Numb. Numb. Numb.
Beads of sweat trickle out from each pore of my skin, leaving my clothes dampened. I could hear the thumpings of my heart, as though it would explode from intense beatings.
My body is visibly shaky, as I support my hand with the other.
Over and over again, I go through the letter, reading it carefully to be sure I'm not misinterpreting any of it. My eyes are clouded by tears threatening to roll down, and the alphabet of the letter oddly begins to separate and spin in the air.
"Argh!" I scream, not caring if it will disrupt Hendrix's sleep. Matter of fact, I need an explanation from him... from anyone. There has to be a sort of explanation for this, right?
My breathing is labored.
And then, again and again, I go over it, pretty lost in denial. It just can't be.
"No, no." I start sobbing, the realization that it's real hitting me in bits. "No, no, no, no..."
The letter is now dampened from my tears and sweat, the wet area is about to break. I let it fall from my hand and to the floor.
"Argh!" I scream yet again, this time louder. I send things within my reach spinning in the air, as they land haphazardly, a few crashing into irreconcilable pieces.
I hear footsteps approach, ones I suspect are for Hendrix. In no time, it grows closer, and closer, before it appears right next to me.
For a while, he doesn't speak, as he takes in the amount of damage I've done to his late papa's room. I guess he seldom visits this place, as he would reverence his late papa and give him the privacy he required.
Quite groomed. But right now, all that won't save him from my wrath. He's in no way innocent, for if his life was traded for the truth, he's as much as guilty of the crime as the perpetrators... perhaps the crime itself.
The silence grows, and I don't bother to speak, the only sound that's audible, to me at least, is my heartbeat.
"Natalie," He heaves a sigh. "What's going on here? Why this mess?" He speaks out for the first time. His voice is laced with annoyance even though he does a fine job concealing it.
I scoff.
Like my feelings don't count? Here I am, on my knees with a bleeding heart, and he just stands there worrying about some goddamn room? Like I'm one to throw tantrums? Unbelievable.
"To begin with, what are you doing here?" He asks when he doesn't get any response from me. "This place is out of boundaries for anyone, strangers, and myself inclusive. He never liked me coming into his space, and I intend to keep it so."
I scoff.
These weren't the questions I was expecting, not in the least. What's going on with you, Natalie? Stuff like that would do for a start. Not... Fuck!
"Natalie..."
"Screw you!" I yell, venting on him.
"What?!" He's perplexed. "What am I supposed to do with that? I asked a damn question."
"Alright, stop!" The rise and fall of my chest with every breath is evident. "You're driving me nuts with these dumb questions."
"Dumb?" He scoffs. "You go into someone else's room, ransack it and you sit there to defend your act? And to think that he passed on, not quite long and you couldn't give him this little respect like you've been waiting for this day all your life..." He sighs.
"Don't piss me off more than I already am." I send him a trigger warning.
"Or what?!" His voice is high-pitched. "Rather you're driving me crazy. What the fuck are you doing here? You think this is my room where you just walk in and out at your will?"
Slowly, I get off my knees, and on my feet, facing him squarely. His words irritate me, and I'm on the verge of ripping him apart, hilarious how he isn't helping.
"Indeed, you were waiting for this day, to have the liberty to go through all he's done in search of sky knows what? Have some dignity!"
Pained, I swing my arms at will, kissing my palm on his cheek and lips, shutting him up the hard way.
"Natalie," He nurses his cheek. "You slapped me?"
"How dare you?" My voice is a low growl.
'Natalie, please be calm, there has to be an explanation for this.'
"Shut the fuck up!" I yell out, even though it's for my wolf. I won't indulge it, not today.
"You stand here and defend that horrible monster of a man? You suck!"
"Monster? Man?" His voice is laced with unbelief, at my words and anger.
"I get it that you loved him and missed him and respected him, I get that you're hurting, but never you spew gibberish before me. I'm still your lady!" I warn.
