I wiped my sticky fingers on my pants, not at all minding the unlady like smear it left. I had more important matters to think of. Namely, eating more of these delicious berries. I'd now been in the human realm for over a month and spring was in full swing. Much to my delight, this meant that the earth graced us with lovely little treats. Juicy fruits and vegetables were now abundantly available. And the best part, they didn't require any cooking to be deliciously good.
For the last week I'd developed a habit of raiding the church's gardens for any fresh fruits or vegetables. Brietta had scolded me of course. Saying that food was for everyone and I shouldn't be hogging all of it. But I think she still felt bad about how massively I'd failed at cooking so she didn't try too hard to stop me.
I was mid-bite into a particularly large strawberry when Kaylin ran into the gardens, bouncing up and down excitedly. She was wearing a yellow dress with what looked to be paint stains all over it.
"Ara! Ara! You have to come see! I've finished my best one yet!"
"What's going on?" I mumbled through a mouthful of fruit.
"You have to come see my painting!"
"Alright, alright!" I wiped my mouth on my shirt sleeve, leaving yet another careless stain.
I followed Kaylin back inside and upstairs to the second level of the Healing Wing where her and Brietta's quarters were. Kaylin skipped inside to a cozy room with a large bed, a dresser, and a large desk littered with papers and books. Brietta sat at the desk reading what seemed to be a herbology textbook. She glanced up as I walked in.
"It seems Kaylin was successful in capturing you."
"It seems so."
"Look!" Kaylin exclaimed, gesturing wildly at an easel set up in the corner by a window. This window had a significantly better view than my window to a brick wall. We looked out onto the church gardens, which is probably how Kaylin knew where to find me. It was also probably how Brietta had known I'd been stealing food from there.
I walked forward to get a look at the painting. It was exquisite. To be honest my first thought when I looked at it was that there was no way a child could have painted this. It was of the ocean. But not a basic slap of blue paint on a canvas. It was as if the painting was alive. It depicted a storm. The waves rolling and crashing, the sky cloudy and ominous. She had perfectly captured the details of the water, the ripples and reflections. The clouds had depth and volume. The painting felt almost like a window to a different place.
Kaylin smiled and bounced on her heels, awaiting my verdict on her painting.
"It's… it's amazing" I managed, still drinking it in.
"Most people are pretty amazed when they first see Kaylin's work." Brietta said, giving her daughter a proud look.
"I've been working really hard at mastering blue and green!" Kaylin said.
"What do you mean?"
"Kaylin uses her water affinity to help her paint. But it's hard for her to control water when it has additives in it, so she's been working real hard to master different color dyes." Brietta supplied.
"Yep! I've already gotten pretty good with yellow and orange and now I have green and blue!"
Kaylin quickly lost interest in staring at her painting and whined to Brietta about being hungry.
"You've got legs, just go down to the kitchens and get some food!" Brietta said, clearly not willing to be Kaylin's servant. With an annoyed groan Kaylin set off on the grueling journey to the kitchens.
"She really is talented, isn't she?" Brietta said, almost to herself. There was something a little sad in the way she said it which confused me.
"She is. I'm sure she could make a fortune selling paintings like this."
That only seemed to make Brietta more downcast.
"Maybe, it's just that the mana tithe is so high, I'm not sure she'll be able to use her affinity like this when she's older."
"What do you mean? She'll only get stronger as she gets older so if she's able to have enough mana to paint now I'm sure she'll be even better when she grows up."
"It doesn't quite work like that. Kids aren't required to fulfill the mana tithe until they turn ten. That's theoretically when their mana is more fully grown so they're less likely to suffer ill effects from draining their mana stores each week. And since the tithe is so high, most people aren't able to use their magic much day to day since they get so depleted during tithes."
That was strange. I had given to the tithe for the first time last week since I'd finally been declared healed and it hadn't seemed that bad. Sure, I probably couldn't have pulled off any particularly powerful feats of magic right afterwards, but my mana had mostly replenished a couple of hours later.
"Wait, so your mana takes almost a week to replenish?"
Brietta gave me a strange look as if she was sizing me up. "I'm assuming based on your surprise that yours doesn't take that long to recover?"
"Not exactly." I considered lying about my mana, but Brietta would probably see through it. Plus, I'm sure talk of my training with the men had probably gotten back to her so she probably already suspected I wasn't exactly average.
"Well, in our country commoners don't have much mana. Sure we can train really hard to help increase our mana capacity, but it's a little hard to train when you're always getting drained faster than you can recover. Nobles on the other hand have it made. They tend to have a larger natural capacity for mana, plus they don't have to tithe as much."
