The goodbyes were painful, even as an outsider. Their mother sobbed and clutched at them. The triplets were reluctant to see their younger brothers off. Maybe they felt guilty, Flynn and Torin had freeing Gwenn while they'd done nothing. Sir Seznec didn't see us off.
As we walked away from the estate, Flynn's shoulders crumpled. His steps grew slow and heavy. I wanted to offer comfort, but all I did was take his hand and give it a quick squeeze.
Flynn looked at me with a slight upturn of his lips. He was trying. I didn't know if he'd ever be the same again. I didn't know how he could be, after all he saw. But with time, the events of the past week would scab over.
I stayed at his side the whole journey through the dark, sat next to him on the boat, and eventually fell asleep against him. I don't think he minded.
*****
The trip back to the Center was surprisingly quiet. No demons, no deserters, just a Parish mourning their failure. We wouldn't be invited to the ball, which meant I wouldn't be able to speak to my father. Still, I would help Flynn again in a heartbeat.
Flynn tried to act like his usual snarky self, but would sometimes trail off mid-sentence. He folded in on himself when he thought no one saw. But I always saw.
After a week of travel, we made it back to the Center. The buildings towered all around us. It was by far the biggest town I'd ever been in, even with new travels under my belt. It still managed to impress me in a way nothing else had. It was nice to be back, where the most dangerous demons were stories used to trick children into behaving.
As we made our way up the stone steps, I stared up at the marble statues on either side. They were life-sized renditions of angels, wings spread wide and swords in hand. The one to my left had a square jaw, thin nose, and long hair. Once, angels had come and saved us from demons. Now, people on the Island corrupted daily and they did nothing.
Flynn sidled up beside me. "What did that angel ever do to you?"
I snorted. "What has any angel ever done in recent history?"
"Not much." Flynn shook his head and grinned at me. It was half the grin he used to give. I smiled back.
We stepped through the doors, a few steps behind the others. Arawn visible stiffened once inside. It wouldn't be a fun task, relaying our failure to the Monik. I cut my gaze back to Flynn.
"I wonder why the demons come so freely, but the angels sit back and watch," I said. They could have saved Gwenn with no effort at all.
"Maybe they just don't care what happens to humans. I mean, if I was a super powerful being who lived in a place where everything was perfect and demons couldn't bother me, I wouldn't want to give up my immortality for a bunch of humans."
"That's pretty-" A squeal cut me off. I grabbed my sword, but before I could unsheathe it, someone tumbled into me. I struggled against their hold for a second, until I recognized Mavie's brown hair. I forced myself to still as she hugged me tight. I exchanged a glance with Flynn over her shoulder. My heart pounded faster and faster, until she finally released me and I could breathe again.
She held me at arm's length. "You're alive!"
"No need to sound so surprised." I smiled. It was good to see her, now that I wasn't wrapped up.
"I expected nothing less. But the Islands are notoriously dangerous." She glanced around and noticed Flynn. The rest of my Parish had continued on without us. She nodded, much more stiff and formal. "Flynn."
"What, you weren't worried about my safe return?" Flynn asked. He was teasing her, but Mavie blushed.
"I-of course I'm glad you made it back safely." She held her hands behind her back. She shot a glance at me. "But I'll admit, I do care a bit more about Fallon's well-being."
"Of course. In that case, I'll leave you to it. See you tonight, Fallon."
"See you tonight." For some reason, my cheeks heated, just a little. I hoped it wasn't noticeable. Mavie studied me as Flynn walked away. "What?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. Want to watch the sunset with me before dinner?"
"That sounds lovely."
Mavie needed no more encouragement. She led me around the building with expertise, able to slip around corners and into new corridors without a second thought. She had us climb a ladder, which I had no idea existed, and emerge up on the roof. That would have been convenient back when I stalked the Monik. I'd had to scale the side of the building instead.
Mavie spun, arms open wide. "Isn't it beautiful?" I nodded. So many buildings, cast in the orange glow of the setting sun, spread out around us. We looked down upon them all. In the distance, the Dead Zone lay, and I wondered if they found the demon from the cave. I shook the thought away, it wasn't my concern anymore. Above, the sky was a dark blue on one side of the sky and faded into orange and pink on the other.
