The three of them leave the house in a hurry without even knowing where yo pass the upcoming cold night...
After walking for quite some time down the raided streets, HuChang shivers violently as a strong breeze hits her. Hua kneels down and fixes her clothes trying to warm her up -We should really find a place to spend the night Hua... We can't leave the town during the night, not with her- warns him Pei.
Hua looks around reluctantly -I just feel... So guilty- he sighs -I shouldn't step into this place ever again for their honor, so how can I use their houses after they passed away?-
PeiZhi looks at the kid -You cannot let an innocent child to suffer either, you would feel even more guilt if she were to...- he doesn't finish his sentence, it's already quite obvious what he meant. A weak and malnourished girl like her won't survive the winter's night air.
...
The three of them find a small home that somehow survived the continuous attacks and raids, it's not exactly a place worth living in but at least it has walls and a roof...
They settle down and spread out some blankets they found -We should bring these with us, they're in good conditions- says Peizhi but only received a muffled nod in reply -Ehy... You ok?- he stops his actions and places down anything he's holding -Yeah I'm just... Sleepy-
At that obvious lie he sighs and stands up, reaching the other man -You can tell me, no secrets between us... Remember?- he hugs him from behind and crossed the arms above Hua's abdomen -It's normal to feel horribly in this situation- he reassures him and the other man's hands fall low along with the blanked he was cleaning.
-Don't hold it in- he snuggles against his cheek and the younger man bursts out crying, he reaches one hand to his mouth and barely stops his hiccups -I... I feel so betrayed Pei'ge, my father was never like that I don't... I don't know who that man is! Actually I'm wondering if I ever knew my father at all, was it all a lie to keep me distracted and away from his business?!-
He half yells -I knew most of these peoples! The restaurant we passed by? I had lunch there everything I went out! The owner was a good man with a decent family... Those streets? I stepped into them everyday, everyone at the market greeted me! Granny Ning, Uncle Shu, The Bai family... All those faces that have smiles in my memories are now corpses, bones...-
He turns around and faces the other man -Why would he do that to begin with? Even this house... I knew who lived here, I knew who... Used these blankets- he says almost with disgust -I cannot believe a human is capable to wake up one day and decide to murder everyone around him at that moment, even if it was others to do it! He sided with that murderer of the Emperor, he opened his house for the "soldiers" to go as they please and rape or kill during their travels...-
He clenches the shirt of the other man -I can't even imagine the pain they went through... The fear... The desolation... How much they probably begged for their lives to just be taken and end their sufferings... The women probably tried to strangle those men while they were violating them in front of their families, or became numb to everything. The elders seeing their sons getting tortured alive for crimes they never committed... The Hunger forcing them to eat their friends, those same people they shared a meal with a few months before while chatting about work... Can you even imagine skinning alive your neighbor, his wife or his kid and then turning their flesh over the fire...? Hands that you held, arms that hugged you... Only for a few more days of life- he shivers at the thought... Almost throwing up, trying to push away the imagine of a little foot roasting over a fire, still completely intact with it's fingers and ankle, along other body parts.
-Is this life, PeiZhi? Because if it is, I don't have the strength to go on anymore...- he asks with wide eyes before burning his face into the other's chest.
Peizhi pushes him deeper into their hug -We don't need to have strength anymore, we just need to exist and be alive... Untill it all ends- he caresses him with teary eyes -To think a war could change a man's heart so much... My father who always turned a blind eye to suffering, finally remembered his past heart and decided to help the poor... While your father, who always gave to others with a content heart has now become insensible to his own son's words-
He falls silent for a few seconds, genuinely not knowing what to say anymore at this desperate situation -This world is doomed... If only the gods could burn it down and create it anew- a hint of rage hides in his words yet the other man says nothing, probably agreeing in his heart -Yet they left us to ourselves, they looked at us with disappointment and turned their back on us... On their children... That reminds me so much of... Never mind-
Peizhi shakes his head and tightens his grip on the other man.
...
After some time they part and go back to fixing the bedding, the little girl have long been asleep and is now snoring quietly...
They both look at her and feel warmness in their heart, even is only for a second -Pei'ge, there are so many children like here in this world...- he begins, earning a risen eyebrow from the other -What are you trying to say?-
-Just that... I mean, how could they live and grown to see tomorrow alone? They can't. This war might kill most of them but even if just one survived, them who will help him? Who will feed him? Who will love him? Who will grab his hand and stand along beside him? How many mothers and fathers in the world chose to live even when they hit rock bottom, just for their children?-
He sighs and a faint smile passes through his lips, not one of happiness but one of resignation -We cannot be so selfish to chose for another person, we can't deny them a chance of living... We have to go on. We wouldn't be here today if our parents, or any other adult, did that...
Even if there was no love inside some houses, we all still survived. We came out broken inside, missing a piece, some are arrogant and some can't help but let others dominate them... But still, we all had a chance to live. We had a chance to create our own future, to follow the old mistakes or fix them-
-I'm afraid I don't follow you... Hua-
-Pei'ge, think about the many kids who lost everything in this war! I hate my father for hurting others and yet what am I doing?-
-You're not hurting anyone, you aren't doing anything wrong- the other looks at him dumbfounded
-Excatly, I'm not doing anything! How can I blame anyone when I am the first one who isn't helping the weak peoples in need? The soldiers are fighting for us, to protect us from another invasion. Your sister too, she's searching for a way to end the war from it's roots... Yet we ran away-
-You're not planning to go back... Right?- Asks Peizhi, his eyes falling onto the sleeping child with worry -No, but I think we should do something to help those poor orphans at least-
-Such as?- he wonders and the young man smiles, a genuine one finally -Do you remember that dream of mine?-