Zara's eyes flickered open as she swayed in the large macrame hammock. She waited silently, for any signs that she was still alive. Still breathing. Zara didn't want to lose it, but she didn't feel real. The sounds of scales slithering along brick drew her attention to the ceiling. Her eyes avoided the creature, but there was no denying it was there. Its presence was overwhelming. Like skin stuck to icy concrete. The creature had a snake-like body and six spindly legs with razor-sharp claws which it used to cling to the walls and ceiling. Its head twisted around to stare back at her through soulless black eyes, and its crackling jaw willingly dislocated, widening like a hungry serpent ready to devour its prey. But she was its prey. Its body was lined with a mixture of white fur and scales and although it appeared to be a dragon or serpent, it had the head and eyes of a deer; antlers and long floppy ears protruded from its skull.
Zara closed her eyes, wishing it away, but the silence and loneliness grew louder. It was at these times that it was most noticeable. This was when it could gain power over Zara if she wasn't careful, but she struggled, denying that she needed help. Whispers of disturbing thoughts danced in her mind, urging her to do their bidding.
Jump out the window.
Tear someone apart. Eat them alive.
Burn something down.
You are worthless.
Everyone hates you.
You're in danger.
Run away.
Stay inside.
Don't leave.
Zara buried herself under the blanket and hugged her legs against her chest. Her anxiety crept up, overwhelming her. Her body jittered as the paranoia set in. How long has it been since she left her nest? When was the last time she heard a voice that was real and not her own? Who could she trust? Who could trust her? Who was she safe around? Who was safe around her?
A knock sounded at her door, shaking her to her core. Was it real or was it just her mind playing tricks on her? Something inside her told her not to answer it.
Danger. Danger. Kill them before they get to you.
This feeling was followed by the hiss of the creature above. She pulled her blanket down and noticed it getting closer and closer to her the more she hid herself away.
It was getting bad again, wasn't it?
Zara was taken off guard by thoughts that were her own. It had been a long time. She clutched the blanket and screamed. "Go away! Leave me alone!" She was speaking to the beast, but someone on the other side of the door answered.
"Zara, it's not good for your well-being to stay cooped up alone like this. I gave you enough space. but it can't keep going on like this. You know that." Said a female's voice. The familiar sound of Diiva drew her out of the shroud misting her mind. Her heart rate calmed, and she could finally breathe normally. The monster above hissed and slashed its claws toward the door, but it began to grow smaller the less Zara focused on it. It shrunk and crawled away, hiding somewhere in the room, but it remained to watch her from the shadows. It stayed waiting for her to slip up again. It could never fully leave.
The hairs on Zara's skin stood up as she got out of the hammock; the blanket slid off her back, revealing large wings with disheveled, ebony feathers. In some areas, feathers did not regrow, pointing to a preexisting injury. Lining her skin were bulging veins that had been tattooed to match her pale skin, hiding the strange black lines that once decorated her body. It would take a focused eye to notice them, but they were everywhere.
Zara peered out of the peephole, making sure Diiva was alone. Standing on the other side was a tall fairy dressed in a long white lab coat, black leather leggings, and the highest heels she had ever seen. Diiva's sleek black hair was pulled up into a tight ponytail, and her thick, black glasses were held up by her long, pointed ears. Zara sighed and slowly opened the door, but she didn't let her inside immediately. Even though she was the only one who could see the beast behind her, she strangely felt safer with a door between them. "Diiva, it's fine. You shouldn't worry about me just yet. I'm stronger than that."
"I want to trust you, Zara. I do, but even if I did, I have to check up on you. If I don't get your reports in soon, they'll come to your door instead of me. I know you won't like that one bit." Diiva said, easily pushing through the door. It wasn't like Zara was going to put up a fight anyway. She was stuck between wanting to be far away from others and never wanting to be alone. Zara shut the door behind them as Diiva made herself comfortable at the table. She pulled out a wooden stool and set her satchel on the table. She began setting up various equipment to check Zara's vitals and papers to document them.
They'll come. They'll take you away. They'll hurt you.
Sometimes the evil whispers in her mind were helpful. That was rare. Hearing Diiva's words was enough to make Zara fold. She would rather have a friend treat her than risk letting someone who could potentially misjudge things and have her quarantined. It happened before and led to her being stuck in there for a whole year until her friend, Reaver was able to pull some strings to get her out by using their celebrity status. Zara would rather not trouble them again for something that could easily be avoided.
