Chapter 5
His kisses were gentle, as though Han was a pool of water that would ripple as soon as he touched it.
The scene from three or four hours ago, when Han had leaned over to kiss him, replayed in his mind. Xano's body felt a little hot, and he splashed cold water on his face before turning over in bed.
He hadn't slept well that night, and he woke up before dawn the next day. Little did he know that one part of his body was more awake than he was, standing tall and proud like a tent, filled with vigor. It was a perfectly normal occurrence, so Xano moved his leg away from Han, who was lying on his belly, got up, and circled around, waiting for it to calm down before heading to the street corner to buy some small dumplings.
As soon as Han smelled the aroma of the dumplings, he woke up, still in a daze, and reached out to grab one. Xano smacked his hand away and said, "Go wash your hands."
Han wasn't one to wake up in a bad mood, but in the morning, his brain was even slower to respond. His movements were slower than usual, and even when Xano handed him a toothbrush with toothpaste on it, he managed to fall asleep with the toothbrush still in his mouth.
"Hey, hey, hey," Xano slapped his face. "You can go back to sleep if you want."
"No," Han slowly raised his eyelids. "I want to eat... dumplings."
After washing his face and having breakfast, half an hour had passed. It was only then that Han finally woke up, became more talkative, and Xano, in turn, began to feel drowsy. He lay down on the bed, intending to take a nap.
"No, come on," Han pestered him. "Teach me how to draw."
"What should I teach you?" Xano was getting annoyed and tossed him some paper and a pen. "Just draw whatever you like."
After playing by himself for a while, Han took off his shoes and lay down beside Xano, squinting his eyes as he leaned close.
Xano used to love to play around and would gather with friends whenever he had free time. He had visited almost every bar and KTV in the city back then. The rented house he lived in came and went in a hurry. Now, life was more difficult, but he found that taking a quick nap in this small room was even happier than those times.
The weather was overcast, perfect for sleeping. Han woke up again and it was already noon. Xano woke him up in a hurry, and they quickly had lunch. Then, he had to go back to work. On his way to work, the rain started to drizzle, and he didn't expect that in the afternoon, it would suddenly pour down. The rain intensified rapidly, and Xano, listening to the rhythmic sound of raindrops, became increasingly worried. It wasn't long before thunder joined the downpour.
Summer rains in Changzhou were often accompanied by thunderstorms, and the sky darkened to the point where it felt like night. The thunder erupted loudly in the flat land, making people's hearts race.
Xano couldn't stay still, and after telling his colleagues that he was leaving early, he ran outside. To his surprise, he realized that he hadn't brought an umbrella and went back to grab one hastily.
Han had rarely gone out anywhere since he was discharged from the hospital. He barely left the house except for visits to the public toilet and the nearby bridge. Xano became frantic as he worried about Han slipping off the bridge, stepping on a loose manhole cover, or getting lost and kidnapped.
The more he thought, the more anxious he became, and he even stumbled and fell, covering himself in mud. Occasionally, passersby in a hurry to find shelter from the rain cast glances at him, trying to identify which local madman he was.
Xano became as frantic as a headless fly, and after circling around without finding Han, he returned home. The house was still dark, and he had no choice but to knock on the neighbor's door. The neighbor was an elderly man who lived alone, and he opened the door cautiously, looking at Xano with suspicion. He told Xano that he had seen Han through the window.
Xano followed this lead, passing by a brightly lit small shop. He hurried over, but then he stopped and turned back, finding himself face to face with Han's stunned expression.
Xano's throat was sore and itchy, and he didn't say a word. He simply grabbed Han and hugged him tightly.
They embraced each other for what seemed like a long time, and it wasn't until Han called out to him anxiously, "Brother," that Xano finally regained his senses. He pushed Han away and yelled at him, "Are you out of your mind?"
Han grabbed his dirty and wet hair. "No."
Xano was exasperated. He wanted to scold Han a bit more, but then he noticed that Han was covered in mud and water, like a stray puppy. To his surprise, he himself was no different. They stared at each other for a while and unexpectedly became like brothers in distress.
The rain had yet to subside, and the shopkeeper, who was also the landlord of their apartment, allowed them to sit for a while, waiting for the rain to let up. They were given a sturdy umbrella before they left.
On their way back home, they passed by a public bathhouse. There were not many people on rainy days, and Xano thought about the state of their home. He decided to take Han in for a bath. The landlord, who was about to close the bathhouse early, noticed the sorry state they were in and allowed them to enter.
Han had never been to a big bathhouse before and wanted to jump into the pool as soon as he saw it. Xano thought the pool water was dirty and kept him from entering. Instead, he allowed Han to stand under the shower and wash himself.
As hot water poured down on him, Xano felt his throat itching again, and his eyelids grew heavy. He didn't even have any inappropriate thoughts while washing Han's hair. Afterward, he used the sauna room to half-dry their clothes and then let Han put them on.
