I stumbled backwards.
I had guessed and suspected that this could be his answer, but I was still taken back by it. Not to mention that when he said it, the words emerged with the strength of the words of power. Authoritative, potent, with no give. An ironclad statement with no hesitation. Wholehearted, full of pure love and peace.
"I'm not worthy," I gasped, eyes streaming. "I'm not worthy," I repeated, unable to accept this tantalising offer that had been laid out in front of me.
A flutter and gust of foul wind made me stagger back even more, making me double over to puke. The smell was so bad that it felt like my nostrils and brain were being burnt out by the horrid stink.
A black, misshapen shadow had landed in front of me, blocking my view. A dark veil slammed me down, smashing my head to the floor in a move reminiscent of how Chad had bashed my head to the floor in order to control me back then.
A nasty, piercing and sinister laugh filled the air.
"I told you," it sniggered with perverted delight to the Creator. "I told you she wouldn't accept the offer. I've trained her and brainwashed her over and over and over. It should be ingrained in her by now. I saw you had your eye on her from the start, but I won't let you have her. I want to see you weep with pain while you watch another of your precious children being tortured to death by me and you not be able to do anything about it again. She's mine. Mine, I tell you. You can't have her."
There was no reply from the other side of the river although I heard Shigure and Homeward Bound making a clamour.
All I knew was that the sticky mud of despair had found me again and was creeping up to cover me once more. I was tempted to give in and surrender to the despair, but a part of me refused. Wanted to fight. Refused to give up just like this.
*"Daughter,"* breathed a small voice in my ears. I recognised the Creator man's voice. *"I can't help you if you don't ask. I can't come unless you call."*
That reminded me. In the tribes, when I was small, we had been taught about the spiritual law of permission and consent. There were evil spirits and good spirits in the Land, the elders had told us. Just as we often need to seek a Land spirit's permission to enter or pass through their territory, in the same way, the spirits had to obtain permission from us if they wanted to enter our homes. Even the terrorising type spirits had to obtain permission to terrorise a person. That permission was often via an internal decision to fear and surrender or could be rebutted by an authoritative rejection.
My current situation was likely the same thing. If I continued to panic and fall into that despair, I would be giving the foul spirit in front of me the permission to continue to abuse me. I would forever after belong to it. But if I called on the Creator and consciously chose his side, relying on him and his covenant to protect me, the stinky spirit in front of me would no longer have any hold on me. It would no longer be able to touch me. I would no longer belong to it.
I was at a turning point in my life. It might be the only chance I got to make this decision, I realised. I may never have this chance again. In that case, I knew what to choose. I knew what to do.
The mud filled my mouth, preventing me from speaking. The dirty figure in front of me was purposely stuffing more mud in my mouth in order to stop me from being able to speak.
Good thing I knew more than one way to speak and speaking with the mouth wasn't the only way to speak.
I dug deep and cried out for help.
*"Creator! Majesty! Father!"*
The evil being in front of me twitched and flinched with every title that I called out. Its aura twisted with anger and irritation. It drew a black broken blade from its side. It looked like a weapon that had once upon been a great weapon of renown, but had now fallen into this corrupted and twisted version of its former self. The broken blade was raised and I knew it wanted to silence me before I could say anymore and be taken from him.
In that split second, I remembered the Creator's name. Shigure had taught it to me once before and I had on occasion heard him use it. His name had a power and authority above all other names. Everything in Heaven and on earth had to bow to the name.
With all my strength, I cried that name out with all my strength, shutting my eyes tight.
*"Save me!"*
There was a blinding flash of light and a horrible shriek.
"Unhand my daughter, you unclean spirit," the Creator's voice roared and made the ground quake with a rumble that rolled out, making the sky crackle with dark clouds, thunder and lightning. The weight of His presence flooded the area, making me feel like I was about to get squashed. "How dare you touch her and try to kill her right before my eyes?"
