Kai. His name was Kai. His voice repeated it in my head, and I listened to his voice again. I wanted to hear every word he said, and he pulled his hand away. I watched him stand up, walking over to the barista to place an order. Kai. I looked at him standing over the counter; this was the same guy. I thought back to the lecture hall when he pulled up a seat next to me. I replayed the moment he grabbed my arm. My heart was racing now. Maybe this was what my heart was waiting on all along, a name to be excited. His name repeated. For a moment, I thought my brain was so loud that he heard me. He turned to look in my direction, and I looked down, not wanting to be weirdly staring. I looked at the table in front of me, standing up to gather my bowl and cup. I needed to get some fresh air. I turned only to run into him.
"I can do it." He placed the coffee down, taking the trash himself. "Here, sit." He turned promptly, leaving towards the can, and I was just standing there. I sat, watching him throw it away before coming back over and having a seat. He smiled, pushing a coffee towards me and taking a sip for himself.
"What is this?" I asked, and he just pushed it closer without a word. I pulled it closer, feeling its warmth and just holding on to it. "Can I help you?" I watched him chuckle before moving closer to the table.
"I don't know how I missed you." He said with a smile, taking another sip. I waited a little longer, hoping he would add more. "Why haven't we met before, Jennie?" He asked, looking into my eyes, but I couldn't make eye contact. I felt like he was making my heart pump out of my chest. I needed to calm down. I stared at the lid of the coffee, running my fingertips along the edges. Was there going to be more? It was quiet, so I knew he was waiting for me to continue the conversation. I collected my thoughts, but all I could muster up the courage to even respond was with a shrug. I looked up and saw his stare that was locked on me, and the moment our eyes locked, I felt my face burn.
"I don't know. I'm late to, uh, meet my friend." I moved to stand, and he stood.
"If you didn't want to talk, you could have just said it." He sighed, picking up his bag and coffee before leaving the cafe altogether.
That was not what I wanted. I just, I was nervous. I watched him walk out of the cafe. My legs lurched towards him, but I couldn't move another inch. I looked down at the coffee he had left me on the table and then back towards the door.
"So he just left like that?" She asked, looking eager to hear more.
"Yup," I said with a sigh before taking another bite from my apple slice.
"Well, have you ever tried to talk to a guy before?" She took a melon piece, placing the small square in her mouth.
"I don't talk to anyone," I told her bluntly and watched her gasp.
"Really?" She swallowed, rolling over on her bed so she was on her stomach.
"Well, I always thought I could meet people later." I shrugged, looking at our open notebooks on her small study table in her room. I could almost feel a hole forming in the back of my head. I could only imagine what her actual reaction was.
"Well," I heard her slide off the bed and walk to me. "Well, you met me. How about I help you talk to him?" She smiled, poking my arm with her elbow.
"I thought we were studying," I told her, picking up my pen and placing it on top of my notebook paper.
"How can I study when I finally have a friend over?" She spun on her heels and fell on top of the bed once more.
"Finally? This is your first time?" I looked at her, and she started to look a little nervous.
"I mean, yeah. Kind of. No one really wants to spend time with someone who always studies." She looked up at me and shrugged it off, but I could see her eyes were not shrugging it off.
"I do," I told her. "I actually like studying." I turned back towards my notebook and began writing.
She crawled from the upper part of the bed, moving closer to the table I sat at. I looked at her, and she was staring at our phones, which were sitting in the middle of the table.
"What now?" I said, trying to lighten my mood a bit. I put my pen down and tried to focus my energy on her.
"Do you like him?" She asked quickly, and it took me by shock.
What are you supposed to say to something like that? How would I even know? I started thinking, there has to be a way to know. I started thinking about him this morning, sitting next to me and writing notes. Did he like me? I thought back to what I had said to him. He still wrote me the note. The note. He wrote a note, asking me to tell him about myself. I hadn't told Minji this, but I still did not know whether to write back or not. The note was in my mind for a while, thinking of when he would have gotten it in there. I thought about the time he grabbed my hand when I reached for my phone. Did I like him in that moment? Then, the coffee shop. Why was he everywhere? I thought back to the recording, the thought of seeing him in the room but also having the audio. It started to feel weird like I was becoming slightly obsessive. Is this what it's like to like someone? I thought a little more about it, trying to give it some final thought.
"I like his voice." The words left my mouth, and I heard her squeal.
"Really? Wait, what did it sound like? I don't remember." She groaned, hitting her brain a little bit. I thought about it but kept the thought of letting her listen to me.
I wanted to be selfish and keep it to myself, so I picked up my pen and began to write. I laid my pen on the paper, and it was like my brain had a mind of its own. I sighed, my face landing on my hand as I just let my hand work. I thought about her room, looking around her walls and how many posters she had hanging up. They were all medical posters, a brain above her bed, a skeleton next to that, and then common psychological diseases. She was very much immersed in her career path, and it was kind of inspiring. I looked at her on the bed, twirling her hair as she continued to chew on the pieces of melon.
"Hey, what are you studying?" She flipped over and looked at me.
"Oh, uh, nothing." I looked down and saw I had written his name, but she had seen exactly what I wrote.
"Kai?" She jumped up. "His name is Kai." She moved over to me and tried to pull the notebook away. "If you really like him, why don't you just talk to him tomorrow?" She shrugged, letting go of her hold.
"I actually don't have classes on Friday." I told her, and she 'ahhed' shaking her head in understanding.
It was like she ran out of options to help and sat next to me instead, slumping in a chair and staring at the fruit tray in front of her. The night pretty much progressed through, her avoided studying until I said I would go home. She seemed like she did not want me to go, so she began making flashcards and trying to study. Apparently, she was really not a fan of anthropology, but she was studying. On the other hand, I worked on writing my proposal, trying to think of how even to begin. It did not take long before I flipped the page and began writing again.