His body was glued to the bed, and there was no energy left for him. Jennie had left him to go home and get ready for their study session at his house. The only strength he had was the energy his brain hid from him. His brain was completely focused on her, and he knew he was addicted to her already. He turned his head, looking at the nightstand that held his book. He lifted it, the Illiad; he had been reading this book for the past couple of weeks. The journey of life is always better when told by someone else. He wasn't going to read it, though, because his brain was focused on one thing. The bookmark. He opened to the marked page, a purple pen slipping from the pages and onto his lap.
He found himself returning to the classroom, seeing the pen on the top of the desk. He knew it was hers, but she had not mentioned it. He didn't steal it but found himself promising to hand it to her. He just wanted the opportunity to talk to her. He looked for her the first day and had completely given up his search on campus. Just when he was ready to give up, he saw her. Her face was focused, and she had not even noticed him. He eyed her for a moment through the window of the cafe before finally gaining the courage to go in and talk to her. The only problem was she didn't want to talk with him.
He left that day, keeping the pen for that one day. Since then, it has had a new home with him. Every day, he would find himself thinking about her, taking the pen in his hand. He looked under the pillow beside him, pulling a small notebook with his collection of writing. He flipped the pen in between his fingers, thoughts clouding his brain. If only it had given some of this energy to his legs, he could have gone with Jennie. His eyes darted to the clock; he knew she was still waiting on Minji before she would be back. He let his eyes fall to the notebook, one page completely covered, the other blank for his new thoughts. Only one thing stood out the most in his mind right now.
'Am I falling too fast?'
Even though he wasn't the type to talk about what he was feeling, writing it down was how he evaluated what was going on. He continued.
'She has a smile that takes my breath away. I catch myself just wanting to hold her in my arms, protecting her from the world. I kissed her. I kissed her, and at that moment, I wanted to take her away from everyone else. I wanted her heart to belong only to me. Is that selfish? Am I obsessed? I held her in my arms, and I swear time stopped with her. Every time I see her, I have to hold myself back. I want to spend the entire day with her in my arms. The touch of her fingers, I miss it. I want more of it. What has she done to me? Is this addiction? She has all my attention, and I can't escape it. I don't want to. Even if she destroys me with her love, I wouldn't fight it. The thought of her makes me melt, and I want more. I don't like waiting. I've grown impatient for her touch. Should I move faster?'
The thoughts consumed him, and there was no end. He flipped to the next page and continued.
-
Jennie just needed a moment, and she knew that. When she walked in, Monggu began to jump towards her. She knew he probably needed to go to the restroom, and thankfully, she still had the leash. She smiled at the small puppy, promising a walk in a bit. She walked to her room to lay on the bed, landing her body face down. She took a deep breath as the thoughts took over her. It was overwhelming, to say the least, and the scars were nothing compared to what else she had seen. Her mind began to flood with his words as her eyes fought the fall of tears. She wasn't with him, but his words were soothing her swollen heart. Thoughts of him sleeping in the hospital bed, covered in scars and bruises, were all that could come to mind.
Thoughts flashed before her as she remembered being in the hospital herself. It was never that calm, and she could hear continuous chatter that kept her awake most days. He slept so soundly; soon, thoughts of him resting in the taxi and on the couch made her smile softly. He was all she could think about for the moment, and her main focus was how to help him. How could he have gotten all of those scars? Thoughts of him being in some gang didn't even sound right. There had to be something he wasn't telling her. She wouldn't ask, but how was she supposed to help him? The thoughts consumed her brain, and she needed just one break. She had been running on E, and it felt like there was no helping herself at this point. With a huge push, Jennie let her body rise from the bed and walked to the bathroom.
She studied herself in the mirror; her sunken face was growing paler by the second. She turned on the water, throwing it on her face and feeling more refreshed. The water helped her tears subside, giving her the extra strength and breath she needed. With a hopeful smile she gave herself, Jennie grabbed the small towel and continued into the living room. She began to pack her own backpack, focusing on getting back to normal. The strain of emotions she'd felt the past couple of weeks was definitely exhausting her. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night and was not ready to keep pushing.
She let the full backpack fall to the floor before turning to the small dog that sat on the floor patiently watching. The best thing she could do was to cancel everything. The first time she surrounded herself with others, it was finally catching up to her. This wasn't something she could do alone, and his words spoke to her. She looked around the room, and his words sounded like they were coming from an intercom.
'If you need to cry, I'll offer myself to you.'
A resounding knock on her door broke her from the silence.