Mavie plopped down and stretched out, the golden rays of the sun illuminating her face. I took a seat beside her. The roof was rough and dusty beneath my palms. My mind was clear and pleasantly empty.
"I can't wait to introduce you to my brother at the ball. You'll be the first person from my new life to meet someone from my past," Mavie said.
"We failed our mission. We aren't going to the ball."
Mavie's eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed…" she trailed off and inched closer until our shoulders bumped. "It's alright. No one can be perfect." Perfect. That's exactly what my father raised me to be. I failed him, too, every time I came wasn't the best. Every time I failed to kill the Monik, or put my new friends above his goal. But, for the first time in my life, I didn't care if he thought I was a failure. Well, I didn't care much, anyway. I knew I did the right thing when I helped Flynn. And after all my father put me through, I deserved answers about Ara.
Still, maybe I should cared about my father's orders. He was my father, after all. "My father would disagree with you," I said.
"Then he's a fool."
I burst out laughing. "Don't let him hear you say that."
She jutted her chin out. "I'd say it to his face, if he said anything to you. It sounds like he deserves a bit of a telling off, anyway."
"He does," I agreed. "You're really nice, you know that?"
"I'm nice to people I like. And I think you should know I like you, Fallon."
"I like you too, Mavie. You're the friendliest person I've ever met, my first real friend." I bumped her shoulder with mine, but she stared at the ground. Her smile slipped from her lips.
"You don't get it, Fallon. I really like you." She tilted her head up to meet my gaze. "Do you like me?"
It took me more than a few seconds to process what she said. When I finally understood the difference between like and really like, my cheeks burned red. "I-uh-um-Mavie-"
She pressed a finger to my lips, not a tiny bit embarrassed. "It's ok. Take a minute." The blush across my cheeks traveled up my ears.
"It's-Mavie, I can't like you." That was obviously the wrong thing to say, because her eyes grew shiny and her bottom lip poked out. "It's not you! You're amazing. The problem is me. You see, I don't like girls. Not like that."
Mavie's eyes grew round as saucepans. "You like boys?"
Shit. She grew up in a small town, boys liking boys is not normal in small towns. I don't need to cast myself under suspicion, not when I already have to hide my gender. I sputtered, "Ah, no. Not boys."
Mavie bit her lip to hide a grin, but didn't hide it well. "It's Flynn, isn't it? I've seen the way you look at him. You like him!"
I waved my arms even as I stumbled over my words, which came out too loud. "No! I don't like him. Don't be ridiculous." I believed it to be true, and so I thought she would too.
She laughed. "Oh, it's alright. I won't tell him. But you should. I've seen the way he looks at you, too. You guys would be so cute together!"
"You're taking this whole unrequited-feelings-thing remarkably well," I said, desperate to change the trajectory of our conversation.
She wagged a finger in front of my face. "I'm serious. He likes you, Fallon. I'm great at sensing these things. Back in my town, I was known as the Queen of match making."
"He doesn't like me." I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "He's a friend, nothing more. Neither of us want to be more." His words from the night at the bar echoed in my mind. They were just the result of too much liquor.
Mavie pried one of my hands free and held it. "You deserve happiness, and Flynn seems to bring you that. You really should tell him."
"Even if I did like him, which I don't, now would not be the time to act on it. He's been through too much lately." If I liked him, hypothetically of course, I couldn't tell him while he grieved his baby sister.
Mavie squeezed my hand. "Alright. But remember, it's ok to like him. You're not doing anything bad."
I guess that was technically true. But I didn't like him, so it didn't matter.
*****
The next day, I accompanied my Parish to the Monik's study. I shifted on my feet as we waited for him to arrive. I tucked my hands into my pockets to keep them from trembling. Flynn bumped his shoulder to mine. When I looked at him, he offered a slight smile. I returned it, and the tension eased out of me a bit.
The tension returned a second later when the Monik entered, billowing cloak and all. He walked slowly, without a glance at us. Guards started to follow him into the room, but he waved them away. They exchanged looks but obeyed his order and closed the as the Monik sat.
The Monik leaned forward on his elbows, fingers laced together. "Do you know why I've brought you here today?"
