Two clothing stores and no purchases before I see her in a bookstore looking at photography books, the how to kind. I watch as she sits down in a color coordinated to the store's logo chair and begins to scan the pages. I can tell she's not reading them fully because she's going too fast for reading. I keep a watch on her for about five minutes as she flips through books and finally stops to decide on which one to get by reading their prices. No books purchased and now I'm curious why the girl with the formerly perfect life and relationship is in a mall not buying anything? Depression, did I really do that much damage? I don't keep my distance as much as I should and almost walk directly in front of her and now she spots me.
"Guy," she asks and looks a little shocked at me being there," What are you doing here?"
"I was eating then looking around at shit I don't need or want. You," I ask, " Why am I being civil? "
What are you doing?
Shhh I'm just trying something out here.
We're done with her, let it go.
No.
"Looking at stuff I can't afford since I will have to pay for college myself if I won't get the scholarship," Jenna says and she is probably right about that thanks to Beth," and now that Brandon and I are done I really don't have much other than my modeling."
"Brandon and you broke up again," I ask, knowing more than she even suspects.
"He's been cheating on me, not just during our break but for a long time. There was a video of him screwing one of the little gang boy's girlfriends then his main other girl went super bitch on me and I've been avoiding him since," Jenna gives me her life events since I decided to help crash it.
"Wow, that has to be a record low for football players sleeping around. I need ice cream," I remark and walk towards the food court as she follows.
I'm waiting in line and finally order before surprising Jenna.
"What do you want," I ask and she is confused.
"I'm not hungry," she replies quietly and I know she wants some.
"Order some fucking ice cream," I tell her being kind and forceful.
We each basically get a bowl, I have mint chocolate chip and she has chocolate chip cookie dough with fudge sauce. Depression eating at its finest and we sit down. I'm half way through my bowl and she is looking at me oddly.
"Why buy me ice cream, why talk to me if you hate me so much," Jenna asks and I think about it for a second.
"Because this is the real you. No posturing, no superiority, no finery to make you more than you are. Now you are down in the dirt with the rest of them," I nod to the random people in the mall," You don't feel like the girl who decided to use and manipulate me when I wasn't able to withstand your charms."
"So now that everything in my life is messed up you can talk to me like we used to," she asks and I shake my head.
"Not like we used to, I'm not a simpering little stooge anymore and you've learned that the world doesn't revolve around you and that perfection is a lie," I state my perceptions and she looks at me with a little anger.
"So what are you now? And for the record I never thought of you as a stooge. I may have called you a few names and made you mayor of the friend zone but you were never a stooge," Jenna clarifies and I think of the words.
"I'm more now, I know what I am capable of and I have no more fear," I explain and she chuckles.
"That's not answering my question," she states and I laugh.
"If there were a word for me I don't know it," I say and she shakes her head still chuckling.
We know a word.
Smug bastard.
That's two words.
"Well how about telling me what you and Brandon were talking about that got you to let him back onto the football team," Jenna asks and I laugh.
"We made a deal, simple contract really," I state leaving out about ninety percent of the details.
"Okay well since you won't tell me and he wouldn't tell me anything, what does a girl have to do to make a deal," Jenna asks and I laugh," Seriously you hated Brandon, you said so when we were friends so what do I have to do to make a deal."
"Thing is you don't have anything I would want and I know what you want," I state and she groans.
"Yeah you know what I want, everything else in my life is shit so what do I have to lose by making a deal with you," Jenna asks and I laugh now and that quiets her down.
"So much to lose, there are so many things you can lose when you deal with me Jenna. I am not a nice person," I tell her and she pauses for a second.
No chance it was going to work, friend. At least you got her good.
Well damn, there goes that idea.
"Prove it," Jenna says and I smile with teeth.
Wait… what… No.
Yes! Oh yes!
This ruins everything.
Oh this makes it so much more interesting.
I get up and leave my half eaten ice cream on the table and head towards the exit and my car. Where is Jenna? About five feet behind me and I tell her to go home and that I'll be there in an hour and to dress in something amazing. I head to one place I've been avoiding, home. I just need to get in, clean a little, change into a suit and I'm out. The truck I think Dad and his daughter brought is still parked out front but I have somewhere to be so I'm not going to waste time. I'm in the house and moving towards my room with a purpose. I get cleaned up a bit and I'm halfway dressed when there is a knock on my door and I don't bother to respond. It takes a second before my new sister steps inside as I'm buttoning up my dress shirt.
"We didn't know where you went," she says as I fix my shirt cuffs," You gonna talk to me?"
"About," I ask in response, killing time as I figure out which tie to wear.
"You're mad at Daddy and you think he didn't care about you. I was there for years and I know he did. Can you just listen to us for a little bit and try to understand how much it hurt him to lose you," Gwen asks and I shake my head," Why are you being so ornery?"
"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean," I ask and she isn't happy with me.
"You won't listen to us, your family, when we're trying to make things better," she says and I look at her for a second and think before breaking this down.
"You seem to think that by adding you and our Father to my life that I'm going to somehow be fixed. What neither of you seem to realize is that the person you came looking for is gone and now," I stand and figure the red silk tie would be best," I'm in his place. I look back on who I was and I hate him as much as I hate the fact that the only time anyone put any effort into me was when things got so bad I couldn't be ignored anymore."
"That's not what our parents and your step family did," she is trying and I'm not enjoying it in the slightest.
"Don't talk to me like you know me, you don't… Even if you'd like to think you do," I state as I'm tying up my tie," See you were always the one that got away so they chased you. I was there and the first time either of them wasn't so busy dealing with what they were going through with you to notice what was going on with me was after I was left bleeding in an alley so don't stand there with all this familial love thinking if you tell me to do something or feel something it's going to happen because it's not. Now if you excuse me I have a meeting."