I peered up and saw the evil, black thing knocked flying to one side. It panted with pent up rage and anger, bound and constrained by chains of light. It had even shrunk in size and looked different from before. Had there been two demons masquerading as one just now?
There was a black cloud dodging lightning strikes fleeing into the distance.
The shrunken, wizened foul spirit opened its mouth to speak.
I didn't want to hear its awful voice again.
"Shut up!" I yelled at it at the same time as the Creator spoke.
"Be silent!"
The thing's mouth was slammed shut by a huge warrior who limped over from behind me. The warrior nodded his head at me in acknowledgement and I wondered where I had seen him before. He looked familiar. His uniform was battered and tattered. His weapon was in need of maintenance. He looked like he had been in a long war without reprieve. For a moment, my heart ached for him.
The Creator and I exchanged glances across the river, the sort of look you might give someone who seems to be thinking along the same lines as you. The thunder and lightning continued to flash and rumble, exuding a heavy presence. After that glance though, the pressure on me eased enough for me to move a little more freely. His eyes smiled at me.
"Daughter," the Creator's voice brought my attention back to Him where He stood on the other side of the river. "Come."
Glancing at the big warrior standing guard over the foul smelling evil spirit, I saw other warriors in much better shape arriving to help him. He nodded at me, as if telling me to go. Seeing that everything was under control, I made my decision and ran. Before anyone or anything else might have a chance to stop me again.
I ran toward the Creator as hard and fast as I could. I would much rather belong to Him as soon as possible and fully become a part of the covenant rather than partially like before. Through the blood where the muck and heaviness on me was washed away, I caught glimpses of how much the Creator had suffered and gone through when His blood was poured out in sacrifice. His story. Not bothering about my clothes, I dove into the river and realised it smelled sweet. Drinking a few mouthfuls, I found it refreshing. I swam and thrashed my way to the other riverbank, finding that my wounds were closing. I was clean. For the first time in my entire life, I felt properly clean. I was light, free and easy.
I leapt out of the water and into warm, waiting arms.
"Father," I croaked through my tears when the Creator knelt down to wrap me in a clean, warm towel. I couldn't express all that I was feeling in words. I had called him that before, because He had called me His child. Now, I meant it, knowing that through the covenant, I was truly counted as one of His children by adoption.
"Daughter," replied the Creator with a voice full of love and doting. He helped me out of my old clothes and into new white ones. They were comfortable. The most comfortable clothes I had ever worn. The quality was better than any of the high end clothes I had ever seen in the shops in The Edge. Nobody else would ever give me such high quality clothes. They wouldn't have found me worthy.
"Father," I croaked again.
"Daughter," the Creator acknowledged me once more.
I called His name and He picked me up to sit me on His lap, cradling me while I cried.
"I am here," He replied in a gentle voice. "I am and always will be here for you."
I remembered what I had seen when I had waded through His blood to the river side. What He had gone through for me. For all of mankind.
"Does - does it still hurt?" I asked. "You were whipped and beaten so badly. Are you ok?"
"I am fine," He smiled, cuddling me, but I insisted on checking His wounds to make sure they had healed. He very kindly allowed me to look and confirm that there were only scars left now and the scars were not painful. It made me cry though, to see the holes still in His hands and feet and side.
"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" I asked, touching the holes in His hands.
"It doesn't hurt," He reassured me. "It has healed now. Only the scars remain as a reminder and as a badge of honour for the work I have done."
"That's good," I sighed with relief.
I put my hands on His either cheek and stared into His deep and loving eyes. From what the demon on the other side of the river had said, the Creator had already had His eye on me from the beginning. He had wanted to bring me to His side long ago. I couldn't think of what He might have seen in me. After all, I had very few positive points and strengths. I wasn't worth much. Of all the people in the world, He had still chosen someone worthless like me. It didn't make sense.
"Why? Why me?" I asked.
Why had He found me?
Why had He looked at me?
Why had He chosen me?
"Because, Daughter," He placed His hands on my cheeks and said very, very gently, "you are worthy to be loved."