(The author's note: At this stage, Victor (Victoria) has everything twisted inside they head, and therefore there are quite a lot of contradictions in the chapter that I hope I will be able to show right.)
I was sitting in the bathroom and trying to wash my panties, realizing at the same time what I had just done! No matter if I wanted to admit it or not, but this can be considered as sex with a man and that's can't be changed or fixed, and most likely I will fall even deeper... maybe I've always been gay and just didn't realize it? No! I liked women, and I hope I still like them... but I also like Alex... or rather, Victoria likes him, but every day I become more and more of her!
Wrapping myself in a towel, I returned to the bedroom, walking over to the closet to choose clean underwear.
- Are you naked under a towel right now? - Alex was giggling like an idiot, at least that's how I saw him right now!
- Well, yes, so what? - I replied, not hiding my displeasure.
- Then maybe you should keep me company? - He lifted the bedspread to reveal his naked body.
- I think you've had enough for today!
Alex got out of bed and came over to hug me.
- Didn't you like it at all? - He whispered in my ear.
- I'm not sure, and I need time to realize what happened, I mean, I gave you a blowjob!
Alex tore the towel off me and then I tried to cover my crotch with my hands.
- You idiot! - I blurted out rather rudely. – Are you so desperate to see that I really have a dick?
- Yes, I want to! - He grabbed my wrists and lifted them over my head, leaning me against the wardrobe.
I was standing pressed against the wardrobe door while being completely naked, my small penis hanging limply between my legs. I looked into Alex's eyes and at the same moment I felt tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want him to see me like this, I didn't want to be like this for him! This thought was like an electric shock! I want to be a woman, I want to be a wife, I want to be Victoria when he's around! At the same moment, the man lifted me in his arms and carried me to our bed, it flashed through my head that now he would take my virginity, but I was unable and did not want to resist ... but nothing like that happened, we just lay naked, tenderly and without lust hugging each other until we fell asleep.
I spent the morning habitually in the kitchen preparing breakfast for us, and my husband just as habitually crawled out of our bedroom to the scent of fresh brewed coffee.
- We need to talk! - Alex said in a too serious tone.
- About what? – I had a rough idea about the topic and I felt uneasy.
- About what happened yesterday and what will happen next! From what I see, you don't mind that you and I have a full-fledged sex life, right? - There was no trace of flirting or romance in his voice, which made this conversation much more awkward.
- Let's suppose, but what exactly are you asking me now?
- I want to understand how to behave so that you don't feel disgusted with me! I don't see you as Victor anymore, but I can't ignore the way your body is.
- That's why I didn't want you to see me completely naked. - I sat down at the table and hugged my shoulders sadly.
- You misunderstand me! Your body is beautiful, every part of it!
- But I'm a man! How can you be attracted to me knowing that?
- I'm also a man, but nevertheless I attract you, otherwise you wouldn't do all the things that you did! - Alex came up to me, took me by the chin and kissed me.
- Everything is messed up in my head! When I lose control and become Victoria, I want you! But when I'm a man, all the things we do disgust me... I disgust myself. - Tears welled up in my eyes again. – I wish I could just become Victoria; everything would be so much easier.
- Can I support you in this in any way? - Alex got down on one knee and hugged me softly.
- No... you're already doing everything that's necessary, but when I'm ready, take me like I'm a woman.
All day long, a huge number of thoughts were spinning in my head... I♂ couldn't just give up who I♂ was throughout my life, but if I♀ want to change, if I♀ want to accept myself as I♀ have become now, then I have to give up the old me!
The first thing I decided to do was to completely refuse to address myself as a man! I had already stopped doing this in communication with people, now I had to change my image in my thoughts! "I'm Victoria and I'm a woman," I said to myself, but it didn't come out very convincingly. The second was that I decided not to deny myself the pleasures, I liked the intimacy with Alex and I will no longer let remorse stop me! Alas, to say and do completely different things, and over the past weekend there was not even speech about any intimacy, I just couldn't get over myself.
A new working week came and after seeing my husband off, I went to the bedroom, sat down at the dressing table and pulled out the bottom drawer, which contained boxes with gifts from Lera. No matter how badly I doubt it, but pretty soon, devoured by curiosity, I will want to feel Alex inside me! Not even like that, I already want to have proper sex with him! But manly part of my personality is scared to hell of it! I looked at myself in the mirror trying to see Victor in the reflection, but he wasn't there, he hadn't been there for a long time, because the whole vibe around me had changed and externally I had already become Victoria! All my motions lost the roughness and harshness inherent to men, although they still lacked effeminacy. Taking a deep breath as if someone was forcing me, I opened the first box, which contained a metallic silver and rather thick butt plug with a decorative stone. The second one had a silicone black plug and it was much smaller, so I have to start my acquaintance with anal pleasure with it.
