I have her thinking, something she hasn't been doing in regards to Guy. I don't want to believe that she would be so naïve to think that after a time the family would go back to the way things were but it's becoming more the case these past few days. I allow my daughter to leave and sit quietly thinking about what to do on my own end. A couple thousand dollars for an entertainment system is one thing but how do I get that boy to come out of his shell towards me, hell with me, and his mother. Big tasks ahead in this family and we're running out of time. Guy added college courses to his schooling but he can quit those at any time and graduate before spring. I want him to stay and I'd ask him to stay if it would do any good but considering where we are now I know it won't go back to planning. Oh yeah and the assault case I'm first chairing this week.
Guy Donnelly
I know days have gone by but I really don't care, I don't feel compelled to do anything right now and even though Mark and Abby pulled me into a shower to clean me up it did little to spur anything out of me. I think I've been missing classes but it doesn't matter, not a thing seems to matter at all. People don't matter, family doesn't matter, I don't matter. It's this dull empty feeling of nothing and it doesn't change. Mom has come in a few times to speak with me but I don't react to her words. Abby and Mark both come in to check on me and still I feel nothing. I don't know what is happening in the world and I don't care. It's dead and I'm dead in it. More talking is happening but it sounds different, Bethany is in the room I think and she's trying to get my attention and yet I don't move. I see she's in front of me now and still talking to me as I lay on my bed facing the window.
"Guy get up, I need you to get up please," Bethany asks and I don't move but I do wonder why.
She pulls at the robe Mark and Abigail dressed me in to get me up and pleads for me to move but I don't feel any motivation to do so. I wait for Beth to give up as she usually does but she's being persistent.
"Guy come on, I need you to get up," Beth struggles trying to move me to a sitting position.
My body relents, why it is relenting I will never know, but it does allow her to move me so that I'm sitting upright and then standing as Beth takes a breath before leading me out of my room. I am led by the hand down stairs and I don't hear much of anything going on except the TV in one of the rooms. Mom is in the TV room watching something and it's still day outside but barely as Beth leads me to the couch and I hear her and Mom speak.
"Beth what are you doing," Mom asks, confused and a little upset.
"Help, okay, I'm just trying to help now stay in your seat please," Beth says to Mom who is sitting at one end of the couch," Come on Guy, you can lay back down right here."
Beth moves me onto the couch and then to a laying down position where my head is resting on my Mother's lap. It is odd to me… wait odd, I was feeling nothing why is this odd. I leave it alone as Mom begins to stroke my hair with her fingers while she prattles on about topics from an 'empowered' and 'educated' point of view meaning 'moneyed' and 'famous'. I don't know how many shows Mom watches while I lay there with my head in her lap but at some point she begins humming, I recognize the song as 'You are My Sunshine' but why is it familiar coming from her. More importantly, why the hell am I feeling anything right now? I was in a voided state, I was at peace and now I'm feeling. I sound like the Grinch but he felt all bad, I felt nothing which was better. Why was it better? I didn't feel pain. Why was I in pain? Because everyone wants me to have pain. What did I do to deserve that? I was born? Am I unlucky? Fate wants someone to pay? Why am I thinking this much and why does Mom humming a fucking song sound so soothing and confusing all at once? She keeps brushing my hair with her fingers and it keeps me in a mindset that I don't want to move. I can move and I can get up and move but I don't want to right now. Big difference from my not caring to move, I don't want to. I must have dozed off as I woke up and Mom wasn't humming, she's snoring and it's dark outside. I sit up and look around, nobody watching and the TV is playing some infomercial for a belt that makes you thinner. Fucking duh people the thing is a girdle. Shut the TV off and shake Mom.
"Mom? Mom, get up," I wake her, breaking the snoring.
"What happened, did I fall asleep honey," Mom asks while waking up.
"Yeah Mom, come on time to get you to bed," I get up from the couch and help my Mother up.
She doesn't need my help walking to her room but she's happy to have my arm around her shoulders. I guide her to bed, more so her bedroom door where her husband, my step father, is sleeping.
"Guy, are you able to make it to bed," Mom asks and I nod yes," Okay, get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning."
I want to say later in the morning but I don't care what time it is mostly because I want to go back to sleep. Waking up and checking my alarm clock to see it's Friday and I'm a fucking moron for losing so much time is my first thoughts of the morning. I haven't shaved in a few days and I shower on my own for once getting myself clean and groomed. Well shaved really, I don't do shit with my hair leaving it a minor mess and when I see my 'Jenna era' clothing I almost want to burn something. I opt for loose but fitting jeans and a t- shirt with a flannel and boots. It's comfortable and allows me to feel human again… well more human than I normally feel. I have been taking too long this morning and don't have time for breakfast as I rush to catch Abby who has already left for school leaving me with rush to the bus as a viable option.
"Hey Guy, want a ride," I hear Beth ask me and I have to pause and think before nodding yes to it.