When they returned home, Xano was still feeling unwell. He drank a few cups of hot water, and his sore throat got a little better. However, by evening, he had a fever. He lay in bed, unable to move, and only then did Xano realize that the signs were there since the morning.
Thankfully, Han had already fallen asleep, cuddling Xano with one arm and making soft snoring sounds. Otherwise, Xano wouldn't have the energy to take care of him.
Xano had always been healthy, rarely getting sick. Even when he did, he would often hide the medicine his mother gave him and pretend to have taken it. He would endure it on his own.
Illness often made people vulnerable, and when Xano reminisced about the past, he couldn't help but think about his adoptive parents. What puzzled him the most was why his adoptive parents had appeared on the highway to Changzhou.
Adopted by them at the age of seven, Xano had left home at seventeen. He had spent ten years without truly becoming part of the family. His mother tried to control him, but he resisted, resulting in a ten-year-long struggle.
This fever seemed to make everyone more fragile. Every time Xano recalled his past, he inevitably thought of his parents. He remembered how his mother had held his left hand and Han's right hand, leading them back home. He remembered the time he had discovered his father secretly smoking and had been asked not to tell his mother. And he also recalled Han, who had made him worry when he thought he had lost him.
Chapter 6
"I had an argument with my mom."
Amid the deafening accompaniment of music, Xano received a text message from Han. He immediately found a quiet spot and called Han in response.
"What's wrong?" Xano asked.
"It's nothing," Han replied in his usual calm tone. Sometimes, Xano even felt that the person behind those silent messages was more vivid. "I've left home. Can you come to meet me?"
"I'll come to pick you up," Xano responded promptly.
Suddenly, Han fell silent, and after a while, he spoke softly, "Where are you?"
"Ah?" Xano momentarily forgot his location. He looked around and then said, "Youchang."
As expected, Han was not familiar with that place. He spent most of his free time reading and studying, so he wouldn't be aware of a KTV. Xano asked him to wait at the nearby McDonald's, and he would go to pick him up.
Today was Fang Wen's birthday, and Xano initially had no intention of being there. Fang Wen's affection for him wasn't a secret, but he didn't share the same feelings. He wouldn't be there today if it weren't for a few friends who persuaded him to come.
Xano hung up the phone and prepared to leave. As he walked past one of the private rooms, Fang Wen happened to come out from inside. She noticed he was about to leave and quickly turned back to grab her coat, calling out to him, "Xano! Where are you going?"
"I'm going to pick up my younger brother. You all enjoy yourselves," Xano replied.
Fang Wen chased after him, taking hold of his arm and said, "What's the point of this party? It's no fun without you. How about you and I go for a breath of fresh air?"
Xano hesitated to take her, not out of affection for her, but rather because they were friends and it was just a cup of tea. He decided to go to the tea shop with her.
Xano didn't really enjoy these small things, but Han was quite the opposite. In his younger years, he loved the one-yuan bubble tea sold at the entrance of the primary school, but his mother claimed it contained additives and refused to buy it. So Xano bought it secretly and brought it home for him. As they grew up, bubble tea shops became more common, and whenever they went out together, Han would insist on getting two cups—one for each of them, but both cups invariably ended up being consumed by Han.
"Don't daydream! What will you have?" Fang Wen asked.
"I'm not having anything," Xano responded.
"Why not? This place serves the best bubble tea near the university entrance," Fang Wen said. She handed her tea to his lips and said, "Try mine."
Xano furrowed his brow, leaning away from the tea, and accidentally bumped into someone. When he turned around, he was met with a surprised face—Han's.
Xano hadn't seen him in a few months, and he was pleasantly surprised at the chance encounter. However, Han's surprise only lasted a second, and after that, he looked at Xano with indifference and walked past him.
"Han!" Xano called out, feeling uneasy. "Didn't you see your brother?"
Xano put his arm around him and led him towards the car. "Let's go, get in the car."
Han opened the car door, and Fang Wen leaned in, waving her nail-polished hand at him. "Hey, little brother," she greeted him. He froze for a moment and turned to look at Xano, a bewildered expression on his face.
Xano awkwardly ran his hand through his hair and nodded towards the car. "She's my friend; you can call her sister."
Han didn't say anything and got into the passenger seat.
Fang Wen wasn't uncomfortable at all and said to Xano, "Your brother is really handsome, looks nothing like you."
Xano ignored her and glanced at Han's expressionless profile through the car window. He bent down and got into the back seat. As soon as he did, Fang Wen grabbed his arm. "But I still like you, come on!"
Xano furrowed his brow, grabbed her wrist, and moved her hand from his arm back to her own leg. He applied a bit of force, and Fang Wen let out a soft cry, giving him a resentful look.