Arawn bowed his head and we followed suite. "To doll out suitable discipline for our failure on the Island, Sir." What did suitable discipline mean? I hoped it wouldn't be like my father's punishments. The Monik took his time to respond. I took light breathes and bit my cheek to keep my worry hidden. Flynn brushed the back of his hand against mine and I took a breath. He wound his pinkie finger around mine and I stopped breathing entirely.
"That's not entirely it," the Monik replied. I glanced around his study, as though it would hold the answer. All it held were books, maps, and swords.
"I'm afraid I don't understand, Sir," Arawn said.
The Monik sighed and leaned back in his chair with a wince. "No, I suppose you wouldn't. You've been gone too long, which is exactly the reason I need you." He met Arawn's eyes, then turned to each of us individually. I was last, and his gaze lingered on me. "You six are the only Clunaics I can trust right now."
I blinked three times and tilted my head. I couldn't stop the "What?" that escaped me. The Monik didn't even seem to mind but Arawn shot me a warning glance.
"In the month you were away on the Island mission, there were several attempts on my life." I gasped. Could this be the work of my father? It was likely. Afterall, I'd been here over a month and the Monik was none the worse for wear. He was bound to have backups in place. "It started as what seemed like mistakes. Demons attacking my carriage, my Clunaic guards being too slow and sloppy. But it escalated last week. Someone poisoned my drink." That definitely sounded like my father's work.
The Monik raised his sleeve to reveal a pale arm with dark purple spiderwebs across his skin. I took a step back.
"Ghokasine," I whispered. Made from the seed of a flower that only grew atop the coldest of mountains, Ghokasine was a rare and dangerous poison. It raced through the body of its victim and spiraled to the surface as it tore through internal organs and bled the victim to death. It was not an easy way to go. It's said Ghokasine appeared around the same time demons came to our realm and they are likely its source.
The Monik nodded. "I'm lucky I only drank a little before the effects began to sicken me. Ewyn barely saved my life."
Arawn glanced around wildly, hand on his sword pommel. "Sir, why did you send your guards away? You need to be protected at all times."
"That's just it. I don't know if my guards are protecting me or trying to kill me," the Monik said. I narrowed my eyes. Father could have turned some of them. There were plenty of people who disagreed with the Monik's rules, or thought he had too much power. "Your Parish has been gone since before the attempts on my life began. You're the only ones I trust. I want two of you at my side at all times."
Arawn nodded. "Of course, sir. Leith and I will take on the duty."
"That's well and good for now, but I want to draw my attackers out. I will not live my life in fear forever. I believe they will make a move at the ball in two weeks." The Monik turned to Flynn and me. "I want those two undercover at the ball."
"They're only apprentices, sir. The duty will be much better suited to our disciples," Arawn countered. I'd be offended if we hadn't just ruined a mission.
The Monik waved a hand. "But they're so new no Clunaic will recognize them. The rest of you can guard me, but you will not blend in. It must be them." Arawn would never go for it.
"It make sense, sir," Leith jumped in. "People know the rest of us, but not Fallon or Flynn. They are our best choice to have operatives hidden in plain sight."
Arawn bit his lip. "I see your point." He turned to Flynn and me. "We'll be there the entire time. If you need backup, just tell us."
I was going to the ball. I was going to the castle.
*****
Things moved quickly from there. The Monik released the majority of his guard from their duty and replaced them with Arawn, Leith, Maddox, and Torin for the journey to the castle. Flynn and I tagged along, but did not play the part of guards.
We arrived at the castle the night before the ball so as to give the assassins minimal time to act. I wanted to find my father immediately, but I couldn't slip away. I'd have to do it after the Monik was safe. At least I'd get my answers soon.
Flynn and I followed a chattering maid down the hall to our chamber for the night. Torin and Arawn would arrive in the late morning to help us don our disguises. Until then, the fewer people who saw us in Clunaic uniforms, the better.
"I'm sorry we don't have better accommodations for you, but your arrival is very last minute and we simply don't have the space with so many Clunaics and Kingsmen in attendance for the ball. I hope you don't mind," the maid babbled.
Flynn flashed her a smile. "We're just grateful to have a place to sleep." Pink spots appeared on the maid's cheeks and she blinked up at him. Rather unprofessional, if you ask me.