My sisters have had their own cars for a year or so now and it shows that despite their twin status they are different. Abby has a Prius, it's economical and good for the environment or in other words: super safe. Bethany on the other hand got herself an extended cab Ford F-350; I have no idea as to why other than she sits up higher than a lot of other girls thus helping with her queen bee status. I've never been in her truck before but it smells like strawberries from a car scented can or something. I've also never ridden with Beth which lets me in on a secret fact, she's crazy. Lack of blinker, running yellow lights and abrupt lane changes are just the basics aside from speeding and more speeding. We arrive barely after Abigail unless we went back in time like Doc Brown. She parks and I head off to class with a little wave to her for the ride. I think she smiled at me but I'm not sure.
Making up class work is going to suck but not as much as people talking about me and what happened. At least I think they're talking about Jenna destroying me on Monday but since it's Friday I don't know if that's it or what. I'm at lunch grabbing my to go bag as usual when I see Jenna and Brandon walking around like the power couple they are and even though it takes her a minute she recognizes me in my normal clothes and not Jenna approved attire. She takes a second to separate from Brandon who smiles when she tells him where she's going and I just get my drink when she makes it over to me.
"Guy you're back, I missed seeing you this week. After Monday I didn't know what to think," Jenna says and I shrug.
"Yeah neither did I," I keep it simple and vague, I like simple and vague.
"So I spoke with Brandon and he thinks it would be good if you came with us to the Winter Formal," Jenna says and I don't know where my brain and mouth are when I answer.
"Why did he need someone to pay for his tuxedo, cause I'm tapped out on charity," I say the words and wonder where it came from.
"Oh no silly, we just want you to know that you have a couple friends that want you to know you aren't alone," she said that, she actually fucking said that.
"Ah I see, you need me to rent a car or something like I offered Monday when I asked you," I remind Jenna who looks puzzled," Here let me tell you what I can do for you… everything you ask for."
"Well if you get the car we can pay for your ticket in and the three of us will have a great time," Jenna begins to go on but I stop her.
"Jenna you misunderstand, I said that was what I 'can' do for you. What I 'will' do for you is not a damn thing," I get the words out and she actually looks confused as to my attitude.
"Guy, what is wrong with you? I'm your friend," Jenna says and I laugh a little.
"I don't have friends, friends are just people who use you till they don't need you anymore and I'm done with being your free meal," I get the words out and turn to leave.
Nothing comes after me, no trying to talk, no pleading and certainly no Jenna as I get outside and sit in the outdoor walkway to eat. Chicken salad in a plastic container and chocolate milk with an apple, it's healthy and I'm being interrupted by someone I haven't spoken to in months.
"Hey Guy, you okay man," Romeo asks and he looks a little different.
He's still skinny and has his hair groomed nicely but instead of polo shirt and slacks he's got blue jeans and a white button up shirt with a black rag in his back pocket. He's with Carlos now, well that's awesome in the tune of not.
"I'm alive and moving," I responded, taking a bite of my apple.
"I see that, listen it's been two months and the boys…," Romeo actually calls them boys.
"Boys, who's boys," I ask and he catches himself.
"Carlos and Hector, you know, my boys," he clarifies and I have to ask.
"When did it happen," I ask, waiting for something I can use.
"Back in early October, I've been trying to get in with the crew and now I am," he says and he says it with pride.
"And what exactly did you have to do to get in with them," I ask standing up.
"Oh just a couple things for Carlos," Romeo says, realizing that he's missing his original point," Listen Carlos wants you to come around after school so he can talk to you."
"Carlos wants to speak with me, no thank you," I keep my reply short and simple.
"Listen it's not like that," Romeo tries to explain but I don't care.
"Really what is it like? Explain to me after three years of being singled out and assaulted by a gang how it's not like when they send their new boy to come lead me somewhere so they can 'talk' with me alone," I ask the question and Romeo is quick to answer.
"Because they didn't do it. Yeah they've done shit before but what happened to you wasn't them," Romeo says and I laugh.
"And I'm supposed to believe you? Just take the word of the new boy who just so happens to get his 'stripes' as soon as I am in the hospital fighting for my life," I say the words and he backs up defensive.
"I didn't do anything to you," he says the words and I smile, sinister smile I think.
"And you didn't do anything for me either; years I sat around and took all sorts of shit from YOUR boys. They beat me, humiliated me and left me for dead," Romeo wants to counter but I hold up my hand to stop him," I don't care what you say; you are shit just like them. Carlos wants to speak to me; I want Carlos to die in a fire with his whole fucking family. Is that spelling things out for you? Does that make my point clear?"
"Dude, he wants to make peace," Romeo says quietly and I sneer.
I don't say anything more as I pack up the remainder of my lunch and throw it away. Romeo stands there watching me to see if I'll follow him, well he can wait for a year and it still won't be enough time for me to make peace. I don't like it when I get mad, I feel like I can't control what happens and what I said to Romeo doesn't feel like me. It feels foreign and ugly. I make it through the rest of my day peacefully except something is going on as I'm heading out to either find a ride home or catch the bus when I'm stopped by three sets of varsity jackets and the wall of flesh to fill them.
"Hey are you Guy," one asks and I shrug.
"I am a guy if that's what you're asking," I reply, keeping my humor to myself.
"No like your name, is it Guy," the big one, they're all big but he's bigger, asos.
"I don't know, I'll have to check my ID in my car. Can you give me a second," I ask and he nods.