Zara pulled out the other stool and sighed, accepting her fate. Diiva wrote down a few things to get started, but soon she turned to face Zara. "Don't go digging too deep, okay?" asked Zara with a wry smile. Diiva scrunched up her lip and shook her head. She took both Zara's hands in her own. Something strange shifted in the air around them. Zara watched the white sclera and brown irises of Diiva's eyes change to complete blackness, reminding her of the soulless eyes of the creature.
Zara felt herself lose control of her body as she stiffened, unable to move. She could barely breathe. Zara felt her whole being at the mercy of Diiva's Raven's gift. It was a power granted to all dark fairies at birth; they were known as Raveniers because of these gifts and their resemblance to ravens. Zara had her own as well, but they were usually always different from one another, making it rare to encounter another Ravenier with the same gift.
Diiva became a doctor after she realized her gift could be used to treat illnesses. When her eyes went black, she could see everything inside someone's mind and body. There was no illness, injury, or mental struggle she couldn't see. It was difficult to notice with how black her eyes were, but Zara could see Diiva's eyes trailing upwards, staring past her. Judging by how her hands always grew tense and shaky from her usual firm grip, Zara knew Diiva could see the beast that haunted her mind. Diiva got used to seeing it over time, but Zara could sense there was always an uneasiness. Who could blame her? In its current form, it was only harmless to Zara, but if it could dwindle Zara's defenses, she could lose control of it, making it real. The creature could hurt Diiva by using Zara.
"It's bigger than last time I visited, but it looks like it shrunk recently. It's a good thing I came by when I did." Said Diiva. She let go of Zara and her eyes returned to normal. She wrote down her findings, but from a quick sneaky glance, Zara could tell she wasn't writing down the full truth. It was to protect Zara. She sighed in relief but felt guilty. Not everyone with the same condition was lucky to be treated by people who cared about them. Most fairies were afraid of what they called, the "Moonbloods." Some have been in quarantine their whole lives which isn't great for a species that can live to be a million years old. Longer if they're lucky, or in this case, unlucky. Zara had already lived five-hundred-thousand years and only a hundred of those years were spent without the curse. Unlike some who were born with the curse, Zara was one of the original fairies cursed by the Moonblood taint.
"I had it under control." Zara protested.
"Zara, you can't trust yourself. You know that. We've seen the strongest of moonbloods break before, so you know what the curse is capable of doing to those under its spell." Said Diiva. Zara turned away, cradling herself again. She always felt violated after having Diiva use her gift on her, but she knew it was necessary for her well-being.
"...Thank you for checking up on me, but I'm sure you have lots of other patients to tend to," Zara said as her way of asking Diiva to leave nicely. Diiva sighed, reluctantly packing up her things.
"Fine, but I'd like to talk to you about a few things before I go... You haven't been seeing Riyu lately, have you?"
"What? I told him not to say anything about that to you! What happened to patient confidentiality?" Zara cursed under her breath.
"He didn't. You just did." Said Diiva with a sly smile that quickly faded under her disappointment.
"Damn it! You're too good... How did you even know? You wouldn't have said anything otherwise."
"I could tell when I used my gift. You're a lot more tense than usual which means you're in a lot of pain... Why'd you stop your treatment?" Asked Diiva.
"Riyu's a great healer, but I feel like he's wasting his potential on me, and I don't want him to think he isn't good enough. I know he wants to become a Goldling someday and this might stunt his confidence. He can't fix... My wings." Zara slowly glided her hands along her messy wings, a tinge of pain threatened to spread through her body as she barely touched them. She withdrew her hands back to her legs. Diiva sadly narrowed her eyes at Zara, sharing her hopelessness.
"The only reason Riyu can live outside the sanctuary is to treat you. If he doesn't do his job, he could be deported." Reminded Diiva.
"That's why we weren't telling anybody." Said Zara. Diiva glared at her.
"The Overseer isn't dumb, Zara. He'll figure it out and then you'll lose a friend. Riyu has a life here now and even if he can't heal you and bring back your flight, he is still useful in treating the pain. Don't refuse his treatments." Diiva urged, but Zara grew frustrated and stood up. She walked toward the window where she unlatched the wooden shutters, opening up the stuffy room for the first time in a long time to get some air.
Zara rested her chin in her arms and stared up at the sky. Floating among the clouds were islands of various sizes covered in palm trees, hibiscus flowers, large ferns, and other leafy greens. Waterfalls cascaded from one island to another until it finally disappeared into the abyss below. Zara smiled at the rainbows and the flying parrots overhead. Her bad mood was always lifted whenever she saw the world outside, but she was afraid she could fall and become trapped somewhere. Even worse, if she was ever trapped outside at night and the moon goddess, Lunae decided to release the wraith she'd been harboring for thousands of years, she would be in trouble. Many would be. The thoughts caused by the Moonblood didn't help matters either.
