What if she were to take away… my most precious thing… That's what
Shiro-san asked. Somehow, I felt that there was something significant
about her question.
I can't completely narrow down what it is that's so important to me…
but still…
[…I'm not going to hate you.]
[Why is that?]
[Probably because I think Shiro-san has her own reasons for taking it
away… I guess.]
[…What if it's just for a silly reason?]
What is this? The fact that she was acting me back like this made me
think that this question of hers wasn't just something she thought of.
I guess Shiro-san has some kind of definite vision, and she is asking
questions based on that. Maybe, it has something to do with the ordeal
that Shiro-san was talking about.
[…Even if that's so, I won't hate you, Shiro-san.]
[...…]
[Of course, if it came to that, I'd probably do everything I could to resist.
In order to protect what's important to me, I might even turn against
Shiro-san. However, that's not a reason for me to hate Shiro-san.]
[…Why?]
[Hmmm, I don't know if the reason is really silly or not. Even if it's silly
for me, it may be something important to you. Something so important
that you can't not do it.]
I don't know what Shiro-san is thinking. But now that I think about it
again, I realized that I really liked Shiro-san.
That's why, I can say with confidence that I will never hate her. After
all…
[I believe… that Shiro-san isn't the kind of person who would try to take
away something important from me for really silly reasons.]
[...…]
Shiro-san is indeed an airhead, with a few incomprehensible and
unorthodox traits. But she's not a bad person. There have been many
times when she has shown she cared about me in her own way.
That's why, I don't think Shiro-san will try to take away my most
precious thing for really stupid reasons.
Hearing my reply, Shiro-san fell silent for a few moments. Then, slowly,
she turned her gaze towards the skies of the God Realm.
[…I didn't have anything.]
[…Eh?]
Hearing her mutter to herself, I tilted my head. Shiro-san stood up from
the bathtub and moved towards the center of the onsen. The back view
of Shiro-san with her very long hair looked very picturesque by itself,
stealing my eyes away.
Thereupon, without looking back at me, Shiro-san spoke to me again in
her intonationless voice.
[…It's not a metaphor. I really had nothing. No heart, no feelings, nor
purpose… Not having anything, I was always standing at the end, as a
being who only brings everything to an end.]
[…End?]
[Yes, I was that kind of being. Let's see… If I were to describe myself in
the language of Kaito-san's world, I might as well say that I am nothing
but "a system called Shallow Vernal". If that really was my proper form,
being able to talk to you like this… is something like a "bug".]
Shiro-san's story sounded somewhat abstract, and I couldn't quite
understand what she was talking about, probably because I didn't have
enough information. But somehow… I felt like this is a story I shouldn't
overlook.
[Now that I think about it again, the first emotion I ever felt… would be
uncertainty, I guess. I was always standing at the end, just to bring
everything to an end.]
[...…]
[I've seen all kinds of beings. Some loved the world they created, others
hated the world they created. There were those who created the world
without knowing anything, and those who created the world for the
sake of others… I just couldn't understand.]
[…What did you not understand?]
[Joy, anger, sadness, enjoyment… Thinking to myself what those things
are, I didn't know what a heart is. To laugh, to get angry, to feel sorrow,
to be happy… thinking to myself how I could do such things, but I didn't
understand what emotions are… for they're things that my existence
doesn't deem as necessary.]
Not knowing about the heart, not understanding what emotions are…
Does that mean that she didn't have emotions that we naturally acquire
in the process of growing up after our birth?
[…But now, it's different, right?]
[Yes. My heart… It's either I had just been unaware of its existence or it
was born because I questioned its existence, but either way, I had one.
It was Kuro who made me aware of it.]
[...]
[And when I realized I had a heart… I wished for emotions. I sought for
"someone to teach those emotions to me".]
She became aware of the existence of her heart. However, she still didn't
know what emotions were. That's why she searched for a being that
could teach her about it.
If I only listen to Shiro-san's words, I see no contradictions to it. But I
wonder what this is? This strange feeling beneath my mind…
At least, the Shiro-san I knew could smile and sulk. Her facial
expression may hardly change, but I see her as someone who definitely
had emotions.
I wonder why though? Something is bothering me. I feel like I'm
overlooking something important, but I just can't seem to put my finger
on it.
[…I wonder how I could describe this outcome? I could say that it went
exactly as I wished, but at the same time, I could say it didn't go as I had
wished.]
[…Shiro-san?]
After saying that much, Shiro-san turned around and looked at me…
before a thin, sorrowful smile appeared on her lips.
[Kaito-san. If I were the one who first ―― you… If it was me who had
―― you… Would I have become ――…]
[Eh?]
What is this? It's not that I couldn't hear Shiro-san's voice. And yet, I
couldn't hear some of what she's saying at all.
What did Shiro-san just say? What in the world are the things that I
wasn't able to hear?
[…Shiro-san, just now…]
[My apologies. That was a boring story, isn't it? It's not good for your
health to stay in the water too long, so that's enough for today.]
[Wai——- Wha!?]
[Well then, I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow.]
With those words, Shiro-san ended our conversation and my body was
enveloped in a blinding light.
When I came back to my senses, I found myself back in the Central
Tower already wearing my pajamas. If I just walked straight down the
corridor I am in, I would reach my bedroom.
However… arehh? I was just talking to Shiro-san and…"What were we
talking about?"
I was suddenly kidnapped by Shiro-san to the God Realm, went to an
onsen together with her… and came back after some "idle chit-chat".
Ahh, that's right. Good grief, for a 21-year-old young man like me to
forget about the conversation I just had… Is it because I'm tired? Well,
that aside, I'll be going around the festival with Shiro-san tomorrow, so
let's go to bed early to regain my energy.
I felt like there was something I couldn't put my finger at, but there was
no point in thinking about it any more, so I walked towards the
bedroom… but I found myself stopping in place.
——–If I were the one who first met you… If it was me who had saved
you… Would I have become… special to you?
For a moment, such unfamiliar words came to my mind.
Dear Mom, Dad——- Strange words that I don't know where or who I
heard it from came into my mind. But I wonder why? I don't know who
said those words or what their purpose could be——- but I feel like
they're something I definitely shouldn't forget.