Han still didn't turn around, his fine hair sticking to the backrest of the seat. Xano suddenly felt that Han was distant from him, or perhaps from everyone.
He felt a bit agitated.
Fang Wen also sensed that Xano was genuinely annoyed. From that moment on, neither of them spoke. When they reached the KTV downstairs, Fang Wen got out of the car without any protest. As Xano turned his head at the sound of the front door, he realized that the passenger seat was empty.
His heart skipped a beat, and he quickly got out of the car. To his surprise, there was no sign of Han around.
"Hey, haven't paid yet!" The driver, seeing Xano trying to leave, quickly rolled down his window and called out.
Xano handed him some money, and then remembered something, leaning towards the driver's window. "Where's the kid who was with me just now?"
The driver looked at him strangely and pointed to a well-lit area nearby. "He's right over there."
Through the floor-to-ceiling window of the convenience store, Xano saw Han standing at the cash register. The store was well-lit, making him look serene against the nighttime backdrop. Xano's heart sank.
For some reason, when he saw that Han was nowhere to be found for a moment, Xano immediately assumed that Han was angry and left. He didn't even know why he thought that.
Xano walked over in three quick strides. Han was standing at the cash register in the convenience store. The lights inside were bright and out of place in the nighttime, making him appear even more serene. Xano's heart seemed to descend slowly at that moment.
He couldn't say a word. He just followed Han's gaze, focusing on the case of beer in Han's hand. The plastic handle hanging from his slender fingers was deformed by the weight of the cans.
Xano took the beer and brought Han back to his place.
Xano lived on the top floor of a residential building in a converted attic. The space was not large, but there was a side door that led to the rooftop, where you could overlook much of the city at night.
Jiangcheng was large, but the rooftop was small, small enough to feel like you might step off the edge with a misstep. Han was timid, hesitating at the door, bending over without moving. Xano laughed heartily on the rooftop, seeing Han's lips turn even paler but still smiling as he struggled to lift the heavy beer.
"Happy 18th birthday," Han said with a voice that trembled.
Xano reached out and took the beer. They both sat on the rooftop's edge, with only a 50 cm iron railing in front of them, below which was the city they had lived in for twenty years. The river meandered through the city, and it felt like you could see the flashing red indicator lights on the bridge.
Han wasn't very experienced at opening beer; he fumbled with the pull tab for a while before finally popping it open with a "pop." Xano teased him, "You want to drink? Can you handle it, kid?"
Han didn't argue and handed him the beer. They exchanged a light touch when he passed it, and Han took a deep sip. He drank quickly, letting the beer flow down the sides of his mouth, down his throat, and bobbing along his Adam's apple. Xano also felt thirsty and took a sip from his own can.
Han's drinking was hasty, and the beer flowed from the corner of his mouth to the area where his throat moved as he swallowed, making him swallow faster. He had the appearance of being a bit drunk, and Xano thought it would be a good idea to stop him before he got too intoxicated.
"Alright, stop now. Don't drink by yourself," Xano said.
Han took a long sip of the beer but then lowered the can. He looked at Xano with eyes that seemed watery, revealing a hint of mischief. "Don't worry, I have a high alcohol tolerance."
The night breeze was slightly cool, and Han's drinking led to more conversation. He leaned in closer, like a cat, reclining next to Xano, tilting his head to look at him, and asked, "Brother, will you get married in the future?"
"I don't know, maybe," Xano replied, staring at the distant lights.
"Is it with the woman from today?" Han asked.
Xano took a moment to remember whom Han was referring to and frowned. "She and I have nothing to do with each other."
Han's voice became clearer as he continued to drink, and he persisted with his question. "Then with whom?"
"I don't know," Xano took another sip of beer. "It'll be someone, and we'll find out when the time comes."
There was another sound of a pull tab popping open. Xano looked at Han again, who had already finished another can. Xano, unwilling to back down, drank another can to keep up with him. The night air was getting cooler, and the two of them, sitting on the rooftop of the residential building, one can after another, drank beer in silence.
Unexpectedly, Han's claim of having a high alcohol tolerance turned out to be true. Towards the end, Xano felt the contours of the moon and the distant lights became blurry. He was in a somewhat intoxicated state.
Intermittently, someone grabbed his hand, just like how he had held someone not too long ago. He gripped it tightly, but realized it would hurt. He thought of letting go, but the grip was too tight.
The world was spinning, and half of his body seemed to fall into warmth, while the other half remained ice-cold. He couldn't help but lean towards the warmth.
He caught a familiar scent, which made him feel more lightheaded. The furry moon overhead was gone, replaced by the light bulb on the ceiling.
He seemed to be lying on a bed. Someone wiped his face with a towel one stroke at a time. He opened his eyes laboriously and said one word at a time, "My brother..."
His brother told him not to drink any more, but he was too drunk and couldn't finish the sentence. He drifted into a deep sleep, not knowing who the person in the room was.