After taking a shower, I lay down on the bed and lowered my panties as I began to gently rub the lubricant into my hole, soon my finger began to slip easily inside. I took the anal plug lying next to me and applied lubricant onto it and placed the tip against the ring of the sphincter. My butt clenched in fear, not allowing even such a small and well-lubricated toy to penetrate inside. I began to take slow inhales and exhales, continuing to press lightly and soon my hole gave up, letting the plug inside. A strange stretching sensation filled me from the inside, I tucked my knees and hugged them, lying on the bed and tried to get used to the new sensations while my ass was unsuccessfully trying to get rid of a foreign object inside. It was probably naive to assume that something like this would immediately begin to give me pleasure, and therefore I could not concentrate on anything, experiencing slight discomfort for all those couple of hours that I could withstand with an anal plug inside. After a little rest, I repeated, as I was determined to prepare myself for sex with Alex. On the third day, I decided to use the second toy, it turned out to be much more difficult to insert it and it took a lot more lubrication, but in the end, I was even able to experience pleasure! Because of its size, with certain movements, this toy stimulated my prostate, causing quite a lot of arousals! Which in turn led to that, when Alex returned from work, I dragged him into bed and after a short caress gave him a full-fledged blowjob, but I did not stop there and stroking myself through my panties filled them again, while bringing myself to orgasm. I felt like a bitch in heat, and it wasn't that far from the truth considering how horny I was!
On Friday, I asked Alex to allow Lera to leave work after lunch, as I needed her help, and also asked him to go have fun with friends after work! Although he was not happy with the loss of Friday night with me, but after my promise that I would more than compensate for everything on Saturday, he agreed.
In the afternoon, Lera came to visit me and not empty-handed! "We're going to party tonight!" she said, handing me a paper bag that definitely contained alcohol. We went into the living room and sat on the couch opposite each other.
- God damn it, Vicky, I haven't seen you for two weeks, and you've become even more feminine! What is Alex doing with you that you've changed so much? - The girl laughed playfully, bending forward slightly and leaning on her hands.
- He didn't do some... - remembering what we've been doing lately, I blushed, looking away in embarrassment.
- Yes, yes, of course, I believed that! – Lera noticed my reaction and it definitely amused her. – Come on, tell me, how far have you got? Have you had sex already?
- It depends upon what counts as sex. - I looked a little guiltily in the direction of my friend.
- Stop being modest already, tell me everything as it is, or do you want me to interrogate Alex?
- He didn't tell you anything? - I lifted my legs onto the couch, tucking them under me.
- Unfortunately, no! We keep the details of our sex life to ourselves, although it was hard not to notice how happy he has been for the last week! By the way, the whole office is buzzing that you're dating!
- Wait, that We're dating? – I looked at Lera a little shocked.
- Well, not with YOU, but with your alleged sister, but what's the difference? – She clarified it with a rather grinning smile, as if it was her intention to agitate me!
- Don't scare me like that! - I breathed out in relief.
- Don't get off the subject! So, how far have you gone in your intimate games? – She said it strictly, clearly not in the mood to beat around the bush.
- Maybe I took his penis in my mouth a couple of times. – As I said this, I awkwardly fiddled with the corner of my dress in my hands.
- That's my girl! Now it's clear why Alex sometimes giggles like an idiot! And how did you like it?
- It's hard to tell! When we begin to caress each other, I have an urge to occupy my mouth with something, it can be a kiss or his fingers that I can suck, well, or a penis... if you ignore the salty metallic taste of sperm.
- Oh, ho-ho! I didn't expect you to let him come into your mouth so soon!
- I just got too carried away with the process and didn't realize that Alex had warned me that he was going to come... although I couldn't swallow the semen.
- It's okay, I think you know yourself that the main thing for a man is that you give him a blowjob to begin with! By the way, you can impact the taste of semen, considering that you are in charge of his nutrition! – Lera clearly enjoyed discussing such topics.
- And why did I tell you all this! – I sadly pressed my shoulder against the back of the sofa, burning with embarrassment.
- Come on, it's fun! By the way, what did you want to ask me?
- Geez, this is so embarrassing…
- Come on, tell me, it's me, so you shouldn't be shy! - The girl moved closer to me and gave me a little hug.
- I want you to check out my body... I'm planning to have sex with Alex tomorrow... and I want everything to be perfect. - I spoke with long pauses, barely squeezing out the words. Although I had already decided firmly that I wanted this, but now, having told Lera this, I began to doubt.
- You little slut! I'm glad that you finally accept yourself for who you are!
- You have no idea how much my manhood opposes such an idea!
- Send him to hell! You are a woman and you have every right to want sex! – Lera hugged me even tighter. - But you're not intending to do this without preparation, are you?
- I'm not a woman, although lately I've been trying to convince myself otherwise! And yes, I started using your gifts since Monday... and currently one of them is in me.