She stopped at a door. She looked directly at Flynn and said, "If you find the space uncomfortable, find me. I've been told I have a warm bed." Who did this maid think she was, to speak to brazenly?
"I'll keep that in mind." Flynn pushed the door open. She hurried away, grinning to herself as we stepped inside. When the door close I turned to him.
"She was flirting with you."
He turned a wicked grin on me. "Does that bother you?"
"Of course it bothers me! We're on a mission, you shouldn't let yourself be distracted."
"Who said it was distracting me," he countered.
I crossed my arms. "The way you looked at her said enough."
Flynn narrowed his eyes at me. "They way I looked at her? I barely spared her a glance." He made a shocked face, with over exaggerated wide eyes and open mouth. "Fallon… Are you jealous?"
Anger made my face warm. I clenched my fist. "What? I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous of her?"
"Oh Fallon, you have nothing to worry about. I promise not to run off in the middle of the night and leave you alone." Then he laughed.
I wrinkled my nose. "Funny. But you can run off to her bed, I don't care. Just save it until after our mission."
Flynn took my hand and looked at me with puppy eyes. I loathed to admit it in the moment, but he did have cute eyes. He leaned in until he was a breath away and whispered, "Don't say that. You'll hurt my feelings."
I jerked my hand away with a groan. "At least try to take our mission seriously. We're supposed to foil a plan to assassinate the Monik, it's important." And I had to figure out if my father was behind it. If he was, would I support him? My newfound companions certainly wouldn't. I tugged at a strand of loose hair.
"Is there anything we can do about it right now?" he asked.
"Well, no. But-" I started.
He pressed a finger to my lips and shook his head. "No buts. Let's just enjoy our night in the castle. It's the most extravagant place on earth, I want to see how soft the bed is! We can worry tomorrow, ok?"
His finger was calloused and rough against my lip, but not wholly unpleasant. The thought startled me. Of course it was unpleasant, I didn't want his dirty finger on my lip! What was it with people touching my lip to quiet me? I gave him a pointed look. He pulled his hand away quickly.
"Fine. For tonight, we can enjoy the castle. But not too late, we still need to rest."
"Of course," Flynn nodded, a mockery of my serious demeanor. I rolled my eyes and shoved him in the chest.
I turned and examined our room and see what the castle had to offer. I was immediately and drastically disappointed. The room was terribly small, not much bigger than the inside of a carriage. Exposed rafters stretched above us, the wooden beams rough and prickly. All together, the exact opposite of what I expected from a place as esteemed as the castle.
But the worst part of all… "There's only one bed," I gulped.
Flynn shrugged, like having a single bed between the two of us was no big deal. "I'll sleep on the floor."
"We need to be well-rested tomorrow, not sore," I countered.
"Oh, so you want to share a bed with me," Flynn wiggled his eyebrows.
"Augh, gross. Definitely not. But the bed is big enough, just stay on your side and we'll be fine." I marched over to the bed.
Flynn followed after me. "I guess we won't be doing much enjoying in quarters like this. What a disappointment." I supposed not, but I didn't mind. My muscles ached from the days of travel so an early bedtime sounded marvelous.
Later, when we were both in bed, in the same bed, I built a wall with extra pillows between us. "Don't cross that," I warned.
Flynn's face popped up above the wall. "Or what?"
"Or I'll stab you," I said sweetly. I pulled my sheathed dagger from beneath my pillow and waved it at him.
In dim light cast from the window high above I could make out him raising his hands in surrender. "No crossing the pillows. Got it. You know, it's basically like we have two beds."
I hmmed. We both knew it wasn't like we had two beds. I could hear each breath he took and the bed shifted underneath me whenever he wiggled into a more comfortable position. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply to settle my nerves. The soft scent of rain washed over me and my eyes flew open. I rolled as far to the edge of the bed as I could.
His breathing grew deep and steady, but I couldn't sleep. I was in the castle. The same castle my father spent so much of his time. He lived somewhere within these walls, in quarters I'd never seen. A shiver crept down my spine. It had only been a few months since I'd seen him, and I planned to talk to him. But the idea he roamed nearby did not bring me comfort.
I tried not to think about it. I let the steady breaths on the other side of the bed lull me to sleep.