I woke up the next day still feeling like hell.
I check my phone to see if Al called or sent a text, only to find nothing.
I guess this is really happening.
It's not his getting married that is hurting me.
I admit i'm hurt, the man i've been in love with for years is getting married. However i can't blame him for that because he's not even gay.
It is the lose of my friendship with him that is hurting me the most.
This is my bestfriend, he knows everything about me.
Well not everything, i haven't told him how i met Ian.
I haven't told anyone how i met Ian.
How on earth am i going to act when i see him now.
Work, yes i need to work. Working helps calm me down and helps me in organising my thought.
Like i told Ian, i can't possibly be in love with someone's husband.
Al is taken now.
I have to focus on my own life.
I freshened up and went to Ian's condo or is it Vee's condo now.
I woke up on time to prepare a hearty breakfast for xavier.
I was placing the last plate on the table when the doorbell rang.
I opened the door to find xavier outside.
Good morning Xavier, come on in.
This place smells heavenly.
I prepared breakfast, hope you don't mind.
I don't, i haven't had anything this morning.
Sitting across from Xavier, i waited for him to eat first.
Oooooohhhhhhhh! this is so good.
I had no idea you can cook.
Thank you, i'm glad you like it.
I too also began eating.
Xavier are you okay?
You don't look too good.
Is it that bad?
Well you look great as usual, it's just you look heartbroken.
That's because i am.
I could feel Xavier's pain, after all i too just experienced it.
Xavier is a very beautiful man.
He is not like Ian who is handsome.
Xavier's beauty leans on the feminine side and his personality is just like him.
He is a bright and happy person.
So it is very easy to tell when he is not in a good mood.
Xavier i hope you know you are a wonderful person.
It is the person's loss for losing you.
Hahahahahahaha thanks Vee that's so sweet of you.
Before we get down to business, can you tell me now what happened to you?
Xavier and Ian are the only people i have in my life currently and i don't want to lie to anyone of them.
I fell in love and it cost me that's what happened.
Ouch! are you okay?
I'm fine, at least i got a second chance to try again.
Not everyone is lucky to have another chance.
So we both got our heartbroken?
Should we form a Heartbreak club?
Haaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa come on Xavier you are so funny.
Well Vee it's his loss as well.
I know and believe me i'm better now.
That's good cause i have lot's of ideas i want to try out with you.
Let's finish our breakfast first.
Say something Ian.
I just stared at Alaric.
I was busy going through some files when i was told he is here to see me.
This is my place of work Al and as you can see i'm very busy.
I know but come on man, you are my friend as well not just Zee's friend.
I am your friend?
What kind of friend find's out from others that his friend is getting married.
Look i know i messed up okay.
The only reason i didn't tell you was because i didn't want Zee to know.
And how did that work out for you?
And why don't you want him to know, Al he is your bestfriend.
I'm not denying the fact that he is my bestfriend, and i know you know that he loves me.
And so?
What do you mean and so?
He is a man.
Al we all have known for a long time that Zee is gay it's no secret.
And you've never for once shown any sign of displeasure about it, what then changed?
Did something happen between you two?
Did he offend you?
Nothing happened and he did nothing wrong.
I just don't fancy the idea of him being in love with me, it just does not sit well with me.
What will people say if they find out my bestfriend who is a man is in love with me.
Won't they think i'm gay as well?
Al can you hear yourself?
Zee does not deserve this, he has been an amazing friend to you and you know that.
Other than me, i don't think anyone knows how much Zee loves you.
He is not asking you to return the love or be with him.
He has always been fine with just being friends with you.
And what if he no longer wants to be just friends with me and want something more?
What will i do when that time comes?
I can't love him the way he loves me, ever.
And you think by not being friends with him and handling things the way you did is the best way to go about it?
You are just going to what, watch your friendship of decades crumble just like that?
I am a man Ian, i have needs and wants.
I want a family of my own, wife and kids.
I want a home.
Being with my fellow man won't give me any of this.
Xavier is a good person and i'm sure there is someone out there like him who will love and accept him for who he is, but that person is not me.
It sends the wrong idea when your bestfriend who is a man knows every single thing about your life.
Your likes, dislikes, what makes you happy, smile, sad and so on.
Xavier needs to start living and doing things without my being with him all the time.
This does not sound like you?
Who have you been listening to?
That person does not know how far you and Zee have come?
The person has no idea what you've both been through.
If you know what's best for you, better stay away from such a person.
He might just be jealous of your bond.
She is not jealous, she sees it from a clearer perspective.
You are sounding this way because you know of Zee's felings for me and because he is your friend.
Your judgement thus is clouded.
She?
By she don't tell me it is Linda.
It is.
She has started asking questions about my friendship with Zee and started pointing out things to me that Zee does that goes beyond him being just friends with me.
Things like?
Like the last time i was sick, Zee was not around he went abroad for an event.
When he found out i was sick, he left his work and traveled back and stayed in the hospital with me till i got better.
I know you remember this.
What sort of friend does that?
One who cares, that's the sort.
And my judgement is not clouded.
I'm not telling you to marry Zee.
Zee is not telling you to marry him.
No one is telling you to marry Zee.
I will never force anyone of you to do anything, all i can do is give you my candid and honest opinion.
And here is my take on all this for you.
Zee is a wonderful friend and cutting him out of your life is a wrong move.
As someone who is straight i understand your concern, however you've known Zee for over twenty years. Don't you know what he can and can't do?
All these years he has been in love with you and have been there through all your numerous girlfriends and heartbreaks. He did nothing about his feelings toward you do you think someone like him, who prioritise friendship will one day decide to pursue you especially knowing your sexual preference?
You may think you are better off without him now but when all this dies down believe me you won't be feeling what you are feeling now.
You getting married and having a family is something you can do while still having Zee as a friend. You cutting him off especially like this is wrong.
That's all i have to say.
I've heard you Ian but i've been thinking about this and this is how i want it to be.
Looking at Alaric i know his mind is already made up, i've tried my best to make him see reasons there is nothing more i can do.
If that's what you've decided, then it's fine.
Congratulations on your engagement.
Thanks man.
I will be hosting an engagement party next week and the wedding will be in a month time.
I am officially inviting you.
Sure i will be there.
Of cause you will be there.
Well i have to go man, i'm glad we had this talk.
See you around.
I watched Ian leave and wondered how he could let go of over twenty years of friendship.