When I first saw you, the first thing that rose in my heart was sympathy.
(T/N: The speaker is using "anata" when referring to "you".)
Yeah—- The only thought I had for him was that I felt sorry for him,
coming out of the blue to a different world where he didn't know
anyone.
The first impression I had of you was that you seemed a bit unreliable.
It's like you have no initiative, always at the mercy of the situation…
And yet, I felt like you had somehow given up, even before you acted.
You may not be aware of it, but I've been watching you ever since you
came to this world.
I couldn't follow you into the temple or when you were with
Underworld King-sama or Death King-sama, but I was always there to
escort you when you walked outside other than those times.
If I were to describe myself using the Knights' jargon, I'm a shadow——
someone referred to as a person responsible for guarding his/her
target under concealment.
When all of you came to this world, each of you had a shadow assigned
to you by Lili, and I was the one who was assigned to be in charge of
you.
I was chosen for a simple reason: I do not harbor any repugnance
towards men.
Although it may not be Duchess Albert, Lili's intention to do so… but the
atmosphere around the Duchess' mansion has somehow become an
environment where males are prohibited, and many of the servants
who have continued to work in such an atmosphere have feelings close
to prejudice towards men.
Even though Lili restrained them right from the start, it must have been
an uncomfortable place for you.
I followed you as a shadow, and just on the first day, I made the big
mistake of losing sight of you.
Lili told me that the other party was probably a high-ranking demon, so
it couldn't be helped… It wasn't a topic that ended up being
unforgettable for me, but after that, I reminded myself to put more
effort into your protection and to watch your movements even more
closely than before.
I think it was after the New Year was over that you started to change.
You, who had been somewhat reluctant to interact with others before,
began to actively interact with various people, as if someone had
possessed your body.
Or perhaps, it may have just been a trivial change to the extent where
you say hello to someone you hadn't spoken before, but I think the
environment around you has drastically changed.
[I'm sorry, Miyama-san. Even though you're our guest, this kind of…]
[No, I've already been here for 2 weeks, and I don't want to keep asking
for your help… I'm always happy to help if it's just something like this.]
Carrying a basket with large amounts of laundry in it, I saw you walking
down the hallway alongside one of the maids.
It was about two weeks after your arrival that I began to see this often.
When you first arrived, there were three main types of servants in
Duchess Albert's household.
Those who were willing to accept you, like Lili and Luna, and those who
aren't very fond of the otherworlders themselves because of some of
the people who held the role of hero, who had gone impudent after
being treated as a stage guest.
And lastly, the fact that many of Duchess Albert's servants have served
Lili since she was a princess had a negative effect on them, as they were
people who would be prejudiced of you just because you're a man.
If you put them all together, it's no exaggeration to say that nearly 80%
of the servants here weren't happy with you.
You may not have realized it. However, it's true that the environment
around you has dramatically changed.
Of those who didn't like you in the beginning, nearly half have already
changed their perception of you.
Since this feeling of theirs was born out of petty prejudice in the first
place, it's only natural that your reputation would change faster if they
could just directly look at you as an individual.
You were essentially a good-natured, a gentle person with a soft smile
that suits you very well…
I've been watching you, and been amazed by you.
You are changing the environment around you by your actions, and that
was very bright for me, as I was afraid to move forward for fear of
failure.
Take action to change your present condition on your own… It's easy to
put it into words, but I think it's very difficult and daunting to do.
How are you able to be so strong? Aren't you afraid that your present
condition would worsen… aren't you afraid of failure?
Putting myself into your shoes, I ask myself that question.
Fortunately, you still speak even to this mute me, and occasionally had
tea wth me.
Do you remember it? When I asked you about a question I had during
our first few teas, you said…
[That should be obvious, failing is scary, right? I mean, not too long ago,
I was always thinking about the risks and stuff like the negative side of
things, and I always end up not being able to act on anything.]
[...…]
[What about now? Yeah, I had some change in mentality… It may be just
a bit, even if it was really just a bit, but it has helped me to think
positively. I'm now thinking that if I could somehow do something now
if I do my best, but if I just give up without even trying, isn't it quite a
"shame"…]
[...…]
[Ah, no, that's actually also just something I heard before. However,
once I was able to think like that, the pain I had been experiencing
before became much easier. I was able to think about doing my best
again, and persevering for a bit more.]
The way you said that, it was like you're really shining… You looked
really wonderful.
Yes, I have a confession to make. I respect you, who is younger than me,
with all my heart.
Seeing you work so hard and keep on going gives me courage… and
somehow, I also felt happiness.
I think it was around that time that your presence began to grow in
me…
Did you know?
I've noticed how many of the people who weren't happy with you
before were now happily responding to your greeting…
As a matter of fact, you're quite popular among the servants now.
Did you notice?
The changes you brought to the environment around you…
That the chef who used to harass you now sometimes uses slightly
better ingredients for your meals, that you have a maid who has always
wanted to be in charge of making your bed in your room…
As far as I can see, there are a certain number of people who would
have held their love for you if given the chance.
Did you know?
How big your existence has become in my life…
When I sensed that you were in danger, I was so worried that I felt my
heart would break.
Did you notice?
When I was about to lose you, the feelings I had for you changed from
respect to longing…
You probably didn't even notice it. You are a very kind and nice person,
but you seem to have a troubling habit of poorly-estimating yourself.
It's quite inconvenient not being able to express these thoughts out
loud but… I think it should be enough for now.
Right now, I still don't have the courage to tell you clearly either.
So, it may be selfish of me but… I will continue watching as you do your
best, though I will have to ask you to share some of your courage.
And when I finally have the courage to take a step forward, I will share
my thoughts with you.
I'm troubled since I have lots of rivals… but borrowing your words, it
would be a shame to give up without even trying.
So, from now on, I'm going to try my best too.
To approach you who I yearn for, even a little closer…