- And which one did you like more?
- Silver one, but I get too turned on with it... it was because of it that I pounced on Alex this Wednesday!
- Show me! – My girlfriend looked at me predatory and I obeyed.
We spent the next couple of hours getting my body in shape, as well as discussing the details of how I should behave tomorrow, what to wear, and what to be ready for. When we were done, we moved into the kitchen to have dinner.
- And yet I still can't get used to my new preferences. – I talked about my thoughts as I took the chicken breasts baked in cream sauce out of the oven.
- What you referring on right now? About how you started liking men? - Lera teased me, giggling.
- That's not what I'm talking about! - I puffed out my cheeks indignantly. – And it's not that I like men…
- But you like Alex, don't you? - The girl was smiling treacherously.
- If I didn't like him, would I decide to have sex with him?
- I want to remind you that he is a man!
- I'm aware of it! Moreover, not only is he attractive, but he is also an incredible lover! I even began to realize how inattentive I had been towards my girlfriends!
- By the way, I'm curious, did you happen to have a crush on him? Lera looked at me slyly, narrowing her eyes.
- I... I don't know... maybe if I were a real woman… I would allow myself to give in to such feelings... but I'm just a fake…
- Silly! Feelings do not care about our inner doubts... okay, let's eat already.
Perhaps Lera was right, but I was too afraid to immerse myself in such thoughts, Alex and I have only two weeks left and it will be too painful to part if I really allow myself to fall in love with him. For some reason, at that moment, I didn't even have any thoughts that it would be wrong because I am a man.
After finishing our meal, we took wine and glasses and headed to the living room to make ourselves more comfortable.
- You know, Vicky, you really underestimate yourself! You have plenty of femininity! – Lera said, sipping her wine, a little earlier we discussed with her how my behavior had changed.
- But it's fake, I'm just pretending to be a woman!
- And it even gives you an advantage! Some women take something like this for granted and make absolutely no effort or just forget that they are women! You, you are aware of your shortcomings and compensate for it with your daily femininity! I wouldn't be able to walk around the house in stockings and a cute dress like you are now!
- Well, I don't have to do this all my life! I'm just enjoying the month I've been given!
- That's precisely what I'm trying to say, you enjoy femininity! I don't even think that you want to become a woman, because we are not really like men want to see us! And here you are, you look like the perfect woman who came out of the picture!
- Only I'm not!
- And that's not important at all! The main thing is how you look and how you present yourself! Take Alex, for example, he is straight to the core, I will never believe in my life that he will be attracted to a man! Damn it, you were friends for a whole year, and he began to feel attracted to you only when you turned yourself outwardly into a woman!
- But this means that I mislead him with my romanticized femininity?
- Yes, that's right! And he's happy to fall for it! In fact, we are all like that, we fall in love with the hybrid image of a person, their mask combined with the facets that we add to them!
- It's kind of a little sad, from your words it turns out that we don't want to accept a real person, but romanticize them! – During an emotional conversation, I did not even notice how we emptied the first bottle.
- Not romanticize, but simplify! We are attracted only by some small fragment of a human personality and then we try to accept the rest of it, but even so, the inner world very often remains hidden from everyone except the person himself! By the way, you are a vivid example of this, hiding almost another person in yourself for so many years!
- I did not hide her, I rather did not suspect her existence and only occasionally she manifested herself with seemingly strange desires, which I immediately stifled.
- And now you have to live with it somehow! By the way, Vicky, we've already talked about this topic, but what are you leaning towards now?
- You mean, will I be Victor or Victoria? - Lera nodded her head at me in the affirmative. – To be honest, now I'm inclined to continue living as a woman, or rather hide behind her! Tomorrow I will have sex with a man and most likely I will do it more than once after. For Victoria, it will be a wonderful affair with a wonderful man, but for my male personality it will be the collapse of all those norms and principles by which he lived his whole life!
- Then why are you pushing yourself to take this step? - The girl took my hand and looked into my eyes with a thoughtful look.
- Because I made it when I crossed the doorstep of this apartment, when I kissed a man for the first time, when I gave him a blowjob! For Victoria, this is just a holiday romance that she wants to enjoy fully! And she is as much an equal part of me as Victor, only the problem is that they cannot coexist together, and I will have to choose which one of them I should be!
- I would prefer Victoria! – Lera snuggled up to me. – If you decide to become her, then I will take responsibility, and I will be there to help you adapt to your new life!
- Thank you, my dear! – I hugged my girlfriend, and we were just silent for a while.
A few hours later, Alex came home, finding us drunk and cheerful singing karaoke. The three of us fooled around for a while, after which I put Lera to sleep on the couch in the living room, and I went to our warm and cozy bedroom in Alex's arms! "It's funny that I started calling it our bedroom!" - I thought to myself, snuggling closer to my man.