"Oh, that's too bad."
"Yeah." Brietta sighed. "I just hope Kaylin isn't too disappointed if she isn't able to paint with her affinity once she turns ten. Though I guess it isn't completely impossible to go above and beyond one's lot in life. Sir Salhoa is proof of that. I swear, Healer Kirwin doesn't just shut up about him. Though I can hardly blame him, I'm shameless when it comes to bragging about my child too."
"Wait, what?"
"Oh, you didn't realize? Sir Kivani Salhoa is Healer Kirwin's son. Well, I guess technically Kirwin is his uncle, but he's raised him since Kivani was a baby so he's more like his son."
"So where are his biological parents then?" For some reason, I was extremely curious to get the inside gossip on Kivani.
Brietta glanced through the doorway and then lowered her voice, alerting me that this information would indeed be juicy gossip.
"Well, I'm not exactly sure, but apparently his mom was a whore who worked in the capital. She got pregnant and decided to come here where her sister, Shalien, lived. Oh and Shalien was Kirwin's late wife. Sadly Kivani's mother died during childbirth, so Shalein and Kirwin raised him. I've never heard anything about who his dad was, though I guess even his mother might not have known since she worked at a brothel."
"Interesting."
"But don't tell anyone I told you this. I don't want it getting back to Kirwin that I was gossiping about his son. I don't want to give him any reason to fire me."
"My lips are sealed."
"But Kivani really is inspiring. He trained hard as a kid despite the tax and managed to make it into the Clunaics. And now he's even the leader of his own Parish!"
"Well maybe something like that could happen for Kaylin. Who knows, she may become some famous artist someday."
"I pray the angels would be so generous as to bless her with that future."
Kaylin soon returned, interrupting us and giving me an opening to leave. I bid them goodbye and decided I might as well resume feasting on fruit in the gardens. As I turned a corner I came across Kivani. Deciding food was more important than small talk I simply nodded and set my sights on my goal.
"Did you just get back from battle?" Kivani asked, looking at the red strawberry stains on my clothes with raised eyebrows.
"Yes, and I'm in a rush to return to the fight, so please pardon me." I said curtly.
"Would you mind if I join you? I need to harvest some fruit from the gardens. That is if you don't plan on eating everything yourself first."
"Maybe I do plan on eating everything," I said ominously.
"Would you be willing to reconsider if I offered you some of the blueberry pie I'm planning on making?"
"Fine."
This had become a rather embarrassingly frequent routine. I would bicker playfully with Kivani and he would inevitably bribe me with food in order to persuade me to do something. I was sort of annoyed with myself for being so easily bought, but I convinced myself I deserved it. I mean, I wouldn't be in the Human Realm forever so I might as well enjoy the food here while I could. I shuddered at the thought of the ashy tasteless food I had to look forward to back home. Yeah, I think I was entitled to treat myself.
Time passed quickly and soon Kivani and I were parting ways to go prepare for evening training. I had promised to wait outside for him so we could walk over to the training field together.
I kicked at the dirt impatiently. What was taking him so long? I had already had time to change into my training clothes and tie back my hair, plus sneak by the kitchens to steal some bread too. Just as I was about to just leave without him, he arrived.
I took one look at him and burst out laughing. He had braided his shoulder length blonde hair back into a braid that sat like a crown on his head. He even completed the look by straightening his spine and folding his hands across his stomach.
"What's all this?" I gasped between laughs. "You having an identity crisis or something?"
"I seem to recall you calling me princess a while back so I thought I might as well look the part."
"I hate to break it to you, princess, but I don't think you come off as regal as you think."
To be honest, while he didn't look like a princess, he did look pretty good. The braid pulled his hair back a little more tightly than he usually wore it, accentuating his strong jaw and making his mossy green eyes stand out.
"How rude! I spent so long getting my hair just right!"
"How do you even know how to braid?"
"I have a younger sister who was obsessed with fancy updos so I was forced to learn."
"I see. Well we better get going. It wouldn't be very princess-like for you to be late."
Kivani held out his hand with a delicate flutter and looked at me expectantly.
I rolled my eyes and offered my arm to escort him, secretly liking the idea of walking arm in arm. He linked arms with me and we set off.
***
Before we had even made it halfway to the training arena, Suetin, the other Holy Knight ran up to us.
"Sir, we just got word that a large tear has just opened up in Warthford."
