Is your goal in life to be happy?
Is it enough to overcome your fears?
Or does fear warp and twists your desire and ambition to greed?
[Lucia Luluka]
A white house stood in its grandeur amongst it's lesser peers. Luxurious cars parked in the driveway. People waved and said my name as we walked to the house, our house. Even my family that had forsaken me was present.
I couldn't help but be jovial as I past my reflection in a white dress and him in his tuxedo. I looked up at his bright smile and leaned into his massive torso. Like a dream, too good to be true.
He pushed me to the ground. My beautiful long gown fades into tattered dirty garments arousing a sense of dread in my suffocating chest.
He stood grinning with another woman in his arm. Blonde long hair with perky little breasts and a big ass paired with her short stature made her perfect. Everything I'm not.
Everyone laughed and pointed me out for thinking that I could ever be more than what I am. Useless. good for nothing. Coward. Fool. Ugly. Damaged goods. Broken.
The tears wouldn't stop nor could I escape the surrounding crowd. I sat there wallowing in my agony covering my ears but their voices were in my head. They were right and I knew it.
It hurt so much I couldn't breathe and why should I when everyone would be so much better without. Life is unfairly hard and I have nothing to be happy about so why do keep living only suffer? I'd rather die than live like this.
My hands bleed as a chill engulfed my legs as everything fades. Finally I'll be free from this horrible life. Yet my relief is short live and my stomach twisted.
Do I really want to die like this? Will anyone even care?
Across my face a hand struck me to the ground. I held my burning cheek with my bloodless hands. He stared down at me with a face of pure hatred.
Ashamed, I look away to the onlookers who faded away in his glare. He rolled his eyes then sighed as he stooped.
Why did you stop me again? I wanted to die...
His hand slapped me again. "No." He cupped my face as his expression softened. "Wake. Wake up." His voice was that of a child. I leaned forward and kissed him.
My eyes opened to my lips pressed against the forehead of a toddler. I glared earning a grin from him. "Why you little." I tickled him silly until he was gasping and giggling.
"So that's where you were hiding. Naughty baby. Come to mama and stop bothering Lucia." His mother picked him up. "Sorry Lucia, he just loves to play in you and Jethro's bed." She Placed him on their sided of the room.
"It's okay, though he's naughty boy sometimes." A spoon hit my breast. He laughed clapping his hands. "Why you little!" I tossed a pillow. He's knocked to the ground. Fuck! I messed up. "I'm sorry."
She glared at me until he got up giggling and ran towards me swinging the pillow. "It's fine as long as he's okay." She proceeded to feed him.
Nice going cluts. I head to the kitchen for breakfast. Her husband was there reading the paper. Come on Lucia, just say it. Say it so that you can get it over with and JJ won't be on your ass later! "…good morning..." He didn't budge and soon an awkward vibe sat in making me bolt out of there. He could have at least said it back.
I sat in a waiting room with a dozen other people. Everyone was well put together while I was hot mess wearing a blouse and jeans with a pen in my caught up hair. Every time I looked away the other women whispered while looking in my direction.
They were all short, pretty and skinny women of light skin wearing makeup. If only I'd done my nails and wore braids too. Maybe some lipsticks even. Then I wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb and would actually stand a chance. It's all your fault Jethro!
A woman handed out questionnaires. Why! Everyone was staring at my face. I distracted myself with my ear pods so I wouldn't feel like running out.
A woman slammed down her clip board in the seat beside me. I flinched clenching my chest glaring at her with my big eyes. She glared back motioning me to take out my ear pods.
"Ms Luluka I presume. I've been calling you for an hour now. All the other applicants got to do their interview before you."
I heard snickering as I looked at my badge saying number one. "S-sorry."
She took the paper from me. "Save it. Just follow me." I stood and she was astonished looking up at me earning a frown from me. She promptly led me into a small office with a name pasted onto the door.
Oh god I blew it. If only everyone mind their own business I wouldn't have to distract myself. Why do people have to be such assholes?
"Ms Luluka, are you listening?" She was seated opposite to me.
"Yes of course I am. So... when does your boss arrive?" I glanced around to see pictures of her on the walls. "Oh. You're the boss."
"Indeed. Can you tell why you're here?"
Obviously you don't have a secretary. "... ah a secr"
"What was that?" Her stare intensified.
My tongue swelled as I gulped. I have to answer but what if I say the wrong answer and I look summer than before? I wiped the sweat from my brow. "I. I don't know..."
She arched a brown. "Okay then. Let's begin. I've read your resume and your answers and it's quite puzzling. You majored in business and had a promising future, might even have earned yourself a scholarship but you quit?"
I fiddled with my hand in lap. "Yeah..." She stared expectantly. Stop looking at me like that. If I want to get reminded about my failures I'd have gone to Jethro. Speaking of, he was supposed to meet me today after he lands.
"Moving on."
Fuck! Pay attention Lucia!
"Frankly speaking Ms Luluka, on your resume you are over qualified for this job but your attitude, lack of confidence and absent-mindedness hold you back."
My brow arched conveying my confusion. What? Where is this coming from? I just came here for an interview what does my personality have to do with anything lady?
"You're probably thinking what's that got to do with you."
I looked away. It's like I'm dealing with Jethro.
"Listen girl. Getting a job without connections is nearly impossible now a days. Times are especially hard on this side of the social divide with inflation and rising rate of poverty, according to the news." She pulled out piece of chocolate and my mouth watered.
"I know you are here because you need a job because you need money. I get that. I respect that but you need to understand that I need a receptionist and a damn good one and that has everything to do with your attitude." She walked over to me.
"If not then I need someone that's AT LEAST willing to LEARN HOW TO DO THE JOB WELL." She pointed her hand to the door.
I stormed out ignoring all the shouts behind me. It was probably just people laughing at me. I obviously boomed that interview as all the times before forcing me to fight against my watery eyes.
"It always turns out like this yet I do this to myself over and over again. Why? Because of Jethro. Always forcing me to do this or that when he knows I'll just embrace and make a fool out of myself. Sometimes I just hate him for doing this to me."
People were staring at me as I continue to walk. I gasped. I was talking to myself out loud again. Shit! Now I look like a crazy person. Can this day get any worse?
I tripped on my own foot. "I hope I didn't ruin my slipper. God damn it no! You've got to be kidding me, why now?" I stared up at the dimly lit orange sky.
For the first time I took a good look around me. Shit! I started walking home without thinking. I need to get a taxi and get out of here before it gets dark.
As I sat there on the sidewalk rummaging through my bag for my emergency bottle of glue which would be in my purse, I couldn't hold back the tears. I had somehow dropped my purse back at the interview.
Wiping my never-ended sniffles I took my ruined slipper in hand and I continued on regardless of how I felt. I knew what would happen if I didn't make it home before dark.
It wasn't long before exhaustion crept up on me as did the night. And so was the stalker I glanced at over my shoulder. They were following me. Their shadow peeked into my peripheral vision each lamp we pass as their footsteps drew near.
I walked out into the middle of the street. The few drivers that pass probably gave me strange looks though I couldn't see them clearly. I could see the person still following me through the corner of my eye.
The moment the last car past they bolted at me. I took off glancing behind me to catch the refraction of the street light in there palm. He has a knife!
My head was whipped backed from their tug at my hair and latching onto my blouse.