-
The next few days were fueled by the constant anxiousness of seeing each other. He had been isolated in his room, counting away the hours until she would come to see him. He had been working lightly on physical training, wanting his body to return back to normal. She spent her time in class, focusing more so that she could help him stay caught up. Tuesday had been a blur for them both, missing school because of being in the hospital. Wednesday was a little better; Minji would talk Jennie's ear off about the compatibility between the two of them. She asked continuously if she could set up a double date so that Minji could finally talk with Tae. She had not thought much of Tae, especially since he had not been coming by. Minji held her extra key, so his coming over unannounced was something she had completely forgotten about. By Thursday, it was finally time for the weekend to begin and refresh all their energy, at least for Jennie.
For the week of classes they had, she would find herself trying to stick to the same schedule. She would wake up, going to pick up Monggu in time for his morning walk. She would get to spend the morning having breakfast with Kai to ensure he ate. Her morning walk to class always had Minji accompanying her with a bright spirit. Classes appeared dull for some reason, but she would finish every class with a purpose. Her purpose was to make sure he was not behind.
By the end of classes, she was ready to regain her energy after emptying all she held. Her heart longed for him throughout the day to be okay, and she was ready to see his face for a moment. Every night, the girls would find themselves studying. Jennie would watch as Minji and Kai studied their classes, having more together than they had with her. She would find herself being jealous, not wanting her time to be taken from him. She understood that their majors were similar, but she didn't enjoy feeling apart from him. He would always see the jealousy, trying to hide his sly smiles before forcing her to take a break. Her break would be laying in his arms while he continued to study. This was a moment that she wished would never end, whether it was temporary or not.
With the night ending, she would part ways, leaving him alone once again. She and Minji would find themselves on a walk where Minji would ask about Tae. There wasn't much to tell her, especially newer things about him. She had not really taken the time to get to know him, except as the annoying younger brother. He would always follow her around and treat her like she was broken. As they made their way down the hill, the girls would depart and continue on about their night.
For a moment, it had gotten hard to breathe or function with how much time they had been away from each other. Neither of them had gotten the opportunity to be alone anymore, and it was something they both wanted more of. They at least wanted the chance.
It had gotten late, and Jennie was already prepared to sleep. There weren't any classes for her on Friday, and this is what she was ready for. While sitting in bed, she continued to read her book. Turning to the bedroom door that was slightly ajar, she sat wrapped in fear. Should she dare move? The fear that resonated in her made her body go cold, completely paralyzing her body. Jennie waited. If they thought no one was home, they would go away. Her body began to relax a little before there was yet another knock at the door. The panic in her body made her jump up; she grabbed the phone and the heavy book that sat on the floor of the bed. With a final sigh, she walked from the room, quieting every step she took. She could hear what sounded like a small conversation, but the voice was familiar. She waited as she closed the door, listening to the conversation that turned to whispers before stopping altogether. Another knock made her gasp, falling to the ground.
"Jennie?" Another knock. "Jennie, we need to talk." She recognized the voice, rising to her feet and opening the door. There was Tae. His face was pale, like he had seen a ghost, and his eyes were swollen and red. She took a step back to let him through the doorway before closing it behind them.
"What's the matter?" He fluffed his disheveled hair, letting out a frustrated grunt. His back to her, she could see how tense his posture was. She flipped the light switch, going to the kitchen, where he took his next steps towards her.
"Talk to me for a second." He stood at the table, his eyes focused on her. She let her guard down, and she could see that he looked unwell.
"Sure. Here, sit." She attempted to pull the chair out before his hand stopped hers.
"Just..." He trailed off, and she could see the sweat that covered the front of his shirt. She let her hand fall, backing away to give him some space. His brow furrowed, and he began to think before walking into the living area.
"Tae, you're scaring me." She whispered, prompting him to turn towards her.
"Scaring?" He looked surprised, his face forming a confused expression. "You're scared of ME now?" The look on her face must have struck something with him. He moved to the other side of the room, shaking his head as he continued to fluff his hair.
"Tae, whatever it is, I'm sure we can talk about it." She slowly began her approach towards him, trying to soften her steps.
"Talk about it?" She began nodding as he turned to face her. She stopped in her tracks; his glare was strong. His footsteps slowly approached her, backing her into the table. "Let's talk then. Let's talk about us." The words trailed off; he was back to thinking.
"Us?" She whispered, and his gaze fell to her.
"What do you see me as?" The question was clear for him, but she looked confused.