It took a few days for me to finally get comfortable with people getting touchy with me. I think everyone noticed that and helped me out.
Everything was back to normal except for the fact that Lee Hanyeol kept making the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I love the feeling but the feeling of guilt throws reality punches at me. Does my life have to be filled with problems?
I didn't realize I was sighing nonstop. "Stop filling the breakfast with sadness" Mom said making everyone at the table laugh. "I don't feel hungry.... I'd be on my way to school" I excused myself from the table and started walking to school on my own which is good but I know it won't last long.
Why?
"Angel!.. Seoyul!!" He always comes after me. "Stop calling me angel. Who calls their brother 'angel'?"
"You're so keen on making me your brother." Yeol's tone was rather angry and not his normal teasing voice. "My mom and your dad are together and are probably gonna get married. I can't ruin my mom's chance of being happy plus I don't have feelings for you. You're the last person on earth I'd like"
It hurts but if I don't stop here, I'd fall so deep that it'll be impossible to get out. "What if we weren't brothers? Would you give me a chance?"
"Are you mad? I'll die single if it's just you left. Listen here, simply because we kissed and cuddled doesn't mean you and I can be a thing, I just was in the spur of the moment. You're a red flag, one I should avoid. I can't... haha... You're my brother and nothing else. Sometimes I feel you don't even deserve that title, asshole"
"Of course...you still look so cute when angry." God, he's such a a green flag. "Are you dumb? Why can't you understand what I'm trying to say?" I snapped, out of frustration.
Tears were flowing out of my eyes. I like him so much that I can do just about anything but here I am pushing him away. "I'm actually supposed to be mad at you but everything you said is true. I'm a red flag, what big brother makes his lil bro cry?..." Yeol gave a bittersweet smile. "What big brother allows his lil bro get hurt? I'm a bad friend, bad son, bad brother and overall a bad boy who wouldn't be fazed by heartbreak so get on. We don't want you tainting your punctal record by being late" I'm the actual bad guy here.
Yeol smiled, ruffled my hair and brought out his handkerchief "Here wipe your tears...it doesn't suit your cute face plus I don't want to be a bad brother"
I did as told and we rode to school in silence. Halfway through, Yeol stopped by the road side. He asked me to get off the bike while he followed after. He turned to me and took a deep breath "You're uncomfortable with me... I can feel it. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. I really should've been more careful with the things I said to you I'm sorry Seoyul" He apologized with all sincerity and I could feel it. Can I be selfish for once?
"Why are you such a green flag? Just.. just tell me why?!"
"What do you mean? I know I went overboard.... I just want us to go back to how we were__"
I couldn't help it anymore so I locked our lips. Yeol didn't hesitate to return the kiss. I lost control of myself at that time. All that was on my mind was Lee Hanyeol.
We pulled away to catch our breaths "Is this because you felt like making out with someone and I'm the only one here?" Yeol asked smirking at me, making me redder than a tomato. "shut up! Let's go to school or we'll be late"
My original plan for the day was to act like nothing happened but I just couldn't. Turns out I can't hold my jealousy. Yeol actually decided to give me space to avoid making me uncomfortable but weirdly I didn't want that. I hated that he was giving others equal attention as me.
Call me bad but I was used to the special attention I always got from Yeol and despite the fact that I was an asshole to him this morning, I still wanted him.
I was sitting at our lunch table and staring at the pasta that was served. I hated it. Not just because I don't like pasta but because if the cafeteria was serving pasta, Yeol always prepares a different lunch for me.
I need him more than he needs me. Maybe I don't deserve him. Maybe my mom dating his dad was destiny's way of saying that I wasn't supposed to be with him. "Hey angel" Yeol called me breaking my thoughts.
"What?" Wait! He called me angel. Stay calm dear heart. "Come with me"
"Huh!..." I didn't process everything he was saying before he pulled me up. "Later fam.... I have a date with this cutie" he intertwined our hands and raised them in front of our friends who just gave fake coos. They're the funniest bunch. Like how do you fake a 'coo'?
"Betrayers..." Yeol hissed. "Let's go lil hyung" He pulled me to the rooftop. I remember our first kiss. Maybe he wants to talk about our kiss earlier.
"Listen if it's about this morning, I'm sorry. I__"
"Shut up... I'll definitely get back at you for that but for now eat" He brought out a lunchbox, gave it to me and left.
I didn't say anything, I just ate quietly. If things were going to be like this from now, then I don't mind accepting my feelings. Yeol feels so distant and I hate it.
I'm so addicted to him. His presence,his smile, his face, the way he walks, the way he dances and everything he does even when he's mad, they're my addiction.
"LEE HANYEOL!! I LOVE YOU!" I screamed at the sky.
"Wow.." I turned around to see Jangmi looking at me with widened eyes. Shit! "Oh. My. Gosh."
"Don't scream! I know it's stupid to say that I like my halfbrother but I do" I don't know but I felt like telling everything to Jangmi. I suddenly trust her. "Do you really think I'd judge you? What do you take me for?"
Jangmi immediately walked up to me and hugged me. "It must've been hard bottling up your feelings. I'm right here, you can talk about anything" I nodded and then we broke the hug. "Okay... So I really have a dangerous crush on him"
"That's cute... Does he feel the same way?" She asked.
I nodded and sighed "Y'know it's funny because he confessed first but I rejected him. I'm scared, Jangmi" I really am scared of hurting our parents. "I totally understand you"
"What would you do if you were me?"
Jangmi looked like she was thinking about what to say. "No matter how crazy it is, I'll definitely hear it out" I spoke first to help her become calmer. "Alright, if I were in your shoes, I'd date him. And before you conclude, listen to me, I care about parents but we'll sort that later. You should be the most important person to yourself" She smiled looking at me.
Right.
I should think about myself for once....
"Thanks Rosie... Do you by chance know where Hanni... No, I mean Yeol is?" I'm whipped in an unhealthy way. "Nah....but let's go to class. Recess is almost over"
We started walking to the exit when Jangmi halted her steps. "Y'know....I think you should know this. Hanyeol liked you way before you thought" My face flushed a shade of pink but I was pretty quick to cover it up before Jangmi saw. "Really?..."
"Of course" She replied and we both walked to the class since our break time was over.
We had music which I didn't hate so I grabbed my stuff and went to the music room where all my other classmates were. I love music but I get seriously carried away when my violin is in my hands. Every emotions I tried my possible best to keep hidden, comes rushing out.
What's worse? Today we had solo performance tests.
"Pfft... Pfft.. Seoyul!" Woojin whisper yelled at me, breaking my thoughts. "What is it?" I gave him a questioning look but got no response. "Hey... Woojin, care to tell me the reason why you called me?"
"I need your help... Help me talk to Hanyeol" What the actual fuck? Does he want me to set them up?
I might've not understood what he said. "Huh?"