The discovery of unexpectedly having something in common with
Kusunoki-san made our conversation more lively than I had expected,
and I think was able to get to know both of them pretty well. Well,
Yuzuki-san wasn't able to keep up with our conversation about the
internet game and was now slightly sulking…
Unexpectedly, Kusunoki-san has been playing internet games since she
was in elementary school, and the total number of years that she had
been playing the game was longer than me, who had retired from the
game when I entered university.
However, perhaps because of her diligent character, she seems to be a
light user who only connected for about an hour a day and I seemed to
be of a much higher level than her, which made me reflect on my past.
I've been surprised at the fact that she has been playing internet games
since she was in elementary school, but I've actually seen and heard of
players like that when I was still playing the game and there have been
some of them among the players who were close to me… It kind of
makes me nostalgic thinking about it.
There was a newbie child I happened to meet back then, and as I taught
him various things, we had become friends. I thought he was close to
my age or older, as he had been very polite and always using honorifics
while we were chatting, and he seemed to be a smart guy, with good
memory and a good head on his shoulders, so I remembered being
surprised when he told me he's 11 years old.
I remembered back when I was retiring, he was pretty supportive of
me, even though I was pretty much saying goodbye to him… I wonder
how he's doing now? Is he still playing that game, or have he already
retired from that game like me…? Even though we were close, our
relationship is just something online. There's no way for me to confirm
it now, but I hope he's doing well.
(T/N: He doesn't know the newbie's gender, so I'm going to assume he's a
male. Just as I'm taught to assume that most people in MMOs are male.)
As I was thinking about that, it was almost time for the date to change
before I knew it. We are going to the temple tomorrow, so I've decided
to switch my mind away from reminiscing nostalgic memories about to
past and went to bed.
I was born in a privileged family and lived in a privileged environment
—– I think that's how the world sees me.
I may have been blessed to be the only daughter of the Kusunoki Group,
the owner of a large company, and I was given many things from an
early age, but for me, the environment at home was never a comfortable
one.
I learned more lessons than I can count on one hand, and while the
other children of my generation were playing together outside, I was
constrained in my home, studying all the time.
More than anything else, those eyes that looked at me and those
affectionate smiles they gave me… I hated them very much.
Everyone isn't looking at me. They don't see me for who I am, but as the
"daughter of the Kusunoki family". And even if I hated it so much, I
couldn't do anything about it.
Even if I had lots of things, freedom isn't something that I could acquire
from inside my birdcage—– the environment I thought I was in.
I started playing online games as a bit of a break from those days. It was
just a short 30 minutes to an hour before I finished my lessons, ate
dinner, took a bath, and went to bed. I chose to play online games in my
free time, time which I considered precious at that time… because I was
attracted by its catchphrase "The place where you can be your ideal
self".
Being conscious of those words "a self that isn't yours", I created a male
character and played the game, but to be honest, I didn't know what to
do at first, let alone enjoy it, since it was my first time playing this kind
of game, let alone an online game.
Even the help on the official site isn't very clear. There's a lot of
technical jargons and in-game chatting is rife with incomprehensible
conversations, and of course, there is no one I can ask about it, so I was
already at a loss in the town where I started.
And that was when—– I met "that person".
That person, who was wearing strong-looking equipment, approached
me when I was in trouble and took good care of me, who was new to
internet games and chatting.
He gently and politely guided me through not only the game, but also
the technical terms and unspoken rules of the internet, and even
though I was slow with typing my responses, I was able to play the
game properly and enjoy it.
Once I got used to it, I really enjoyed playing online games. Nobody saw
me as the daughter of the Kusunoki family, but rather as myself, which
made the young me very happy, making me look forward to those short
times of relaxation each day more than anything else.
Especially that guy who taught me a lot of things in the beginning, and
because I didn't like the idea of my levels being pulled up like that, he
took the liberty to create a new low-level character and always played
with me in a fair party, where our levels matched.
He would pick me up when I logged in, take me to various hunting
grounds without complaining about my poor skills and lack of
knowledge, and listened to me chatter and complain about all sorts of
trivial things.
…I enjoyed my time with that person the most. He was kind and
dependable, and yet, somehow laid back and relaxed. I felt at ease just
being with him. Having no siblings, I had thought that this may be what
it feels like having an older brother.
Looking back on it now, that must be—- when I first felt love.
If I had to confess, it would be better to say that my state of mind in
playing online games at that time was so that I could meet that person,
rather than going online just to play the game itself.
Though I said that, I still didn't have any idea about love at that time,
and all I wanted was to play with the kind older brother…
It may sound strange to say that I'm in love with someone whose face
and name I didn't know, but at the end of the day, the ideal love interest
I had in mind is a kind and dependable older man… In short, someone
like him and I think there's probably no doubt about it.
At any rate, for the me at that time, talking with him is without a doubt,
the most enjoyable and happiest time I had.
However, those times of happiness came to an abrupt end. When he
told me that he was retiring for real-life reasons, I was so shocked that
my mind went blank.