'Oh, Natalie, he knows nothing about...'
'For the last time, don't interfere.' I growl.
"I feel like digging that monster up and ripping him in shreds!"
"What?!" He scoffs. "What's with you? Why the sudden change?"
"I thought you'd never ask." I mock, before bending down in search of the letter.
"No one can change overnight, maybe you had an ulterior motive these while. Maybe I'm not your mate after all, for all I care this may be a cheap plot..."
"And daily, I detest the moon goddess for bringing you my way! A whole lot of baggage on my frail shoulders." I vehemently search for the letter.
Oh, thank goddess. I spot it was blown to the extreme.
"Now I know better and..."
"Shut the hell up and read." I slap the letter to his chest, stopping him from blubbering further. The letter lands on the floor when he refuses to take it immediately.
He looks at me keenly, unsure of the first step to take, but then he bends down to pick it up and reads through it. After a while, he looks up at me, and then the letter. His hands are shaky, a bit noticeable, and his breathing pattern altered.
I guess he has gotten the message and knows the reason behind my sudden change, bitterness, and all whatnot.
"Where did you find this?" His voice is low.
"Does that matter?"
He keeps mute, guilty as should be.
"My parents' justice was fucking traded for yours!" I scream, holding back an outburst. "Like yours was more important to theirs, his alpha and Luna! People that made sacrifices daily for y'all!"
I sigh.
"Natalie..."
"Don't." I lift up my hand to lay emphasis. "Starting off today, it's Lady Natalie to you." I inform. "And to think that my papa allowed that monster to keep you all these years, and yet he betrayed him this cheaply?"
I scoff.
"I... I..." He stutters.
"Exactly!" I slam his chest with my fist. "I will get to the bottom of this, and be assured that if I as little as suspect your hands in this treason, you'll pay with your life..."
He gasps.
'Natalie, please be calm...'
"... And I mean every word I said." I ignore my wolf's plea.
Hendrix stands still, in shock from the revelation and the threat, only that it's not some mere threat.
"Lady Natalie..." He finds his words for the first time.
"Save it." I toss him aside and walk furiously to the door. "Right now, I will ensure that monster doesn't find peace even in his afterlife."
"Where are you going?" He starts after me. "What are you doing?"
I don't respond, as I storm out and towards the grave.
"Natalie, please!" He runs towards me, hoping to stop me from any drastic move.
I shit, my claws elongated, my irises are now crimson red, and fur crawl all over my body.
Heeding to my lupine instinct, I go on my knees and start digging the grave, not minding if it would take forever.
Hendrix finally gets to me and shoots for my arm. I swing my arm, sending him jolting a few steps backward, and continue digging as though I wasn't interrupted.
"Natalie, no... Please."
"Don't take another step closer." I growl, my crimson eyes all over his features.
He stops momentarily.
"Please..." He sobs, now advancing towards me.
"Don't make me repeat myself." I pause. "I hate to repeat myself." I continue digging.
He stops again.
I continue digging, and for a while, I lost track of him, but I care less. Unexpectedly, he grips me from behind, trying to pull me backward and to himself.
A prisoner to reflex, I throw my claws in his direction, as they peel off his skin having scratched his chest.
"Ouch!" He cries.
'Natalie, stop, please.' My wolf cries.
Enraged, I launch at him, slapping him with my fist and sending him spinning to the far end like a lightweight.
When he lands with a heavy thud, he lies motionless, bleeding profusely from the injuries I inflicted on his chest.
Satisfied that he wouldn't disturb me for the next seconds, I return to the grave and start digging, ready to rip the monster into shreds... somehow expecting him to come at me again, but he doesn't.
I stop to face him and find him still lying there, motionless. Not one movement.
"Hendrix... Hendrix?"
He doesn't move still.
More than ever, my heart sinks, as I bring my claws to my face, looking at the damage I caused my lover. In my claws, the mud is now mixed with his flesh and blood.
Crap! It truly is happening!