminous upper chest popped out defenselessly in the deep cleavage, and the underwear straps over her shoulders were loosely undone.
An outfit she would never have worn usually. What kind of wind blew? Her expression was ruined.
I was hesitant to even ask why.
"Why did you call me?"
I asked as kindly as possible.
"I just thought we could have a drink."
A light answer. But her expression grew darker.
Jin Dallae fiddled with the mouth of the soju glass with her fingers.
Round and round.
Next to her delicate arm, there were two empty soju bottles. Maybe she had come earlier and drank before I arrived.
Then, thud- the water bottle she bumped into spilled over the table.
"Ah."
Jin Dallae screamed shortly and took out a handkerchief from her handbag to wipe the table, then sneakily apologized.
"I'm sorry. I must be dizzy because I took some medicine today."
"Medicine?"
"Psychiatric medicine. I just got sick because I was doing silly things on my own."
Jin Dallae's face, laughing with her tongue out, turned cold and pale.
"Hey. You should rest. Let's stop drinking and get up."
"Sit down."
As I hurriedly tried to get her up, Jin Dallae pressed my hand, trying to rise, and softly said,
"I have a lot to say."
How could I scold her for her condition when she said that much?
I sat back down and silently took a shot of soju.
The bitter soju stabbed my throat harshly.
"You."
Always with honorifics.
But the weight of the words was different.
"Why did you put in so much effort?"
"What?"
"… I'm talking about that incident."
My meager request to become friends. The great achievement made with that single-mindedness.
But there were unexplainable circumstances there.
It was because of the quest. Although I tried to reveal the truth honestly, I couldn't open my mouth.
"Why me…?"
That's right.
Why was it her? If I had chosen someone else to be friends with, I might have walked a much easier path.
For instance, if I had sincerely approached Sooyoung, who always laughs heartily, or Guseul, I could have become real friends with them.
So when Seyeong asked me why I chose Jin Dallae, I had no choice but to be perplexed.
Honestly speaking, back then…
"I just kept thinking about you for some reason."
As if possessed by something, I chased after her.
In the quest for the World Tree, Jin Dallae's likability was solidly marked as if to tell me to get close to her. Naturally, I set her as my goal.
Was it because of a good feeling?
That's not it. Even if I didn't know now, the emotions I had back then weren't of a good feeling.
On the contrary, it could have been an aversion since my ex-girlfriend from the previous world had a similar appearance and personality.
"Would that be a reason?"
It was just that Dallae was inside the window. My eyes happened to land there, and that might be somewhat contrived…
-Drip.
The sound of water dropping pulls me out of my thoughts.
I looked forward again and was startled, prompting me to get up.
"Why."
A shy question escapes my dry lips.
"Do you like me?"
"Uh, what?"
"You don't even like me, so why? Why would someone risk their life for that kind of reason?"
The bar became silent.
-What?
-Isn't that Dallae and Shiheon?
The whispers of the cadets spread like wildfire, and the staff poked their heads out from the kitchen like turtles, wondering what was going on.
Then, Dallae realized her mistake, wiped away her tears, and slumped in her seat. Her emotions were particularly volatile today.
"What happened?"
"Nothing… I just did something crazy."
Seeing Dallae scolding herself, I sighed and took a look around the noisy surroundings.
"Excuse me, sir, is there anything wrong?"
"Nothing. Please settle the bill with this."
I handed my card to the approaching server and spoke to Dallae.
"Shall we go for a walk?"
-Nod.
Dallae silently nods her head.
-Ding-dong.
"Thank you~ Please come again."
After settling the bill, we left the store and slowly wandered the streets.
The night air of early summer circulated gloomily around the two of us.
-Step, step.
Jin Dallae stuck closely behind me, taking quick steps to follow me.
Her white, exposed shoulders hung lifelessly under the shadow of the lamppost.
What could I say to comfort this girl?
Even after thinking for a while, I couldn't find an answer. After all, I didn't even know what was troubling her. It would be lucky if I didn't step on a landmine while trying to comfort her.
Even after pondering multiple times, there was nothing I could say.
The only thing I could do was to take a step ahead and wait for her to sort out her thoughts.
-Step, step.
After walking for a while, a choked voice came from behind me.
"I have something I need to apologize for."
The sobriety in her voice, now free from alcohol, was as genuine as when she had shouted earlier.
-Thump.
I stopped walking, and Jin Dallae's head bumped into my back.
"I'm sorry-"
"-When we first met, I thought you were annoying… and called you ugly…"
Her heartfelt plea flowed out, and I couldn't ignore the emotions embedded in it.