I didn't want to be selfish and bother him, so I gave him some words of
encouragement, but if I'm being honest, I didn't want him to quit. I
wanted him to stay forever.
However, time eventually passed without me being able to say anything,
and in the spring three years ago, he disappeared from the online game
world.
On the day he last connected, I stayed up late for the first time in my
life. I wanted to talk to him for as long as possible…
He also said goodbye to me and gave me some of the expensive
equipment and items I had been using. These items were so rare at it
could even be a dream come true for me to get them at that time, but I
wasn't happy in the least bit. I was just sad.
I just shed tears as I stared at the screen of the game where he was
gone, and I finally realized how important he was to me, and at the
same time, I regret not knowing enough about him even after he
listened to me all the time.
Maybe it's because I'm in high school and have a better understanding
of what I need for my future, or maybe it's because I've been able to
maintain my grades, which is a crooked way of saying I'm a good
student, the number of lessons I'm taking decreased and my parents
don't put many restrictions on me anymore. I have more free time to do
my best in club activities.
Starting with Hina-chan, I've made a lot of people that I could call my
friends, and I can say that my days have been really fulfilling.
However, I'm still playing that online game and I would still go online
for 30 minutes to an hour every day. I know that I'm being stubborn,
but I'm still holding unto a slight hope that he might come back
someday…
Turning off the lights and went to bed, my eyes reflect the faint
moonlight coming through the window.
A lot of things happened today. The party at the palace is one thing, but
I'm glad that I also had a chance to talk with Miyama-san, who I hadn't
had a chance to talk to very often.
To be honest, until now, there was a part of me that had a hard time
grasping the distance between us, if you could call it that.
Just like me, Hina-chan and Mitsunaga-kun, he is a person who was
summoned to this other world, and he is the oldest among us… If I had
to say so, I would say that my impression of Miyama-san was that he
was someone I had no idea what he's thinking about.
I guess you could call him calm at best and indifferent at worst… Even
though this was supposed to be a sudden and extraordinary situation,
he somehow seemed calm and composed, and while he took the
initiative to ask questions to Lilia-san and the others, he didn't say
anything about himself at all. I don't really know how to best say it, but
early on, it felt like he was always taking a step away from us, building a
wall around him and treating us coldly like it was something normal,
and it's not just to Lilia-san and Lunamaria-san, but to us as well… To
be honest, I was a little afraid.
However, I'd say that impression has changed quite a bit since today. He
explained a lot of information he got to us and he was worried about
Mitsunaga-kun, whom he hardly spoke to. The expression on his face,
which had been calm and composed for so long, had changed in many
ways today, and I felt like I'm finally starting to see Miyama-san to who
he really is.
What was particularly impressive was the expression on his face when
he offered the green tea to Hina-chan, who was excited after she saw
rice—– and the smile on his face, as if he was looking at his own little
sister, made me realize that he's a kind person at heart.
And when he saw Hina-chan, who was sulking because she couldn't
keep up with the topic of games, looking at him as he patiently taught
her various things with a wry smile on his face as if he's troubled, I
remembered that person.
Maybe the reason why he had seemed so cold until now was that even
though Miyama-san was also confused with all sorts of things he got
involved with, he was purposely doing so that we wouldn't feel uneasy
after looking at him. That's how different my impression of Miyama-san
today was from the past.
At the very least, the Miyama-san of today looked like a senior that we
could rely on… I felt sorry that I was afraid of him because of my own
imagination.
Maybe it's a bad habit of mine to read too much into things and be wary
of them. In fact, Miyama-san and I were talking about the online game,
and our conversation was much easier than I had imagined, finding out
how easy it is to converse with him. I guess you can't really understand
a person until you try to talk to them in person.
I don't know if I'm being extreme or just being naive… but my
impression of Miyama-san has changed for the better after just having a
long talk with him today.
Thinking about this, as I was about to lower my eyelids, letting the
drowsiness engulf my consciousness, I remembered him again.
[…"Ciel-san"]
My first love, whose real name and face I know nothing about. The time
I spent with that person is still a cherished memory that will stay with
me to this day, and the equipment and items he left behind were all
untouched and carefully stored in the online game's warehouse. Ready
and waiting for the day he comes back…
Even so, three years have already passed and I should have been
remembering him less and less as time passed… but what made me
remember that person over and over again today?
Because it's been a while since I've talked about the online game? No,
that's probably not it.
Ahh, I see… It's because they resemble. The way Miyama-san was
teaching Hina-chan various things about the game, reminded me of that
person in my memory…
Come to think of it, Ciel-san was four or five years older than me, just
like Miyama-san… Didn't he mention that he based his username on his
real name?
Miyama Kaito—– "Kai" for enjoyment and "to" for human—- I think
"kai" could also mean shell, right?—– wait, shell?—– Ciel?
[Fufufu.]
As expected, wouldn't circumstances be too convenient if that really
were the case? However, I feel like I'm going to have a good dream
today.
As a self-mocking smile leaked out from my mouth, I could feel some
sort of warmth embracing my body as my consciousness sank into
slumber