"How big?" Kivani asked, dropping my arm and turning to his second in command. Suetin was a serious man, very focused and reticent during training, but his dedication was evident in his skill. His mastery over raw mana currents gave him unparalleled accuracy with a bow and useful spatial awareness with mana scan. Plus he also had that nifty trick of being able to conceal mana signatures of people which was invaluable in evading detection by demons since their sharp senses were heavily reliant on mana awareness.
I had also appreciated how he hadn't made a fuss about me joining in on training. He seemed to acknowledge me for my skill despite me being a woman. He had even been willing to explain some of his mana skills to me when I'd asked.
"The report said that there are dozens of mongrels as well as some high ranking demons as well."
I severely doubted that any high ranking demons had gotten through. At most maybe a couple of low level demons had managed to squeeze in. Though I guessed that humans' definition of higher ranked demons may be a little different than mine.
"How many Clunaics are assigned to that region?" Kivani asked tightly.
"There's only one Parish assigned to that region and one of their members is still an apprentice."
Kivani cursed under his breath. "Have they requested assistance?"
"Not yet, but you know as well as I do that it reflects poorly on a Parish if they aren't able to manage their assigned region."
"Well it reflects even more poorly if the entire town is destroyed because they were too prideful to accept help." Kivani said angrily.
"What are your orders, Sir?"
"We'll go to provide reinforcements. The tear is close enough to us that if they fail to quell it we will be the next ones to be affected. It's better to deal with it quickly before it gets out of hand."
Suetin nodded in agreement. "I'll go begin gathering the supplies we'll need. The others haven't been informed yet what's going on."
"I'll let them know." With that Suetin trotted off back towards the church and Kivani hurried towards the training grounds. I jogged to keep up with him.
"You should go back to the church," Kivani said when he noticed I was keeping pace with him. "There won't be any training today."
"I figured there wouldn't be, but I'm coming with you."
"No, you're not." He said forcefully.
"Well, I'm sorry but I wasn't looking for your permission."
"Ara, can we please not do this right now." He said exasperatedly.
"Hey, I can fight better than all of your men."
"You can fight better with a sword. But fighting demons is nothing like fighting people. There are no rules, no good sportsmanship. You have to utilize every skill you have and sometimes that still isn't enough. Even if you're skilled at swordplay, you still have a ways to go with your fire magic."
"That's not fair, I've been improving a lot recently." I protested angrily.
"Yeah, you've been improving, but are you really ready to bet your life on how reliable you are with your magic?"
Maybe I wouldn't be willing to bet on my fire magic skills, but I had no doubts about my ability to take down demons. I mean I was literally trained by the King of demons so I think I had things under control.
"Maybe I am." I said defiantly. I did not appreciate him looking down on me and my skills.
"No, you aren't."
"That's not for you to decide!"
"Regardless, I will not permit you to accompany us." He said rigidly as we arrived in the training arena. The men were already warming up for a normal day of training, unaware of the disaster brewing.
Kivani gave me no time to continue arguing as he called loudly for all the Clunaics to gather. The other men looked over curiously, but didn't dare get tangled up in Clunaic affairs uninvited. I had no such qualms and stayed put beside Kivani, arms crossed.
The four Clunaics jogged over. I recognized them now as I had gotten to know them a little through our daily training sessions. First we had the inseparable pair, Pratz and Ramin. Pratz has an ice affinity and Ramin a wind affinity. Personally, I didn't like them much as they liked to make rude comments about me being a woman. Though they were also cowards about it since they were never brave enough to say it in earshot of Kivani or Suetin. Though I was no victim so I made sure to repay their words with pain anytime we sparred. Unfortunately they had learned quickly they couldn't beat me with swords and had stopped agreeing to matches to avoid embarrassment.
Next there was Nicolev with his plant affinity. His main subaffinity was grass which he often utilized as a means to trip or trap his opponents. It was actually pretty hilarious to watch the grass just reach up from the ground and grab people, especially when the victims shrieked in surprise. He was also relatively skilled in combat as well. While he was only ranked as a disciple like the rest of them excluding Kivani and Suetin who were full fledged Holy Knights, I suspected he would be promoted to Holy Knight soon.
Garner, the last member, on the other hand was still pretty green having only just graduated from his apprenticeship within the last year. He had a fairly powerful air affinity with his natural subaffinity being cyclone magic, but his combat skills were seriously lacking. So lacking that I almost felt bad fighting him. Beating him was like taking chocolate from a baby. Which was totally something I would do, but not without feeling slightly guilty.
Kivani quickly briefed them on the situation and told them to prepare to leave in two hours.
"But why should we have to go?" Pratz complained. "They didn't even ask for assistance."
