The week seemed to fly by. I talked to Mallory about leaving with Eric and she seemed happy I wasn't going alone. Of course, we both wish she could have come too, but she wanted to finish high school and I agreed with her that she should stay. I was content with getting my GED. I was still going to go to college in fact if I got my mind in a better place, I may even apply to start at Maine Media for the next semester in January. But right now, I needed to finish these tests and get ready for my adventure.
It was already Thursday, and we were planning on taking off as soon as we finished dinner with his mom tomorrow evening. As I sat at the table at the back of the bakery I tried to concentrate on the test. I knew this stuff it wasn't even difficult I just had so much on my mind.
"Hey little one, how's it coming?"
I looked up into Linda's warm eyes. "Oh, it's going alright mama St Clair. Its not that its hard I just can't seem to concentrate."
"How about I make you a white chocolate caramel cappuccino and you head back to my office where there aren't so many distractions and try finishing back there?"
I smiled at her grateful that she was always there to help me out. Even this small gesture of kindness meant the world to me.
"Thank you, I will take you up on that offer."
"Ok, I'll meet you back there in just a moment with your drink."
I got my laptop and things together and headed into the back. I settled down behind her desk and got ready to get to work. I noticed all the photos on her desk. One of my favorite's was taken when Mallory and I were about 14 years old. We had just gotten hired at the bakery and it was our first job. We were so excited, Linda even made us a congratulations on your first job cake. In this photo Mallory and I were both holding a side of the cake smiling big at Linda as she took the photo.
"Here you go Hun, now get to work, and ace those tests. Mallory didn't tell me much but, I know you are doing this without talking to your mom first. Don't worry you're a big girl now but you should talk to her before you take off."
I took a deep breath and decided I would let Linda in on my secret. She had always been a second mom to me, and I knew once I left Mallory would need someone besides just Jayden to talk to.
"Do you have a minute mama St. Clair?"
"I do. I hired Beth on Wednesday after you told me you were leaving. She's out there now and should be able to hold down the fort for a few minutes."
As she sat, I laughed lightly. "Well, I will try to make this story short and to the point but it's not that easy to explain and I need you to promise first that this doesn't leave this room until I'm ready to let it out. Please?"
"Ok this sounds serious. Are you ok? You're not sick or something are you Hun?"
"No nothing like that. Well here goes…"
I hadn't planned on telling her everything but as we sat there talking to her was as easy as talking to Mallory and I ended up telling her everything. From the time Colton showed up at school up until now. I even told her about my dinner plans with Colton and Erics mom. And how I wasn't leaving alone but Eric was going with me.
"Wow! I don't know what to say. I always thought Victoria was a little over cautious with you growing up but now I understand why. She didn't want anyone to recognize you or have you talking to much about growing up. By not allowing you to talk that's probably why you started to forget. Oh, baby girl I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I hope you go on this journey and find your peace. And hopefully you will be able to find the memories of your past. I'll keep my daughter busy, so she doesn't dwell too much on the fact that you are gone. You just focus on you and if you need anything you call me. Ok?"
"I will mama St. Clair." I told her as I stood to give her a hug. Her eyes were moist and as I hugged her a few tears fell.
"Well, I better go make sure the place ain't burning down. You get to work, and I'll see you during your next break. If you get hungry let me know."
"I will thank you."
I sat back down and turned back on my laptop and started the next test. I had already passed three, only two more to go.
Three hours later I was done. Passed all five tests with flying colors. They would mail me my actual GED diploma so I put Lindas address down so it would get sent to her instead of my house. I just wanted to disappear. I guess a part of me wanted to make my mom feel what she had made my parents feel all those years ago. Was I being petty, probably but right now I was hurt and wanted her to feel even a fraction of what I was feeling as well.
The next morning, I was confronted by my mom. "Hey sweetie, I haven't seen much of you lately you have been so busy. Are you still upset with me about your birthday dinner? I really am sorry I promise I'll make it up to you. How about tomorrow we have a birthday lunch out? Wouldn't that be nice?"
