The Creator pulled me out of His memories and brought me back to my list of grudges.
"Therefore," he told me, "those who do not know Me are judged by the Law, but those who know and believe in Me, might live through their faith in me. They are no longer judged by the Law, having stepped out of the Law. Do you understand better now why you must forgive?" He asked me.
I nodded emphatically.
"If you were able to forgive all those people and make it through, I can too," I said, grimacing and mustering up all my strength to face the list once more. "Can you… will you…"
"Want me to go through it with you?" the Creator asked, holding out a hand, when I couldn't get the words out, completely understanding what I wanted to say.
"Please," I replied and took His hand, holding it tight.
Together, we revisited my memories, deflating the memory monsters as we went. He walked me through all the things that had happened and talked me through when I got stuck. I talked, He talked and we talked together.
When we were done, I saw that although everyone on the grudge list wasn't gone, we had managed to deal with most of them. I felt so much lighter. So much freer. So much more comfortable.
There was still a lot of work to do, but between my Creator Father and I, I knew that eventually I'd get through it all. I was alright. I was going to be ok. It was a huge relief.
I was going to be ok.
It wasn't over. Not by a long shot. I wasn't really one to air my anger and concerns. I had a tendency to store it up and hold it in until I felt that I'd burst. I thought I'd have to keep on holding on and holding on and holding on until I couldn't anymore and I exploded with a bang. But now I knew. It was really true. In time, I'd overcome it all.
It was going to be a difficult slog. The Creator Father had warned me that sometimes the memories would arise again and I'd have to go through the difficult process of forgiving again. I might have to do it over and over and over before the matter was done and dealt with.
I looked up at my Creator Father and was glad that He saw me as a child and not some stunted adult. To Him, I still had plenty of space to grow and mature. I wasn't an adult who ought to know and should have known how to handle things. To Him, I still had to make up for my lost childhood, and grow through my 'teenage' stage before I got anywhere near the steady maturity expected of an adult.
"All people, no matter how old, are like children to me," the Creator Father said. "I won't expect more from you than what you can handle and won't let you go through more than you can handle. While you still belonged to the enemy, I could only do so much. Now that you belong to me, I will walk with you for as long as you let me."
Although I was physically grown up, I didn't have to act it in front of Him. I could just be my own self.
"I'm relying on you, Daughter," He said, "to bring some of the people I've been wanting to help to me, so that I can do something about their problems and save them from the enemy or themselves. Do you think you can help me? Do you think you can help them too?"
I nodded, understanding that He wanted to save as many people as possible before their time ran out.
"Then go," He breathed, "and be blessed."