"We're going because it's still close enough it could affect us. Plus it's an order from your superior so you'd do well to follow it." Kivani said tersely.
"Maybe I would follow more willingly if you weren't some dirty commoner." Pratz muttered under his breath almost inaudibly.
"Excuse me, is there something you'd like to say to me?" Kivani asked icily.
"No, Sir."
"Then go get packing." Pratz and the others turned to head back to the cabin to prepare. After the men had left, Kivani sighed. I had noticed that besides Suetin, the other Clunaics seemed to chaff some under Kivani's leadership. It was likely due to him being commonborn rather than nobleborn, like they were. Even the division between the Clunaics and the townsmen who trained here was stark with the Clunaics seeming to look down on the commoners regardless of their skill levels. But I had never seen them outright question Kivani's authority. It was usually just discontented mutterings or irritated looks.
To be honest, Kivani's resolute leadership despite the mild disrespect of his Cluanics made me respect him more. But I wasn't exactly in the mood to sing his praises due to his recent rudeness to me.
I turned to go, not in the mood to argue pointlessly with Kivani. But don't think for a second that meant I'd given up on going to the tear. Oh, I definitely intended on going regardless of Kivani's wishes, I would just have to be a little more sneaky about it now. I saw this as a golden opportunity to see if Kivani would use his holy fire magic when under the pressure of battle. Plus, it was also in my best interest to make sure any tears got closed quickly. I knew it was highly unlikely that a tear would be big enough for Cifer to get through, but it was better to close up the tears early on before they could grow. Just in case.
"I'm sorry." Kivani said. I turned back to him in surprise. "I'm sorry I was harsh on you earlier, I just don't want to be the one responsible for you getting hurt."
"Since when have I ever been your responsibility?"
"Since you came into this town that I'm sworn to protect."
I rolled my eyes and started walking away again. There was no use in arguing with him and his sacred ideals.
"And since you made me start caring about you." He whispered almost too softly for me to hear. I whirled around to find his eyes heavy on me. "I just don't want you getting hurt," he reiterated. A foreign feeling weighed heavy on my soul. I didn't quite have the words to explain it, but it wasn't wholly unwelcomed. Yet at the same time it was entirely problematic. I didn't need flimsy attachments keeping me from my goals.
I nodded mutely, not knowing how else to respond. Eager to avoid having to delve deeper into the complicated emotions his words had stirred in me, I quickly retreated back towards the church. Kivani remained silent, letting me leave, but I could feel his eyes following my progress back to town. Even after I had escaped his view his words echoed in my mind.
***
I went obediently to my room, deciding not to do anything suspicious until after Kivani and his Parish had left. Then I would pursue them. But unfortunately that gave me two hours to sit around thinking. And thinking wasn't exactly something I was keen on doing at the moment. If I thought too much about what Kivani had said to me I might end up feeling too guilty to pursue them against his wishes. Scratch that. There was no way I was going to let a measly confession keep me from doing whatever I pleased. Plus if it was my safety he was so worried about there was really nothing to fret over.
But still my thoughts tossed and turned like a restless sea. So, of course I decided to do the obvious thing to distract myself. Go hunt up some food. I made my way to the kitchen where I greedily retrieved a whole loaf of bread as well as two peaches. I was on my way back to my room to enjoy my spoils when I heard voices from around the corner. I quickly dashed into the nearest room and hid in the shadows as Kivani and Suetin rounded the corner.
"The men are almost ready to go." Suetin informed Kivani. "The stable hands should be preparing the horses for us as we speak."
"Good. Make sure we have at least two extra horses for carrying our equipment."
"Will we also need a horse for Miss Ara?" Suetin asked tentatively.
"No." Kivani said bluntly.
"Are you sure? She may not be a Clunaic but she's skilled and I have a feeling we're going to need all the help we can get."
I felt a swell of pride. I hadn't known Suetin thought so highly of me. Of the men at training he definitely had been the most accepting of me but it was nice to see that it was more than acceptance he felt. He also respected my skill.
"She's not a Clunaic so this is none of her business." Kivani said in a warning tone.
"Yes, Sir." Suetin replied. I heard their footsteps echo down the hall and out of earshot.
I wanted to be mad at Kivani for dismissing me again, but after our earlier conversation all I could muster was annoyance. I turned to inspect the room I'd taken refuge in. It was the laundry room. There were large buckets of water and washing boards scattered about the room. The walls were lined with shelves full of folded linens and a few ropes ran across the room where damp clothes and blankets were drying. I was about to head back to my room to eat when I realized this might be a golden opportunity to gather some supplies for my journey. I snagged a few blankets and an extra shirt for the journey.