Zara winced when she stared up at the long creature hovering in the sky. It zig-zagged slowly in the sky, dodging in and out of the clouds. Its golden scales cast bright rays on the islands. This was the sun god, Solas. He flew up so high in the sky that it was hard to notice his movements. It was said to be dragon-like with a lion's head and mane. It had orange tufts of hair on its tail tip, knees, and elbows. At least that was according to the textbooks. It was nearly impossible to see him without a special telescope because his scales were blinding and very hot. Zara only knew what he looked like through pictures and drawings, making him appear as a fiery squiggle in the sky otherwise.
"It's beautiful outside, isn't it?" Diiva asked, taking Zara by surprise. She lifted her head as she noticed Diiva falling in beside her. The doctor gazed out at the endless sky of islands and birds.
"I'm not going outside," Zara replied, knowing what Diiva was thinking.
"You can deny Riyu's treatment, but you can't deny yourself some fresh sunlight."
"I definitely can..." Zara walked away, lying back in her macramé hammock. She didn't close the window, though. Diiva knew it was a start, leaving it be.
"Have you been answering the door for Reaver?" asked Diiva. Zara was dreading this question. Diiva was Reaver's Miana. It meant Grandmother in other languages. Reaver and Diiva talked about anything and everything, so there was no way she could answer with a lie.
"Why do you always feel the need to ask questions you know the answer to?"
"And how dare I be told the truth without finding it out myself?" Diiva folded her arms, mocking her. Zara just rolled her eyes and snuggled under her blanket. She tried to ignore her, but she knew that wouldn't be possible when it came to her and Reaver's friendship. "You know, I care about you both, Zara. You can push Riyu away. Hekla, you can even push me away... but don't shut Reaver out."
"I doubt they've even noticed my absence." Zara tried to downplay it, knowing the letters she was receiving said otherwise. Even though their knocks faded, Reaver never failed to let her forget they existed.
"Don't be ridiculous. You know they adore you!" Diiva shouted, startling Zara. "Reaver is always asking about you so don't say that!"
"Well, then tell them I said hi," Zara said, feeling the intense, fiery gaze against the back of her head soon after.
"Don't be like that, Zara." Diiva walked in front of her. "You still haven't said anything to them about your wings, have you?"
"There you go again." Zara scoffed. Diiva huffed in return.
"Can I at least hear it from you without guessing? Can't we communicate like we used to? You've changed so much since the accident."
"Accident? That's a funny way of saying it." Zara said, unable to help herself.
"You know what I meant, Zara." Zara stared at her lap as Diiva kneeled before her. She was still very tall despite crouching. It wasn't just the high heels that gave her height. Even without them, she towered above most other fairies.
"If I tell them, they'll just worry more, and I'll never be treated the same again," Zara admitted with a sigh.
"Is that a bad thing?" asked Diiva.
"For Reaver, yes. You know how clingy they can be..."
"Sorry, I'm still not understanding. I would have figured you of all fairies would love to have Reaver's full attention. I don't mean to be biased, but who wouldn't?" Diiva's embarrassed smile made Zara shake her head.
"You know what I meant. I'm worried too much of their attention would give me the wrong idea again..." At her words, it finally clicked to Diiva.
"Oh... Right. That." Diiva stood up suddenly and went to retrieve her satchel, preparing to part. "I think I understand now, but... Reaver's your best friend, right? Shouldn't they know you can't fly? What if that information could hurt you later if they don't know?" asked Diiva.
Zara thought about this. It was a good point and maybe she will tell them someday, but today, tomorrow, or even the next day was not the day. When Zara didn't answer, Diiva pulled out a belt with four large syringes in it. Inside contained antidotes for silver. Fairies were allergic to silver, so it was common sense to carry around the syringes just in case.
"I almost forgot. Here's your refills." Diiva went to hand the belt to Zara, but for some reason, she didn't see the stool right in front of her. The fairy was tall, but she was never clumsy. Diiva almost fell, but quickly righted herself. It wasn't the tumble that caught Zara's attention. It was her reaching for her eyes and wincing in pain.
"Diiva?" At this, Zara couldn't ignore the sneaking suspicion she had had for a few months now.
"Oops. Silly me. There's a stool there." Diiva laughed it off and put the belt on the table so she could pick up the stool. Zara stood up and walked closer to her, peering into her face and making her more uncomfortable.
"Something's been wrong with your eyes for a while now, am I right?" asked Zara through narrowed eyes. Diiva warily smiled back.