The obsession I felt coming from her from a few days ago, psychiatric drugs, and a voice that felt like it would disintegrate if pricked by a needle - it seemed like she didn't want to be apart from me.
"I thought you were annoying… and wished something would happen to you…"
A true apology. However, it was the kind of inner thoughts that would only make you feel worse if you heard them.
Perhaps these were things that should have remained hidden inside, but Jin Dallae laid them all out before me.
"I dismissed your attempts to help me as nonsense…"
These words were raw and unfiltered emotions, and they weren't easy to accept.
She merely vented. If it was a person unrelated, they could dismiss it as such. I wish I could easily pass it off, too.
I grimaced bitterly.
Without rinsing my mouth, the sharp scent of alcohol still lingered.
"All of you tried to take advantage of others…"
She spilled even unrelated stories.
"All"
Was she talking to me? Or is she trying to unload all the guilt she was holding on to?
Even if it was the latter, I could tell she felt deeply guilty.
And since this guilt was overwhelming,
"It's okay."
"There's no way… it's not."
In the end, she even denied others' feelings.
"Don't pretend it's okay… Just hit me. It seems it would ease my mind."
In this situation, there wasn't much I could do.
Ignore her and completely shut her out. Whether she fell into depression or made an extreme choice, it didn't matter.
I wasn't particularly irresponsible. After all, Jin Dallae was someone else. The way she treated me was reason enough to drop it.
It was comfortable.
Comfortable, but I didn't want to do it.
Depression was tough. I knew that from my age.
"Hey."
"…Yes."
"Turn your cheek."
As I raised my hand, Jin Dallae closed her eyes and offered her face.
There aren't many ways to make her believe that I've forgiven her.
"Uh."
Jin Dallae's face twitched. Her eyebrows trembled as she braced herself.
I spread out a palm and lightly tapped Jin Dallae's cheek.
"…."
If she wished.
I turned my palm and slapped her cheek hard enough to make a sound.
Swoosh!
Her head jerked violently.
Her cheek flushed red, and tears flowed from the tightly closed eyes of Jin Dallae.
I then embraced Jin Dallae's head, which was noticeably stinging from the slap.
"Believe in me a little."
"…Sob."
She buried her face in my chest and started to pour out tears, hoping to alleviate the guilt from the pain she just experienced.
"Sob, hiccup, sob."
With my right hand, which was stinging more than hot, I slowly stroked Jin Dallae's light pink hair.
I left her to cry for a while.
When the growing sound of her sobbing eventually subsided, I asked Jin Dallae again.
"Have you come to your senses?"
Nod nod.
"I'm sorry I didn't understand your difficulties. I've been busy and couldn't pay attention to you."
Shake shake.
She dropped her face, and makeup and tear marks stained my clothes.
"Hey, why do you use black mascara? It made my clothes dirty."
"Where is there non-black mascara…yo."
"Kukukuku, is that so?"
After patting her shoulder once, I placed the exhausted Jin Dallae on a bench and got an ion drink from the vending machine.
Returning, I saw her face was a mess with tear marks, so I spoke to her.
"Look up."
Jin Dallae obediently lifted her face. I wiped off the smudged makeup marks with a tissue I had sneakily taken from the bar, then laughed as I pulled an ion drink from my pocket.
"Drink this. Make sure to pay me back later."
That was the most comforting thing I could do at the moment. Jin Dallae looked blankly at the can and my face as she took the drink.
Then, her cheeks turned red, and she sniffled once before saying,
"Ah… Uh."
She put the can on the seat next to her and covered her face with both hands.
"Does it still hurt? Did I hit you too hard?"
"No, it's not that. Uh…"
I definitely had hit her hard. My hand still felt numb from where I had slapped her cheek. As I brought my face closer, Jin Dallae pulled back a little.
The part of her cheek that was visible to me was bright red.
"Why are you acting like this all of a sudden…"
Turning her body so that I couldn't see her face, Jin Dallae pressed her hand against her chest and began to mumble to herself.
But Jin Dallae's actions didn't stop there. She fiddled with her ear a few times, then placed a hand on her collarbone. She repeated these actions several times before turning back to look at me.
"Um… You know."
Her voice trailed off, and her slightly opened eyes met mine hesitantly.
Her dry lips moved as if she was trying to say something, but then she firmly closed her mouth.
"Hm?"
I asked, and she responded with a bitter smile, bringing her index fingers together and grinning, but she said nothing.
"It's nothing."
At her natural smile, I stood there blankly for a moment, then responded with a smile of my own.
It was a night filled with the faint scent of alcohol.