He had a dream.
Someone kissed his lips. The touch was both real and unfamiliar, a mixture of the bitterness of beer and the refreshing scent of green tea, a deviance from the norm, a tempting restraint that shattered the last thread of his control.
He grabbed the back of that person's neck and kissed his lips, not caring if the person was sobbing or trembling underneath him. He thrust his body against his, lost in desire, and the person clung to him, seemingly begging for something. He could only touch and explore the person's body again and again, from the vulnerable neck to the firm chest, from the flat abdomen releasing his pent-up desire.
He wanted that person so badly, but as soon as he loosened his grip, the dream would vanish. He held that person down on the bed and rubbed against his legs, and the person trembled even more. He tried to see that person's face, but the person held him tightly, seeming to plead, so he could only touch the person's body repeatedly.
But he wanted that person so much, and the more he restrained himself, the more it backfired. On several mornings, he woke up with a hard-on and the face of that person in front of him. It was during that period that he began working with friends and became very busy, with little time for sleep, let alone dreaming.
The two of them hadn't seen each other for two or three months. One day, he had some free time in the afternoon after a business lunch at the college gate, so he absentmindedly ended up at the entrance of Han's school. Seeing the gold-embossed school name, he was abruptly awakened from his daze, just as he was about to leave.
Unexpectedly, when he turned around, he ran into Fang Wen.
Fang Wen's school was right across the street, and seeing Xano, she demanded that he buy her a milk tea. Although Xano felt nothing for her, they were still friends, and it was just a cup of tea, so he agreed to accompany her to the milk tea shop.
Xano wasn't fond of these little things, but Han was the opposite. When he was young, he loved the one-yuan bubble tea sold at the school entrance, but his mother claimed it contained additives and refused to buy it for him. So Xano bought it secretly and brought it home. As they grew up, bubble tea shops became more common, and whenever they went out together, Han would insist on getting two cups—one for each of them, but both cups inevitably ended up being consumed by Han.
"Stop daydreaming! What will you have?" Fang Wen asked.
"I'm not having anything," Xano replied.
"Why not? This place serves the best bubble tea near the university entrance," Fang Wen said. She handed her tea to his lips and said, "Try mine."
Xano furrowed his brow and leaned away from the tea, accidentally bumping into someone. When he turned around, he was met with a surprised face—Han's.
Xano hadn't seen him in a few months, and he was pleasantly surprised at the chance encounter. However, Han's surprise only lasted a second, and after that, he looked at Xano with indifference and walked past him.
"Han!" Xano called out, feeling uneasy. "Didn't you see your brother?"
Han didn't respond. He walked away, leaving Xano to watch his retreating figure in a daze.
"Xano!" Fang Wen exclaimed. "You didn't introduce us?"
Xano tried to smile but felt that his heart was heavy. "It's nothing," he replied, "just a friend."
As time passed, Xano and Han had not seen each other for a few months. They had brief encounters on several occasions, but each time Han's eyes seemed to be clouded. He had lost his sparkle.
Xano couldn't bring himself to seek Han out, and he struggled to suppress his desires. In those few months, he was consumed by work, and the restless life of business kept him from dreaming.
They hadn't met for two or three months. One day, Xano arranged a business lunch near the college gate, and when he had some free time in the afternoon, he ended up at Han's school gate. Seeing the school's golden-lettered sign, he suddenly woke up, but before he could leave, he bumped into Fang Wen.
Fang Wen's school was just across the street, and when she saw Xano, she insisted he buy her a milk tea. Even though Xano didn't have any special feelings for her, they were friends, and it was just a cup of tea, so he accompanied her to the milk tea shop.
Xano wasn't particularly fond of these small things, but Han was the opposite. He loved the one-yuan bubble tea sold at the school gate when he was young. But his mother had claimed it contained additives and refused to buy it for him. So Xano bought it secretly and brought it home for him. As they grew up, bubble tea shops became more common, and whenever they went out together, Han would insist on getting two cups—one for each of them. However, both cups invariably ended up being consumed by Han.
"Stop daydreaming! What will you have?" Fang Wen asked.
"I'm not having anything," Xano replied.
"Why not? This place serves the best bubble tea near the university entrance," Fang Wen said. She handed her tea to his lips and said, "Try mine."
Xano furrowed his brow and leaned away from the tea, accidentally bumping into someone. When he turned around, he was met with a surprised face—Han's.
Xano hadn't seen him in a few months, and he was pleasantly surprised at the chance encounter. However, Han's surprise only lasted a second, and after that, he looked at Xano with indifference and walked past him.
"Han!" Xano called out, feeling uneasy. "Didn't you see your brother?"
Han didn't respond and continued walking, leaving Xano in a state of confusion.
"Xano!" Fang Wen called out, "Aren't you going to introduce us?"