"No, why would you think that?"
"It's your turn to be honest with me too, Diiva. Don't lie to me." Zara and Diiva locked eyes for a long time before Diiva sighed and reluctantly sat down on the stool. Zara wasn't prepared for what happened next. She began sobbing into her hands.
"I... I don't know what I'm going to do, Zara." Diiva said through her wails. She was almost inaudible. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
"Diiva, what's wrong?" Zara sat down on the other stool and rubbed both of Diiva's arms.
"I... I..." Diiva choked on her tears and was starting to hyperventilate.
"It's going to be okay, Diiva, be calm and breathe." Zara tried to console her.
"No, it's not Zara. I'm... I'm going blind and if that happens my whole career will end. Then I can't help anyone anymore. Worst of all, I won't be able to see my family members' faces." Zara's eyes widened. She had a feeling, but hearing Diiva confirm it was another thing entirely. Zara remembered the day she found out she couldn't fly. She felt like her whole world had stopped at that moment. She had a feeling Diiva felt that way too.
"Diiva... How long have you been dealing with this alone? Have you sought treatment with a Doveling? I'm sure Riyu could try and help." Said Zara.
"I've been seeing a Doveling for a while... It just keeps getting worse."
"What do Reaver and Talius think? Maybe Reaver can pull some strings and get you a golden feather." Zara wasn't thinking rationally anymore. She was searching for anything she could say to calm her fears, knowing that she was in this position not long ago. Diiva could tell and only laughed in response despite still crying. They both knew the unrealistic odds of getting one.
There is an island known as Goldrush. Light fairies known as Dovelings go there when they transform into Goldlings. Dovelings are born with a power like Raveniers, but their powers don't vary. They can all heal wounds and illnesses using light, but their power can only heal so much. Every once in a great while, a Doveling can develop a rare ability to reverse anything that isn't immediately fatal. They are known as Goldlings. Since the magic is so rare and their livelihoods can be threatened due to their powers, Goldlings are hidden away by Solas's blinding light and the only way to reach them is by a golden feather from a Golding. Sometimes a feather is blown off the island and if you're lucky, you can happen upon one. If presented to the Yellow Saint, a flying ship, you can be taken to the Goldrush without being harmed by Solas's light. Unfortunately, sometimes these feathers are found by the greedy and used to extort those who truly need it, making them even rarer to come by.
"Zara, you act like Reaver's the High Vae and can do anything... I appreciate that you think so highly of them, but let's be real. I'm doomed." Said Diiva. "Hekla, even a High Vae might have a hard time getting one."
"Reaver must be able to do something..."
"It doesn't matter... I know now how you feel. I... I can't tell them or Talius."
"Wait, they don't know?" Zara clenched her teeth and fists. She wanted to be angry at that moment, but seeing her in tears, Zara knew she had to hold it back. All this time she was struggling alone with this secret while preaching for Zara to tell Reaver. She was withholding something bad from them.
"I'm sorry, Zara," Diiva said, realizing her hypocrisy.
"No... Don't be." Zara replied, letting go of her anger. Diiva was right. Reaver deserved to know she couldn't fly. It wasn't just Reaver she was afraid to tell. She was afraid most of all that Talius would find out and blame himself. After all, she sustained her injuries protecting him.
"Zara?" Diiva lifted her head, her cheeks puffy from crying.
"You're right. Reaver deserves to know... Talius more so."
"Wait, Zara. Don't. We don't need to. Not yet."
"No. Not yet... but soon. You should go home and get some rest. Take it easy, okay? You're always overworking your gift, so I'm not surprised this is happening. Take a vacation, maybe?" Said Zara.
"But they need me." Zara's heart broke at the crack in her voice. It was destroying her.
"You're no use to anyone if you push yourself too far. You need to worry about your health too, you know?" asked Zara as she helped Diiva stand, but she was too proud to allow her to walk her to the door. "Will you be okay flying home?"
"I'll be fine... I haven't lost my sight quite yet."
Zara watched her leave, worried something might happen to her on the way back. Zara stared down at the ground outside the door left ajar. She held tightly to the doorknob, thinking deeply about what she could do for her, but Zara was just as helpless. Zara couldn't fly and would be more of a hindrance. The islands were only connected at certain points and the clinic where Diiva lived was completely cut off from any path Zara could take. Zara slowly closed the door with a sigh. That old familiar hiss sounded behind her, reminding her that she would never be alone even when Diiva left.
So helpless. So useless. Poor thing. Poor thing. Let me help you.
The creature reappeared on her ceiling, growing larger again.