"Yea Mom, that would be nice. Hey Mom, I'm thinking about getting my GED so I can start at Maine Media next semester. I mean I'm already taking some college classes already. My guidance counselor said it wouldn't be a bad idea. I just wanted you to know I'm really considering it."
I really wanted to make up an excuse for my upcoming disappearing act I was about to pull but I just couldn't. And I could tell by the look on her face she wasn't to thrilled about my plans to leave for college early.
"What brought this on? Are these new friends of yours pressuring you into this? I just don't understand why on earth would you want to drop out of high school! You're smarter than this Perri! I think you need to stay away from those boys and get your priorities straight! Now I need to get to work, and I don't want to hear another word about you dropping out! I also don't want you to see those Hendrix boys again. Have I made myself clear?"
"It has nothing to do with the boys. I made this decision on my own! What do you have against them? Ever since I met Colton you have been trying to find a reason to keep me from seeing them. What are you so afraid of Mom?"
"I'm not afraid of nothing! Why would I be afraid of two boys I don't even know! I just don't think they are a positive influence on you."
"Are you sure you don't know them? Eric said you look familiar, but he just hasn't figured out where he has seen you before."
"I don't know what they are telling you, but they seem to be feeding your mind with a whole lot of baloney. Just another reason I want you to stay away from them! I'm done with this conversation, and it won't matter too much longer anyway."
Digging through her purse for her keys I could tell she was really upset about what I said. Now she would definitely be worried they would rat her out.
"What do you mean it won't matter soon anyway?"
She just kept looking through her purse, cussing under her breath. I knew now she hadn't meant to say that last part now she was trying to ignore me.
"Mom what do you mean?"
"Never mind that for now Perri. I need to get to work. Remember what I said. I love you sweetie, bye."
She knew I was mad. She didn't even try to give me a hug before she left. What did she mean by it wouldn't matter much longer? What was she planning now? It didn't really matter to me I didn't plan on sticking around long enough to find out. After her car was out of sight, I went back in the house to grab the things I had packed to take with me. I had already made up my mind that no matter what happened on this trip I was coming home to confront mom and find my family. The holidays were coming, and I didn't feel like spending them pretending everything was ok.
I loaded up my car, double checked I had everything I would need and made one final stop in the kitchen to write a note and leave her a little something before I left.
Mom,
Or should I even be calling you that? Veronica? I really wanted to be doing this in person, but I don't think my heart could handle that right now. I also don't expect you to be honest with me. Oh, I trust you would have painted a pretty picture about what had happened 11 years ago and how in your mind you were somehow my hero. If I hadn't seen proof with my own eyes, I would have believed your every word. Right now, I am so hurt and confused. I think the thing I am most upset about is the fact that you made me forget them. You did everything in your power to take away my parents, and Eric. You knew all this time he was the one that gave me the locket, you knew, and you didn't even think twice about taking him away from me too. Well, you lost, I already dropped out and completed my GED tests although to be honest I don't know if I still intend to go to Maine Media any longer. I might take time off and attend a college as far away from you as I can get. However, even though I want to escape and find myself I really hope one day we can sit down and have an honest conversation about what happened. For now, though I will leave you with this memory and one day I truly hope I can forgive you. Because even though I am angry right now I still love you.
Always and forever,
Perri
After rereading my letter five times I finally laid it on the counter where I knew she would come home and find it. Along with the letter I left a copy of the photo of her and I from my seventh birthday along with a copy of the photo of the boys and I from that same day. I really didn't want to do things this way, but I knew I wouldn't be able to face her and have that conversation. This way we could both get our thoughts and feelings together before we see each other again. I really do hope one day I can forgive her. I couldn't think about it any longer I turned around and walked out of the house, climbed into my car, and as I went to drive away I took one last look at my home then drove away.