Then I decided to loop back around to the kitchens and grab some dried meat and fruit to bring along as well. I hurried back to my room, hoping nobody would think I looked suspicious carrying blankets and food down the hall. Fortunately luck was on my side and I made it back to my room unnoticed. I opened my door relieved, only to have a mild heart attack when I noticed that Brietta was waiting for me in my room.
She smiled when she saw me, but her expression was quickly transformed to confusion and then suspicion when she caught sight of my armful of supplies.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing too special. I was just feeling like a cozy night in with extra blankets and lots of snacks." I replied innocently.
"Okay. For a second I was worried you might have some crazy ideas about going with the Parish to the tear. But that would be insane so I'm glad that's not the case." Brietta said, sarcasm dripping off her words.
"Of most definitely. I would never do something so reckless." I gave her a sweet smile. "Now, is there something you need?"
"Oh nothing big, I just came to see if you would like to eat dinner with Kaylin and I. We'll be having roast beef and potatoes."
That actually sounded glorious. Definitely much better than the dried meat I had gotten for the journey. Have some self control Samara I scolded myself.
"Sorry but I think I'd rather have a night to myself."
"So you admit it!" Brietta exclaimed. "You are planning on following the Clunaics. Otherwise there's no way you would turn down roast beef and potatoes!"
I was going to keep up the act, but the way Brietta was staring so victoriously at me as if she'd solved the mystery of the century made me burst out laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess you figured me out." I said after my giggles had subsided. Brietta didn't seem as amused as me and was now glowering at me.
"Well, I'm not going to let you go." She declared, stepping in front of the door.
What was it with everyone trying to regulate my actions? The last time I checked I didn't answer to any of them. At this point it was really starting to piss me off.
"Well, I'm sorry that's not a choice you get to make," I said, my annoyance erasing my previous lightheartedness.
"You can't go. You'll get yourself killed." She said, pleading now.
"Yeah if I get myself killed that'll be my problem so it's not something you need to worry about." I said coldly. "I never asked you to babysit me. In fact you're not even my healer anymore since I've been declared healed. And I've already more than paid off your services by working at the church so I don't owe anything. As far as I'm concerned that means I can leave whenever I please."
Brietta's eyes sparkled with tears. "You really don't get it, do you. I'm not doing this because you're my patient. I just don't want my friend getting hurt."
There it was again. That feeling. That precarious feeling that if I wasn't careful would pull me off course. That traitorous feeling that almost seduced me into submission.
No. I wasn't going to be controlled by the troublesome emotions that afflicted humans. I may be in this annoying human body, but that didn't mean I had to fall prey to all of its weaknesses.
What I did next I would later regret, but in the moment I desperately wanted to escape the situation. I wanted to avoid the implications of my turbulent thoughts and feelings. I wanted to feel like me again.
So I summoned my magic. Not the unruly flames I'd been working to tame, but my magic. I summoned my mana, letting it coil wild and raw in me before directing it to bend to my will. I directed my magic out, feeling for the mana signature that was Brietta and latching on. I let my mana trickle into her mind expanding to fill her mana channels. Then I willed purpose into my magic, imbuing it with desires and feelings. I scrubbed at memories, drawing new ones in their places.
My mind manipulation wasn't absolute. It could be broken. Reality is a tough opponent to best. But with enough finesse, desires and feelings can be woven into the fabric of one's mind to the point that, at a glance, everything is still as it should be. Of course if a person had the wherewithal to carefully review their memories and dwell on inconsistencies, it is possible to override my manipulation, but most never question it. Content to believe that their own mind is their ultimate sanctuary. Unwilling to believe that even their own wants or memories may not be infallible.
By the time I was done with Brietta's mind make over, this conversation had never happened. I had thought about making her forget me, or at least forget all the time we had spent together beyond her treating my injuries, but something in me just couldn't do it. I told myself it was because the magic might not hold if other people brought up what really happened, making her question her memories. But I think I knew deep down that that was a lie.
I kept hold of her mind, leaving her in a sort of trance until I had finished packing my things. I walked to the door, glancing back at her expressionless face before shutting the door. I released her and paused by the door to listen. I heard her shuffle across the room followed by the rustle of blankets. I had made her believe that she was simply there to change out the bedding in my room. That she had never suspected that I would follow Kivani and his Parish to the tear and that I was simply still gone at training.
I walked down the hall and out the door, a new less pleasant feeling poisoning my gut.