I'm an idiot.
Alex turned his key slowly and quietly on his apartment's front door. After confessing his intentions and making his demands, Montag told him he would think about it and order him an Uber to take him home. He was certain he fucked everything up, his greediness destroyed whatever little they had. He didn't know why he couldn't behave like a normal adult without trying to step on Montag's boundaries.
He was just so tired of waiting. He knew they were good together. He could feel it every time they touched, the tension building, like a balloon on the verge of popping. Alex was so frustrated, sexually, and emotionally, he wanted to define whatever it was they had. He craved Montag's touch and company and he wanted to be free to enjoy them. There was probably something in Montag's past preventing him from fully embracing their relationship and Alex was powerless to fight against it.
"I swear to whatever is sacred to you that I'm going to kill you if you ever do this again."
Andrea's furious voice resonated in the living room. She was seated on the couch glaring at him with anger in her eyes, evidence of tears on her cheeks. Alex cursed himself mentally, he'd left in such a hurry he didn't take his phone and he didn't tell her he was leaving.
"I'm sorry, something urgent came up."
"What is going on with you, Alex? This is the second time you pull this shit." She started pacing the room "I know you're an adult and all, but you've never been this secretive with me. I don't know what's happening in your life, this is so out of character for you."
"Don't worry about it. There are just some things happening with me that I don't feel comfortable sharing, but it isn't serious."
"Am I allowed to know the big picture at least? Is it about school? Are you having any new symptoms you don't want to share? Are you doing drugs or gambling?"
"you're better than me at creating ridiculous scenarios."
"they're not ridiculous" she grabbed his shoulders and shook him "I'm worried!"
"I'm gay and I have a crush on someone" his statement came out quiet like a whisper.
Andrea's eyes opened in shock, and she released his shoulders. She fixed her gaze on the floor and Alex could see the thousand thoughts flooding her mind. She'd always been a progressive person, attending pride parades and pro-choice protests. She denounced the catholic church and rejected their catholic upbringing constantly debating with their grandparents. But she never had to face having a queer relative. He knew she was thinking about their extended family rejecting him.
"I'm so glad you told me!" she hugged him and immediately released him "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No. I just wanted to give you peace of mind." He stepped back and walked towards his room.
"Is he someone I know?"
Alex stopped in his tracks. He knew that if he looked at her, she could read his every expression. He basically had Montag's name branded on his face. He cleared his throat and pretended to think about it.
"No" and it was true. No one really knew Montag.
Sunday morning greeted Alex in his bed. He hadn't slept and he felt like crap. His muscles hurt, his eyes were puffy from crying the day before and his head was throbbing. He didn't want to face Andrea and her questioning face; he knew his brief explanation didn't actually explain anything and she was quick-witted enough to realize it sooner rather than later.
The hot shower felt heavenly and helped him regain some sense. He didn't have to tell Andrea anything, he just had to answer as little as possible and distract her somehow. Alex could hear music coming from the kitchen, her Colombian blood taking over whenever she decided to deep clean the apartment and making her blast music loudly.
I don't need the world to see
That I've been the best I can be, but
I don't think I could stand to be
Where you don't see me
Damned her and her romantic music. He didn't need to listen to corny stuff when he could barely keep his face from showing his feelings. He forced himself to enter the kitchen and greeted her with a pat on her head.
"Good morning"
"Alex, you look like shit."
"I couldn't stop thinking about my coming out. I'm scared and worried."
He wasn't really scared and worried but appealing to her emotions was the fastest way to distract her from being nosy and asking stuff about his romantic life. Alex wasn't happy manipulating his sister, but it was the only way out of a sticky situation. She frowned and took his face in her hands.
"I'll fight for your happiness against anyone."
"I know"
"You know mom and dad will support you and the rest are not important."
Alex nodded and freed his face from her hands. The longer she looked at him the closer she got to finding out he was lying. She smiled and resumed her cleaning activities. He poured himself a glass of milk and quickly prepared a peanut butter sandwich. Every second in her presence was an opportunity for her to attack.
"Someday you're going to have to tell me who he is."
"I don't want to out him against his will."
Fuck my life.
The words left his mouth before he could register them mentally. Andrea wasn't stupid, she was going to notice his slip immediately. Alex squeezed his eyes shut and wished for the ground to open and swallow him.
"What do you mean out him? Is it not one sided?"
"I-I didn't mean it like that, I meant that I don't want to make him uncomfortable. What if you decide to stalk him or something?"
"You must think I was born yesterday" she rolled her eyes "I'm gonna let this go for now because I know you have a lot on your plate, but we'll return to this conversation after your secondary application"
"Okay"
"Alex" Her voice suddenly turned serious "Don't let anyone take advantage of you."
He nodded and returned to his room. He wasn't really hungry, but he had to keep on working and his brain needed glucose. He wanted to talk to Montag so badly, but he knew when someone needed space and time. He had to prepare his heart for the worst-case scenario, that way it would not hurt as much.
Thinking about catastrophic outcomes wasn't something new to Alex. He was always on edge, his mind conjuring unhappy endings to the simplest situations. The only different thing was the romantic nature of the thoughts. He was already planning how to avoid Montag and the saddest part was that he didn't need to do much, Montag wasn't really a part of his life. His phone buzzed on the desk and he almost teleported next to it.
(Montag): Ok, babe. Let's give this dating thing a try.
Alex dropped his glass of milk on the floor shooting sharp glass everywhere. Dating Montag. Being in a relationship with Montag. Calling Montag his boyfriend. This wasn't the best-case scenario. This was a dream come true.